The Leader Learner Podcast

Send us a textCheck-In Question:What are you attached to?Big Ideas:How does our attachment related to our happiness?Relationships have a direct relationship to our healthWhat will continue to shift in our relationships as we work in virtual spacesDesperate for connectionCan't escape our need for connectionA tribe is 150 peopleAre people more afraid of connection because of the pandemic?1 in 3 people around the globe says they are lonely (pre-covid)Social media gives us a false sense of connectionRelying on tools for connection, but it's not true connectionWe say things online we wouldn't say in personComparison of curated livesPrioritizing real connections with real peopleSocial fitness - an ongoing practice in developing relationshipsHow do we develop friendships?Cultural differences in how relationships are developedBaby steps in building relationshipsSocial services as a way to meet new peopleAge not being a defining factor in a friendshipShifting from risk aversion to risk affinityRelationships take vulnerability. One person has to be the first to be vulnerable.Create chance and opportunity Acknowledging risks and the possibilitiesThe illusion of control in staying in the known, even if it's uncomfortablePeach versus coconut styles of friendshipsRelying on Employee Resources Groups in lonely at workReaching out to people out of curiosity, without an agendaLetting people know that you appreciated something that they said, even if you don't know themNot taking it personally if people don't respond when we reachResources:Article: https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/mckinsey-on-books/author-talks-the-worlds-longest-study-of-adult-development-finds-the-key-to-happy-livingMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textDave Mills Bio:With over 25 years experience in the learning and development industry. In that time he has facilitated internationally and covered a wide number of subjects from driver training on forklift trucks to facilitating senior leaders to flourish through change.He is currently a senior consultant and SME in the People Development and Effectiveness Centre of Expertise for Kantar (the world’s leading data, insights and consulting company).In his many previous lives he trained as a horticulturist, spent years as a night club and mobile DJ, built a career in retail manager, was a charity and corporate event MC and compere and is a trained hypnotherapist.He lives in Leamington Spa in the Uk with his wife. He has 2 children, is a ‘born-again’ gardener, has recently started writing poetry, still DJs occasionally, loves reading and wants to be an archaeologist when he retires!Check-In Question:Have you ever won a contest or competition?Big Ideas:Fortitude in the face of adversityYou do have control over how you respond to situations, even if you don't have control of the situation itselfAre you freeing yourself or oppressing yourself?Critique of stoicism as the philosophy of the powerful peopleYou can't make people do things, you can only empathize with their heartDon't worry about what people thinkPolarization exists because we aren't listening to one anotherTime and energy spent trying to control what we can'tAccepting the reality doesn't mean that we don't want to changeThe space between stimulus and responseAmygdala hijack is a metaphor, not a factWe can only do what we can doNot being pulled like a puppy, mastering your controlWhy don't we go to the source - the original philosophers?Urgent/Important Matrix (The Eisenhower Matrix)Leaders need to have a philosophical mindset and create meaning for employeesPhilosophy is hiding in blind sight in today's leadershipThe power in going to the original sourceHow much gets lost from the original sourcePhilosophy is the search for knowledge and wisdomTrust the process - follow what's in one book to find your next bookRead it well and go back and read it againBuild your map around the terrain of each book There is no behind other than the one you sit onResources:Enchiridion  by EpictetusCourage Under Fire, James StockdaleJordon PetersonKen BlanchardStephen CoveyMeditations by Marcus AureliusRyan HolidayNietzscheThe Nature of ThingsThe Subtle Art of Not Giving and F*ck and Everything is F*cked by Mark MansonBrené BrownSenecaGreenlights by Matthew McConaugheyTheory U by Otto ScharmerViktor FranklThe Biography of Cato the YoungerMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In:Describe a time when you helped a stranger.Big Ideas:sense of ownershipautonomy as a cop-out for organizational responsibilitynot about changing the fish, but about changing the environmentWhen we invite people into our organizations, are we hoping they will be 'unbreakable'?the challenge of changing the whole organizationteaching fish to swim in the toxic water, or changing the waterIs the entire system toxic? lower toxicity with caring and listeningleadership, history impact how toxic the environmenttreating the symptom rather than the causeduty to support the individuals and the leadershipIs resilience a lever like leadership, or like psychological safety? Is it a result?Can we directly impact resilience?Resilience as it relates to personal struggleAsking "Why me?" versus "What now?" The questions we ask determine how resilient we areResilience as a learned experience, not a theoretical oneRelationship supportive of our resilienceCausality is difficult to determineWhat? So what? Now what? Time spent looking for why - does it matter?Does the category help find the solution? Do you need to know what is in the ocean to clean it?How resources impact how/where we spent our time?Where are the resources most impactful?If you can clean it, why worry about dirtying it in the first place?Apply resources where the leverage is highestSystem and people are complexYes for the system, AND yes for the individualHow often do we rely on the system to take care of us? Moving out of the either/or choices Binary bias - when there is no middle ground, we have to choose one or the othermultiple layers of action - I, We, Theynot looking for reasons, but looking for meaning and actionswhen point 1 finger outward, there are 3 fingers pointing backwardResources:Antifragile by Nassim Nicholas TalebThe Gift by Edith EgerMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In QuestionHave you given yourself a life mission?Big Ideas:How different industries look at failure and learningNot being criminalized for making mistakesCan we really trust people? (ie, Body Cams)When to be treated as a criminal for a mistake that kills someone and when not toThe situations that draw us into making life/death decisionsDoes black-boxing situations help us be objective?Hold people accountable without blame.Is blame the opposite of accountability?Blame has a sense of judgment and can be poisonous to cultureCultural differences in using blameBlame puts us on a pedestal and the other below usBlame leads to defensivenessCognitive dissonance - when what we believe goes against the reality of a situationThe smarter we are or the higher up in the organization, the more likely we are to fabricate evidencePeople not letting go of the idea of being wrongFundamental Attribution Error - responsibility being context specific, or a character traitDifference between responsibility and accountabilityHistorically, we would ostracize people from the tribe to keep it secureEmotional engagement in our own opinions - echo chambersSense of worthiness entrenched into our relationship with being wrong"The paradox of success is based on failure."Persistence past failureIf success is based on failure, keep failing again and againBlame and guilt assigned to others stops peopleDo we know what failure looks like?What are we looking at as our metrics of success or failure?How do leaders know if they are being successful or not?Subjectivity of success/failureWhen managers don't understand us - asking managers what they needExpect managers to have the conversation with us, though we can start the conversation. What do you need? How can I help you?Doing your job the way you think you should be doing it, versus how your manager thinks you should be doing it"Those who are the most successful are the most vulnerable." Personal vulnerability versus product vulnerabilityFailure is opportunity to learnSelf-handicapping - when you purposely create an alternative explanation for a possible failure (self-sabotage)Using constraints to create creativityIf willing to accept mistakes more quickly, can be more successfulGrowth and fixed mindsetNot getting evidence to go against labels of selfResources:Start your Why, Find our Why, and Infinite Game by Simon SinekBlack Box Thinking   by Matthew SyedNo Rules Rules by Erin Meyer and Reed HastingsMindset by Carol DweckMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textwith Guest, Gwen Stirling-WilkeDialogic OD ConsultantCheck-In QuestionOne powerful moment in a virtual spaceBig Ideas:The Check-in QuestionCheck in questions brings about shifts in the relational space and createsLiminal space can help people transition from one space to another. It's a punctuation and allows for recalibrationQuestions can be adapted to the time, the people, etc.Prepares people to the relationship part of the workCreates the relational glue around peopleTransition from in-person to online was both exciting and terrifying. Created a lot of new learning opportunitiesDesign had to shift from in-person to onlineBonuses to working onlineSessions online must be shorter to accommodate fatigueShared meaning making happens together, but stretch the learning before and afterwardPreparation is part of the interventionBe careful about your intentionsExpectations shifted at the beginning of pandemic to possibilityHow do we configure people - face to face, hybrid, online.  When is which the best answer?How to create an inclusive space when hybridAsymmetry when some are in-person and others are onlineDesigning an event for the bigger purpose and desired outcomesTrust within a team determines how to hold the space Creating the conditions online that would otherwise organically develop face to faceHarmony between the connection time and the content timeHow can quickly can I get people from sitting and receiving to participating? Using "waiting rooms" to warm people up with a soft questionGet people involved right awayIndividual time to think about something before connecting with othersResources:From Physical Space to Virtual Space  by Gwen Stirling-WilkeHealing Circles GlobalDr. Mee-Yan Cheung JudgeTo see what Gwen's up to next, head here. More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textAn episode of questions, all about 2022. How would you answer these?What was the best $100/100€ you spent in 2022?What compliment did you receive in 2022 that still sticks with you?What book did you read in 2022 that was really impactful? What is the nicest thing that someone did for you in 2022?What was the best TV show, movie, or series you watched in 2022?What is something you had the most fun doing in 2022?If you could give 1 piece of advice from your experience in 2022, what advice would you give? Describe a time when you did something reckless or daring in 2022.What's something that happened in 2022 that made you really angry?What is 1 thing you regret from 2022 as you look back? What is 1 thing you did in 2022, that you would do differently in 2023?What does the world need more of in 2023 as you look back on 2023?Was there any period in 2022 that was difficult, but ultimately made you a strong or better person? What are you looking forward to in 2023?Resources Mentioned:The Gift of Therapy by Irvin D. YalomEssentialism by Greg McKeownThe 5 Love Languages Glow (TV Series)Severance (TV Series)The End of History and the Last ManThe Power of Regret by Daniel PinkTime to Think by Nancy KlineMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:Are you the kind of person to make the first step in love? Tell us all about it.Big Ideas:8 different dimensions of culture that show up in work:Communication (low context or high context)Evaluating (indirect negative or direct)Persuading (why or how)Leading (Egalitarian or HierarchicalDeciding (Consensus or. Top Down)Trust (Task-based or Relationship-based)Disagreeing (Confrontational or Avoidant)Scheduling (Flexible or Linear)Is seeing person by culture stereotyping?Talking to the person versus talking to the country they come fromThe culture sets a rangeWe need to look at culture and personalityCrossing legs so people see the bottom of your shoe is a faux pas in JapanDifference between cultural sensitivity and using culture as predictorsStereotyping and prototypingAssume you will do "stupid stuff" in new cultures and apologize in advanceHumility of saying "I don't really know."Learning a few words in the languageOne of the best ways to ingratiating yourself in a new culture is to be a bit self-deprecating in your own cultureWhat we think is "normal" in the new cultureThe US being more task-based than European cultureTrust always start as task-based, then moves to relationship based once people finish the tasksTask based is more controlling and has more costDifferences in perception of "wasting time"Making assumptions and using the book to check assumptionsCreating hypothesis about people and then test it, not using stereotypes as the ultimate truthHow historical context affects cultural communicationHow religion affects cultureOne-on-one meetings focus more on the person and really listenSandwich style feedback taught in the USDownplaying negative feedback - "Maybe you should"Not wanting to hurt people's feelingsWhen people tell you what you are doing well, and don't mention what you aren't doing well.  Creating mentor schemesPeach cultures (soft on the outside, hard in the middle) versus Coconut cultures (hard on the outside, soft)Different cultures within the same countryHow are we stereotyping people and is that the best way of building relationship?Intent versus impact when feedback - managing the gapsNot hearing feedback and not being receptive to it (in denial)Living and experiencing different cultures can help us be better humans, even within our own cultureIncorrect assumptions about our own culturesClarifying intentionsTraveling and being mindful of others cultures - being an ethnographer/anthropologistCulture being a test bed of human differences and to be a better personHow much we believe that what we do is normalContinually exposing ourselves to other cultures and not get entrenchedResources Mentioned:The Culture Map by Erin MeyerINSEAD Business SchoolNo Rules Rules by Erin Meyer and Reed HastiMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:How do you define intelligence?Big Ideas:Is charismatic leadership over-rated? Likeability versus leadership. They aren't mutually exclusive.Melencholic leaders are more affectivePower over (positional), versus power with (relational)What emotions can be shown at work, and by whom?Leadership struggles for Theresa come from trying to be the strong, even in the face of hard emotionsSharing emotions can build trustHolding down the balloon underwater isn't sustainableBig life changes are okay at work, but the little stresses accumulate and can't always been shown, shared at workDo leaders have to be likeable?Does leadership matter for executives? Do we overvalue it?How do you define leadership?An executive is merely someone who makes decisions who affect the companyLeadership is about non-organizational skills, but people skills (not process, strategy, etc.)Leadership is multifacetedLeadership is defined by how you face adversityAdversity sets leaders apartLeaders because of who you are, and "leaders" who have a position/title onlyDon't know our ability to lead until after a crisis happensTestament to leadership - do you have other people's back and do they have yours?Everybody can be a leaderChallenge to understand ourselves well enough to serve othersLeadership for ego, and leadership for changeNot here to only serve ourselves, we are here to serve people and solve problems through our businessesHow do you need to be a leader in the face of "evil" or "bad" people in the world?How does culture influence who we want as a leader? Vulnerability isn't the only key to being a good leaderThe importance of knowing who you are as part of any leadership programTell someone who/how to be, or allow people the chance to experience it themselvesCan't buy leadership on the shelfServing others from internal or external motivationWhat are you serving others for?Leadership comes from the backend of a crisis.We can all look like great leaders when it's rosyResources:HBR Must Reads on LeadershipBittersweet by Susan CainBrené BrownBand of Brothers The Circle WayThe Conscious Creator by Kelly SmallThe Prince -MachiavelliThe Culture Map by Erin MeyerMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCHECK-IN QUESTION:If you could take a week-long vacation anywhere in the world by yourself, where would you go?BIG IDEAS:Essentialism isn't minimalismBeing intentional about how we spend our timeHow do we decide what we take on and what we don't?Useful time - how to determine what is useful or not?Useful doesn't always mean funWhat's the difference between being useful and essential? 3 minimal criteria for saying yes to things, and 3 ideal criteria to saying yesEssential intent aligned with purpose, big why, just causeIf we are saying no the minimum, are we taking away time to do something ideal?Different activities can work in concert with one another toward your essential intentHow often we say yes to be nice or to be liked? How respectful is that to ourselves or others? The essential intent is the priorityWe get pulled into the idea that everything is a priorityWe take on other people's urgencies that aren't oursTaking on people's problems isn't helping, it's enablingTaking on other's work is also about controlConsultants come in to solve a company's problemTraining, Coaching, Consulting are not the sameSeparate the decision from the relationshipSay no to the problem, not the personDon't say "NO", say "Yes, and...", "Yes, however...", or "Yes, no"What gets in the way of people saying "no"? Fear, People PleasingThe 5 drivers of behavior -- be strong, be perfect, be quick, please others, and try hardNo limit to the relationship, but a limit to the request you can ask of meChoices being actions versus thingsIs free will a thing? Are we fully determined? If there's no free will, there's no responsibilityWe don't make choices, we just act Creating an ensemble of activities that align in one directionWe don't have to make things as complicated as we doDESA - Design, Eliminate, Simplify, AutomateDoing less and still providing the same value"Reverse Pilot" - take away something you are doing and see what happensRESOURCES MENTIONED:Essentialism by Greg McKeownSimon Sinek and a Just CauseEisenhower MatrixThe One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey, by Ken Blanchard, discussed on Season 1, Episode 5The 5 Drivers of Behavior (Transactional Analysis)More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:Is there any value in buying paper dictionaries anymore? Do you think paper books will die within our lifetimes?Big Ideas:Creating connection in virtual spacesImportance of taking time and not having an agenda or expectationsWho we are as people as opposed to who we are in our rolesSkills needed in virtual space are differentHow am I different in person versus virtually?Knowing how we are in different spacesBetter listeners in different spaces - virtual versus in personHaving agreements around virtual spaces to keep people engaged and less distractedVirtual spaces equalize people based on heightHow people uses spaces (stages) to have powerVirtual world changes how people perceive usHide self-view, or keep it open - limit distractions or boost confidenceMove people so they are below the cameraLooking at screen versus looking at the camerameaning making and generative conversationsthe importance of engagementsgenerative and transformative conversationsDoes lack of trust have to do with the importance of talking about engagement online?Check-In questions leads to improved engagementInvite people into meetingPreparation for the workshop is part of the workshopAre we allowing transition time? Where is the liminal space? Create transition time or buffer into the time with peopleTime to integrate what just happened before launch into the nextCheck-out with application, reflection timeSpace to continue the conversation between time we meet (Miro, Jamboard, group chats.)Successful workshops live or die by engagement levelsDesign for connection before contentOnline reveals design flawsConnection brings engagementAgree on ground rules (practices, agreements.)Define where an organization is comfortable working in the space - meet people where they are Activities:Hi By Name - supports being seenVirtual Charades - Virtual Tour - give a tour of your virtual spaceSpecial of the Week - what are you most focused on this week?Resources Mentioned:Essentialism by Greg McKeownFrom Physical Place to Virtual Space by Gwen Sterling-WilkieRituals for Virtual Meetings by Glenn Fjardo and Kursat ÖzençMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm