The Gentle Rebel Podcast

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I sit down with returning guest and friend of the show, Leah Burkhart, founder of The Healthy Sensitive, to discuss a challenge many highly sensitive people face: defining boundaries when you’re genuinely excited about everything. This might be especially true for the multipotentialites among us, who have many creative projects and interests in life. It’s not about saying no to things we don’t want to do—it’s about creating space to understand the energy beneath the excitement. The Excitement Paradox: “Death by Opportunity” Leah and I explored the notion of “death by opportunity“—a burnout that stems not from external demands but from an abundance of internal excitement and possibility. It’s the paradox of having no external limits on particular aspects of life: “The good news is, nothing is stopping us. The bad news is, nothing is stopping us.” Highly sensitive people often feel driven by curiosity, connecting dots and imagining what’s possible. However, this expansive way of engaging with the world can become unsustainable when we lack filters to process invitations, opportunities, and excitations. Boundaries as a Conversation, Not a Wall When we hear “boundaries,” we might think of barriers preventing access. But what if boundaries were framed as an invitation to listen to what is happening beneath the surface? A helpful perspective distinguishes between “not now” and “not yet.” Some ideas need more time to incubate (“not yet”), while others aren’t priorities during this season (“not now”). Boundaries are not prohibitions; they bring openness and space to slow down, pause, and let enthusiasm flow without rushing into action. Tools for Sustainable Engagement There are practical ways to define boundaries as the space between the urge to act and the decision to commit: Journaling: Use writing as a space to explore ideas without prematurely committing to them. Community Support: Surround yourself with people who can hold space for your ideas without pushing you to act on them immediately. Faith in the Pause: Urgency is often a red flag. If something still excites you after a day or two, it might be worth exploring. The Minimalists have their 30/30 rule: “If it costs more than $30, wait 30 hours before deciding.” This works well for all kinds of things – immediate excitement might settle down after time. Even if the idea still compels us, we can start seeing it through a more realistic lens that fits our capacity and ability in the current season. Testing Ideas Gently: Engage with possibilities without turning them into sacred proposals. For instance, dedicate time to dream and explore wild ideas, then step back and recommit to what’s already on your plate. What Does a “Hell Yes!” Feel Like? One of the central questions of our conversation was: How do we sustainably maintain authentic excitement? We talked about recognising the signs of overcommitment and embracing a slower, steadier form of enthusiasm. Instead of chasing every “Hell yes!” moment, we can look for the slow burn of “mmm yeah”—a quieter, more sustainable motivation that doesn’t depend on perfect conditions to thrive. This notion of “Hell yes!” might look and feel very different to a highly sensitive person. A great way to consider this is whether or not “hell yes!” comes from a particular state in our nervous system. Would need to feel excited and enthusiastic to take action in the future? This is usually a sign of a project being unsustainable. Creativity, Community, and Boundaries Another key theme was the importance of trusted people and processes for sharing and developing ideas. We considered how prematurely sharing an idea with the wrong audience can lead to defensiveness or even shutting it down altogether. This weak back, defensive front, is the opposite of the gentleness (firm back, soft front) required to stand our ground and stay strong in the face of unwanted judgement and criticism. Instead, we might seek people who understand our vision and values so they can provide constructive support without pressuring us to act immediately. The Boundaries of Success – How Do YOU Measure It? For highly sensitive people, it’s essential to define and understand our personal measures of success: What truly matters to you? Would you still pursue this if external rewards didn’t come? What do you do despite the threats associated with success (increased expectation, judgement, pressure to repeat, etc)? Authenticity shines when we create from a place of intrinsic motivation. If we let external pressures, like algorithms or audience expectations, dictate our path, we risk losing connection to the heart of things. Slowing Down to Speed Up This conversation was a powerful reminder that slowing down and creating intentional space isn’t about doing less; it’s about doing what matters most. Boundaries, as a conversation with ourselves, allow us to understand our energy, desires, and what’s truly sustainable. This approach enables us to explore the world’s possibilities without burning out. Links Connect with Leah: https://thehealthysensitive.com/ Watch The Video Version on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alA-XvkE2-c

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore the theme of nostalgia and “going back to basics”. This was inspired by a recent community discussion. What are the basics and what does it mean to go back when time moves forward? In this episode, we consider our relationship with nostalgia and the subtle pull it can have on our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world around us. Topics Covered in This Episode The Allure of Nostalgia Why the past often feels simpler, safer, and more appealing. The potential dangers of believing this story. How nostalgia shapes our perception of the present and influences decision-making. Nostalgia as Utopia in Reverse The traps of idealising a perfect past or future. How can these narratives create antagonism, self-defeating mindsets, and resistance to sustainable growth? The Basics in Action A look at Vince Lombardi’s famous “This is a football” story. What the “football” might be for each of us. What does this teach us about unlearning, re-learning, and preparing for uncertainty? Isomorphic Learning Insights from Lucy Easthope’s work on disaster recovery. The temptation to fight the last war and prepare for the previous crisis. How building strong foundations equips us to face unpredictable challenges. Creative Freedom and Letting Go Why returning to basics can free us from the constraints of past success and external expectations. How letting go creates space for new ideas and growth. The Evolution of Traditions Exploring how rituals and ceremonies can help us find shared values across time and space. How ceremonial and sacred rituals often evolve from practical necessity. Core Reflections From the Episode How does nostalgia show up in your life? Are there ways it helps or hinders your present perspective? What ” basics ” ground you when life feels overwhelming or uncertain? How might simplifying your approach create space for new dots to connect? What did this episode bring up for you? https://youtu.be/E1Y1CBPj3EY

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore the Uncanny Valley. This was inspired by a video I published about Apple’s marketing campaign for Apple Intelligence. It turns out I’m not the only one unsettled by their approach. It’s interesting to contrast these Apple commercials with those for Google Gemini. Apple presents its AI technology as a tool for masking personal flaws and promoting insincerity. Conversely, Google has framed AI as a social companion that enhances self-expression. It gives advice, and makes suggestions to help its users work on their goals. In other words, they frame Gemini as a support to enhance people’s competence, confidence, and knowledge where Apple helps people deceive and pretend to be more skilled and knowledgeable than they really are. A Voice From The Uncanny Valley The Gemini adverts got me thinking about The Uncanny Valley. There is something eerie about the way they demonstrate the technology. Not least, seeing users glued to the phone, on the other end of which is a friendly disembodied humanoid. They have anthropomorphised this technology, giving it an uncanny human voice and the platform of a constant companion. It is a friend, teacher, mentor, cheerleader, and coach—the ultimate human! Or, perhaps not quite human. The Uncanny Valley hypothesis, coined by robotics professor Masahiro Mori in 1970, describes the discomfort humans feel toward entities that are almost but not fully human. The valley exists when something moves from anthropomorphised traits, as seen in animations of talking animals, cuddly toys with facial features, and the projected thoughts and feelings we give to our pets, to unnervingly realistic human characteristics. These nearly humans freak many of us out. But why do some of us seem more impacted than others? High Sensitivity and The Uncanny Valley Those who score higher on the sensitivity scale (Highly Sensitive People) may experience the uncanny valley more intensely due to their deeper sensory processing and emotional attunement. HSPs may be unsettled by artificiality, preferring clear distinctions between what is and isn’t “real”. It’s interesting to consider this a foundational biological survival instinct rather than one of ethics or morality. In other words, highly sensory people unconsciously scan the world around, within, and between us, looking for signs of safety and danger. When we encounter something that seems real but doesn’t feel right, it might leave us unsettled, prompting us to investigate further to see if an impostorous threat lurks within. HSPs process information deeply and are attuned to subtle sensory cues. We might detect unnatural contradictions, such as mismatched tone or body language, at a subconscious level. This attuned sensitivity can lead to unease during interactions with AI chatbots and humanoids, where inconsistencies may create discomfort even if not immediately apparent. As AI technology advances, the line between human and machine becomes more blurred, making it harder for HSPs to discern artificiality. Why Do We Make Machines in Our Image? The tendency to anthropomorphise technology—creating machines that mimic human behaviour—raises questions about our desire to replicate human characteristics in machines. It’s strange! Why do we do this? Maybe it’s some “god complex”, or we are simply trying to figure out what it means to be human by considering what is still missing from creatures that look and sound like us. But we don’t need to do this, and the uncanny valley hypothesis indicates that we would be more successful at trusting technology if we didn’t try to make them in our image. Think about fictional droids, like R2-D2 and BB-8 in Star Wars. They are loveable despite, nay, because of their non-human forms. Yet they have distinct personalities and a range of emotional expressions. On the other hand, more humanoid machines like C-3PO can be profoundly irritating despite having more human-like features. The “Uncanny Valley” Is a Lonely Place This article in Psychology Today (The “Uncanny Valley” Is a Lonely Place) by David Krauss gives an interesting perspective on autism, masking, and the uncanny valley. Masking happens when individuals suppress and hide natural behaviours to fit in. It is suggested that this can create a sense of inauthenticity that unsettles others, similar to the uncanny valley. This is why it’s so important to nurture our environments, expectations, and judgements so that masking is unnecessary for acceptance and belonging. People might notice when we’re hiding parts of ourselves and acting in personally unnatural ways to try to appear “normal”. Ultimately, the uncanny valley highlights the discomfort when faced with something that feels “off,” whether in a person’s behaviour or an artificial entity. This might include us when we’re pretending to be someone else in order to fit. And when we pay close attention to detail and emulate the correct way to do things, that might ironically highlight our presence in the uncanny valley. When we scan for signs of safety and threat, we might look for whether something is too perfect. The uncanny valley, the eerie quality of an airbrushed photo, pitch-corrected singing, and artificial flavouring can reflect this. Real life is naturally slightly off (wonky, blemished, stained, bloated, shrivelled, off-pitch, swirly), and that often tells us it’s safe to proceed. As they say, there are no straight lines in nature.

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I pick up on points made in our recent Kota discussion, touching on some physical, emotional, and creative interpretations of the phrase, I shall not be moved. First Impressions What does “I Shall Not Be Moved” mean to you? What comes to mind when you hear those words? We spoke about it as a mantra of determination underpinning the refusal to waver or abandon a chosen path, even in the face of adversity. Gandalf popped his head in. His iconic declaration,“You shall not pass!” on the bridge in Kazakh-dûm. Interestingly, the movie changes the line from “you cannot pass” to “you shall not pass”. Is there a difference here? And what happens when we through “you will not pass” into the mix? Do will, shall, and can all mean the same thing or are the subtle differences? Do “I shall not be moved”, “I cannot be moved”, and “I will not be moved” sound different? I explore this question because I think they do. Part 1: Physical Resilience and Nature I love the idea of nature as a rebel. It finds a way and it surprises us with the way it refuses to move as we expect. The Ginkgo Tree: Known as a “living fossil,” the ginkgo trees that survived the Hiroshima atomic bomb represent resilience. This species, nicknamed “the bearer of hope,” remains unmoved by history’s trials, a true testament to survival. Unwanted Weeds: Weeds push up through concrete, embodying the persistence of life in the most unexpected places. Nature does not always evoke feelings of grace! The Power of Water: Water exemplifies resilience through flow and adaptability. It always finds a way. Glacial Erratic Boulders: Erratic boulders are seemingly impossible to budge, yet they are not exempt from the truth that “everything moves”. It’s all a matter of perspective and timing. Natural Pathways: People and slime mould are not so different after all. Part 2: Emotional Protection—Choosing Not to Be Moved When it’s a choice vs a pattern If I AM moved, this is an injunction or an internalised story If I am NOT moved, you can’t force me to feel things If I am moved because you are manipulating me, I will choose not to show it If it’s not OK to be moved here/with you, I will move somewhere else Safety in the System If it feels safe, I am free to choose whether or not I want to express my emotional response. This happens when I don’t react to the pressure to fit in or please others. I don’t feel “watched”, “observed”, or “judged”. My feelings can move freely like slime mould. They will find their way through me and go where they need to go. Moving The Body We watched the section in Coming To Our Senses (Belonging), where Ania talked about reconnecting with herself through bodily movement. Her beautiful photos from Uist document a progressive unshackling from the story, “I can’t dance” to one of “my body wants to move”. Part 3: Standing Firm Amid Pressure and Criticism “The purpose of poetry is to remind us how difficult it is to remain just one person.” – Czeslaw Milosz Everything moves and everything changes. We considered Bob Dylan’s first electric tour and the backlash he received in its face. His guitarist, Robbie Robertson talked about how they got together during the tour and listened to what they had been doing. They realised their new music was good, and the audience was wrong. I love this! The audience is a mountain – it feels unmovable right now, like it will never change. But it will. It won’t remain one person. People will come and go, others will stagnate, and new people will arrive. That’s OK. Don’t let fear dictate the direction when you know which path you want to take. We shouldn’t expect people to stay the same. We always grow, we change, we move. Creative Support: Dylan also received support from other artists, such as The Beatles, who encouraged him with the direction he had taken. Creative confidence is about knowing who to listen to and what you are unwilling to compromise. Who are the supportive people for you? Those who know YOU and get what you’re about. Those who you respect and trust to give quality, meaningful, good faith feedback. Part 4: “No Matter Who Wins” Rebecca Faulkner is an award-winning poet and managing director of Reasons To Be Cheerful, who collected reader responses to the question: “No matter who wins, __.” She turned some of the responses into this poem. https://youtu.be/ce6F4qgoM_c We might use this as an anchoring prompt, applying it to various uncertain outcomes (beyond our control). For example: No matter who wins, I will stick to my values. No matter if I succeed, I can remain committed to what matters. No matter the outcome, I am in control of my response. “I shall not be moved” can mean reaching for slow, steady, intentional anchors in the face of uncertain prospects. Part 5: Rebels Who Refuse to Move In Coming To Our Senses, we thought about Rebels Who Refused To Move. People who didn’t yield to external pressure or power. Who or what comes to mind when you think about rebels who refused to move? Perhaps you have personal experiences and there are times when YOU have been that rebel. Whether through the fear of threats or the allure of a pay off, these people are unshakable because of a deeper strength. Something that matters more to them than their own survival, prosperity, comfort, or peace of mind. We might think of examples such as, the movement for Civil Rights, the Suffragettes, environmental groups etc. Part 6: When “I Shall Not Be Moved” Becomes Self-Defeating Being resistant top movement can lead to self-sabotage, holding us back when we remain unmoved or inflexible. Resilience is not the same as building a wall and refusing to listen. A stubborn “I shall not be moved” can lead to isolation when we shut out others’ perspectives. Solid boundaries, on the other hand, might be thought of as choosing whether or not to respond once we’ve heard what is said. Resilience involves knowing when to hold firm and when to bend or adapt. “I Shall Not Be Moved” – My Trousers Thanks to Tuula, we finished with this video of me trying to glide down an ice slide. My trousers were resolute in their protest. “Nope, I shall not be moved,” they said, ” even by ice.” Watch The Kota Replay Protected Content Are you a Haven member? Login to access this content. Not yet a member? Register here.

In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I crack open the words “Well Worn”, our most recent Kota exploration in The Haven. What comes to mind when you hear those words? An established footpath, a threadbare object, or a pair of shoes that have served you well? My Thread Bear “Well” can be about health, satisfaction, or abundance. Yet it can also signify something done with care and purpose. “Worn,” on the other hand, evokes the passing of time, established use, and tiredness. It’s about what we put on, what shapes us, and what degrades over time. All of my life, I have been wearing them,the hand-me-downs, the pants too long,arms of sweaters stretched longer than mine,sleeves of shirts I rolled up like newspapers,those shoulders that would never stay in place,always remembering: we are here to fit in. And the very shoes that narrowed on my feet,I gave away or traded up for other people’s soles.I have thought somewhere there must be menwhose socks don’t shrink, whose buttons stay put,whose shirts never wear out at the elbows.I paid for what other people gave away. All of my life I wanted to stand tall,but as I grew up my clothes kept wearing out, whenin my child’s heart, I only wanted the comfort of corduroy,a face that didn’t need ironing, a crease that would stay put—these labels I hoped wouldn’t rub off.—Michael Magee The Key Areas The prompt evoked a bunch of areas to explore in our gathering. I have attempted to touch on as many as I can remember in this episode. It took us in some helpful directions where we were able to think about our relationship with creativity, sensitivity, and the stuff that matters most in life. Wearing The Skin We Are In We talked about how skin can tell a story of our lives through callouses, scars, and the marks of time. We considered how thick skin is earned through persistence and repetition, not something you simply “have”. The Beauty of Imperfection I shared my love for how dents, stains, and wear give character to things. They signpost us to memories and stories in ways perfection can’t. Well Worn Strength We thought about analogies like sanding down wood, a tree’s established tension wood, and knocking in a cricket bat as examples of how wear enhances strength, potential, and longevity. It helps us go further, sustain longer, and refine our abilities. A Well-Worn Punch Life will throw setbacks and surprises our way. What does it mean to wear these punches well? Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve We discussed the meaning of this phrase and whether it’s possible to wear your heart on your sleeve well (or poorly). Traditions, Rituals, and Relationships Well-worn habits, rituals, and traditions for individuals, relationships, and communities can help us connect with meaning and creative presence. But they can also grow stale and stagnant. How can we tell the difference? Cliche and Jargon When words are overused, their original meaning can be diluted and impotent. To Repair or Replace We discuss the balance between repairing what we value and knowing when to let go of what’s no longer serving us. Sentimental Value Items we love show the marks of time, love, and use. Their value transcends markets and money. Watch The Kota Replay Protected Content Are you a Haven member? Login to access this content. Not yet a member? Register here.

Would you say you have fire in your belly? What does it burn for? I love exploring this question with highly sensitive people, many of whom have a deep, smouldering fire within. This fire is often linked to our values, beliefs, and personally compelling principles. I love helping people explore and (re)connect with this inner fire, supporting them to figure out how to harness it in unapologetic ways. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we will consider what this fire looks, feels, and sounds like. We’ll also explore how it can sometimes get extinguished, hidden, or even escalate beyond control. We think about how to fuel, harness, and express our inner fire in ways that resonate with us as individuals. What does it mean to have a fire in your belly, and how can we express it without conforming to others’ expectations? As Dorcas Cheng-Tozun said about social justice for the sensitive soul, we don’t have to fit into anyone else’s boxes when it comes to expressing ourselves. The fire in everyone’s belly burns differently, and how we process and turn it outwards is equally unique What is The Fire in Your Belly? It’s usually a compliment when we say someone has fire in their belly. It speaks to a visible energy, enthusiasm, and sense of purpose that radiates from within. But this phrase doesn’t always account for those whose fire burns deeply and quietly and isn’t as immediately apparent as the big, bright flames we might associate with explicit passion. For highly sensitive people, that inner fire is often potent. Fire In The Belly of Sensitivity If you search for definitions of “fire in the belly,” you’ll often find it described as a strong determination to succeed, emotional stamina, and an intense drive to achieve or accomplish something. These definitions highlight a particular kind of fire, focused on personal goals, winning, or attaining power and glory. They don’t tell the whole story, especially for those driven by values and principles (how and why) more than outcomes (what) For many sensitive people, the fire in their belly is not about achieving for the sake of achieving. It’s not the pursuit of bigger, better, faster, or stronger in a conventional sense. Personal achievements matter, but they are often most compelling when they resonate with a broader purpose or have a meaningful impact on the world around them. Dampening The Belly Fire The fire in our belly can go missing when we seek safe, predictable, and comfortable ways to navigate life. For example, the desire to avoid conflict can cause that fire to dim or even disappear over time. Feeling Too Much For highly sensitive individuals, the inconvenience their passions might cause others can feel too jarring, especially when there’s a perceived incompatibility with others’ views, values, or beliefs. The fear of judgment, criticism, or rejection can be a powerful motivator to keep that fire hidden. Standing up for something we care deeply about can feel risky when it threatens to create friction with those around us. This fear can lead to the suppression of our inner fire, keeping it tucked away where it feels safer but also less alive. The Role of Perfectionism Perfectionism is another factor that can dampen the fire in our belly. When we express our passions, we open ourselves up to the uncertainty and unpredictability of creativity. There’s a vulnerability in allowing our fire to rise, in letting it breathe and take form, because we can never be sure what might come from it. The desire for perfection can keep us from taking those risks, leading us to stifle our fire rather than face the unknown. The Impact of Cold Buckets of Water And when others throw cold buckets of water—through criticism or dismissive comments—it can make us hesitant to let our fire show again. Caroline McGraw’s shared how an offhand remark snuffed out her passion as a child. It’s a reminder that the wrong words at a vulnerable moment can lead us to shrink back and hide ourselves. Why HSPs Should Embrace Their Inner Fire Expressing the fire in our belly can indeed feel risky, especially for highly sensitive people. Yet, keeping that fire locked behind glass can pose an even greater risk. By allowing our inner fire to smoulder unexpressed, we risk dampening the vitality that makes life meaningful and rich. The challenge, then, is to acknowledge the fire within and find ways to let it burn in a way that feels good. Finding the Right Environment to Fuel Your Fire To keep this fire alive, HSPs can surround themselves with people and places that spark, support, and fuel their passions. Just as a fire needs oxygen to thrive, our inner fire needs the right environment—spaces where our ideas are encouraged, and we feel safe to explore and express ourselves without fear of judgment. We can’t expect this everywhere, but we can find it somewhere. These environments and connections act as the breath of life to our inner flame, helping it grow stronger and more defined. Whether it’s a supportive community, a trusted friend, or a creative space, these sources of oxygen fan the flames of who we are. Giving Form to the Fire However, for it to be sustainable, the fire must be appropriately contained and maintained. This doesn’t mean stifling or suppressing it but giving it the structure it needs to thrive without causing harm. Like the flame on a stove or a campfire, our inner fire needs boundaries to serve its purpose without burning out of control. This requires us to be mindful of how we channel our passions, ensuring they are expressed in empowering and manageable ways so that our fire continues to fuel our lives without overwhelming us. Coming To Our Senses At the end of the episode, I shared a clip from Coming To Our Senses, issue two (Inspiration). I revisited our conversation about sad songs and rainy days in relation to Bittersweet Melancholy. Listen to the latest edition of the zine. https://youtu.be/6bx-_NryLGg

We leave things in many places for a variety of reasons. The questions we explored in our Kota this week were: what is being left, where is it, who is leaving it, and why? These ideas can help shed light on how we might build favourable conditions for the world we want to live in. It started when I saw an ironing board on the pavement outside a house. “Who left that there?” I wondered to myself as I continued my walk to the shop. I imagined the conversation that led to this moment. “Let’s leave it there; the scrap metal collectors will take it”. Those words kept bouncing around my head. It was a classic Kota prompt with many potential ways to explore it. So we opened up the hive mind, and it was fun to see what emerged. Things get left in all kinds of strange places… They sent a photoYour parcel was deliveredThat is not my door A haiku about the keyboard I ordered: it was delivered. But where? “I’ll leave it there; I’m sure it will find its way to the correct destination eventually”, I imagined the driver reasoning to themselves. Why do people leave things where they do? Laziness, boredom, fear, forgetfulness, moving on, letting go, baiting, passing on, shame, paying forward, and handing over. A Change of Mind What prompts someone to leave their swede in the supermarket freezer? Were their hands too full, and something else came along? Did they suddenly decide they could live without it after all? Social Situations We say those words when we reach the end of a conversation, a relationship, and a meeting. It might come at the right time, an anchoring point when things make sense and feel clear. Or it might be crowbarred into the situation before we feel ready to finish. Do we decide together to leave it there, or does one person have the power in the conversation? Is it a response to the signs of escalation, where if we don’t leave it there and walk away, it will become personal, and things will occur that we will later regret? We see these tipping points on social media. Some people can’t help themselves. Have we reached an impasse? Maybe it’s time to walk away for now. Or is this a more definitive door to close behind us? Did we give up on it? Maybe we regret how we left it, wishing we had done things differently. Habit Formulation When we want a new habit to stick, we can choose to leave whatever will simplify the desired outcome. For example, we could take the guitar out of its case, leave the journal on the bedside table, and fill the bowl with tasty-looking fruit (and put it where we will see it). By leaving the right things in helpful places, we can create the conditions for change so that we are not relying on willpower to do the work. Leave it There So You Remember Where It Is Sometimes, leaving it in the right place can be a great reminder. On other occasions, we might leave it in an obscure place that doesn’t occur to us to look. Even if the idea makes perfect sense in the context and at the time of its conception, as the situation falls from view, so too might our ability to remember. Making Peace With Leaving It There How do you know when to say “enough is enough” and let go of the project, preparation, or product? What tells you it’s okay to leave it there? A decision made from an anchored emotional state. Trust your judgement and know that it’s good enough, even if you come back later (in a state of tiredness, panic, and worry) and say, “I need to tinker a bit more.” When the inner critic arrives, we need ways to say, “Let’s leave it there for now; I’m not going to make any decisions until tomorrow.” “Apology Accepted” (J. Raymond) I owe myself an apology.For all the times I promised to forgive myself,only to bring it up again later.For clipping the wings of my own dreams beforethey even had a chance to take flight. Forthinking so little of myselfat the very moments I should have beenstanding up for myself.For the lies I swallowedwhile starving for the truth.For withholding from myself the same graceand second chancesI so freely give others.For allowing the world to convince me that myheart was both too much and not enough.For all the days wasted pretending to besomeone I hoped you would accept.For not living my life more on my own terms, simplybecause I was afraid of making a mistake.For punishing myself for far too long.For believing love was bloody and painful,and that I didn’t deserve better.For every time I looked in the mirrorand hated who I saw.I could sit here listing every reason and way Iwas wronged by others, but maybe more thananything, I owe myself an apology for not valuingthis one, beautifully precious life of mine enoughto know I’m worthy of greatness, the very best of everything.And for that,I am sorry. Letting it Be Whisper words of wisdom; leave it there and let it be. What do we need to allow to fall from view as they were without elevating, escalating, or amplifying? What if this didn’t need to become a business? Maybe we don’t need to do this more often. Perhaps this was necessary for now, and that’s enough. Conditions for a More Desirable World Leave kernels of the world you want to live in for others to find. Messages, gifts, and interactions can leave a flavour of acceptance in the mouths of those we encounter. What do we want to leave in our wake for others to pick up and pass on? Leave it There and Let Nature Take its Course Sometimes, we can get in the way of the natural path—the pond where life will organically arrive on its own timeline, rhythm, and pacing. Once things are in place, we might learn to stop checking, stop interfering, and stop trying to control and micro-manage the situation—whatever that situation is. Another’s life, another’s choices, another’s path—they will follow in their own way. Knowing When To Walk Away These words are heavy when it’s time to call it a day and walk away. You realise that it’s not going to work in the way you hoped it might. Or perhaps the road ended sooner than you thought it would, but you’ve done everything possible. Where the sunk cost fallacy has you clinging on to the thing that has cost so much money, time, and energy, these words bring you back to a place of power and choice. Take your knowledge of those costs out of the equation for a moment. They are but a story you’re telling yourself. Maybe the weight can be lifted, the door opened, and the option of leaving it and walking away is on the table. Leaving it There When The Work Is Done We all need to hear, feel, and embody these words occasionally. “That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.” The reassurance is that the time for working, striving, and stretching doesn’t last forever. Permission to be, to rest, and to know we’ve given ourselves to the moment and whatever the outcome, we are welcomed home, accepted, and valued. Not for what we did but for how what we did reflected who we are. Kota Conversation Replay Protected Content Are you a Haven member? Login to access this content. Not yet a member? Register here.

Each of us has a unique sense of adventure. What does yours feel like? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I speak with Sarah Lister, who runs About The Adventure, a career and life coaching business that helps people connect with what brings them to life as they navigate change. I love Sarah’s approach to this topic and how she holds each person’s needs within their unique spirit of adventure. The deer that delightfully derailed Sarah’s sunset photographing quest one evening A Sense of Adventure Use this episode as an opportunity to reflect on the distinct elements that make up your personal sense of adventure. We explored the potential characteristics of adventure. For Sarah, it involves nature, spontaneity, a sense of challenge, and being somewhere out of the ordinary. But it also carries the openness to pause and breathe, to have the courage to stop walking and respond to the invitation of a particular moment. Whether it’s stopping for a cup of tea with strangers or delaying a trek to photograph an unexpected deer on the hillside. There are a lot of juicy metaphors for life in this conversation and stuff worth reflecting on if you want to live a meaningful life. Recognising Our Sense of Adventure We might think of the “sense of adventure” as we think about a “sense of humour“. While it’s not a direct physical sense like touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing, it’s something personal that keeps us in touch with what it means to feel alive and be ourselves. Adventure is not simply about the thrill of the unknown but also about our relationship with perceived possibilities, obstacles, and the creative potential we see in the path ahead. It’s a key ingredient in living with a compelling sense of meaning. In our conversation, Sarah and I talk about: How to find adventure in the landscapes and environments around us Sarah’s relationship with adventure and times in her life when her adventurous spirit shrunk The threads between imagination, daydreaming, and adventure When Sarah thought she was having fun but really was lost, and how she found her sense of self again Why adventure doesn’t need an end goal, destination, or quest attached to it The role of safety in a successful adventure (and how we can increase confidence amid uncertainty by carrying the right resources with us) How to keep the adventure going even when the particular journey ends And more… Over to You What would you include in your list of adventure elements? Let me know by leaving a comment, sending a message, or contacting me via social media. Links About The Adventure (Sarah’s Website) Sarah’s Instagram A Blimp from the Blue: Using The Kishōtenketsu Story Structure as an Antidote to the Hero’s Journey (watch the workshop replay) Atlum Schema – Year 0 Watch The Conversation https://youtu.be/jmA25xe8Aso

Have you ever been derailed by a shame attack? Shame can sweep through, telling us we are not worthy, acceptable, or enough. It can be amplified by comparisonitis, where we judge our messy insides with our perception of other peoples’ shiny exteriors. Val Nelson, a career and business coach, specialises in working with highly sensitive and introverted individuals. She wrote this article about dealing with comparisonitis and shame attacks, which I was excited to dive into with her. Many people have felt like black swans in a world that often fails to provide the right conditions for HSPs to thrive. While shame is not exclusive to quiet and gentle souls, it can be particularly challenging for those who have learned to view their natural needs and preferences as a problem to hide, dismiss, or overcome. So I invited Val onto The Gentle Rebel Podcast to explore how shame can cause us to shrink back and hide from their dreams, ambitions, and needs. I wanted to explore the words “comparisonitis” and “comparonoia,” which can leave us feeling isolated and alone as we look at the world around us and tell ourselves unsupportive stories. In Our Conversation, Val and I Explore: The nature of shame attacks and the signs of one appearing How humour and playfulness are one of our most significant resources Why it’s so hard to give ourselves what we need in the face of shame (even when we know what we ought to do) Personal experiences of shame attacks Val and I have been through recently How to listen to the message beneath the noise when we feel like things are not going to plan What it means to take ourselves less seriously (without undermining the integrity of our work) Links Connect with Val on Linkedin Val’s website Watch The Conversation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzy_KbyTEVw

Lizzie Campbell is a polymer clay artist who creates under the name Clay Disarray, and wow, she’s phenomenal! Her intricate modelling brings characters and cultural figures to life, and it is mesmerising to see. I discovered Lizzie through a YouTube video in which she delved into the challenges artists face today. Her unique perspective as a highly sensitive and autistic artist sheds light on the struggles many artists are currently grappling with, such as the impact of COVID-19, the cost-of-living crisis, artificial intelligence, social media algorithms, and Brexit. Inspired by her gentle tone and wisdom, I invited Lizzie to the Gentle Rebel Podcast to delve deeper into these issues and learn more about her journey with art, creativity, and neurodivergence. We Explored A Bunch of Topics Including: How Lizzie got into polymer clay modelling Why she takes inspiration from horror movies The relationship between creativity and neurodiversity, including high sensitivity and autism Why HSPs might be reluctant to think of themselves as creative The challenges for artists in a post-Covid, post-Brexit world Some of the stranger ways AI is posing a problem for professional creative people and artists Why the fan art community receives criticism Why social media algorithms can make it harder for artists to connect with the right people How we can support our favourite artists (and keep sustaining the arts) in the modern world Links Lizzie’s website Lizzie’s YouTube Channel Twitter | Mastodon | Instagram What Were They Thinking? My AI Music Video Patreon Watch The Conversation https://youtu.be/-t6kzkexYcc