“My experience indicates that most people become infatuated or fall in love with others an average of six times in the course of a long marriage.” Six times - Does that make sense to you or does it offend you?
This is the statement Gary Thomas used to share an honest blog post admitting his own attractions while offering advice on how to handle them. Thomas is a best selling author and international speaker whose ministry works to bring people closer to Christ through marriage, parenting and spiritual formation. His heart and career center on the sanctity of marriage.
As you can imagine, Thomas’ words unlocked a flood of raw, revealing comments. And those readers’ comments became a launching point for this episode of “Becoming Whole.”
Josh and Kit pick up where the comments left off.
Listen is as we take a longer look at the statement, the blog post and the comments to carry on the conversation with just as much honesty and care.
If you are single, we hope this conversation sets up reasonable expectations about what marriage is and what it looks like.
And if you are married, our hope is this equips you to move forward with wisdom and awareness rather than fear or denial.
Be sure to look to the Homework section for practical ways you can guard your heart and your marriage from infatuation confusion.
Highlights:
Infatuation is something that different people will experience in different times, in different ways
This is a common experience. Take a deep breath. Don’t overreact but pay attention.
You’re noticing the ways your spouse ISN’T in the way you’d like them to be, more attentive to your emotions is getting to you a little bit more and so you’re more vulnerable
Homework:
If you notice an Unhealthy Attraction, here are some Guidelines:
- DON’T assume something is wrong with your marriage, in the sense that you need a new marriage.
- DON’T be caught by surprise.
- DON’T feed the attraction or the infatuation.
When you notice an infatuation with someone other than your spouse; let it be a signpost pointing you towards something deeper going on in you.
Good Guardrails during Vulnerable Times:
- Time
- Talk
- Touch
- Text
- Thoughts
Try to Actively Invest the 5 T’s in Your Spouse
Find Space for Fun
Resources/Extras:
Gary Thomas - Best Selling author, International Speaker
https://garythomas.com/2020/08/05/help-im-infatuated-with-someone-other-than-my-spouse/
“My experience indicates that most people become infatuated or fall in love with others an average of six times in the course of a long marriage.” - Avodah Offit in “The Sexual Self”
Transcription:
Full Transcription Available here
Original music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.
Free Resources to help you on your journey to Becoming Whole
👉Men's Overcoming Lust & Temptation Devotional
👉Women 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Women overcoming unwanted sexual Behavior)
👉Compass 21-Day Prayer Journal & Devotional - (Wives who are or have been impacted by partner betrayal)