I Wish You Knew

Why does avoidant attachment make it so hard to feel close, even in loving relationships? For many men, emotional distance isn’t a lack of love—it’s a stress-driven response that blocks connection. This video unpacks the psychology and biology behind avoidant patterns and offers tools to create healthier intimacy. Topics Covered 👉 Emotional shutdown and chronic unavailability in avoidant men 👉 The “cone of death” metaphor for limited tolerance of closeness under stress 👉 How stress blocks oxytocin receptors and hinders bonding 👉 Practical tools like breathing and nervous system regulation 👉 The difficulty avoidant men have with receiving praise or validation 👉 The importance of intentional connection and balanced effort in relationships 👉 Recognizing overservice and its role in creating emotional distance 👉 Shifting from constant stress mode into rest and relaxation for better connection Want to go deeper? Join me for this free training and learn practical strategies to overcome avoidant attachment and build stronger relationships https://get.adamlanesmith.com/freeregistration If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'Dr. Orion Taraban: Why Modern Men Are Failing at Intimacy'. Watch here: https://youtu.be/rYdzdGReDqg Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam  Work with Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist: 1- https://adamlanesmith.com/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  2- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  3- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/the-attachment-bootcamp/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  4- https://adamlanesmith.com/work-with-me/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  5- https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  Want to learn your attachment style, and sign up for Adam's weekly newsletter? Click the link below to receive your copy and sign up now. https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  If you want to know your attachment style , take our free attachment quiz: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro  X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith  Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/  I Wish You Knew Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh_uRUnpQwNZb_WG76TxTTw?sub_confirmation=1

A remarkable journey unfolds as a woman shares her transformation from avoidant attachment to a secure partnership in just eight weeks. Early trauma and unhealthy relationships are explored as roots of avoidance. The conversation reveals practical tools for building safety and trust, emphasizing the power of co-regulation. Listeners gain insights into shifting from hyper-independence to interdependence, redefining femininity, and navigating love without fear. Growth and hope for relational change shine throughout this engaging dialogue.

A woman shares her profound journey of feeling invisible for 23 years due to her husband's gambling addiction and emotional neglect. They delve into the necessity of emotional intimacy and the challenges of rebuilding trust. The importance of accountability, safety, and clear communication in mending relationships is emphasized. They discuss the deep impact of past experiences and the transformative journey towards healing, reconnecting, and fostering emotional connections, highlighting the roadmap to recovery and restoration.

Dr. Caroline Leaf, a cognitive neuroscientist and bestselling author, shares her insights on the transformative power of the mind over the brain. She debunks the 21-day myth, introducing her 63-day approach to reshape thoughts and relationships. Discover how trauma is processed in the mind before being stored in the brain, and learn about the importance of understanding attachment styles. Dr. Leaf provides practical strategies to deconstruct harmful patterns, emphasizing that real change requires commitment and self-awareness.

In this conversation, Amy Moore shares her candid journey with disorganized attachment, detailing her struggles with both avoidance and anxiety. She highlights the profound impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships and emphasizes the necessity of emotional safety and oxytocin bonding. Amy discusses practical steps for healing, such as fostering self-awareness and trust through open communication, especially in parenting. Her insights shed light on the complexities of navigating personal relationships while working towards a healthier connection with oneself.

Max Trombly, who guides men towards emotional growth through supportive circles, shares profound insights into overcoming emotional numbness. He discusses the hidden emotional struggles men face and why purpose is crucial for growth. The conversation emphasizes the importance of emotional intimacy in relationships and how resentment can damage connections. Max also explores the transformative role of women in sparking masculine development and the necessity of mutual respect for healing. This exchange offers valuable tools for men seeking deeper connections and fulfillment.

Dr. Orion Taraban, a psychologist and relationship expert with a popular YouTube channel, discusses why many modern men struggle with intimacy. He highlights the importance of healing before engaging in relationships and how emotional dependency can mirror addictive behaviors. The conversation dives into the complexities of negotiating intimacy and the often transactional nature of emotional support. Taraban also tackles why individuals remain in unhealthy relationships and the misunderstandings shaped by attachment styles, ultimately encouraging greater self-awareness and communication.

This episode explores why some men struggle to say “I love you” even when they truly feel it. It is not always about a lack of love.  It is often about emotional wiring, past experiences, and how they process vulnerability. By understanding these deeper reasons, you can navigate the silence with more clarity and compassion.  Topics Covered:  👉 Emotional barriers that block verbal expressions of love 👉 How upbringing and past relationships shape communication patterns 👉 The role of attachment styles in expressing affection 👉 Why actions sometimes speak louder than words for certain men 👉 Healthy ways to navigate and respond when “I love you” is hard to say If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love '5 Harsh Truths About Marriage I Would Tell My Daughter. Watch here: https://youtu.be/lnZweecoi6k   Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam  Work with Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist: 1- https://adamlanesmith.com/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  2- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  3- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/the-attachment-bootcamp/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  4- https://adamlanesmith.com/work-with-me/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  5- https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  Want to learn your attachment style, and sign up for Adam's weekly newsletter? Click the link below to receive your copy and sign up now. https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  If you want to know your attachment style , take our free attachment quiz: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro  X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith  Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/  I Wish You Knew Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh_uRUnpQwNZb_WG76TxTTw?sub_confirmation=1

Quiet disorganized attachment can make modern women feel invisible—shutting down out of fear of being “too much,” even when all they want is to be seen and loved. In this episode, Dawn Dubelbeis opens up about the impact of childhood trauma and how her attachment style shaped her adult relationships. Alongside Adam, they unpack the path of how to build connection from a place of safety, not survival. Topics Covered  👉 How quiet disorganized attachment shows up in adult relationships 👉 Why women with this attachment style often feel invisible or “too much” 👉 The biological role of vasopressin and oxytocin in bonding 👉 The shutdown response: why emotions go numb and conflict feels unsafe 👉 The cost of not asking for help—and how to start 👉 Using emotional check-ins and clarity to build connection 👉 What secure men actually need from women (and why silence confuses them) 👉 How to create an emotionally safe, sustainable relationship 👉 Turning your nervous system from shutdown to connection 👉 Making your life inhospitable to avoidant partners—and safe for the right ones If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love '5 Harsh Truths About Marriage I Would Tell My Daughter. Watch here: https://youtu.be/lnZweecoi6k   Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam  Work with Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist: 1- https://adamlanesmith.com/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  2- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  3- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/the-attachment-bootcamp/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  4- https://adamlanesmith.com/work-with-me/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  5- https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  Want to learn your attachment style, and sign up for Adam's weekly newsletter? Click the link below to receive your copy and sign up now. https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  If you want to know your attachment style , take our free attachment quiz: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social  Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro  X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith  Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/  I Wish You Knew Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh_uRUnpQwNZb_WG76TxTTw?sub_confirmation=1

Explore the often-ignored freeze attachment style and its impact on relationships. Discover how childhood trauma shapes emotional responses, leading to shutdowns in communication. Hear personal stories of healing after narcissistic abuse, and learn to nurture connections despite emotional challenges. The conversation dives into parenting teens with varied attachment needs and offers practical tools for better emotional expressions. Reframe your identity and rebuild self-worth as you navigate the complexities of intimacy.