Playing With Fire

Guest Jessica Fern, who coined 'justice jealousy,' discusses the differences between jealousy and envy, underlying issues fueling justice jealousy, and the importance of empathy in relationships. The episode explores communication, forgiveness, and tools to navigate justice jealousy and repair relationships.

So, you want to create relationship agreements with your partner. Great! You probably want those agreements to be fair, balanced, and symmetrical. Great… right? Here’s the thing: everyone is different. We all have our own needs, wants, limits, trauma histories… the list goes on! So is trying to make symmetrical relationship agreements a worthwhile task? (Spoiler alert: not really!) In this episode, we discuss how you can use the concept of asymmetry on purpose, and we break down why it can be a powerful way to create agreements that are practical, honest, and that account for the unpredicted. Listen on to learn about: —What ‘fairness’ actually means in the context of relationship agreements —Why agreements should be explicit and mutual —The power of actually writing down your agreements —The importance of aligning your agreements with your values —How the process of creating these agreements can be a transformative way to deepen your understanding of yourself and your partner Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by Blue Dot Sessions

There are a lot of bad ways to make relationship agreements. (Trust us, we’ve been there!) But creating supportive agreements can open up a world of experimentation for you and your partner(s), while also providing safe, solid structures to fall back on. This isn’t our first episode on relationship agreements, and it won’t be the last (we LOVE this topic), but this one’s a must-listen–we’re breaking down all the basics. —Learn the difference between relationship agreements and relationship philosophies. —Understand the 3 main types of relationship agreements and why you need to start with ONE SPECIFIC TYPE! —Find out how your unconscious may try to take over the agreement-making process and what you can do about that! Sexual health resources: Planned Parenthood’s STI Resource Center Real Life Relationship Conversations: SPREAD Sexual Health Framework Examples Imago Dialogue is a framework for conversations that was created by Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. Learn more by listening to Episode 129 of Playing With Fire Maxx Hill’s Relationship Smorgasbord Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here

The podcast delves into attachment theory, emphasizing the complexities and pitfalls of rigid labels. It explores the impact of attachment styles on non-monogamous relationships, advocating for a nuanced understanding beyond traditional figures. The discussion highlights the importance of context and nuance in conversations about attachment, calling for more research in this area.

Discover the art of differentiation and its crucial role in conscious relationships. The hosts discuss how recognizing your feelings and needs can prevent resentment and emotional gridlock. Learn to articulate your views for personal growth, and explore the delicate balance between intimacy and individuality. Real-life examples and practical tools make the journey of self-exploration relatable and actionable. Dive into the transformative process of fostering connections while keeping your identity intact.

We get this question a lot. But there are some questions lying under the surface of this one… first and foremost, will non-monogamy make it possible for us to not deal with all the shit that we just don't want to deal with?? It probably won’t surprise you to hear that our answers to these questions are nuanced, complicated, and exciting, but also possibly dysregulating!! To answer this question, we’re diving into the complexities of transitioning to non-monogamy. There are so many opportunities *and* roadblocks that can pop up on the road to polyamory (trust us, we would know!). We discuss how to avoid resentment, the importance of transparency and communication, and how non-monogamy can bring about the potential for some seriously transformative personal and relational growth. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here

AKA–what do I do when everything in my relationship goes sideways?? To kick off season nine of PWF, we’re getting vulnerable and digging deep. We share our personal experiences with relational dysregulation, and we discuss communication styles, attachment tendencies, and tools that help us resolve conflict. Dysregulation can be fertile ground for relational growth. To show you why, we turn to our depth psychology roots, and explore concepts like embracing multiplicity, shadow exploration, and transcending binaries of good and bad. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

We’re back with Jessica Fern and David Cooley, co-authors of the incredible book Polywise, and this time they’re answering your questions. We cover so much in this episode, but it’s all through the lens of a restorative relational framework, which is an incredibly powerful way to transform how you move through conflict in your relationships. Their responses include both practical exercises that you can implement in your life today, and important, big-picture discussions about polyamory, attachment, jealousy, reassurance, parenting, and so much more. Here are the questions that Jessica and David answer in this episode: What would you recommend for a hinge partner working to unpack codependence in non-monogamy? How do I manage this feeling? - When my partner is getting closer to someone else, in my head, that means that they're moving further away from me. How can I rebuild or repair metamour relationships when resentment and misunderstandings have started to pile up? What do you do when you're parenting with someone that you're disentangling from? How do I meet attachment needs within long distance partnerships? Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonomgamy and The Polysecure Workbook. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at www.JessicaFern.com David Cooley is a professional Restorative Justice facilitator, diversity and privilege awareness trainer, and bilingual cultural broker. He is the creator of the Restorative Relationship Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair. In his private practice, David specializes in working with non-monogamous and LGBTQ partnerships, incorporating a variety of modalities including trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative theory, and mindfulness-based techniques. To learn more about doing restorative partner work with David, visit his website here: ⁠www.restorativerelationship.com JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.theyearofopening.com⁠⁠ Playing With Fire has been featured as one of the top 5 ⁠⁠best non-monogamy podcasts⁠⁠! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Dr. Eric Fitzmedrud discusses the importance of consent and emotional skills for men in navigating relationship challenges. He emphasizes the need to redefine masculinity, break free from societal norms, and foster authentic connections. The podcast explores diverse responses in relationships, challenges traditional masculinity scripts, and highlights the beauty within individuals.

Enmeshment doesn’t have to be a big scary subject. In this episode, we’re breaking it down into two simple (but super important!) pieces: over-functioning and under-functioning. If you suspect you might be enmeshed in your relationship(s), and you want to start identifying those patterns, this one is a must-listen. We take it all the way to the root and examine the core wounds and beliefs that could be underlying your relationship patterns. AND, we talk about how practical tools like embodied awareness can help you honor your and your partners’ individuation journeys. Get the support you NEED to have the open relationship you WANT in my year-long group program, The Year Of Opening. Go here now >>> www.TheYearOfOpening.com Playing With Fire has been featured as one of the top 5 ⁠⁠best non-monogamy podcasts⁠⁠! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠