Becoming Whole

Send us a textLife with Jesus does not mean a life without suffering.  So, how do we learn How to suffer well? Now, maybe that’s what you were taught or maybe you just assumed it to be true. Let’s face it, the typical American dream version of Christianity can paint a pain-free picture. But as you know, suffering is a reality. The world’s message about pain doesn’t set us up well either. We hope you’ll take time to listen as Josh, Kit Elmer, and Dan Keefer discuss the hard truth about suffering and constructive ways to suffer well. The ripple effects of avoiding or numbing out affect the most important relationships in our lives. You owe it to you and to those around you to learn to suffer well. Listen in.Highlights:Our sexuality is deeply impacted by suffering. Our relationships are deeply impacted by suffering and if we don’t learn to suffer well then, these parts of our lives are going to continue to suffer.So often we try to bring our painful parts of life and we try to medicate those by running to those sexual behaviorsWhen we accept our weaknesses, our suffering; we accept Christ’s strength.Homework:Typical messages around suffering that aren’t helpful:You must have done something wrong to have brought this suffering upon yourself.If you had enough faith, you’d be able to get out of thisPain is bad, avoid it, get away from it, dismiss it. There is nothing good that can come from embracing it.When someone shares their suffering with you, your first step is to LISTEN. Resist trying to share a verse or a remedy. Let your listening be the gift.Extras:Saul’s Conversion Acts 9:18Isaiah 30:20  “Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them.” NIVOR “Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes.” NLTPhilippians 4:10-13 “I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”John 11:17-30 Jesus wept at Lazarus death2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord JesusSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textYour Bro’s, Your Girls, Your Tribe, Your Squad - No matter what you call it, you need a deeper kind of friendship. You and I are wired for connection. Friendship is a special kind of relationship that builds intimacy and brings fun while giving us some footing in this world. Rebecca Baker joins Josh and Kit on the podcast today to unwrap the gift of friendship. You’ll hear how true friends don’t just happen. Intentionality and vulnerability and risk are worth the gain. We hope this conversation blesses you, encouraging you to ask good questions, share your stories, listen & laugh well, standing shoulder to shoulder with the friend God has for you.Highlights:In a deeper kind of friendship, you are inviting someone into your life to take a different kind of role in your life-giving them a place where they can speak into your life, they can hold you accountable, they can get to know you in a deeper way which is beautiful and scary.We trust that a friend will tell us the truth about what they see, because they care about us, not because they want to wound us.Friends have a unique way of loving us and supporting us and challenging us and calling us to better versions of ourselves in a way that’s unique from other types of relationshipsHomework:Praying for Friendship: Bring your need for deeper connections to God, ask Him for good friends and then pay attention to who else is on the journey alongside you.Extras:C.S. Lewis “The Four Loves” - “To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it.”Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”Proverbs 27:6 “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”Plato “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”BW Podcasts you will enjoy - “Band of Brothers - Men need Each other” & “The Art of Human Relationships”Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a text“I want what I want.” There it is; Temptation is calling. You’re in deep and need an escape. But, you’ve made a commitment to stop. Desire can flip the switch on commitment, detouring your willpower and ushering shame in like a tidal wave. It’s powerful that way but in moments of temptation, you may forget you have power too. In this episode of “Becoming Whole,” Josh and Kit offer you a pro-active approach to temptation with practical ways to use your power. Be sure to scroll down to the Homework and Extras sections for ways to maximize your resistance before temptation gets loud.Highlights:Guilt says what I did was wrong. Shame says You are bad.Temptations lead to a moment of escape. It’s a drug in that moment of difficulty.Because God is kind and compassionate with us, we can be kind and compassionate with ourselves.Homework:Step 1: INVITE GOD IN. You may have pushed God out of this scenario for any number of reasons. Now push back on that shame or guilt and invite Him back in. Step 2: ASK GOD how He sees you, to fight alongside you. Be specific and ask what ideas He would offer in times of temptation. Satan sees these moments and starts trying to fan the flame, then accuses you for having them.Step 2: PREPARE. You’ve asked God, now be prepared for Him to answer. Keep a journal of this conversation, being aware of how He may answer. If there’s a specific verse, write it out and keep it handy for times of need. Maybe there’s a song or two that speaks to you, make a playlist to put on repeat for times when you struggle. Preparing for these weak moments with God is a powerful way to speak to yourself when you’re tempted.IN THE MOMENT of temptation, acknowledge it. Be kind to yourself and be curious. Self-compassion and insight give you choices, agency, power. So, ask yourself: What’s going on with you? Comfort yourself at the moment. Self-empathy and understanding are very powerful in the recovery process.Extras:Podcast Episode: “Self-Kindness Heals” Romans 2:4 “Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and long-suffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?”The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence“Do not be discouraged by the resistance you will encounter from your human nature; you must go against your human inclinations. Often, in the beginning, you will think that you are wasting time, but you must go on, be determined, and persevere in it until death, despite all the difficulties.”2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boastSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textOn this episode of “Becoming Whole,” Josh and Kit unpack a spirituality tool for you that may seem tiny but has huge benefits.  “The Examen” is a way to hit pause on your schedule to sift the day out. It’s a powerful habit developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola more than 500 years ago. Now more than ever, while our world glorifies busy-ness, hurriedness, loudness; the quiet slow of The Examen feels more than necessary. It may also feel counter-cultural and uncomfortable at times. And yet, the value of opening your eyes and your heart to being truly aware of the life before you can not be denied. We hope you’ll consider the structured quiet time to reflect and see the good and hard spots in your day to day. In the show notes, you’ll find different ways to incorporate The Examen as an intentional process in your precious life.Highlights:The Examen: It’s slowing down long enough to pay attention to those things and bring them to God and say, ‘What do I learn about myself from that?”The Examen: It’s a way to get at what’s going on in our lives in an intentional way and to reflect on it and to learn from itThe Examen reveals some of those moments are actually invitations from the Holy Spirit. It shows us God remembers the wounds of our lives, the patterns, the traumas, the disappointments; and wants to bring them to the surface to heal them.Homework:The EXAMEN: Pick a time of day, Set aside 5 minutes, Breathe, Pray, Ask the Holy Spirit to help you notice. The Examen Prayer Card from Ignatian SpiritualityLunchtime ExamenTranscription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textRewind to a time in your past that was full of hurt, pain, wounding. Release, if you can, any feelings of shame and grief. As hard as it may be to believe; there is more to be found in your past wounding.In this episode of “Becoming Whole,” Josh and Kit explore the practice of rewinding to reveal the glory waiting in the wounding. This is not a practice of glossing over our pasts looking for the positives. We are loved by a God of redemption who has, yes, written glory even in your wounding. We hope you’ll accept this as an invitation to begin exploring the glory that is yours to claim, to take notice of the elements you never noticed before. Satan wants you to stay stuck, to be lost in rejection and shame. But God is waiting to give you more through the little version of you who endured so much. That version of you, who was hurt so long ago, deserves another look back to discover the way forward in healing and strength and God-given glory.Highlights:We’re opening ourselves to the glory that was ours in our past including in our wound stories.We need to see the glory and the strength of who we are, who we were, even in those moments.God is present in all the good and the negative. And the enemy wants us just to focus on, even in our healing, he wants us to focus on just the bad things that happened.Homework:Think back to a painful memory: What was the enemy going after in that moment? What does it say about you that you were able to endure all you walked through?Consider the story of The Woman at the well John 4:1-42. Who was the woman? What was her sin? How must she have felt getting water everyday apart from everyone else? Why would Jesus choose her? What did Jesus see in her? Where was the glory in her story?Extras:Find Jay Stringer OnlineTranscription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textCan you recognize a destructive relationship? No relationship is perfect. But, we’re talking about more than just feeling disappointed. Can you tell the difference between a difficult relationship and one that is tearing you down? In this episode of “Becoming Whole,” Josh and Kit identify patterns to look for and unpack what they mean. Our deepest desire is to be known and loved. At a deep level then, you must be aware that something is not right. We hope this message puts some light on the truth about your relationships, the good and the bad. We hope you’ll learn what is healthy versus unhealthy. We hope you’ll be empowered to make change and move forward in health and reclaim your hope. (This conversation is inspired by “The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope” by Leslie Vernick. Please see the Homework and Extras section below for more)Highlights:Ask God for the truth, begin to switch them out, begin to change the narrativeWhen our spouse has a chronic indifference about who we are and what we need, that eats away at the very core of how we’re wired to be loved and known.Where there are lies or denial in a relationship, there’s really no foundation to build on.Homework:Five Patterns (repetitive, characterized by a lack of remorse)Reactive Abuse: Physical, Sexual, Spiritual, Economical, or VerbalGross imbalance of power and control with an attitude of entitlementChronic deceitChronic dependencyChronic indifferenceWays to Embrace Change (begin with what’s my part and owning it). And then:Refuse to keep secretsReach out and Get SupportPrayer - talk to God about what’s going onName what scares youIdentify lies and replace them with corresponding truthEXTRAS“The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope” By Leslie VernickTranscription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textThe Power Stance - feet apart, chest out, arms at your side. The pose is meant to inspire your own sense of confidence while giving others the idea you are powerful. The issue goes deeper than a perception though. And in this episode, Josh and Dan take a look at the past for where the Power Issues lie. When it comes to men and their unwanted sexual behaviors, power, or lack thereof, can point to the patterns we want to overcome. Listen in for a better understanding of what power is all about.  If we’re hoping to recover from an addiction, the affair, cycles of abuse; we have to identify our the power issue in our story. Let’s take a step back in order to move towards becoming the empowered man with purpose and intentionality you are meant to be.Highlights:Any power that Jesus wielded, he wielded for the sake of others. He used his power, recognized his power was a tool for the sake of love. That’s our goal.We need others that are on this journey with us to give us the courage to move towards another and to speak into something to have Christ like influence or power in a situationJesus is the picture of someone who has power, who could use power but willingly lays it down - That’s a place we’re invited to come from.Homework:Gateway Questions to Understanding Power:What have your experiences with power been?Who had power in your life and how did they yield that power? Was it a gift to you? Was it a threat to you?What is it a harm to you?What kind of influence do I have over my environment?Realms of Power:The Over-Powering Man:  misuses/abuses powerThe Dis-Empowered Man: has issues with exerting whatever strength, influence, voice he’s supposed to have in his world.Being Empowered Men with voice, substance, agency in the world.Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textExpectations for how the holidays should be were even more upside down this year because 2020. The usual anticipation we all feel leading up to Christmas has come and gone.Now what? Hope.Beyond expectation and anticipation, there is Hope. The very virtue of Hope is living in the present moment with the validation of a close, attentive God covering your life. Listen in for how and why you need to invite God into your hopes and then take notice.We pray you’ll be encouraged to train your eyes to be aware of the ways God is moving, train your heart to share all your hopes with God and train your mind to release your cares to Him.It’s hard work.When you can see the ways God is moving and revealing himself to you; that leads to a life filled with Hope. Join us.Highlights:His goodness is bigger than this present moment.Are we willing to release our grip on the specifics of what we’re hoping for?We hold so tightly to the specific thing, this is what I want for Christmas. This is what I want for the new year. That we can miss the gifts God is giving and the deeper longings that he wants to tend to in us.Homework:“Desiring God's Will: Aligning Our Hearts with the Heart of God (Spiritual Journey)” by Ruth Haley Barton “The Treasury of David” by Charles Spurgeon Psalm 91“It is not because we are perfect or highly esteemed among men that we can hope for shelter in the day of evil but because our refuge is the eternal God, and our faith has learned to hide beneath His sheltering wing.”“It is impossible that any evil should happen to the man who is beloved of the Lord. The most crushing calamities can only shorten his journey and hasten him to his reward. Ill to him is no ill but only good in a mysterious form. Losses enrich him, sickness is his medicine, reproach is his honor, death is his gain. No evil, in the strict sense of the word, can happen to him, for everything is over-ruled for good. Happy is he who is in such a case. He is secure when others are in peril. He lives where others die.”Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textIt’s the most wonderful time of the year. It's the reason for the season. Is it though?Feels more like ’tis the season for unmet expectations. Combine those unmet expectations with Covid restrictions and it feels even more difficult to find reason for our weary world to rejoice.Whatever hurt you’re facing - loss, grief, financial struggles or isolation - it hurts even deeper around this tender part of the year. Without the usual bustle of holiday parties and traditions; it may feel easier to numb out. Rather than running away from the pain, hit play and listen in. This Christmas episode of “Becoming Whole”  offers a deeper way to understand the reason for the season.Highlights:And yet, I think this year offers us a real opportunity especially as we’re all in this together to face the reality, to wrestle with the reality, to be mindful of the reality that this is precisely why Jesus came.You who are suffering, you are the reason for the season.You who are sinning, and wrestling to get free; you are the reason for the season.You who are lonely; you are the reason for the season.You are why I came. -JesusThere is great cause for celebration. Even in our soberness and sadness and loss and whatever else is going on; there is light.He came for me for this loneliness, for this sadness.Homework:Willingness versus Willfulness: Willfulness fixates on the expected outcome, circumstance or person. Willingness focuses on Jesus.Try praying: “Help me to fix my eyes on you Jesus and not on an outcome or expectation. Help me bring myself fully to you. Give me eyes to see what you’ll show me. I accept your invitation in love.”Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)

Send us a textThis short episode is packed. We encourage you to listen, then let it all settle in and listen again. Josh and Kit unpack a lot on the big topic of Expectation vs Hope in a little amount of time. There’s a lot to process here on the definitions of both concepts. When you were little, you were probably taught a happiness equation suggesting “Life’s going to be great as long as you (fill in the blank).”  But, that equation subtracts the realistic bumps (or worse) in the road. This conversation challenges that idea while exploring Expectations and Hope in relation to your contentment. Change the narrative and invite God into life, whatever it brings.Highlights:Things are going to be challenging and things are going to go in ways you don’t expect. God will meet you there. What if you were told that as a young person?Hope in God is not in the specific end that I might expect or anticipate or be working towards; but it’s in a Sovereign God.HOPE: I surrender the control of the specifics that have to be so in order for me to be satisfied.Homework:Pray and LISTEN for what God has for your life. Pray with these questions:What does Hope look like in my life?How do You want me to be thinking about the expectations I have in my life?How do You want me to be thinking about Hope?Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming WholeSacred By Design Women's Retreat 2025 - Register Today! Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole 👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)