Raising Kids Who Don’t Need to Win to Feel Worthy

When your child has to come first—whether it’s up the stairs or at bedtime—it can drive the whole family mad. But there’s more behind that competitiveness than you might think. In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack what’s really going on when kids can’t handle losing, and how to guide them toward healthy confidence instead of constant comparison.

KEY POINTS:

• Why competition and young kids don’t mix
• The developmental stages that make “winning” feel like a need, not a want
• How competence and self-worth get tangled together
• Simple strategies to help kids lose gracefully—and win kindly
• Why home should be a safe space to “win” without pressure

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:

“For me to feel good, I shouldn’t have to make you feel bad. That’s the problem with competition for young kids.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• What Your Child Needs From You by Dr Justin Coulson
• 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know by Dr Justin Coulson

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

1. Relax—it’s normal for young kids to want to win.
2. Play low-stakes games to help them practise losing.
3. Model losing (and winning) with grace.Teach them to find joy in helping others shine.
4. Let life be the teacher—your job is to provide a soft landing.

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