Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

When a child is upset or angry, it’s easy to think their outburst is about the immediate problem. The real challenge for parents is identifying the deeper emotions driving these reactions. Kylie shares a conversation with her daughter that started as a fight over Roblox but ended with heartfelt tears over a completely different issue. By taking the time to talk with our kids, we can help them uncover the true reasons behind their strong feelings. In this episode: Play dates & Roblox 14 reasons why.... Homeschooling  Need for connection Hindenburg Research: Roblox Roblox - a tool for sexual predators The 3 Es of Effective Discipline: Explore, Explain, and Empower Related Links:  Keeping kids safe on Roblox  Why Your Kids Need a Tribe Supporting Autistic Children Course with Dr Justin Coulson & Dr Joey Lawrence Find us on Facebook or TikTok Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Every school talks about teaching mental health, but is it actually helping kids? Or could some programs be doing more harm than good? In this episode, Justin unpacks the latest research on school-based mental health lessons — what works, what doesn’t, and why good intentions aren’t always enough. If you’ve ever wondered whether your child is really benefiting from these classes, this is the conversation you need to hear. KEY POINTS Why mental health lessons don’t always translate into healthier kids The risk of programs that label or pathologise normal emotions What research really shows about long-term impact How parents and teachers can support mental wellbeing in practical, everyday ways QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We can’t just teach kids about mental health in theory — we have to live it with them in practice." RESOURCES MENTIONED Happy Families Website https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/may/20/mental-health-lessons-school-dont-work-mindfulness ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Ask your child what they really think about mental health classes at school. Focus on daily connection — listening, empathy, and open conversations. Model healthy coping strategies at home rather than relying only on school programs. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Boys today are struggling — with school, with purpose, with identity. At the same time, parents are being told that masculinity is toxic — or irrelevant. Are we accidentally raising a generation of young men who feel lost before they’ve even begun? And how do we raise boys who are strong, kind, and confident without making them feel like they’re not enough? In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack one of the most provocative ideas in parenting boys: surplus value. Drawing on research from Richard Reeves, Scott Galloway, and David Gilmore, they explore why contribution and purpose matter so much for boys’ identity, how to frame it in a healthy way, and why ignoring it leaves our sons vulnerable to destructive alternatives. KEY POINTS Why boys often tie identity to what they contribute rather than just who they are. The difference between unconditional worth at home and purpose in the world. How “surplus value” is not about pressure, but about channeling natural drives into positive contribution. Why society has always “made men” through responsibility and service — and why our boys still need this today. How to talk about contribution without undermining your son’s self-worth. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Being useful helps boys feel valuable — not because they’re not enough, but because they’re capable of great things.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves Manhood in the Making by David Gilmore Sign up for updates on Justin’s upcoming book Boys → https://happyfamilies.com.au/boys-book-waitlist ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Reassure your son daily: “You matter because you are you.” Create opportunities for him to contribute at home in age-appropriate ways. Talk about purpose and contribution as part of becoming a man — not as pressure, but as an invitation. Watch for signs of directionlessness in the teen years and help channel energy into positive pathways. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is it ever safe to let your 11- or 12-year-old walk to the park, ride their bike, or visit a friend without you? For many parents, just the thought makes the stomach clench. But here’s the twist: the riskiest thing might be never letting kids take risks at all. In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the independence dilemma that defines modern parenting. You’ll hear why today is the safest time in history for children (despite our fears), how to balance risk and safety, and the practical steps that build confidence — in both kids and parents. KEY POINTS: The difference between danger and risk — and why it matters. Why 24/7 news and social media fuel parental anxiety. How staged independence builds resilience and confidence. The power of community connections in keeping kids safe. Teaching situational awareness instead of “stranger danger.” RESOURCES: More parenting resources at happyfamilies.com.au The Case For Risky Play in an Age of Overprotection [Article]  #1198 The Worst Mother Who Got it Right [Podcast Episode]See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A viral trend called “FAFO parenting” is exploding on TikTok and even making headlines in the Wall Street Journal. Advocates say it’s the antidote to “soft” parenting — let kids fuss around and find out the hard way. But is this tough-love comeback really preparing kids for life or setting them up for harm? In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the hype, the dangers, and the research-backed alternative every parent needs to hear. In this episode: What FAFO (“Fuss Around and Find Out”) parenting actually looks like — and why it’s trending The three big claims FAFO parents make Why FAFO backfires The vital difference between natural consequences and manufactured hardships How “need-supportive parenting” builds resilience without breaking trust QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Discipline isn’t about hurting kids to prove a point. It’s about problem-solving so they can discover the lesson.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Wall Street Journal article on FAFO parenting (subscription required) Alfie Kohn, Punished by Rewards More parenting resources: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Resist the temptation to outsource learning to punishment. When mistakes happen, guide your child through problem-solving instead of powerplays. Protect the parent–child relationship — resilience grows best where trust is strong. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

One-on-one time transforms parent-child relationships, but finding that time can seem impossible. Discover the revolutionary monthly date system that's helping parents create deeper connections with each child—and why being truly present matters more than what you actually do together. Key Points: Monthly one-on-one dates based on birth date Importance of intentional planning vs spontaneous moments Value of side-by-side conversations Impact of being fully present vs autopilot parenting How structured time leads to deeper conversations Quote of the Episode: "The definition of love is bearing witness to one another's lives." Key Insights: Advance planning makes experiences more meaningful Side-by-side activities encourage natural conversation Removing distractions deepens connection Multiple possible futures reduce anxiety about paths Intentional time creates space for vulnerable conversations Resources Mentioned: Laura King's research on "best possible future self" Monthly birthday date system concept Broaden perspectives on career/life paths Calendar blocking for intentional connection Action Steps for Parents: Schedule Monthly Dates: Mark each child's birth date on calendar Plan activities in advance Make them non-negotiable appointments Customise for each child's interests Create Quality Experiences: Remove distractions (phones, etc.) Choose side-by-side activities Allow natural conversation flow Make it special but not elaborate Be Fully Present: Practice active listening Avoid problem-solving mode Focus on connection over correction Create space for deeper sharing See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Private school rankings are splashed across the headlines, and parents everywhere are left asking: Am I failing my child if I stay public? With fees soaring above $45,000 a year, the pressure is real — but what does the research actually say? In this episode, Justin and Kylie cut through the marketing hype to reveal what truly matters for your child’s learning and wellbeing — and why “better” doesn’t always mean what you think. KEY POINTS The truth about test scores What parents are really buying with high fees Why teachers matter more than facilities or class size The “proximity principle”: belonging, friendships, and community trump prestige How investing school fees differently could transform your child’s future QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “You can’t buy inspiration. It’s not about school fees — it’s about the teacher who lights up your child’s curiosity.” RESOURCES Research on school belonging (Kelly & Allen, University of Melbourne) https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/school-life/singlesex-schools-as-australias-top-100-private-schools-named/news-story/78fc2ed6b3807cbf6f44035d768c5c87 Harvard economist Raj Chetty’s study on teacher impact See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do you get kids to love reading in a world of screens and short attention spans? In this warm and practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson sits down with one of Australia’s most beloved authors — and current Children’s Laureate — Sally Rippin. Together they explore why connection matters more than comprehension, how to support struggling readers, and the simple, joyful ways families can bring books back to life at home. You’ll hear: Why “all kids can be readers” (even reluctant ones) How neuroscience is changing the way we teach reading The role of modelling and family rituals in raising readers Why choice and curiosity keep kids engaged The surprising power of reading together — at any age QUOTE OF THE EPISODE“There’s no better way to help kids fall in love with reading than for them to fall in love with you while you read together.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES Sally Rippin, Australian Children’s Laureate Sally’s books: School of Monsters, Billy B. Brown, and more Interview with Sally: A Rippin Good Read Happy Families See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do you say to a child who’s lost multiple loved ones and now lies awake, terrified of death? In this deeply compassionate episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack why repeated loss can create overwhelming bedtime anxiety, why it peaks when the lights go out, and the simple, research-backed ways parents can help. You’ll learn how to create safety, connection, and rituals that bring comfort — without minimising their grief or making false promises. KEY POINTS Multiple losses and cumulative grief  Why bedtime can trigger fears Connection and presence over quick fixes or false assurances Following your child’s lead How to create closure for your child QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “What your child needs most isn’t for their fear to disappear — it’s to feel truly seen and understood in it.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES Understanding Grief in Children - Sage Journals Studies on the default mode network and bedtime anxiety Helping Kids Cope with Grief - a Conversation with Kristy Thomas Cumulative Grief - Dr Bill Webster The Journey of the Default Mode Network: Development, Function, and Impact on Mental Health ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Make bedtime a safe, calming ritual. Be present in the moment. Follow their emotional lead. Use comfort objects. Create closure rituals. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your child says, “I want to quit.” Soccer. Piano. Swimming. Art. Should you let them? There’s a magic confidence threshold in every skill - and most kids give up just before they reach it. In this episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack why kids quit, the role of motivation and relationships, and how to help them push through frustration without forcing them into misery. You’ll learn how to balance empathy with encouragement so your child develops grit, resilience, and the joy of mastery. KEY POINTS Every skill has a “confidence threshold” — the point where hard work starts to feel rewarding. Kids often want to quit in the “valley” before reaching this threshold. Motivation matters: autonomy and relationships increase persistence. Plateaus in progress are normal and often occur right before breakthroughs. Distress tolerance is a life skill - avoiding discomfort robs kids of resilience-building experiences. Angela Duckworth’s “Don’t quit on a hard day” rule helps kids make decisions in a calm emotional state. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “When we rescue kids from every struggle, we rob them of the chance to discover they’re more resilient than they think.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED Angela Duckworth’s research on grit The Dunedin Study  Dr Justin Coulson’s “Anti-Fragile” resilience keynotes ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Check the motivation – Was this activity your child’s choice or yours? Aim for the threshold – Encourage them to reach basic competence before deciding to quit. Build social connections – Support involvement where friendships are part of the activity. Talk about plateaus – Normalise slow progress and help them see it’s temporary. Adopt the “hard day” rule – No quitting right after a loss or tough session. Sit with discomfort – Model staying calm and present when challenges arise. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.