The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

***This episode originally aired on May 11th, 2021***You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma?  Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???”Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious.What if I told you it doesn’t matter?Hear me out.Why do you want to figure that out?  Usually because it feels like you’ll handle the situation different based on the answer.But actually, it doesn’t matter. And it’s impossible to determine anyway.What you really want to think about is- how dysregulated is my child?And then respond to that!!  There are some core truths about humans- regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well.  So if you’re child isn’t doing well- ask yourself if this is about regulation, connection, felt-safety or some combination of those.Then, based on your child’s level of arousal/dysregulation, you can intervene in a way that will calm their arousal and bring back their owl brain.   I explore this in depth in today’s episode!  If you want to learn more about this way of looking at behaviors, watch this free masterclass online  www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclassTo view the full summary or the full transcript visit: https://robyngobbel.com/traumabehavior/I would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/DurangoRegister by December 19 for $75 off! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold. In this episode, you’ll learnThe definition of privilege (it is NOT a criticism)The privilege of safety for folks with histories of traumaThe privilege of safety for folks with other marginalized and oppressed identitiesHow this relates to parenting Resources mentioned in this podcast:Mr. Chazz https://www.mrchazz.com/https://www.instagram.com/mrchazz/Yolanda Williams & Parenting Decolonizedhttps://www.instagram.com/prntgdcolonized/What Happened to You? By Bruce Perry & Oprah WinfreyRead the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/privilegeI would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/DurangoRegister by December 19 for $75 off! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parents of kids with a history of relational and complex trauma are some of the loneliness people I’ve ever known.The loneliness of parenting becomes compounded when the loneliness isn’t seen.The loneliness is traumatic.  It leaves an imprint on our spirits that wreaks havoc on our health (physical and mental) and our relationships (with others, and with ourself).Undoing aloneness is one of the most important ways professionals and helpers can support parents of children impacted by trauma.Parents- it's important to find spaces where you can be fully welcomed, seen, and known.  Friends, partners, therapists, support groups- face to face connections are life-changing of course, but the pandemic has taught us that even virtual connection changes the brain.Undoing Aloneness is one of the primary reasons I created The Club- a virtual community of connection, co-regulation, and a little education for parents of kids impacted by trauma, and the professionals who adore them.  CLICK HERE to read about The Club and join the waitlist for the next time we welcome new membersOver on my website, you can also read and share a blog about Undoing Aloneness.I would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/DurangoRegister by December 19 for $75 off! :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Exploring the depths of children's big emotions, the discussion reveals how vulnerable nervous systems lead to hurtful expressions like "I hate you!". Delve into strategies for staying calm and responsive amidst verbal aggression. Learn to differentiate between words and underlying feelings, fostering open communication. Insights encourage listening deeply and addressing the root of emotional turmoil, ensuring parents navigate these challenging moments with empathy and connection.

Robyn explores the grief in parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems In this episode, you’ll learn:The relationship between trauma and griefWhy it's important to make space for grief in our kids and in ourselvesThe role of self-compassionHow a lack of media representation of your parenting journey causes griefResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's book: https://robyngobbel.com/bafflingbookRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/griefI would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/DurangoRegister by December 19 for $75 off! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Silly behavior in children can often be a sign of emotional dysregulation, confusing many parents. This discussion reveals how to distinguish between genuine fun and signs of distress. Techniques for fostering regulation through playful interactions are shared, emphasizing the power of rhythmic activities. Plus, discover supportive resources that can help parents navigate these moments while promoting connection and safety for their children. It's an enlightening look at the dynamics of childhood behavior!

Our kids don’t need us to be perfect.  Not only do they not need us to be perfect, it would actually be bad for them if we were.  In fact, research shows parents are in attunement with their children about 30% of the time.  30%!  That’s it!  When I teach, I often reassure parents that ⅓ of their interactions with their child are “getting it right.”  About ⅓ of the time they are “getting it wrong” (whatever that even means- we all have our own, valid definitions).  The rest? The remaining ⅓? Well ideally, the other ⅓ is spent in repair.  Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/RuptureRepairI would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/DurangoRegister by December 19 for $75 off! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting ‘experts’ forget to tell you the most important thing.All this advice???You’ll never do it all the time or even most of the time.You don’t need to.That’s not the point.Together - me and you - let’s just aim for 1% better. Professionals- this one's for you, too. In this episode, you’ll learnA parenting professionals #1 job is to trust their clientsAim for 1% improvement. 5% ‘getting it right’ is better than 4%!Professionals don’t need all the answers. They need to believe their clients and not give upResources mentioned in this podcast:Neuroimmune Disorders and Big, Baffling, Behaviors With Dr. Qazi Javed {Ep 97}Neuroimmune From The Inside Out {Ep 98}Loving Someone With Baffling Behaviors {Ep 99}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/enoughI would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/DurangoRegister by December 19 for $75 off! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

What is a vulnerable nervous system and how do you know if your child has one? Understanding what is meant by "vulnerable nervous system" can help you support your child with big, baffling behaviors.In this episode, you’ll learn:What do I mean by vulnerable nervous systemHow to know if your child has a vulnerable nervous systemWhat causes nervous system vulnerabilityHow to support a child who has a vulnerable nervous systemResources mentioned in this podcast:Robyn's Book: https://robyngobbel.com/book/Attachment Series ebook: Robyngobbel.com/ebookThe Club: RobynGobbel.com/TheClubRead a summary or the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/vulnerableI would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/DurangoRegister by December 19 for $75 off! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Sometimes it’s those lower-level, chronic behaviors- like rudeness and sassiness- that can really deplete the very limited reserves we have saved up in our own window of stress tolerance. Then we waffle between over-responding (big reaction, tiny problem) or under-responding (ignoring dysregulation which ultimately leads to increased dysregulation). Kids in chronic protection mode often seem rude, sassy, and mildly oppositional. What do we do when it feels like every word out of our own mouths would be to correct our kid’s tone or disrespect?In this episode, you’ll learnWhere sassy, rude, and disrespectful language usually falls on the watchdog continuumPossibilities about what really be underneath your child’s rude behaviorTimes when it makes sense for our kids to have a what’s up watchdog brain response that we should respect, not try to changeResources mentioned in this podcast:Boundaries With Verbal Aggression With Juliane Taylor Shore {EP 115}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/rudeI would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/DurangoRegister by December 19 for $75 off! Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub :::Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagram Over on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)