Learn about potential red flags to consider when working with a coach. Exploring the growth of life coaches and coach training programs. The importance of established standards and competencies in the coaching industry. Identifying red flags when choosing a coach. Qualities to look for in a coach and important questions to ask.

I’m always slightly wary about the use of “superpower” to describe high sensitivity. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, Scott Barry Kaufman and I discuss research around high sensitivity and the implications of elevating human traits as superpowers. Sensitivity is a “Beautiful and Complex Trait” Scott points out that sensory processing sensitivity is one of many beautiful and complex human traits that make us who we are. He suggests that any trait can be a so-called superpower if we harness it as such and it’s about learning to integrate and harness sensitivity in helpful and healthy ways. There have been some interesting (and challenging) studies in the past couple of years looking at portrayals of sensitivity in Western culture. Scott wrote an article for Psychology Today responding to a study examining links between high sensitivity and vulnerable narcissism. Signalling Sensitivity Scott wrote another piece highlighting research into how some people misappropriate the trait of high sensitivity to seek certain benefits. This research found “zero correlation between sensory processing sensitivity and signalling high sensitivity.” In other words, between those with the trait and those who make unreasonable demands using the trait as an excuse. This research found “zero correlation between sensory processing sensitivity and signalling high sensitivity.” In other words, between those with the trait and those who make demands using the trait as an excuse. For example… Asking for privileges because of sensitivity Receiving special treatment because of sensitivity Requesting help because of sensitivity Avoiding penalties because of sensitivity Blaming mistakes on sensitivity Telling people how hard life is because of sensitivity Most of the highly sensitive people I’ve talked to about this list recoil in discomfort at the idea of using their sensitive trait in this way. Especially if it involves making a fuss, receiving special treatment, or requiring others to go above and beyond just for us. In some ways, these indicate a kind of superpower to sensitivity. But not in a way that benefits society (which is what I always thought was the point of a superpower). The Potential of Sensitivity Scott writes, “A beautiful and complex trait has become co-opted by some people as a victim-signalling strategy– “a public and intentional expression of one’s disadvantages, suffering, oppression, or personal limitations.” Indeed, recent research suggests that victim signalling is becoming increasingly prevalent in our society and can be viewed as an expression of a “culture of victimhood” in which claiming to be a victim isn’t in the service of receiving help and assistance for a genuine disadvantage but instead becomes something actually desirable and fashionable in itself.” I believe highly sensitive people have a powerful role to play in the collective potential of humanity. When combined with genuine empathy and compassion, sensitivity senses what needs to be sensed. It feels deeply for the whole and seeks ways to connect rather than drive apart. About Scott Barry Kaufman Scott Barry Kaufman is a humanistic psychologist exploring the depths of human potential. He received his PhD in cognitive psychology from Yale University and an M.Phil in experimental psychology from Cambridge. He has taught courses on intelligence, creativity, and well-being at Columbia, NYU, and the University of Pennsylvania. Scott is the author of Ungifted, Wired To Create, Transcend, and Choose Growth. He hosts The Psychology Podcast. In 2015, he was named one of “50 Groundbreaking Scientists who are changing the way we see the world” by Business Insider. Visit Scott’s website to learn more. Watch The Conversation https://youtu.be/Zm9DAZV9-iU

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I sit down with artist Ben Cowan who kindly invited me into his kitchen for a chat about “Art That Makes You Think”. Through his visual satire, Ben adds dark and comedic twists to many of the familiar logos, brands, and packaging that have become part of our cultural furniture. I first encountered Ben earlier this year at the Spark-Ignite symposium at the Royal Spa Centre in Leamington. He appeared on a panel called “Creativity Against The Odds” and shared his fascinating artist origin story. His philosophical outlook grabbed my attention, so I was keen to follow up and invite him onto the podcast. About Ben Ben spent many years working as a disaster relief specialist in war-torn countries. He says that he found it hard to process what stood for ‘normal life’ when he returned. Without the urgent sense of physical threat, the threat of normal life took on a different form of existential threat. He describes this as a catalyst for him to create art that makes people think but also laugh. Art That Makes You Think (and Laugh) I often reflect on the role of art in our individual and collective lives. Sometimes, it needs to provoke and prod us out of numbing slumbers. It can teach us to feel, call us to action, and connect us with a deeper sense of meaning. In recent years, I’ve noticed a tendency towards people creating art that tries telling us WHAT to think. Ben holds up a mirror to the propagandistic properties of art with an agenda. He is inspired by Yuval Noah Harari, who talks about the Four C’s. Collaborate, Communicate, Critical Thinking, and Creativity, are core characteristics of a successful society. Art is a crucial part of engaging us in HOW to think. It helps us explore WHY we think what we think. And gives us awareness of the influences (and noise) that contributes to our beliefs and opinions, so we can hold them to more cast-iron scrutiny. In our conversation, we discuss: The relationship between art and thought – what is “art that makes you think”? The role art plays in exploring ‘the good life’ Our cultural and creative “elders” (figures who have had a profound long-term influence on us as artists and human beings) AI, creativity, and human connection Doppelganger – Naomi Klein’s book about the Mirror World The artist in each of us – the difference between the commercially viable self and the creatively curious self…is it possible to encounter ourselves outside of the capitalist system? Explore Ben’s work through his website: www.artthatmakesyouthink.com. Check out his ‘Ideas Worth Wearing’ shop on Redbubble. Ben also writes a regular blog: BEN TALKS – Ideas Worth Sharing. Follow him on Instagram. Links/Resources Mentioned in The Conversation: Sapiens (Yuval Noah Harari) Bill Hicks in London No Logo (Naomi Klein) Doppelganger (Naomi Klein) The Courage To Be Disliked (Kishimi and Koga) How This AI Image Won a Major Photography Competition The Big Issue: The brave new world of AI therapy Watch The Full Conversation https://youtu.be/6GrXAfPpVX8

Alan Denyer, a changed man who turned a building due for demolition into a creative community space, discusses the creative potential of physical spaces, the transformative power of the LTB Showrooms, and the belief that people aren't boring. They also explore the motivation behind contributing to community projects, the value of accessible spaces for creativity, and the impact of music in bringing people together.

How do you respond when things don’t turn out as you hoped they would? It was lovely to pause for a chat with my friend, Cameron Airen recently. It had been a while since our previous recorded conversation (back in 2018). A lot has changed for all of us since then! Cam is no exception. On this weeks episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we discuss what happens when things don’t turn out as hoped. We explore areas of work/business, relationships, and hobbies. How do we not take it personally when our endeavours don’t turn out as we hoped? What tells us when it’s time to cut our losses and let go? How do we get through it? How do we know where to go next? Cameron and I discussed how we rarely hear people discuss things going wrong, but it’s refreshing to do so. It helps us feel less lonely and more connected. I want to amplify those people trying to muddle along, living meaningful lives in ordinary ways. This might also serve as a small antidote to the dehumanising effects of celebrity culture, where we focus on turning people we don’t know into gods and monsters for entertainment. Role Models in Real Life I want to avoid Survivorship Bias as much as possible by sharing incomplete stories that do not have neat endings that wind up at the destination of “All’s Well That Ends Well”. So it was strangely satisfying to talk about situations where things have not turned out as hoped, and how disappointing that has been for us at times. We need more role models who are learning to adapt to the ups and downs of everyday life. People who can roll with the punches and engage with creative spirit and purpose amid “ordinary unhappiness”. We connect with each other on the building sites of loss, in our collective grief, and through shared moments of bittersweet melancholy. From there, we can create a more meaningful and sustainable sense of hope for the future. Connect with Cameron’s Instagram and website. Watch The Conversation https://youtu.be/lmaY-LvqLNk

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, Dorcas Cheng-Tozen joins me to discuss her book, Social Justice for the Sensitive Soul. What draws highly sensitive people towards it, and how can we navigate and engage with the issues without burning out? I was particularly interested in considering how sensitive nervous systems are attuned to the needs of a community as a core response to the biological imperative for personal survival. Humans are not wired to connect with and care about the whole world. It’s too big and heavy for any individual to carry alone. But the interconnected world shows us everything wrong, and we hear about tragedies almost instantly via social media and the twenty-four-hour news cycle. So, how do we sustain our nervous systems and maintain compassion and care in such difficult conditions? Moreover, how do we make peace with the fact we cannot care about everything without becoming desensitised and shutting down? In our conversation, we explore: The challenges that face highly sensitive and introverts who want to understand and engage with social issues How to approach urgent social problems without losing your ability to think critically and openly Approaches and attitudes that can be off-putting for sensitive people Letting go of an individual hero complex and trusting the bigger picture Causes for hope when the world feels bleak And much more About Dorcas and Social Justice For The Sensitive Soul Dorcas Cheng-Tozen is an award-winning writer, editor, speaker, and international communications consultant. She has nearly twenty years of experience working with nonprofits and social enterprises, living in mainland China, Hong Kong, and Kenya. Dorcas currently lives in California with her husband and two sons. Social justice work, we often assume, is raised voices and raised fists. It requires leading, advocating, fighting, and organizing wherever it takes place–in the streets, slums, villages, inner cities, halls of political power, and more. But what does social justice work look like for those of us who don’t feel comfortable battling in the trenches? Social Justice For The Sensitive Soul addresses this question. Connect with Dorcas: Website: www.chengtozun.comSocial media: Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin https://youtu.be/sZ2nNqy6pwI

Justin Sunseri, an expert in Polyvagal Theory and a professional counselor, joins the podcast to discuss the transformative role of Polyvagal Theory in trauma recovery. They explore the science of safety and being stuck, the different defensive autonomic states, and the significance of recognizing dominant states. They also address the reliance on unsubstantiated metaphors in coaching, teaching self-regulation, and finding more information about Polyvagal Theory.

When navigating a season or environment of change, we need things we can trust. But what does it mean to trust someone or something? Where does it come from? The word derives from the root “Deru” (firm, solid, steadfast), the same etymological foundation as the word tree. It brings an image of strength through flexibility, adaptability, and dependability to meet the moment’s needs. A tree is anchored in place by its roots. It starts growing beneath the ground. Charlie Jones joined us in our September Courtyard Conversation to discuss dealing with unpredictable change. We explored the meaning of truth during uncertain times and how it relates to the growth and erosion of trust in the people and places around us. Maybe you can think of someone or something you have lost confidence in. What is it that means they can’t be trusted? Words that come to mind are shape-shifting, slippery, and a drive to wiggle their way out of things to protect themselves. Someone who will do anything to avoid accountability and responsibility for their words and actions. When we lose trust in one person, it can impact the story we tell about everyone. This is why it’s in the interests of a healthy culture to grow and nurture a shared understanding of and commitment to truth. It starts where we are. How is Trust Grown? What tells us it is safe to put our confidence in another person? These are some of the responses that came through the Courtyard conversation when we explored the characteristics of trust. This is not a prescriptive list of things to do but reflections on some of those signs and signals that indicate the presence of truth, as we defined earlier. As the steadfastness that runs through from our roots to the tips of our leaves. Integrity (practising what you preach) We scan for signs that we can or cannot trust someone based on whether their actions reflect their words. Respect (to look again) Trust grows when we look beneath someone’s role/position/performance and meet them at the level of being. This is an ongoing practice, not a one-time event. Patience (slowing down) Trust grows when someone cares enough to slow down and address things properly and effectively. If they appear in a rush to sugarcoat, appease, or force quick change, we might wonder what they are afraid of. Accountability (a shared agreement) Trust grows when we have mechanisms to hold ourselves and one another to a shared vision and foundational values. Something against which to “balance the books”. It erodes if we hold people accountable for things around which we have not reached a shared consensus. Listening (holding space) Listening is a buzzword in many situations and environments where change occurs. But hope and trust are quickly eroded if you’re told you’re being listened to, but evidence says you’re being ignored. Charlie co-founded Spaces For Listening with Brigid Russell, so we had a good chat about the characteristics of genuine listening. Encouragement (unconditional acceptance) Praise can feel manipulative because it is linked to doing things in the correct/acceptable way. Even if it feels good to hear (when it aligns with our feelings about something), it doesn’t help trust grow as we think they are trying to get something from us. On the other hand, encouragement is about unconditional acceptance at the level of being. Seeing who we are BENEATH what we do creates conditions for that to flourish in its own way. Bravery (going against the grain) Trust grows when we witness someone act from a place of truth. A willingness to make life more difficult for themselves because there is something more important to them. Maybe they are willing to have a difficult conversation, admit they were wrong about something, or stand up to authority. When someone sacrifices their comfort or pleasure for the sake of something or someone else, it can grow a sense of trustworthiness. Trusting The Void Giselle wrote to me with the story of Leap into the Void by Yves Klein. It’s a photo of a man (Klein) diving from a high wall onto the city street below. An explanation for how it was done was kept secret for many years – it was a composite of two photographs. The image makes an impression because it confronts the viewer with a contradiction. How can this possibly be? It defies logic. But this impossibility tells us of the necessity of collaboration. It is startling because it is missing the essence of what makes it possible…other people. Those trusted to hold the tarpaulin and keep the secret. This mystery we enjoy in creativity and art isn’t a lie. The most powerful experiences of art encourage us to feel the mystery of truth and the truth of mystery within us. Do we trust that void? Are we able to confront it in ourselves? The space of unknowing and uncertainty (aka life). Trust is often found in those who can move through life without immediately controlling, defining, and labelling. Holding gently and letting go of the need to turn their fear of uncertainty into conspiracy or cynicism. There is a time for understanding, categorising, and discovering. But not at the expense of, or to avoid confrontation with, emotion, creativity, and uncertainty. It’s hard to trust a person who cannot allow themselves to be moved by something that resonates with their depths. Trust grows when we sense and connect with humanness. It is eroded when we all experience mechanised, cold, calculating rationality. Anything can be justified when we lose sight of our human truth beneath the surface.

What is your biggest momentum killer when it comes to making a change, launching a project, or embarking on a meaningful pursuit? If you’re anything like me, it might be…a lack of celebration. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore the importance of celebrating success and how intrinsic it is to momentum in almost any endeavour. By success, I don’t mean external rewards and appearances. I’m talking about moments of “shine” that occur in the immediate wake of a good thing happening. And celebration, in this context, is a simple physical acknowledgement in response to that feeling. Last week, Blubrry (the hosting company for The Gentle Rebel Podcast) published a feature, naming it Podcast of the Month for September 2023. Exciting! This is one of the reasons I’ve been thinking about celebration and momentum. After feeling a spark of joy, my inner critic (yep, Rod was back) piped up with reasons not to get excited. So, I’ve been experimenting with ways to playfully subvert his and Pincher’s (another one – that’s him in the photo) judgements and demands so I can allow the momentum to flow. The Moment Finds Meaning in Momentum We might think of momentum as a series of moments linked together in the same direction. The mmmmmm between moments is the gluey bridge of satisfaction that connects them. Moment-mmmmm-moment-mmmmm. OK, please humour me. This is to say that celebrating small moments is integral to growth through momentum. Without it, we might end up in a state of moment-aghhhh, where moments are isolated and disconnected rather than united and connected. But what does a celebration look like? It sounds a bit strange. The Concept of “Shine”: What do you do to celebrate when you manage to turn an intention into an action? With no word in English for the feeling he wanted to describe (“authentic pride” didn’t capture it), BJ Fogg coined the term “shine”. In Tiny Habits, he explains how important it is to celebrate when we do behaviours that contribute to the habits we want to establish. Celebration rewrites our neural pathways, associating feeling good with doing what we want. This is an excellent example of moment-mmmm because each momentary action, when celebrated, reinforces the chance of the next one occurring. So celebration and momentum go hand-in-hand. Ranking and Linking Elaine Aron talks about linking and ranking as two models for interpersonal engagement. When in “ranking mode”, we measure our value by comparing ourselves to others. This tends to happen more when we perceive that we have suffered a “defeat” or failure. Aron writes, “After a defeat, research finds that all social animals become depressed, showing the same physiology and behavior as depressed humans have. If we could ask them, I’m sure their self-esteem would be low. Unrealistically low. “I’m no good at all.” This innate “involuntary defeat response” serves to keep a defeated animal from continuing to fight and probably being injured. These instincts work the same for us. Following a defeat, we tend to undervalue ourselves, leading to endless lost opportunities.” As we apply this, we might see how momentum is lost when we lose connection by not acknowledging meaningful moments. Or worse, by focusing on our perceived failures amidst things going well – through overthinking, second-guessing, and assuming meaning (that isn’t explicit) in other peoples’ words and actions. Aron says, “Life is not all about ranking. We spend as much time liking and loving each other. Mostly, however, when we are focused on rank, we are not feeling loving, and vice versa. So the easiest solution to undervaluing yourself is to get out of ranking mode altogether for a while: Focus on the people you like and whom you know like you. Switch instincts.” But how do we switch instincts and find a sense of connection and safety? It’s not easy. Glimmers One helpful practice is noticing glimmers. In her book Anchored, Deb Dana talks about noticing and collecting glimmers to anchor in safety and connection. And this ultimately opens our eyes, minds, and hearts to celebrate when good things happen. This idea opens us up to see MORE things worth celebrating. She points out that “Humans have a built-in negativity bias. In order to support our survival, we’re wired to respond more intensely to negative experiences than equally intense positive ones. We have to actively look for, take notice of, and keep track of these moments, or micro-moments, of safety and connection that are our glimmers.” This is not dissimilar to BJ Fogg’s notion of shine. Glimmers are “anchors that take us upwards and back to a foundation of strengthened regulation. They are small things. When we are open to spot them, we see them everywhere in daily life. Glimmers can be predictable anchors in our routine (coffee, fresh air, etc.) and can come in unexpected moments that appear on your path.” Setting a Glimmer Intention: Dana suggests setting a glimmer intention. She writes, “I have a friend who made an intention to see one glimmer a day for a week and another whose intention was to look for a glimmer to begin her day. Play with this intention. Set it. Write it down. Read it back. For example, I will start each day this week looking for a glimmer. I will step outside every morning and find a glimmer.” Keep a record of glimmers. This allows you to create a predictable practice you can return to. Where are you that you wanted to be? Life might not have turned out how you hoped or planned. But I bet there is something true of your life right now that you of 5 years ago would be pretty excited about or intrigued by. Or maybe you set a goal, and it’s happened. Did you notice? Did you stop to celebrate? Or did it pass you by as you moved on to the next one?

A recent Photoyoga exercise sparked a fascinating Haven discussion about taking up space in the world and how uncomfortable some of us find it at times. If you ever feel bad about “being a burden”, “holding people back”, or “drawing too much attention”, this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast is for you. In our June Kota session, Tuula encouraged us to capture our inner critic. We gave it a name and took a selfie to think about the story it tells us and the words it uses. I discovered one of mine is called Rod and has a distinctive moustache. He pops into my head and tells me to play small, keep the noise down, and avoid attracting attention. You can see him in this video if you’re interested… The Moustache Experiment In this episode, I talk about an unanticipated experiment following the exercise. In an act of gentle rebellion, I refused to cede to Rod’s demand and shave his (my) moustache off. Instead, I made it more pronounced. I let take up space on my face until I was no longer self-conscious about it. High Sensitivity and Taking Up Space We explored several reasons why introverted and sensitive people might find it challenging to take up space in the world. I share some of these in the episode and consider the influence of society and culture on how we feel about this. Taking Up Space in Conversations We considered how, for sensitive people, the fear of being too intense or too much for other people can lead us to stay quiet when, inside, we’re bursting with stuff to talk about. Maybe you’re met with a blank look, or you’ve been told “not to be weird” or “don’t worry about that stuff” when sharing things you can get lost chatting about. How do you find people to take up this kind of space with? Asking For Help We are less likely to ask for help when we fear being a burden. But as we discussed, asking for help doesn’t always feel that way for the other person. Sometimes, it’s in everyone’s interest and longing for us to take up space and ask for help. When we are reluctant to ask for help, we might unnecessarily deprive ourselves of information and connection and deny the potential helper from doing something they would love to be part of. Physical Space and Belonging At the end of the episode, I share a recent story of an encounter with an angry guy in a field. It didn’t feel great, but it sparked another impromptu inner experiment that I was glad to have the opportunity to try. Not least because I could put theories from Deb Dana’s Anchored to the test. I had been reading it that morning, so it was fresh in my mind and helped enormously. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMa0gE_XKIk&