The Leader Learner Podcast

Send us a textCheck-In Question:What personal quality do you know people appreciate about you?Big Ideas:3 attitudes - Unconditional Responsibility, Essential Integrity, Ontological HumilityOntology - Philosophy related to being, relationships one has to beingDividing responsibility starting from 100% doesn't work, each person has 100% responsibility for themselvesKeeping your word is not the same as honoring your wordKeeping your word with others sometimes means NOT keeping your word with yourself Integrity is different for every person because everyone's values are differentHumility being pushed, but is it really what people need or expectIt's all about our mindset - we can see things as a challenge or an opportunityYou can chooseWhen am I saying it was external circumstances, versus my responsibilitiesWhen feeling overwhelmed, easier to point to external circumstances because feels more overwhelmingPlayer and victim - the player takes responsibility, the victim doesn'tTake responsibility for not knowingCircle of concern and circle of influence - when we focus on our circle of concern, we diminish our ability to influenceWe don't have a lot of influence on the "IT", but we do have responsibility for the "I" The answer is not to worry about what we can't controlTrust is important before creating change and influencing othersCoaching and psychotherapy are about helping people take responsibilitySociety that is very outcome based ("It" based) Most effective when we operate from our basic human valuesPeople can share values, even those values show up differentlyWhat's the difference between a value and a belief?Values versus virtues?Operationalizing values - from Brené BrownValues are a noun and define something abstract, Virtues are like a character trait Relativeness of point of view - can we know the truth?Employees need to feel safe to make mistakes, so as leaders we need to model itProving our way to success hooks our egoEgo gets hooked when focused on external validationHow we were conditioned to believe we were worthy influences our egoTallest poppy syndromeWhat's so difficult about being humble?Opinions being the end of democracy - how can you construct something without values? What's bigger than values? Resources:Conscious Business by Fred KofmanThe Big Leap - Gay HendricksMan's Search for Meaning - Viktor FranklThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen CoveyThe 4 Hour Work Week by Tim FerrissMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be?Big Ideas:Theresa's BIG Reflection Question: How can I have an opinion or take a stand on something, without other people taking in personally, or feeling judged."Strong back soft front." ~Joan HalifaxIs taking a stand the same as having an opinion?How can you care about someone and want to persuade them that you are right?Can you take a stand without persecuting someone?Values as our standConversations don't always have to be confrontationsBe open to NOT wanting to change people's mindsPersuasion is different than explanation"For most of us the opposite of speaking isn't listening, it's waiting" ~Daniel PinkAsking people for their sources puts them on the defensiveLogos (what we say), Ethos (character of person), Pathos (affect we are creating in others)How convincing others doesn't work and often doesn't bear fruitJudging activities and not peopleDifference between judgment (good/bad) and discernment (like/don't like) The importance of the words we useSwap good/bad for useful/not useful to be less judgmentalThe lens we see things throughDivide between consequentialists (duty pound) and utilitarians (principle bound)We need to take a stand for things to changeHow relationships shift whether we need to take a standConstructive and destructive anger - fighting to be right, or for what is rightYou can't be fierce in a vacuumOur stand doesn't have to be other's standsIs making a decision taking a stand?Can our world exist without people taking a stand?Not just what we do, but the environment, timing, and people mattersHow/where does authority and power come into playDissention among individual contributors doesn't necessarily create changeTaking a stand when your manager gives you another projectNot just what you say, but how you say it mattersResources Mentioned:Joan HalifaxDaniel Pink"Fierce Self-Compassion" by Kristin NeffSinking of El Faro More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:What website do you visit multiple times a day?Big Ideas:What gets in the way of great leadership?Imposing my perspective/values on other peopleImposter syndrome leading to self-doubtWhen we don't address our own emotionsShame getting in the way of leadershipThe less we talk about emotions the more we feelNot talking about shame at work -- frustrations, fearDifference between shame (I am a failure) versus guilt (I failed at this project)Is shame a cohesion mechanism?Fault and mistake -- how are they different?Guilt can have a powerful impact when we see the gap between our values/intentions between our behaviorOne incidence can lead to either guilt or shameWhat do we say to ourselves when we make a mistake?How much are leaders using shame as a tool in leadership? Weaponizing shameThe opposite of shame - empathy and compassion, vulnerabilityFear of being a bad leader, leads us to not be vulnerableShame drives so much of our behavior in the background"Should" is a sign that there is something wrong with the relationshipShame Shields -- move away, move toward, move against (Freeze, fight, flee)Offloading shame on others - trying to hurt other people back4 Steps to Working Through ShameUnderstand the shame triggersReality check the messages around perfectionReach out to share our stories with people we trustUse the word shame - use the words gives you powerGiving names to our shame shields/defense mechanisms or using symbols or personalities to states of mind, gives us control to themBeing a better leader starts with awarenessResources:The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené BrownEmotional Intelligence by Daniel GolemanDare to Lead by Brené BrownLinda HartlingMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:Who is the most likeable person that you know?Big Ideas:Taking breaks - why we do it, why we don't, etcReal vacation, no work AND vacation, but thinking about workTaking a break means NOT thinking about workHaving some location separation between work and homeCan't compartmentalize work and personal life Is separating work and home life valid anymore? Communication between work and home so the pressure doesn't buildSetting permeable boundariesBreaks to process what just happened and what might happen nextCreating space to think deeplyDistinction between taking breaks and creating spaceBreaks having no purpose, spaces having purposeAre we taking breaks to be lost in thought?Do we need to give space for our brains to breathe?Finding likeable moments in the everydayTravail (work in French) comes from a word related to tortureCreate a life you don't need to take a break fromBill Gates and his "Think Week"How our mindset affects our experiencesMindset matters to a point, but if your basic needs aren't being met, it only matters up to a pointFreedom outside the pressures.Cultural components of taking breaksDrivers to what success looks shifts among culturesWhat's best for me at this moment?Creating breaks allow us to createCovid allowed people to see how creating new spaces was good for themHow shift away from the idea that taking breaks is a luxury?Accepting what is now, but not necessarily being content with it"The opposite of play is not work, it's depression."So much of what we do is purpose/results oriented, and breaks seem purposelessQuestion for Listeners:Why do you take breaks? How?References:Severance SeriesEssentialism by Greg McKeownMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:Do you  like working from home? How to create community in virtual spacesBig Ideas:What's our magic, our thing, our niche, etc? The importance of FUNTech issues we encountered - Theresa's slow connectionTypes of episodes: Quotes and Question, Guests, Shoot from the Hip, Coaching One Another - Listeners, what is your favorite episode type? Learning from other people's perspectivesModeling getting tough feedbackTitles engage people - "Click Bait"Being more strategic about marketingPeople interested in the content more than who we are as peopleUsing other people to challenge our thinkingElement of spontaneity and funStanding on other people's shoulders for visibilityDo you like the "The" and "Episode" bookmarking the episodes?Resources Mentioned:Rituals for Virtual Meetings by Glenn Fajardo and Kursat OzencFrom Physical Space to Virtual Space  by  Gwen Sterling-WilkieMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textEnjoy this spontaneous, unplanned conversation which turned into an episode :) BIG IDEAS:Relationship being more important than the giftDo gifts pollute or change the relationship?Polluting versus enhancing? What do we do with compliments?Genuine connections over the "connect and pitch"Link between connections and gifts to worthinessWhen we don't accept a gift, we rob someone of the joy in givingThe 5 Love Languages, - Touch, Service, Words of Appreciation, Gifts, Quality TimeThe gaps between how we like to give and receive loveAdapt love language to a work situationSupporting peer-to-peer displays of appreciationUnderstanding our love language based on what we like to giveReferrals from the heart, or referrals for a percentage?Transparency in making referrals"Send the elevator back"RESOURCES:The 5 Love Languages by Gary ChapmanTake the 5 Love Languages QuizWorkHuman More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:What is money good for?Big Ideas:Two kinds of money --  those that fulfill our needs, and those that we think will fulfill our needs, but don't.Indigenous tribes that don't use money. Question of whether it is essential?"Money isn't the problem. Money isn't good or bad. Money itself doesn't have power or not have power. It is our interpretation of money, our interaction with it, where the real mischief is and where we find the real opportunity for self-discovery and personal discovery. The tool doesn't have power.When you have money, you can make different choices.Yes, you can have power without money. (ex Rosa Parks)Is causation, money then power, or power than money? Power on a spectrum in line with money.Choice as a sense of powerVoting with your feet Difference between local and global economics - buying local and the sense of community that comes with itWe have a role in how the money is distributed.Supporting the local economy and local employmentThe 3 Toxic Myths of Scarcity : #1 There is not enough, #2 More is better, #3 That's the Way it IsExperiencing companies wanting more (people, skills, objectives, etc.)Band-aids as the only support because 'That's Just the Way It is."The relationship between value and money. Does the price determine value?Value-based versus time-based pricingMatching your pricing to regional values and the marketValue can differ even if price is the same (too many external factors)Price has to be high enough to be taken seriouslyUsing internal resources to respond to a scarcity of external resourcesSupport becomes more apparent when times are scarceLook for new relationships/resources when times are scarceLimits and constraints create innovationWe often have resources within us, that we forget about because we often think of assets outside of ourselvesIf you don't have time, what do you have? Spending matching valuesMoney being like waterCharity being a redistribution mechanismIf money doesn't come to you, where will it go? Is this place "better"?Resources Discussed:The Soul of Money by Lynne TwistJerry Maquire movieStretch by Scott SonensheinTED talk by Lynne TwistThink Again by Adam GrantMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:What do you think people regret the most when they look back on their life? Big Ideas:Different stages of life: the call, the messy middle, the resolutionLife being one long journey, with lots of small hero's journeys throughoutStage 1: Ordinary World; Stage 2: The Call to Adventure; Stage 3: Refusal of the Call; Stage 4: Meeting with a Mentor; Stage 5: Crossing the 1st Threshold; Stage 6: The Adventure (enemies, shadows, etc); Stage 7: The ElixirSaying no in my mind, and not feeling like I had a choice.When our ego says that we don't have a choiceWhen our mentors muddle the waters by giving us another perspective, which doesn't align with our values or intuitionWho is the 'right' person to ask? Going to the outside for advice because we don't trust ourselvesHaving a challenge network (band of pirates) to rattle us and keep us integrityUse criticism as a way to reinforce our valuesCan you refuse a call and be the same afterwards?Choices aren't always crossroads, but exits on a highway.Archetypes: The Hero, the Mentor, The Threshold Guardian, The Herald, The Shape-Shifter, The Shadow, The Ally, The Trickster -- all at the service of the hero. The journey is the hero's search for identity and wholenessWe can't always see the arc of our own hero's storiesOur blinders can prevent us from seeing the truth of our lifeImportance of getting perspective to see the stories we are inLook at your life as a story Sometimes we don't see when we need to go to the balcony to get perspectiveIs the shero/heroine journey different from the hero journey?Resources Mentioned:The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie WareThe Writer's Journey by Christopher VoglerThe Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph CampbellUntamed by Glennon DoyleThink Again by Adam GrantRoger Fisher and William Ury from the Harvard Negotiation ProjectMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:Do you think it's appropriate to cry at work, and when was the last time you cried at work? Big Ideas:Is appropriate the right word to refer to having emotions at work?Judgment behind the work appropriatePermission to have the full range of emotions, even at workHow criticism brings up a sense of threat, even if we don't consciously think of itThe importance of specific feedback, so we know what to do differently or more ofNegativity biasWhat makes feedback appropriate, useful, or adequate? Imposter syndromeKnowing what triggers us to get defensiveHow style interacts with purpose/vision, from a tactical perspectiveClarity up front about your styleTurning threats into opportunitiesMaking our methods/styles into a differentiating factors (USP)What are people's expectations before engaging in a learning space?Is the feedback touching the core of who I am, or is it more tactical? Looking at making abstract ideas more actionable"Our judgments are the tragic expressions of our unmet needs" ~Marshall RosenbergBias coming from expectationsRespecting and honoring other people's feedback and their stories, rather than explaining away or defending their perspectiveLetting some feedback float away in the distanceLooking at the needs behind people's feedbackHow are we prioritizing feedback? Is the feedback in line with our values? What feedback are we holding on to, and what are we letting go? References:No Hard Feelings by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West DuffyBig Feelings by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West DuffyBrené Brown's discussion of creating observable behaviors for abstract ideas in the book Dare to LeadMarshall Rosenberg and Non-Violent CommunicationAtlas of the Heart by Brené BrownMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:Would there be more or fewer people leaving their jobs (divorces)  if people could read each other's minds? Big Ideas:The importance of candor in organizationsHow we do candor mattersThe culture of candor matters - sometimes labeled a non-team player if point out mistakesSafety as it relates to communication styles - direct/indirectOur own relationship to threat and how it relates to psychological safetyTwo people can be on the same team, and one can feel safe and another notThe company needs people to feel psychological safeHow we receive candor mattersThe stories we create about our sense of safety, versus the reality of our safetyOur personal agency when it comes to being safe at workRules of engagement for our candor for both the giver and receiverScaffolding to our candor - meeting people where they areBalance candor with empathyHaving the conflict about the issues, NOT the peopleBridge the connection and the work together Not just what we do, but how we do itIs how we treat each other more important than what we do? Seeing our employees as not just rational beings, but emotional beings as wellIt's not about balance, but counterbalance. Yes/And rather than Either/OrDo our ideas about our company belong to us or our company? Interplay between voice and silence within an organizationSilence as a sign of psychological safety - hearing people think in silence, space between contributions shows listeningHaving a seat at the table doesn't mean having a voiceCollective intelligence - equal time of speaking is one of the factorsIncreasing psychological safety also increases collective intelligencePsychological safety as an outcome, there is no formulaHonoring people's voices without forcing their voicesResources Mentioned:'The Fearless Organization' by Amy Edmondson'Principles' by Ray DalioGoogle's Project AristotleMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm