Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

In today’s Tricky Questions episode, Justin and Kylie answer Kim’s heartfelt question: How do we raise young adult males and stay connected when we don’t agree with their choices? Whether your son is 16 or 26, this episode is full of practical, compassionate advice about letting go of control, nurturing connection, and guiding your son’s journey into manhood without damaging the relationship. KEY POINTS: Independence is the goal. Young men need to pull away to become their own person. This is healthy and expected development—not defiance. Connection > Control. Every attempt to correct or direct your young adult without enough relational “water in the bucket” weakens your influence. Prioritise staying close. Rites of passage matter. Boys don’t just “become men” by aging—they seek experiences to prove themselves. Without intentional guidance, they’ll create risky alternatives (like Schoolies, binge drinking, etc.). Defer respectfully. As children grow, parents should move from cocooning → reasoned cocooning → pre-arming → reasoned deference → full deference. Ask for consent to influence. If you want to share advice, first ask: “Are you open to hearing some ideas?” If the answer is no, focus on rebuilding connection. Your presence matters more than your opinion. The way you show up—without judgement, with genuine interest—determines whether your young adult wants to stay close or push away. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “If our relationship is a bucket, connection is the water. Correction and direction? That’s just air. And no one wants to carry an empty bucket.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happy Families School Membership: A resource hub for schools and parents seeking connection-based parenting support. Justin’s upcoming book on raising boys and young men (sign up now to hear all the details!) More on rites of passage from Dr Arne Rubinstein in the Bringing Up Boys Summit ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Step back from control. Accept that your child’s job is to grow away from you. Your job? Stay close enough that they still want to come back. Check your relationship “bucket.” Before correcting or advising, ask: Is there enough connection here for this to be received well? Use the deference ladder. Ages 0–7: Cocoon 8–13: Reasoned cocooning 13–15: Pre-arming 15–17: Reasoned deference 18+: Full deference with permission to advise Build trust by asking permission. Instead of jumping in with opinions, say: “Would you be open to hearing a thought I have?” Let them grow. Sometimes, encouraging your child to move out or take more responsibility is the healthiest path forward—even if it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Last week Justin and Kylie discussed Chappell Roan's recent claim that everyone she knows who has kids is miserable.  Listen to episode #1245 - Mothers & Happiness In light of this, we thought we'd replay episode #1072 - an interview with journalist Angela Mollard about an article where she asked if parenting needs a PR job.  The link to that article is in the notes below. Journalist Angela Mollard writes that "[a]n age of confession and vulnerability has seen parenting rebranded as a challenging, joyless, expensive, and freedom-sapping decision. They forgot the awesome bits." On the podcast today, Angela chats with Justing about finding the joy in parenting, the importance of perspective and gratitude, and why we must speak of the great parts of parenthood—because although parenting is hard, it's absolutely worth it! In this episode: The vulnerabilities VS the joys of parenting Parenting needs a PR job? Blame the mummy bloggers | Angela Mollard | The Daily Telegraph Finding fulfilment in parenting Generational differences Gratitude Look for the 'glimmers' every day #148 Flecks of Gold Perspective  Being present What Your Child Needs From You by Dr Justin Coulson (use coupon code SPRING15 for a sneaky discount! Ends 6/5/24) Related links: Parenting Made Easy(er) Unplugging Parenthood (and being present!) Doors are now open to the Happy Families Membership  NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print & Play’ subscription FELT (Fostering Emotional Learning Together) Find us on Facebook or TikTok Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, Justin and Kylie share two powerful parenting wins from their week—one about holding firm with limits and another about letting go with trust. Together, they reflect on how boundaries, autonomy, and persistence are essential ingredients in helping children grow into capable, responsible decision-makers. KEY POINTS: Children need clear, consistent boundaries—especially when it comes to expectations and screen time. Limits may be met with resistance, but they help children develop resilience and internal motivation. Giving children autonomy over their food choices (within a supportive structure) can lead to lasting learning and healthier habits. Parenting isn’t about eliminating struggle—it’s about guiding our kids through it, patiently and consistently. Trust the long game: small wins add up over time. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Once you do the hard stuff, then you get to do the good stuff.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Explore–Explain–Empower discipline frameworkhappyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Hold the boundary—even when it’s inconvenient. Kids learn what matters when we stay consistent. Allow space for autonomy—give kids opportunities to feel the natural outcomes of their choices. Celebrate the small wins—even when progress is slow, it still counts. Avoid the path of least resistance—growth often comes through struggle, not shortcuts. Trust the process—support, scaffold, and repeat. Your persistence will pay off. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We take a deep dive into the increasingly visible “furry” phenomenon among young people. What is it? Why is it happening? And most importantly, how should parents respond? From identity development to mental health concerns, online risks, and compassionate parenting strategies, this episode tackles the hard questions with clarity and care. KEY POINTS: Furries are individuals who adopt animal identities ("fursonas"), often through costumes, behaviours, or online personas. The trend is increasingly visible in schools and online, often linked with broader identity and mental health issues. Studies show high rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation among those identifying as furries. The furry community may offer temporary escape and affirmation, but it often delays deeper emotional work. Online spaces often amplify and affirm furriness, making digital monitoring essential. Role-play is a central component, particularly attractive to neurodiverse young people seeking to manage anxiety. Strong family relationships, boundaries, and compassionate but clear guidance are essential. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "If I have a child who wants to bark at me, I want to tell them how much I miss hearing their voice." – Kylie Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: University of Waikato Study (2018) – A key study exploring furry identity and mental health (link provided in episode show notes). HappyFamilies.com.au – Parenting resources and support. FurScience.net—Referenced with caution due to affirmation bias. ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Set clear, compassionate boundaries – Affirm your child's humanity while being loving and firm. Monitor digital activity – Block furry content and supervise online platforms where furry communities gather. Redirect creativity – Encourage healthy outlets like art, drama, and team sports. Strengthen real-world relationships – Help children build social connections offline. Seek professional support – Engage a qualified psychologist who explores root causes, not just symptoms. Respond with compassion, not punishment – Let your child know they are deeply loved and seen, even when their behaviour is difficult. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do you juggle a high-powered global career and single motherhood — and still show up for your child with presence and purpose? In this inspiring episode, Justin speaks with Sarah Armstrong, Vice President of Global Marketing Operations at Google and author of The Art of the Juggling Act: A Bite-Sized Guide for Working Parents. Sarah shares practical insights on setting boundaries, overcoming mum guilt, building a support network, and navigating divorce with grace — all while raising a well-rounded daughter. KEY POINTS: Setting and protecting boundaries is critical to successful work-family balance. Communicating your boundaries to others is as important as establishing them. Mum guilt is real — but grace and self-talk like “I’m doing the best I can” help reframe it. A solid support system — whether formal or informal — is essential for working parents. Children benefit from being included in adult conversations and exposed to diverse role models. A “good divorce” is possible through conscious, respectful co-parenting and emotional self-regulation. You can't control others' behaviour—but you can control your own responses, especially around your kids. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "Our kids deserve a few hours of our undivided attention. I didn’t just set boundaries — I protected them." – Sarah Armstrong RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Art of the Juggling Act: A Bite-Sized Guide for Working Parents by Sarah Armstrong Visit: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Define your non-negotiable boundaries (e.g., family time, tech-free windows). Communicate those boundaries clearly to work colleagues, clients, and family. Build a diverse support network — friends, neighbours, co-parents, and community members. Practice grace-based self-talk: Remind yourself, “I’m doing the best I can.” Include your kids in adult life — expose them to positive role models and conversations. In separation or divorce, prioritise your child’s emotional safety by regulating your own behaviour and language around them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do you do when your child comes home from the other parent’s house completely dysregulated—tantrums, tears, and turmoil? In this episode, Justin and Kylie respond to a heartfelt question from a grandparent caring for her four-year-old grandson. Together, they explore why these transitions are so tough, what’s really going on beneath the surface, and how to create calm, connection, and consistency after a disruptive change in environment. KEY POINTS: Transition distress is common for kids moving between homes, especially in co-parenting situations. Tantrums are not misbehaviour—they’re a child’s way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed and don’t know how to cope.” Emotional storms after change can be a sign of trust—kids release emotions where they feel safest. A “transition toolkit” can soften the landing when children return from the other parent’s house. Predictable routines, consistent rituals, and physical or emotional regulation activities make a big difference. Compassionate communication—within and between households—helps reduce stress and confusion for everyone. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“The most important gift we can give our kids is a consistent, compassionate response.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: happyfamilies.com.au – Parenting support and resources Submit your own tricky question: podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au or leave a voice message at happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Create a Soft Landing: After a transition, keep things calm, quiet, and low-stimulation. Avoid errands or activities. Establish Connection Rituals: Use consistent, comforting activities like a shared snack, special book, or photo album. Support Emotional Regulation: Offer hugs, breathing exercises, or safe physical play to help them reset. Validate Without Endorsing: Accept their feelings (“It’s okay to be upset”) while gently guiding behaviour. Use Visual Supports: Calendars, countdowns, and transitional objects (like a favourite toy or photo) help children prepare. Communicate Across Households: When possible, work towards consistency in routines and expectations between homes. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Pop star Chappell Roan recently claimed that all her friends with kids are “in hell” and have “no light in their eyes.” But is parenthood really as bleak as she makes it out to be? In this thought-provoking episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack this viral comment with equal parts data, personal reflection, and heartfelt perspective. Together, they explore the complex relationship between parenting and happiness—and why the hard parts often make family life more meaningful, not less. KEY POINTS: Chapel Roan’s viral claim about the misery of parenthood sparked a deeper conversation about happiness and raising kids. Research shows that while parenting is hard, it can also lead to greater meaning and long-term satisfaction. Married parents report higher happiness than unmarried or childless individuals, despite the challenges. Our culture often values ease and independence—but meaning and deep connection are built through effort. Parenthood brings emotional richness, not just “happiness” in the moment. Blanket statements about parenting overlook the light, joy, and depth it brings to many lives. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“I’m so rich—life is so rich—because every time I look at one of my kids, I think: this is what it’s all about.” — Kylie Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happiness research from the U.S. on parents vs. non-parents Paul Bloom & Roy Baumeister’s work on meaning and parenthood Instagram post from @tessapitter: “Dear Chapel Roan, I’ve never had more light in my eyes.” happyfamilies.com.au – Parenting resources for a happier family life ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Reframe your expectations – Hard doesn’t mean bad. Meaning often grows through challenge. Celebrate small joys – Whether it’s tying a shoelace or a shared laugh, these moments matter. Resist comparison culture – Social media snapshots don’t reflect the richness of your lived experience. Share your light – Let your kids see your joy, even in the chaos. They’re watching—and it shapes them. Choose presence over perfection – Fulfilment in parenthood isn’t about getting it “right,” but being there with love and intention. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ADHD is now the most diagnosed condition among Australian children under 14, and anxiety tops the list for teens. In this important episode, Dr Justin Coulson speaks with clinical psychologist Dr Jaimie Northam about the rise in childhood mental health challenges, the role of early intervention, and how parents can meaningfully support their kids. From understanding the signs to cutting through the online overwhelm, this conversation provides practical tools, gentle encouragement, and hope for families navigating tough seasons. KEY POINTS: ADHD and anxiety are rising dramatically among Australian children and teens. Family stress and digital distractions impact parent-child connection more than screen time itself. The three D’s to watch for: Distress, Dysfunction, and Deviation from typical development. A simple 10-minute connection with your child can dramatically improve behaviour and emotional resilience. Early mental health challenges often persist if left unaddressed — but early intervention can prevent long-term impact. Overexposure to conflicting parenting advice online can add to parental stress and confusion. Evidence-based strategies should fit both the child and the family — even among credible experts, one size does not fit all. The Growing Minds Check-In is a free, research-backed tool to assess your child’s wellbeing and get tailored support. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Half of all child mental health problems emerge before age twelve — and many become lifelong if we don’t act early.” — Dr Jaimie Northam RESOURCES MENTIONED: Growing Minds Check-In Study — growingmindscheckin.au Dr Jaimie Northam (University of Sydney) – Clinical psychologist and researcher happyfamilies.com.au – Parenting resources and support ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Use the Growing Minds Check-In: In just six minutes, assess your child’s wellbeing and receive customised recommendations. Schedule 10 minutes of ‘special time’ daily to connect with your child on their terms — no agenda, just play. Watch for the 3 D’s: Distress, Dysfunction, and Deviation — and seek early support if you notice any. Filter online advice carefully: Prioritise approaches that are research-backed, clearly explained, and suited to your child’s needs. Model self-regulation: If you’re too tired to engage well, set a respectful boundary — and follow through with connection later. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this heartwarming 'I'll Do Better Tomorrow' episode, Justin and Kylie share personal parenting wins and lessons from the week that was—featuring an inspiring story from Happy Families team member Mim. From the transformative power of early mornings to the deep connection built through presence, this episode is all about slowing down, showing up, and making time for what matters most. KEY POINTS: Mim shares how getting up early—after 18 years of waking when her kids wake—transformed her mornings, mental clarity, and ability to parent calmly. Kylie reflects on three powerful conversations she had with her daughters, all made possible by slowing down and being fully present. Justin recalls a moment of simple joy: the family naturally gathering in the kitchen, emphasising how unhurried time together creates connection. Time is the essential currency of love—our children need it, even when they don’t ask for it directly. Small changes in our routines can lead to big shifts in our family dynamics and overall wellbeing. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Connection, feeling seen, heard and valued is the currency of our relationships.” — Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Episode 1165: The Sleep Secret Nobody’s Talking About happyfamilies.com.au — Tools and resources for making your family happier ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Wake Up With Intention: Try waking up 30–60 minutes earlier than usual. Use this time to care for yourself before the chaos begins. Gift Presence: Notice the moments when your children might need you most—even when it’s inconvenient—and choose connection. Reach Out: Call or check in with a child you may not have spoken to deeply in a while. Your presence can shift their entire week. Slow It Down: Clear some weekend space for unhurried time together—visit a market, prepare food, enjoy simple rituals. Listen Closely: Don’t rush conversations. A single extra question can open up the emotional space your child needs. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking you totally bombed it—only to find out later that the other person actually liked you? This “liking gap” is more common than you think, especially in kids. In this Doctor’s Desk episode, Justin and Kylie explore fascinating new research about why we often underestimate how much others enjoy our company. They share insights from a large study on self-esteem, anxiety, and likability, and unpack what it all means for our children and their friendships. Plus, a personal story about Kylie’s first meeting with Justin’s mum that perfectly illustrates how wrong our first impressions can be. KEY POINTS: The liking gap is the psychological tendency to believe others like us less than they actually do. Low self-esteem and high social anxiety can amplify this gap, especially in children and teens. Real-world data shows most people are more accepted and liked than they realise. Kylie shares a vulnerable story about feeling disliked by Justin’s mum—which turned out to be the opposite of the truth. Kids need to feel safe, heard, and valued in their interactions to close the liking gap. Teaching children to focus on quality interaction over perceived popularity helps reduce relational anxiety. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Your child walks away from interactions feeling like they’ve bombed—when in reality, they’ve probably scored and they don’t even know it.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Study by Sugani, Sarah et al. at the University of Toronto on self-esteem, anxiety, and the liking gap Misconnection by Dr. Justin Coulson – insights from teenage girls on friendships Visit happyfamilies.com.au for additional resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Normalise the Liking Gap: Help your child understand that it's common to underestimate how much others like us. Boost Their Confidence: Support self-esteem by validating their feelings and encouraging their voice at home. Assume Positive Intent: Teach your kids to give others the benefit of the doubt rather than jumping to negative conclusions. Shift the Focus: Encourage your children to concentrate on meaningful interactions rather than worrying about how they're perceived. Model Vulnerability: Share your own stories of mistaken assumptions about being liked to show they're not alone. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.