Grace + Boundaries: Navigating Intergenerational Trauma with Erin Hearts

Rewind from 2022 that I thought you might enjoy! I hope it keeps you from making the mistakes I made! How do we know when we are feeling desperate and should take extra precautions while we date? How can we tell if we have low self-worth? Sometimes it's hard to see these things until they're in the rearview.I share three ways you can tell if you're a little desperate or have  low self-esteem when dating. I tell a story of a dating relationship I had in 2020 during the pandemic. I was a leetle more desperate for attention and affection than I knew back then.All relationships are here to help us learn and grow. That's why I'm sharing these honest stories with you all. Maybe hearing my experience can help others say no and start to react when they are treated less than they deserve.I mention the helpful book The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. I recommend. https://www.amazon.com/Verbally-Abusive-Relationship-Expanded-Third/dp/1440504636Thank you for listening!  Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

Rewind: I'm re-releasing this episode from 2022 because I hope others can learn from my bad mistakes. Trigger Warning! I mildly discuss a date-rape situation in this episode. No major details, just feelings and thoughts about the situation. My third installment in the "Dating Deathtrap" series is about my second relationship after my divorce, which is more than super-cringy. What happened with this man I dated was what plunged me into truly taking therapy and my immediate need for healing seriously. It led me to finding a new therapist who specializes in EMDR. Jumping to conclusions about someone we're dating is a "deathtrap" because on the positive side or the negative side, we're not living in reality. This causes problems and it's a recipe for a dating disaster. I learned from this relationship that even if someone seems like a great person and checks a bunch of boxes on my list of qualities I want in a partner, I need to take my time and pay attention.  He could still be a psycho-boundary violator. It's in those more subtle moments that we get to know another person, not necessarily in the big things. Thank you for listening! What's a dating deathtrap for you? Episode 41: Dating Deathtrap #1: Believing Words Over Actions: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grace-boundaries-navigating-intergenerational-trauma/id1597600839?i=1000578487781Episode 67: Dating Deathtrap #7: Clamming Up: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grace-boundaries-navigating-intergenerational-trauma/id1597600839?i=1000603234643 Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

How has Intergenerational Trauma affected your dating life? I share five ways that facing my intergenerational trauma has affected mine. I share a little of my story that pushed me to become aware of these patterns and what we can do to move forward towards becoming a healthy partner that attracts someone great! Have a wonderful Valentine's Day- do something nice for yourself! I will be treating myself to a massage, chocolate, and yoga. ;-) Please go back and listen to episodes #40-48, which deal with dating as a dipstick to recovery and numerate my many dating mistakes so that you don't have to relive them! :-) -ErinEpisode 41: Dating Deathtrap #1: Believing Words Over Actions: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grace-boundaries-navigating-intergenerational-trauma/id1597600839?i=1000578487781Episode 67: Dating Deathtrap #7: Clamming Up: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grace-boundaries-navigating-intergenerational-trauma/id1597600839?i=1000603234643 Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

Erin Vandermore, Licenced Therapist, Wellness Coach, and Author, wants us to take our healing seriously! She says that if the body says it's trauma, it's trauma! We don't have to waste time defining what that exactly means. (Big T Trauma? Little t trauma?)Erin and I talk about creating boundaries between work life, creative life, and home life. We also dicsuss boundaries with our children- is it okay to say no to playing Fortnite? Erin is developing an app that will help increase our mental health with bilateral stimulation and positive affirmations. She sees EMDR as a way to "jump-start" the good juju in our nervous system. You can find Erin's journals and books on Amazon.com. Website: https://ageofuncertaintycoaching.com/ Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

As a single parent, have you ever felt like you're seen as a reject, or as if you're wearing a scarlet letter?  Shoshana Alexandra is here today to help reframe that outdated stigma that I have felt as a single parent, and maybe you have, too. Shoshana Alexandra wrote a book called "In Praise of Single Parents: Mothers and Fathers Embracing the Challenge." It's become a place of refuge for me as I learn how to feel connected in a society that still professes the need for the nuclear family model (which is actually very unnatural according to anthropological research!) What we do need is to "expand the family!" Shoshana created a rich community surrounding her son, who had 13 Godparents that helped raise him! They are still in his life to support and guide him when he needs it. Shoshana and I discuss the dysfunction in our relationships that led to us becoming single parents, the idea of "double parenting," how to vet and find a supportive community, and how to embrace the joy that is already present in your parenting- albeit alone or with many supportive friends and chosen family. Shoshana truly reframes what it means to be a single parents. Aren't we so lucky to have these wonderful beings in our lives? I know I am.  http://shoshanaalexander.comShoshana's "Answer the Call" workshop: https://www.shoshanaalexander.com/answer-the-call/Shoshana Alexander, MA, is an author, teacher, developmental editor, playwright, actor, and mother, and has in all these ways tried to make a positive difference for the Earth. She lives on the unceded territory of the Takelma, Latgawa, and Shasta people. She is the author of several books, including In Praise of Single Parents and Women’s Ventures/Women’s Visions, and is co-author of Awakening Joy with James Baraz. Shoshana has guided numerous books into print in the areas of Buddhism, psychology, and spirituality, includingThe Findhorn Garden, Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach), Faith and LovingKindness (Sharon Salzberg), and Bouncing Back (Linda Graham). She has a master’s degree in psychology and theatre, and has taught high school and university courses in the humanities. She has led support groups for those grieving loss and facilitated longterm writing groups for those developing the craft of writing books. Her creative endeavors in live performance include spoken-word poetry with music, and writing and acting in a full-length play, “Taking Our Life,” exploring suicide, ecocide and humanity’s imperative to choose life. She stood with Earth Protectors at Standing Rock, and her many decades of participation in self-development and spiritual disciplines have included extensive mindfulness meditation practices, and she has been authorized as a dharma teacher. Her work arises from a passion to understand life, honor the Earth, and engage the magic and power of wisdom, words and music to heal and transform.  shoshanaalexander.com Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

Today is part 2 of a 2 part discussion surrounding breathwork and intergenerational trauma that starts in the womb! Susan Tuttle, author and breathwork practitioner with 30 years of codependency recovery, is back! Her first Episode, "How do we Learn to Love Our Bodies?" #66, is one of my most-downloaded episodes ever.We start off by discussing how our birth stories and birth trauma have shaped our lives. Our first moments of life trained our brains  to use some of the coping mechanisms that helped us survive, but are now stopping us from embodying the healthy lifestyle that we crave.  Susan shares a miraculous story about her time last summer being trained as a breathwork practitioner in Costa Rica. She believes that breathwork allows for the waves to part and the truth to come to the surface. This leads to the ability to forgive and better understand our beginnings here on this Earth. Want a free consultation with Susan? Her website is: https://www.susanmtuttle.com/or, you can email her directly at info@susanmtuttle.comSusan's book can be found on Amazon.com or bn.com:  https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Dreamworld-Andrea-Cooper-Journey/dp/B0CK9ZFR2P/ref=sr_1_1?crid=31CMZLJ6270QO&keywords=susan+m+tuttle&qid=1704597256&sprefix=susan+m+%2Caps%2C771&sr=8-1 Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

Susan Tuttle, author and breathwork practitioner with 30 years of codependency recovery, is back! The first time she was on the podcast (#66) was one of my most-downloaded episodes ever. Today is part 1 of a 2 part discussion surrounding intergernational trauma. We discuss how generational trauma manifests in our lives- what does it look like? How does it show up? How can we recognize our need for codependency recovery or take seriously how many substances we are putting into our bodies? Susan tells a portion of a story of her own life when she realized "I have to stop pointing fingers at others. I need to look at myself. " What a great message for the new year! Enjoy! Want a free consultation with Susan? Her website is: https://www.susanmtuttle.com/or, you can email her directly at info@susanmtuttle.comSusan's book can be found on Amazon.com or bn.com:  https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Dreamworld-Andrea-Cooper-Journey/dp/B0CK9ZFR2P/ref=sr_1_1?crid=31CMZLJ6270QO&keywords=susan+m+tuttle&qid=1704597256&sprefix=susan+m+%2Caps%2C771&sr=8-1 Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

How are you at setting boundaries? What is the practice that you follow? The questions that you check yourself with before you make the call? I share my process today of boundary setting. I tell a story about a boundary conversation I had with my dad this week, which was unconfortable, but it taught me something important. I'm staying curious and keeping an open heart towards learning how to be a great communicator in those relationships where emotional intimacy is possible. It's not possible with everyone, so if you get to be part of it, boundary setting can become relationship GOLD!  Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

Do you allow others to be hot and cold with you in relationships? I've noticed that I'm attracted to that energy, since it mirrors my treatment in my family of origin. I share a story about how I overcame that attraction by observing my own ambivalence. I also share a Christmas miracle about setting boundaries with family that you won't want to miss! I hope it inspires you to keep on truckin' on your own boundary=setting journey! I reference the Mark Groves Podcast "How to Show Up, Even if You're Afraid" https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mark-groves-podcast/id1282044290?i=1000639852713and an episode of this podcast where i talk about the healing work I did surrounding my relationship with my mom. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grace-boundaries-navigating-intergenerational-trauma/id1597600839?i=1000634539057 and the Mother Wound: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grace-boundaries-navigating-intergenerational-trauma/id1597600839?i=1000621561533 Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

Our culture and media markets that behavior change is direct. For example, if you want to lose weight, then you should diet to eat less. As many of us know from trying this multiple times in our lives, IT DOESN'T WORK for lasting behavior change! Behavior change is actually INDIRECT. The only way out of these patterns is deep, internal work. I give an example  of what my therapist taught me about this topic and how I'm practicing these new skills to use in everyday life.  Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!