Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

This is one funny episode.  That's why we are doing a special EPISODE REWIND.  Today we interview Susan Engel, a professor of psychology at Williams College and the author of the New York Times Article:  When They're Grown, The Real Pain Begins.   Joining Denise as co-host is a dear friend Val Haller.  Val is the mother of four boys, very similar to the ages of Susan's boys when she wrote this article so she is our perfect co-host. (more about Val at the end)Susan tells us that this article still gets very much attention and you can see this by just looking at the over 500 comments and the angst and of course love in so many of them.One of the lines in her NYT story that resonated with us was a quote from a neighbor when she brought her first baby home at a few months old -- "“When they’re little they sit on your lap; when they’re big they sit on your heart.”Susan takes us through her journey when she wrote the article in 2012 and her three boys were 28, 25 and 19.  Today, ten years later,  she is a grandmother with two of these three boys married and living right next door.  Can you imagine?About Val Haller - our co-host:Val lives in Chicago and is passionate about music.  She is the founder/CEO of the music website Valslist.com. She launched it about 10 years ago (when her nest was empty) and it is the first music site specifically created to help busy adults keep up with new music.  Check it out.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

The emerging adult - now recognized as “the third stage of life.” Our guest today says that studying the emerging adult years (about age 19-29) is much like studying the preschool years — the preschool years set the stage for the teen years, and the emerging adult years set the stage for the future adulthood.  Today we talk with Dr. Larry Nelson, one of the world’s leading researchers on the emerging adult years. Dr. Nelson is the president of the Study of Emerging Adulthood (SSEA) and examines factors that contribute to flourishing or floundering during this time. He has published over 70 peer-reviewed journal articles and chapters in edited books on topics including conceptions of adulthood, social withdrawal, and the role of parents and culture in the transition to adulthood.Here are some things you will learn from today’s episode:Why is this period of life critical to setting the stage for the adult years?What role do parents play during this stage of life? What are the signals for the flourishing and/or floundering young adult?Why our generation might not have done it “right.”How this stage of life is dealt with in many other parts of the world, and how we can learn from them.…and moreTo learn more about the emerging adult and Dr. Nelson, here are some informative links:Society for the Study of Emerging AdulthoodFlourishing in Emerging Adulthood, book by Dr. NelsonDistinguishing Features of Emerging Adulthood: The Role of Self-Classification as an AdultWe are anxious to hear your thoughts once you have listened to the episode.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Today we talk about the COVID-19 Outbreak and the rise of anxiety and depression in young adults. We know we are all tired of hearing and reading about COVID-19. But this article in the New York Times caught our attention:  Young Adults Report Rising Levels  of Anxiety and Depression in Pandemic We reached out to the lead author of the study, Mark Czeisler, to talk more about it. Mark is actually younger than many of our adult children, but at 25 years old, he's an accomplished researcher and provided an insightful and impressive interview. He is one of a group of scientists (four from Harvard and one from the University of Melbourne) involved in the COPE Initiative. COPE, which stands for COVID-19 Outbreak Public Evaluation Initiative, assesses public attitudes, behaviors, and beliefs related to the coronavirus disease and the pandemic. The goal is to evaluate mental and behavioral health during the pandemic. Mark is well-spoken and takes us behind the scenes of this study, underscoring the way emerging adults have been affected -- maybe for the long-term -- by the global pandemic. He provides suggestions on how we might support our young adult children and also shares some interesting trends in mental health programs, both at the corporate and governmental levels, that were initiated by this study.We think you will enjoy this - and it is a short one!Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Today we speak with Kerrie Lee Brown, the author of the book My Heart, My Self: A Guide for Women Who Do Too Much.   Are you a people pleaser?   Do you do too much and neglect yourself?  This episode is for you. Does it relate to building healthy relationships with your adult children? You bet it does. Taking care of yourself and your health and learning to say "no," are the exact things that make us good parents - for our children at any age,Kerrie's story spoke to us. We hope it speaks to you.   She also founded an online platform called RedLily, a bold new brand that dedicated to women who want to share their stories and support each other. Kerri believes that each of us have stories to tell. Denise shared a special story on the RedLily platform and will share it with listeners when it goes live.Today we are sharing Kerrie’s remarkable story that started her on a journey to helping women around the world tell their own stories and live their best lives.  Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Happy Father's Day.  We hope many father's (and even mother's) listen and take this episode to heart.  It's a good one!Today, we welcome Dr. Deryl Goldenberg. We learned about him when we saw an article he wrote called: “The Psychology Behind Strained Father and Son Relationships.” With many years of  working with men in therapy, the issues that come up with careers or relationships can often be traced back to their lack of a relationship with their fathers. Goldenberg is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 30 years in private practice.  He is also the Executive Director of the Verdugo Hills Autism Project, a non-public agency providing intervention services to children with emotional and developmental disorders.  Today, in honor of Father’s Day we want to talk about the father’s role in the life of the emerging adult child.  We tend to focus so much on mothers, and the father is behind the curtain or many times silent.We talk about so many things and his thoughtful answers can apply to nearly any relationship in our lives.  To become a surgeon, carpenter or teacher takes time, practice and work, he says - but so do relationships.  For a strong relationship to develop a father has to be interested in really knowing their child - whatever their life choices.  This reminded us a bit about our conversation with Rosjke Hasseldine, when she spoke about "understanding" one another.  You do  not have to agree, but work to understand.  If you missed it, here is a link to that episode. Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

We sharing our LGBTQ+ episode that we dropped in Season I for Pride Month.  It remains one of our favorite episodes.We hope you will listen.Here are the episode notes from the earlier episode:Every time I listen to an episode, I think to myself, "everyone needs to listen to this. There are so many valuable nuggets of information for all of us in every episode."For this episode - I plead with everyone to listen and share it.  Many of us think we are progressive and accepting, but to step into someone's shoes helps us learn so much more.  This episode is NOT JUST FOR PARENTS of LGBTQ+ children, but for ALL OF US.  Let me know what you think. Today I speak with Levi Teachey, who is the Board President of PFLAG Denver, and Stacey Shigaya, who is the organization's Board Secretary.Levi shares his very personal journey as a trans man and Stacey shares her journey both as an ally within the LGBTQ+ community and with her daughter who is pansexual.We discuss both their stories and the rapidly changing landscape of this community.  Planned Parenthood writes: "Understanding the words, and the labels people use encourages respect and understanding."Please share the episode with friends and family who you think might benefit. Stacey and Levi also shared these documents which I found very helpful:Glossary of Terms (https://pflag.org/glossary)Faith FAQs (https://pflag.org/faithfaq)Becoming a Trans Ally 101 (https://pflag.org/transally101recording)Finally, Levi ends each of his emails with this phrase -- "courage, kindness and lasting change," -- keep it handy!PFLAG is a national organization founded in 1972 by Jeanne Manford, who marched with her son, in a gay pride parade in New York, with a sign that read: "Parents of Gays Unite."  It has become one of the most important organizations building support for friends and families of the LGBTQ+ community.  Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of BITE YOUR TONGUE: The Podcast.You asked for it!  This is another episode that answers a listener question!But before we start - think about supporting the podcast and buy us a coffee.  That's all it takes.  CLICK HERE TO BUY US A COFFEE.This is a quick a very quick refresher course on understanding the LGBTQ+ pronouns and languageAbout a year ago we had  of our most emotional episodes about understanding LGBTQ+ with Levi Teachey, President of P-Flag Denver and Stacy Shigaway, a parent of a pansexual daughter.Even since that episode things have changed.  We can't seem to keep our  pronouns and language straight for this ever-changing community.Our listeners asked for a refresher and we are happy to oblige. And we found the perfect guest.  Denise was in LA recently visiting her daughter.  She took a walk with a friend and a young 20-something person joined the group who identified as non-binary, using the pronoun “they.”  Denise was  tripping over her tongue the entire walk and finally at the end she asked they if they might join us on the podcast.  They agreed and here we are.They is concise and articulate.  Here is a link to the article we discuss:  What Quakers Can Teach Us About the Politics of Pronouns. This may be from WIKI, but we found this helpful as well. Print it out and work on learning these new and important pronouns. Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

We are on it!  Today we are talking about mothers and daughters!And it begins with the burnt hamburger.  But more about that in today’s episode.  You will have to listen.A listener wrote: Where have you been for the last 15 years? I have been searching for books, podcasts, and the internet for some real support on parenting adult children. Nothing.”  The listener proceeded to ask if we might explore more about the mother/daughter relationship and expressed some of the struggles she was having with her own adult daughters.In her message she said that she imagined that as she and her daughter got older, they would become closer. But instead, she feels like she is biting her tongue all the time,Denise and Ellen welcomed Rosjke Hasseldine, an internationally recognized mother-daughter therapist with over 20 years listening to women and girls from around the world talk about their lives and relationships. Rosjke is the creator of the Mother-Daughter Coaching Model which uncovers and explains the hidden dynamics between mothers and daughters. She is also the author of two books - "The Silent Female Scream'' and "The Mother-Daughter Puzzle".   Visit Mother Daughter Coaching International  for information about Hasseldine, her books, training courses, and free articles and videos.  Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Today Denise and Ellen welcome Michelle Martinez, who is not only a Certified Wedding Consultant, with more than 20 years in the wedding and events industry, but also the creator and host of the world's mosts popular wedding podcast - The Big Wedding Planning Podcast. With 300 episodes under her belt and nearly three million downloads, she's been around the block a few times!Ellen's daughter is getting married so Ellen has some inside scoop on some of her issues. Michelle helps us see the whole picture, what are role is of parents - of the bride or the groom and underscores her three missions:Inclusivity is keyPerfection is a mythWedding planning for allIt seems to all come back to what Julie Dolan told us in our grand-parenting episode about being the loving and loyal servant.We talk about:The role of the bride and groom's familyHow the bride's family can help the groom's family feel more comfortableThe role of the newly engaged coupleGuest listsFinances and moreIf you are in the stages of wedding planning and don't have the budget for a big time wedding planner, Michelle now offers a masterclass on her website.  A tiny percent of what a full wedding planner would cost.  Check it out her Master Class offer here.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

You asked for it!  This episode is dedicated to the often-complicated relationship with mothers-in-laws and their daughter-in-laws. If you’ve ever felt slighted or wanted more connection than the other is willing to give -  this is the episode for you! For several months listeners have asked us to find someone who could talk to us about the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law dynamic.   So many layers to all of this.  We did some searching and this episode features our interview with  Dr. Deanna Brann. Dr. Deanna, as she likes to be called, is a licensed clinical psychotherapist and is a leading expert in the area of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships. She works with women involved in this pivotal yet particularly challenging relationship, and has helped women nationwide to restore hope and bring healing to their families.She is the author of the popular book,  Reluctantly Related: Breaking Free of the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in Law Conflict. What you will love about the book and her website is that there are questionnaires to help you identify your personality type as well as your daughter-in-law's.  Then she provides steps to help you improve or enhance your relationship.She provides great insight for all of you who are mother-in-laws to first look inside yourself. Examine what YOU may be contributing.  Take the highroad.You may also enjoy some of the information on her YOUTUBE channel.Thanks so much to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.Support us  P L E A S E!Buy us a coffee:  LINK HEREBuy a mug:  LINK HEREGreat Deal for Listeners!Denise's favorite shape-wear company.  Denise particularly LOVES their best selling Truekind Daily Comfort Wireless Bra.  "It holds you up and is so comfortable.  I am hooked - truly," says Denise.  Use this link and just put biteyourtongue (one word) in the CODE at checkout.Support the show The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.