The Leader Learner Podcast

Send us a textwith Guest, Gwen Stirling-WilkeDialogic OD ConsultantCheck-In QuestionOne powerful moment in a virtual spaceBig Ideas:The Check-in QuestionCheck in questions brings about shifts in the relational space and createsLiminal space can help people transition from one space to another. It's a punctuation and allows for recalibrationQuestions can be adapted to the time, the people, etc.Prepares people to the relationship part of the workCreates the relational glue around peopleTransition from in-person to online was both exciting and terrifying. Created a lot of new learning opportunitiesDesign had to shift from in-person to onlineBonuses to working onlineSessions online must be shorter to accommodate fatigueShared meaning making happens together, but stretch the learning before and afterwardPreparation is part of the interventionBe careful about your intentionsExpectations shifted at the beginning of pandemic to possibilityHow do we configure people - face to face, hybrid, online.  When is which the best answer?How to create an inclusive space when hybridAsymmetry when some are in-person and others are onlineDesigning an event for the bigger purpose and desired outcomesTrust within a team determines how to hold the space Creating the conditions online that would otherwise organically develop face to faceHarmony between the connection time and the content timeHow can quickly can I get people from sitting and receiving to participating? Using "waiting rooms" to warm people up with a soft questionGet people involved right awayIndividual time to think about something before connecting with othersResources:From Physical Space to Virtual Space  by Gwen Stirling-WilkeHealing Circles GlobalDr. Mee-Yan Cheung JudgeTo see what Gwen's up to next, head here. More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textAn episode of questions, all about 2022. How would you answer these?What was the best $100/100€ you spent in 2022?What compliment did you receive in 2022 that still sticks with you?What book did you read in 2022 that was really impactful? What is the nicest thing that someone did for you in 2022?What was the best TV show, movie, or series you watched in 2022?What is something you had the most fun doing in 2022?If you could give 1 piece of advice from your experience in 2022, what advice would you give? Describe a time when you did something reckless or daring in 2022.What's something that happened in 2022 that made you really angry?What is 1 thing you regret from 2022 as you look back? What is 1 thing you did in 2022, that you would do differently in 2023?What does the world need more of in 2023 as you look back on 2023?Was there any period in 2022 that was difficult, but ultimately made you a strong or better person? What are you looking forward to in 2023?Resources Mentioned:The Gift of Therapy by Irvin D. YalomEssentialism by Greg McKeownThe 5 Love Languages Glow (TV Series)Severance (TV Series)The End of History and the Last ManThe Power of Regret by Daniel PinkTime to Think by Nancy KlineMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:Are you the kind of person to make the first step in love? Tell us all about it.Big Ideas:8 different dimensions of culture that show up in work:Communication (low context or high context)Evaluating (indirect negative or direct)Persuading (why or how)Leading (Egalitarian or HierarchicalDeciding (Consensus or. Top Down)Trust (Task-based or Relationship-based)Disagreeing (Confrontational or Avoidant)Scheduling (Flexible or Linear)Is seeing person by culture stereotyping?Talking to the person versus talking to the country they come fromThe culture sets a rangeWe need to look at culture and personalityCrossing legs so people see the bottom of your shoe is a faux pas in JapanDifference between cultural sensitivity and using culture as predictorsStereotyping and prototypingAssume you will do "stupid stuff" in new cultures and apologize in advanceHumility of saying "I don't really know."Learning a few words in the languageOne of the best ways to ingratiating yourself in a new culture is to be a bit self-deprecating in your own cultureWhat we think is "normal" in the new cultureThe US being more task-based than European cultureTrust always start as task-based, then moves to relationship based once people finish the tasksTask based is more controlling and has more costDifferences in perception of "wasting time"Making assumptions and using the book to check assumptionsCreating hypothesis about people and then test it, not using stereotypes as the ultimate truthHow historical context affects cultural communicationHow religion affects cultureOne-on-one meetings focus more on the person and really listenSandwich style feedback taught in the USDownplaying negative feedback - "Maybe you should"Not wanting to hurt people's feelingsWhen people tell you what you are doing well, and don't mention what you aren't doing well.  Creating mentor schemesPeach cultures (soft on the outside, hard in the middle) versus Coconut cultures (hard on the outside, soft)Different cultures within the same countryHow are we stereotyping people and is that the best way of building relationship?Intent versus impact when feedback - managing the gapsNot hearing feedback and not being receptive to it (in denial)Living and experiencing different cultures can help us be better humans, even within our own cultureIncorrect assumptions about our own culturesClarifying intentionsTraveling and being mindful of others cultures - being an ethnographer/anthropologistCulture being a test bed of human differences and to be a better personHow much we believe that what we do is normalContinually exposing ourselves to other cultures and not get entrenchedResources Mentioned:The Culture Map by Erin MeyerINSEAD Business SchoolNo Rules Rules by Erin Meyer and Reed HastiMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:How do you define intelligence?Big Ideas:Is charismatic leadership over-rated? Likeability versus leadership. They aren't mutually exclusive.Melencholic leaders are more affectivePower over (positional), versus power with (relational)What emotions can be shown at work, and by whom?Leadership struggles for Theresa come from trying to be the strong, even in the face of hard emotionsSharing emotions can build trustHolding down the balloon underwater isn't sustainableBig life changes are okay at work, but the little stresses accumulate and can't always been shown, shared at workDo leaders have to be likeable?Does leadership matter for executives? Do we overvalue it?How do you define leadership?An executive is merely someone who makes decisions who affect the companyLeadership is about non-organizational skills, but people skills (not process, strategy, etc.)Leadership is multifacetedLeadership is defined by how you face adversityAdversity sets leaders apartLeaders because of who you are, and "leaders" who have a position/title onlyDon't know our ability to lead until after a crisis happensTestament to leadership - do you have other people's back and do they have yours?Everybody can be a leaderChallenge to understand ourselves well enough to serve othersLeadership for ego, and leadership for changeNot here to only serve ourselves, we are here to serve people and solve problems through our businessesHow do you need to be a leader in the face of "evil" or "bad" people in the world?How does culture influence who we want as a leader? Vulnerability isn't the only key to being a good leaderThe importance of knowing who you are as part of any leadership programTell someone who/how to be, or allow people the chance to experience it themselvesCan't buy leadership on the shelfServing others from internal or external motivationWhat are you serving others for?Leadership comes from the backend of a crisis.We can all look like great leaders when it's rosyResources:HBR Must Reads on LeadershipBittersweet by Susan CainBrené BrownBand of Brothers The Circle WayThe Conscious Creator by Kelly SmallThe Prince -MachiavelliThe Culture Map by Erin MeyerMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCHECK-IN QUESTION:If you could take a week-long vacation anywhere in the world by yourself, where would you go?BIG IDEAS:Essentialism isn't minimalismBeing intentional about how we spend our timeHow do we decide what we take on and what we don't?Useful time - how to determine what is useful or not?Useful doesn't always mean funWhat's the difference between being useful and essential? 3 minimal criteria for saying yes to things, and 3 ideal criteria to saying yesEssential intent aligned with purpose, big why, just causeIf we are saying no the minimum, are we taking away time to do something ideal?Different activities can work in concert with one another toward your essential intentHow often we say yes to be nice or to be liked? How respectful is that to ourselves or others? The essential intent is the priorityWe get pulled into the idea that everything is a priorityWe take on other people's urgencies that aren't oursTaking on people's problems isn't helping, it's enablingTaking on other's work is also about controlConsultants come in to solve a company's problemTraining, Coaching, Consulting are not the sameSeparate the decision from the relationshipSay no to the problem, not the personDon't say "NO", say "Yes, and...", "Yes, however...", or "Yes, no"What gets in the way of people saying "no"? Fear, People PleasingThe 5 drivers of behavior -- be strong, be perfect, be quick, please others, and try hardNo limit to the relationship, but a limit to the request you can ask of meChoices being actions versus thingsIs free will a thing? Are we fully determined? If there's no free will, there's no responsibilityWe don't make choices, we just act Creating an ensemble of activities that align in one directionWe don't have to make things as complicated as we doDESA - Design, Eliminate, Simplify, AutomateDoing less and still providing the same value"Reverse Pilot" - take away something you are doing and see what happensRESOURCES MENTIONED:Essentialism by Greg McKeownSimon Sinek and a Just CauseEisenhower MatrixThe One Minute Manager Meets the Monkey, by Ken Blanchard, discussed on Season 1, Episode 5The 5 Drivers of Behavior (Transactional Analysis)More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:Is there any value in buying paper dictionaries anymore? Do you think paper books will die within our lifetimes?Big Ideas:Creating connection in virtual spacesImportance of taking time and not having an agenda or expectationsWho we are as people as opposed to who we are in our rolesSkills needed in virtual space are differentHow am I different in person versus virtually?Knowing how we are in different spacesBetter listeners in different spaces - virtual versus in personHaving agreements around virtual spaces to keep people engaged and less distractedVirtual spaces equalize people based on heightHow people uses spaces (stages) to have powerVirtual world changes how people perceive usHide self-view, or keep it open - limit distractions or boost confidenceMove people so they are below the cameraLooking at screen versus looking at the camerameaning making and generative conversationsthe importance of engagementsgenerative and transformative conversationsDoes lack of trust have to do with the importance of talking about engagement online?Check-In questions leads to improved engagementInvite people into meetingPreparation for the workshop is part of the workshopAre we allowing transition time? Where is the liminal space? Create transition time or buffer into the time with peopleTime to integrate what just happened before launch into the nextCheck-out with application, reflection timeSpace to continue the conversation between time we meet (Miro, Jamboard, group chats.)Successful workshops live or die by engagement levelsDesign for connection before contentOnline reveals design flawsConnection brings engagementAgree on ground rules (practices, agreements.)Define where an organization is comfortable working in the space - meet people where they are Activities:Hi By Name - supports being seenVirtual Charades - Virtual Tour - give a tour of your virtual spaceSpecial of the Week - what are you most focused on this week?Resources Mentioned:Essentialism by Greg McKeownFrom Physical Place to Virtual Space by Gwen Sterling-WilkieRituals for Virtual Meetings by Glenn Fjardo and Kursat ÖzençMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:What personal quality do you know people appreciate about you?Big Ideas:3 attitudes - Unconditional Responsibility, Essential Integrity, Ontological HumilityOntology - Philosophy related to being, relationships one has to beingDividing responsibility starting from 100% doesn't work, each person has 100% responsibility for themselvesKeeping your word is not the same as honoring your wordKeeping your word with others sometimes means NOT keeping your word with yourself Integrity is different for every person because everyone's values are differentHumility being pushed, but is it really what people need or expectIt's all about our mindset - we can see things as a challenge or an opportunityYou can chooseWhen am I saying it was external circumstances, versus my responsibilitiesWhen feeling overwhelmed, easier to point to external circumstances because feels more overwhelmingPlayer and victim - the player takes responsibility, the victim doesn'tTake responsibility for not knowingCircle of concern and circle of influence - when we focus on our circle of concern, we diminish our ability to influenceWe don't have a lot of influence on the "IT", but we do have responsibility for the "I" The answer is not to worry about what we can't controlTrust is important before creating change and influencing othersCoaching and psychotherapy are about helping people take responsibilitySociety that is very outcome based ("It" based) Most effective when we operate from our basic human valuesPeople can share values, even those values show up differentlyWhat's the difference between a value and a belief?Values versus virtues?Operationalizing values - from Brené BrownValues are a noun and define something abstract, Virtues are like a character trait Relativeness of point of view - can we know the truth?Employees need to feel safe to make mistakes, so as leaders we need to model itProving our way to success hooks our egoEgo gets hooked when focused on external validationHow we were conditioned to believe we were worthy influences our egoTallest poppy syndromeWhat's so difficult about being humble?Opinions being the end of democracy - how can you construct something without values? What's bigger than values? Resources:Conscious Business by Fred KofmanThe Big Leap - Gay HendricksMan's Search for Meaning - Viktor FranklThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen CoveyThe 4 Hour Work Week by Tim FerrissMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:If you were a vegetable, what vegetable would you be?Big Ideas:Theresa's BIG Reflection Question: How can I have an opinion or take a stand on something, without other people taking in personally, or feeling judged."Strong back soft front." ~Joan HalifaxIs taking a stand the same as having an opinion?How can you care about someone and want to persuade them that you are right?Can you take a stand without persecuting someone?Values as our standConversations don't always have to be confrontationsBe open to NOT wanting to change people's mindsPersuasion is different than explanation"For most of us the opposite of speaking isn't listening, it's waiting" ~Daniel PinkAsking people for their sources puts them on the defensiveLogos (what we say), Ethos (character of person), Pathos (affect we are creating in others)How convincing others doesn't work and often doesn't bear fruitJudging activities and not peopleDifference between judgment (good/bad) and discernment (like/don't like) The importance of the words we useSwap good/bad for useful/not useful to be less judgmentalThe lens we see things throughDivide between consequentialists (duty pound) and utilitarians (principle bound)We need to take a stand for things to changeHow relationships shift whether we need to take a standConstructive and destructive anger - fighting to be right, or for what is rightYou can't be fierce in a vacuumOur stand doesn't have to be other's standsIs making a decision taking a stand?Can our world exist without people taking a stand?Not just what we do, but the environment, timing, and people mattersHow/where does authority and power come into playDissention among individual contributors doesn't necessarily create changeTaking a stand when your manager gives you another projectNot just what you say, but how you say it mattersResources Mentioned:Joan HalifaxDaniel Pink"Fierce Self-Compassion" by Kristin NeffSinking of El Faro More yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:What website do you visit multiple times a day?Big Ideas:What gets in the way of great leadership?Imposing my perspective/values on other peopleImposter syndrome leading to self-doubtWhen we don't address our own emotionsShame getting in the way of leadershipThe less we talk about emotions the more we feelNot talking about shame at work -- frustrations, fearDifference between shame (I am a failure) versus guilt (I failed at this project)Is shame a cohesion mechanism?Fault and mistake -- how are they different?Guilt can have a powerful impact when we see the gap between our values/intentions between our behaviorOne incidence can lead to either guilt or shameWhat do we say to ourselves when we make a mistake?How much are leaders using shame as a tool in leadership? Weaponizing shameThe opposite of shame - empathy and compassion, vulnerabilityFear of being a bad leader, leads us to not be vulnerableShame drives so much of our behavior in the background"Should" is a sign that there is something wrong with the relationshipShame Shields -- move away, move toward, move against (Freeze, fight, flee)Offloading shame on others - trying to hurt other people back4 Steps to Working Through ShameUnderstand the shame triggersReality check the messages around perfectionReach out to share our stories with people we trustUse the word shame - use the words gives you powerGiving names to our shame shields/defense mechanisms or using symbols or personalities to states of mind, gives us control to themBeing a better leader starts with awarenessResources:The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené BrownEmotional Intelligence by Daniel GolemanDare to Lead by Brené BrownLinda HartlingMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm

Send us a textCheck-In Question:Who is the most likeable person that you know?Big Ideas:Taking breaks - why we do it, why we don't, etcReal vacation, no work AND vacation, but thinking about workTaking a break means NOT thinking about workHaving some location separation between work and homeCan't compartmentalize work and personal life Is separating work and home life valid anymore? Communication between work and home so the pressure doesn't buildSetting permeable boundariesBreaks to process what just happened and what might happen nextCreating space to think deeplyDistinction between taking breaks and creating spaceBreaks having no purpose, spaces having purposeAre we taking breaks to be lost in thought?Do we need to give space for our brains to breathe?Finding likeable moments in the everydayTravail (work in French) comes from a word related to tortureCreate a life you don't need to take a break fromBill Gates and his "Think Week"How our mindset affects our experiencesMindset matters to a point, but if your basic needs aren't being met, it only matters up to a pointFreedom outside the pressures.Cultural components of taking breaksDrivers to what success looks shifts among culturesWhat's best for me at this moment?Creating breaks allow us to createCovid allowed people to see how creating new spaces was good for themHow shift away from the idea that taking breaks is a luxury?Accepting what is now, but not necessarily being content with it"The opposite of play is not work, it's depression."So much of what we do is purpose/results oriented, and breaks seem purposelessQuestion for Listeners:Why do you take breaks? How?References:Severance SeriesEssentialism by Greg McKeownMore yummy content on leaderlearner.fm