Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

Listener requested!  The wedding is over.  Grandchildren have arrived, but now there is trouble in paradise.  Your Adult Child is Getting a Divorce. When to bite our tongues? How or when to offer advice? The wedding was such an exciting time and now the heartache begins.   This episode will help you navigate the toughest situations.Also, we are going to explore narcissism and how to identify this characteristic in your adult children or significant others.We talk to two therapists in this episode. The first is Alena Scigliano. She is a licensed psychotherapist and an expert in narcissistic abuse. Narcissism also seems to be a trigger for divorce.We also speak with Ashley Quamme, a marriage and family therapist based in Columbia, Georgia. She specializes in EFT - Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’d like to learn more about that, too.We explore everything fromHow your initial response can set the toneHow to be supportive but not overbearingHow to recognize a narcissistic partnerHow divorcing a narcissist can impose a new can of wormsWhat about the grandchildren?And so much more... Even if divorce is not on your radar, we think you will find the discussion interesting and learning about narcissism was a real eye-opener for us!Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HERE (only 5 BUCKS and it means alot!)Buy a mug:  LINK HEREFollow up on our social media platforms:Facebook   Instagram   TwitterAnd remember sometimes you may have to BITE YOUR TONGUE!Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Today we are rewinding and sharing a holiday episode we loved.  We interview Jane Isay. She is the author of the book Walking on Eggshells, Navigating the Delicate Relationships between Adult Children and Parents. She is a New Yorker from birth and gets right to the point.Have you had enough togetherness during the holidays? "Shut the door," she says. How about when the kids come home, how to make them happy? "Give them the keys!"And, wait until you hear what she said about her son who was Chief of Staff for Chuck Schumer's first senatorial campaign.  And just as a hint - it references Al D'Amato!!!! We hope you laugh out loud with this episode and love Jane as much as we did.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HERE (only 5 BUCKS and it means alot!) Buy a mug:  LINK HEREHoliday gift giving?  Think about getting something from Shapermint.  Lots of great items for your or those you are gifting!    Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Follow up on our social media platforms:Facebook   Instagram   TwitterAnd remember sometimes you may have to BITE YOUR TONGUE!Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Don't Bite Your Tongue -- that is what today's guest says!  "Silence does not build intimacy."  Today Denise and Ellen interview Dr. Ruth Nemzoff, the author of the book "Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with your Adult Family."Dr. Nemzoff claims it is better not to bite your tongue. Bringing up important topics builds intimacy, but there is a right and a wrong way to do it. And she gives us the scoop.We discuss how to feel confident raising issues of importance, as well as saying "good-bye" to our fantasies and "hello" to reality.We also talk about short and long visits with our adult kids -- how to handle it, how long is too long and more! Perfect for the holidays!She's a breath of fresh air, a brilliant woman that has walked the walk who provides us with a pathway to follow.Some things we talk about:Learning the tools to keep talking - so they will listenFiguring out our relevance as parents to adult children - no longer in chargeHow to feel confident raising issues of importanceWe cannot be close to our children if we don't communicate the things that are importantLetting go is not the solution!Goodbye to fantasy and hello to reality - let go of your dreams Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher - our audio engineer!Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREFollow up on our social media platforms:Facebook   Instagram   TwitterAnd remember sometimes you may have to BITE YOUR TONGUE!Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Today Ellen and Denise are talking to Ellie and Carrie Monahan.  They are sisters and as some of you might know they are the daughters of Katie Couric, an American journalist and author.  They just started a podcast and I listen to every Friday when they drop episodes. The title is: “All Each Other Has.” We love listening to the voices of these young adults - Ellie (a millennial ) and Carrie (on the Gen Z cusp).   The first SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS.  They explain that the podcast is titled - “All Each Other Has,” because their mother always told them -- “Be nice to each other – you are all each other has.”   And as parents of adult children, we all want our children to be close to their siblings because as they say: "you are all each other has."They tell us their journey to being close (it was not always that way) and the role the death of their father Jay Monahan , who died when Ellie was five and Carrie was two-year-old. Also the week before the interview, their mother announced that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer.  We also discuss how it feels to add a stepfather into your life as a young adult.   They give some good advice on how to break the "marriage" news to your young adult children and what it is like to have your single parent dating!  They are very bright insightful young women.  We think you will like this.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREFollow up on our social media platforms:Facebook   Instagram   TwitterAnd remember sometimes you may have to BITE YOUR TONGUE! Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Adult step children --  today you will hear from a step-parenting author and expert and -- to round things out --  some adult step children.  Our guest says:  "I think being a step-parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world and it is also one of the biggest challenges to personal growth."  Denise speaks with  Nancy Landrum, the author of the book “STEPPING TWOGETHER.”  Stepping TwoGether is part instruction, part information, part stories and part workbook.In addition to having an MA in Psychology, Nancy has lived this journey with her late- husband and their five children. After years of working together her family has thrived.  In fact, they designed a curriculum for stepfamilies and have shared and taught their strategies throughout California.She talks about how step-parenting  gets very complicated as the stepchildren grow to become adults and if you re-marry late in life and now you are a stepparent to adult children. A little push for Ellen's new book - Ellen's new book coming in March - but now available on pre-order from Amazon.   The book, Bright Kids Who Couldn't Care Less, though written with a child in mind, translates to the young adult who is so bright and capable but just cannot seem to launch.   Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREFollow up on our social media platforms:Facebook   Instagram   TwitterAnd remember sometimes you may have to BITE YOUR TONGUE!Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

What is the biggest regret of most parents today? Our guest today, one of the foremost experts who studies how individuals and families develop and change throughout their lives, tells us that as we age, we regret not reconciling with family members we may be estranged or distant from. Today we welcome Dr. Karl Pillemer, Professor of Human Development at Cornell University, where he is also a faculty member in Cornell’s medical school. He is the author of the book: “Fault Lines, Fractured Families and How to Mend Them.” He is the author of several other remarkable books about love, relationships and aging.We are also welcoming a guest host - Stacie Lavato. Stacie is a long-time listener and reached out to us after we dropped the episode on understanding LGBTQ+ with Levi Teachey and Stacey Shigaya.  She wrote such a heartwarming email and the two of us connected.  Then, I learned that Stacy produces her own podcast called “Mindful Mama Conversations,” I listened to a few, and I liked her topics and her style, so I asked her to join me.The biggest “ah ha” moment for Stacie and I is when Dr. Pillemar mentioned “intergenerational stake.” We both had never heard of this - but it makes perfect sense. It is the generational bias in parents' and adult children's perceptions of their joint relationship.  He takes it a step further and lets us know why any difficulties in our relationships with our adult children will bother us much more than the adult children.We address such questions as: How do rifts begin? What makes estrangement so painful?  Why is it so often triggered by a single event? Are you ready to reconcile? How can you overcome past hurts to build a new future with a relative? Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

We made you wait for this one!  Why you may have trouble sleeping as you age and what you can do about.  Do you happen to know what the "on-off" switch for sleep is in your brain?  We did not.  But now we do.  Listen now to learn more about your sleep and how to make it better! As you know in our last episode we interviewed a young researcher Mark Czeisler who was part of the COPE Initiative dealing with young adults and COVID.  If you missed this episode, here is a link.While doing research on Mark we realized that he  has significant experience in the study of sleep! We got excited.  We know very few people our age who do not have some sleep issues!  (his credentials are below)So, although this has very little to do with building healthy relationships with our young adult children, we thought this would be a great benefit to our listeners. We talk about:Why we are waking up in the middle of the night and not able to fall back to sleepThe myth of needing less sleep as we ageThe science behind sleepWhat heredity might have to do with sleepHis father's role as the Director of the Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical School and how that translate to their family's sleep habits!The role of Melatonin and how we are all using it completely wrong!Sleep meds to consider or notDo sleep studies or doctors make a difference and when might you need oneTips for changing it all - and a lot of it has to do with that darn "blue light"And the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Mark’s father, Charles Czeisler, PHD MD, is a Professor of Sleep Medicine, Professor of Medicine and Director of the Division of Sleep Medicine at Harvard Medical School and Chief of the Division of Sleep and Circadian Disorders in the Departments of Medicine and Neurology at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This is such an important episode and one that we hope all listeners will enjoy this second time around.For parents of adult children, mental health disease is one of our most frightening thoughts.  We are hoping this episode will help us understand, support and accept this disease.  This is a fabulous episode.  Today we speak with Dr. Elizabeth Cookson (Beth) a psychiatrist who has over 35 years of experience.  A former president of the Colorado Psychiatric Society, she is Board Certified in General and Addiction Psychiatry. She has dealt with children and adults of all ages in public psychiatric settings.She is here so that all of us have a better understanding of mental health for both ourselves and our adult children. For over 15 years she worked as the Director of Psychiatry for the Colorado Coalition for Homeless.  Beth explains in laymen terms for all of us the stages of mental health disease, when to look for signs and how to help your child you suspect may be suffering.  We cover so many topics.We loved this episode and feel like Beth was a rockstar interviewee.  Here are links to the resources that Beth mentions in the episode:I'm Not Sick I Don't Need Help, by Xavier Amador, is the source of the LEAP approach (Listen - Empathize - Agree - Partner). More specifics can be found here.The Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act - passed in 2008, went into effect 7/1/14. The heritability statistics I Beth referred to are from REthink.  She says that their website has some of the clearest info and advice for families that she has seen.This blog by a therapist is Washington State has specifics about ways to access CRAFT The Gardener and the Carpenter by Alison GopnikThanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HERESupport the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Another listener favorite.  So many listeners wrote about how they put Dr. Heitler's suggestions to good use!Join us for a conversation with Dr. Susan Heitler, a renowned relationship therapist. She is best  known for clarifying the basics of collaborative dialogue and provides wonderful techniques to use - not only with your adult children but for all of the relationships in your life you value.You will take away real tools, words and actions to develop meaningful relationships.  This is a must listen.  Take your time, take notes and share with others you love.Dr. Heitler appeared on the CBS Early Show where anchor Harry Smith introduced her as “the most influential person in my life—my therapist.”  He encouraged his viewers similarly to seek therapy when they feel  distressed and to check out pre-marital counseling before they wed.Some links you will enjoy:Dr. Heitler's Website  therapyhelp.comDr. Heitler's Tedx TalkPsychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/contributors/susan-heitler-phd)Power of Two (https://www.poweroftwomarriage.com/)This is from Modern Love: The Podcast.  We thought it was appropriate for the advice Dr. Heitler gave us:  "Shamu and a Happy Marriage." (https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/11/style/modern-love-what-shamu-taught-me-happy-marriage.html)Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This is the episode we've gotten the most mail about!  Listeners loved it!Today Ellen and Denise  welcome Tess Brigham, a licensed psychotherapist, life coach and former twenty-something.  In a recent article from CNBC Tess says: “Over a decade ago, when I first became a therapist, I never expected that five years later, my practice would consist of nearly 90% millennials, with the rest of my patients being parents of millennials.”  So she’s got both sides of the story for us. Tess has been featured in major media throughout the US  - from the New York Times to O Magazine.  So, we are pretty excited to have her with us today.In that recent CNBC article, she says that the number one complaint parents have about their adult kids is money.  With that lead, we thought we’d challenge Tess with helping us with constructive strategies for the TOP 10 issues between adult kids and their parents. Listen to hear what she says.  We talk about:How she became a millennial therapistSocial Media:  Keeping up with the Jones'How are millennials different from our generationWhat is it about this generation that no other generation has experienced before?Why is this stage of emerging adults so difficult?Tess Brigham CoachingYouTube Channel - lots of tips and tricksSupport us:Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HERESome deals for listeners:Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.