Relationship Coaching School Podcast

Word is that child abuse and domestic violence are on the rise right now due to people being stuck at home. And, if China is any indication, divorce could increase a lot once we are through this. “Shelter in place” is a great move with a big downside for some people. If you are stuck at home with people that are difficult, including a roommate or partner, lockdown isn’t that fun. In fact, it can bring out the worst in us. So, my wife and I thought we’d record a short podcast with some tips for couples who are feeling stuck at home Plus, if you have children, there’s a bonus section at the end of this podcast with my kids!   Useful Links: Send your podcast questions: info@relationshipschool.com http://relationshipschool.com/community

This is an extremely intimate and powerful episode with world-renowned speaker Philip McKernan. He asks you 2 questions that can completely change how you show up right now during this global crisis. I’ve been reflecting on these 2 questions since our interview. They are deep, very personal, and helpful. Listen below.   Shownotes:   (4:25) Introduction Philip McKernan (7:50) Orienting yourself in times of crisis (10:55) How difficult times can make you change your perspective (14:20) Asking yourself “Who are you going to be during this crisis” (19:20) Dealing with your anxiety (20:50) How difficult times can help you grow (26:40) Making better choices to overcome crisis (29:35) Should you compare yourself to other people? (34:30) What can you do to accept yourself as you are (39:30) Self-development during difficult times (44:40) Stop making everything about you (49:50) Making and impact by being your true self (59:15) Advice for therapists and coaches helping others (1:05:50) Action Step   Useful Links:   https://onelasttalk.com/the-book/ https://philipmckernan.com/

In this episode we talk briefly about fear and how to deal with it. http://relationshipschool.com/connected

I think you’ll find this podcast interview very helpful right now. It’s a good reminder of how to work through adversity. My guest is Mark Divine, a former Navy Seal. This guy’s a machine and doing so much good in the world right now. Pay special attention to how he got into the Navy Seals. There are some good lessons that will help you be stronger right now.   Shownotes: (5:10) Introduction Mark Divine (9:45) Getting into the navy seals (16:45) Meditation Breathing advice (20:40) The importance of training your thoughts and calm your mind (26:45) Using meditation to pinpoint and solving inner problems (36:15) Dealing with problems and staying focused on your mission (42:00) Why people struggle with their own minds (46:35) How young people can become more resilient on adversity (50:20) The implications of cutting corners (56:35) Self-mastery vs Self-Acceptance (1:08:15) Action Step Useful Links: https://markdivine.com/ https://staringdownthewolf.com/code-home https://www.amazon.com/Staring-Down-Wolf-Leadership-Commitments/dp/1250231582 https://unbeatablemind.com/about-mark-divine/ https://sealfit.com/  

Are you practicing social distancing? How are you doing this without being a jerk? BOUNDARIES. :)  Here are a few simple tips and my thoughts on how we can stay connected during this crisis. These are intense times and I encourage you to stay at home and learn.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/connected https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/ https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/ Chris kresser- RHR: Everything You Need to Know about Coronavirus, with Dr. Ramzi Asfour https://chriskresser.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-coronavirus-with-dr-ramzi-asfour/ Sam Harris podcast - Making Sense https://samharris.org/podcasts/191-early-thoughts-pandemic/

I love teenagers! As you know I used you to work with troubled teens in a variety of settings, from drug treatment centers to wilderness therapy programs. I think to be skilled with teens requires some serious skill. That’s why I brought my friend Aaron Huey on the podcast to discuss how to deal with difficult teens. If you are not a parent, this will still be valuable as we discuss addiction, boundaries, and enabling, all issues that come up in adult relationships too. Listen now! Shownotes: (4:30) Introduction Aaron Huey (11:40) How people can get more empowered and overcome victimhood (16:20) Advice for parents of kids getting bullied (18:15) Exploring negative behaviors on teenagers (22:40) About parents expecting treatment centers to fix their kids behavior (26:15) Should we blame and call out parents? (28:50) Creating family behavior contracts (33:00) 4 things that families can do to prevent negative children’s behaviors and decisions (36:55) Why parents enable kids’ negative behavior (43:15) How mothers react different than fathers (48:55) Advice for teenagers struggling with addictions (1:00:00) https://firemountainprograms.com/ (1:05:35) Action Step Useful Links: https://firemountainprograms.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

In last week’s podcast, I answered the question people ask me all the time, “Is it okay to have expectations?”  I came up with 6 expectations that are reasonable to have in a partnership.  But it’s also important for us to discuss when it’s not okay or when it’s a bad idea to have expectations. I came up with 8 big ones that I DO NOT recommend.  The biggest one is expecting someone else to live according to your values. Ouch. People do this one all the time, including me! Doah!  Check out this week’s podcast to hear the other 7.  Enjoy   Shownotes:   (0:50) 8 unrealistic expectations (1:35) Expecting your partner to have your exact same values (4:55) Expecting your partner to look a certain way (7:15) Expecting your partner to have sex whenever you want (8:35) Expecting your partner to be available for you 100 % of the time (9:25) Expecting your partner to be everything for you (11:42) Expecting your partner to never be attracted to other people (12:35) Expecting your partner to never speak to people of the opposite sex (14:50) Expecting your partner to fill the hole around your self-worth (16:25) Action Step   Useful Links: Part 1: https://relationshipschool.site/podcast278 http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Is it okay to have expectations in relationships? My answer is nuanced. It’s a YES, and it’s a No. Listen to this short podcast and discover the six expectations that I think are totally reasonable to have in a relationship, especially a partnership. Shownotes:   (2:35) 6 reasonable expectations in relationships (4:50) Fairness (5:50) Feeling emotionally safe (7:35) Respect (8:50) Mutual Contribution (10:00) Solving problems together (11:05) Knowing and understanding each other (13:35) Action step   Useful Links:   https://relationshipschool.com/community

One of my mentors, Dan Siegel, is back on the podcast for his 3rd interview.  This time, we dive deep into attachment-based parenting. Dan’s work, which my wife and I study intently, is how I parent my own children. The cool thing about Dan is what a nerd he is around research-based approaches and information.  We cover the 4 S’s from his “Power of Showing Up” book. It’s so good.  Check it out and please apply this to your own parenting (if you are one).    Shownotes: 3:25: Introduction Dan Siegel 4:40: How kids’ behavior is different in this day and age. 7:30: New parenting challenges 14:15: About secure attachment 22:00: The 4 S’s 24:25:Safety 28:05: Seen 30:00 Soothe 31:10 Security 33:10 Attachment and parenting roles 38:10: Research about secure attachment in kids and adolescents 42:50: It’s possible to provide secure attachment even in parents who didn’t have it 45:40: Action step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected Dan Siegel's website The Power Of Showing Up Attachment from infancy to adulthood

I first got introduced to Ken Wilber when I was in grad school. The guy’s mind is insanely brilliant. He takes a lot of maps of human development and consciousness and weaves them together in what he calls integral theory. My guest on this week’s podcast is Keith Witt. He’s worked with Ken for years.  We dig into Relationships of course, but from an integral lens. I ask him about the common relationship dynamic where one person claims they are more “developed” than the other What do we do? Interesting answers to come. Check it out.   Shownotes:   4:35: Introduction Keith Witt 11:20: What is “Integral” 14:00 Looking at relationships in an Integral way 18:20 The importance of lines of development for relationships 29:30 How the adaptive unconscious interferes with your personal growth 37:20 How people can learn to be self-aware and evolve 45:10 Lines of development that can help you on long-term relationship USEFUL LINKS DR. Keith Witt Website Book: Shadow Light: Illuminations at the Edge of Darkness Book: Integral Mindfulness: Clueless to Dialed in - How Integral Mindful Living Makes Everything  Book: THE GIFT OF SHAME: Why We Need Shame and How To Use it To Love and Grow 100 reasons not to have the secret affair: Keith Witt at TEDxAmericanRiviera http://relationshipschool.com/connected