Conversations from the Heart

It's only human to want the traditional NVC formula to solve all our connection problems.However, what the traditional observation, feelings, needs and request paradigm often does best is help us sort our own stuff out internally, first.  After we use it to get our own stuff straight, then we can experiment with the best way to connect with those around us.Want to experience this with a real life example?  Here's what we discuss on this week's episode:3:31  When identifying feelings and needs is internal - not external - work9:37  Getting wrongness out of the picture13:40  A script for moving forward For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page

Do you find yourself plotting out how you're going to respond to someone even while they're still talking to you?We all do this.And it never works well.  Not for any of us.Upleveling our listening skills is one of the most important upgrades we can make for our relationships.   Today's episode is rich with ideas of where to focus during a conversation in order to create an experience that fosters intimacy and connection for both parties.We discuss:1:20  I'm defensive and I jump to conclusions in conversations with my partner.  How do I stop?3:22  How to focus on our 2 internal listening resources4:28  Tips for listening deeply9:02  Surfacing universal human needs14:12  How "right" and "wrong" block our ability to listen from our heart15:58  Unlearning domination programming22:11  The price of disowning anger For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page

In this week's mini-episode, we delve into the needs that can be met when our family steps up to contribute to our lives in meaningful, important ways, and the loneliness and grief that can occur when they are no longer willing to help.We discover:2:53  My brother-in-law doesn't want to help me anymore and my feelings are hurt7:30  A script for checking things out 11:27  Ways to honor freedom and choice For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page

Having good boundaries is not the same as being violent, and enforcing rules is not coercion.In this week's episode, we unpack a professor's desire to limit coercion and violence in her classroom and her desire to create a tight container that supports and respects participant sharing.We consider:2:52  Can mandatory attendance be in line with nonviolence?10:52  How can I create a tight container nonviolently?11:46  Having good boundaries is not the same as being violent. For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page

It can be hard to enjoy work f you're in a power up/power down situation with a boss who consistently criticizes you.It is especially challenging if you don't trust the perspective that your supervisor has.In today's mini-episode, we discuss strategies for handling criticism at work in ways that build understanding and reduce tension.  Although a clean and tidy resolution may not always be possible, it is an option to go to bat for yourself and your needs, while also actively listening to what your boss offers.In this episode we explore:4:34  My boss' criticism feels like a way to control me5:58  Her criticism tells you about her, not about you10:42  Personalizing - not generalizing - impact13:42  Reflecting her to her14:09  Sitting in the tension of two perspectives For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page

High self-esteem is important because it influences how individuals perceive themselves, interact with others, and navigate the world around them. By fostering healthy self-esteem, individuals can cultivate resilience, confidence, and well-being, laying the foundation for a fulfilling and satisfying life.When our self-esteem is lower than we'd like, there's one fool-proof way to bolster it:  by resting in our own goodness. This week's podcast discusses some practical steps we can take to increase our own sense of self-worth.  We discuss:4:49   When demand energy robs us of the joy of giving13:55   A script for building intimacy by using curiosity21:22   Is it ok to change my mind frequently?25:54   A multi-faceted prescription for deeper connection with others28:04   How do I navigate family gatherings when my relatives say hurtful things?33:40   Tips for increasing self-worth    For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page

It can be really valuable to talk about the difference between anger and aggression.Although aggression can't exist outside of violence, anger can.This week's podcast discusses some of the wisdom that can present itself alongside anger, such as clarity surrounding needs, understanding regarding self-worth, insight around boundaries, and awareness concerning relational patterns.Interested in knowing more?  We'll consider:1:30 Unpacking "I don't want to go to school today."8:30 Responding to another's insistence and urgency18:23 Is my fear accurate?24:30 How can I untangle conflicting, overwhelming emotions?28:45 One definition for anger35:23 How can I work at loving myself?38:00 A recipe for gentle self-acceptance41:10 Confidence from the inside out For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page

These days, it can be so difficult to discuss politics and religion.Often, people tell me they just avoid those conversations.  And honestly, I get it.However, if we're invested in co-creating a relationship with someone we care about, exploring places where we hold different opinions and beliefs can be exactly the place where we build intimacy.Looking for a roadmap on how to have conversations around different beliefs?  Check   this episode out!We'll discuss:1:17  I'm concerned about my fiancé's political views6:09  A roadmap for connection:  begin with observations 12:01  Making our invisible lines visible for others 22:50  Ways to involve kids in the conversation about their behavior 26:22  A tip for helping a child choose healthy strategies39:06  When is it a boundary and when is it coercion?37:26  Prioritizing the relationship above the behavior41:23  What can I do when I'm frozen in an active power struggle?54:13  What about adults who throw tantrums like children?This episode references two of Yvette's best-selling courses: The Boundaries Masterclass and The Parenting Masterclass.  Check them out for more helpful tips! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page

This week's episode focuses on how to navigate complex family dynamics - especially when what has previously worked is no longer sustainable.A common theme on this week's podcast is the importance of checking for alignment.  If we're aligned in our needs and our wishes, then designing strategies to meet our goals is easier.In question number one, a caller is rediscovering his sense of self and discovering the language needed in order to set new boundaries around old family dynamics.  Today's second caller longs for a deeper relationship with his adult son and we explore strategies to reconnect with someone who's choosing to stay distant.  If you're struggling with how to align with family members and reclaim your own boundaries and values in complex family dynamics, then this episode is for you!We explore:2:08  How do I stay true to what I need and stay connected with my family?6:23  Avoid parenting your spouse.9:48  "I had this delusion that my flexibility was building up some kind of credit."15:20  A script to help check for alignment of family goals24:34  How to pick up what the other person is saying so they feel heard26:54  My eldest child doesn't speak to me.  How can I change that?28:21  A script for inviting connection 31:23  How to better attune to your adult child35:11  A script to check for alignment 36:53  There's no such thing as a bad parent41:18  How to listen to your child's feelings and needs without taking it personally49:48 Three nuggets from The Boundaries Masterclass The end of today's episode features a brief discussion of The Boundaries Masterclass, one of Yvette's available online courses.  Feel free to check it out! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page

"Venting" often gets a bad rap.Even though many people see "venting" as an inherently negative thing, knowing how to vent effectively can actually be an effective way of reclaiming and reconnecting with yourself.  Sometimes, venting is just a pathway to something deeper, and we understand it as a step on our awareness journey.Other times, we just want to process our experiences out loud with someone who will listen.Either way, learning how to vent effectively is actually a critical skill to learn so that we can process our experiences in healthy ways without harming others along the way.In this week's episode, we focus on two main themes: 4:29:  How to apply NVC when there is little trust in the relationship21:47:  How to vent in constructive and life-affirming waysIf you're enjoying my "Conversations From the Heart" podcast, please consider rating and reviewing my show!  This makes it easier for me to support more people just like you have the kinds of connected conversations with themselves and others that enrich our relationships.  Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select "Write a Review."  That way, I can know exactly what you loved most about the episode!Also, if you haven’t done so already, please follow this podcast.  That way, you'll never miss an episode! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com. Here are more ways to connect with me: Join the School of Human Connection Hop on one of our live calls Check out my YouTube page