Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

The mental load in families isn't just about remembering school events or planning meals - it's an invisible, boundaryless, and enduring form of labour that impacts relationships, careers, and wellbeing. Join Professor Leah Ruppanner from the University of Melbourne as she unpacks groundbreaking research on how mental load affects modern families, why it's not just about task-sharing, and what couples can do to create more balance. Quote of the Episode: "The mental load is the emotional thinking work that we do to keep our households functioning." Key Insights: Women carry 71% of household mental load tasks. Mental load is invisible, boundary-less, and enduring. Both partners often duplicate mental load without realising. Schools generate nearly 3,000 WhatsApp messages per child annually. Men in equitable relationships report better health, sleep, and life satisfaction. Single parents (both mums and dads) share similar mental load levels. Work structures and social norms make it difficult for men to step into care roles. Mental load cannot be eliminated but can be better understood and managed. Resources Mentioned: Fair Play cards system Goldie app for managing school communications University of Melbourne research Misperceived podcast Professor Leah Ruppanner (@ProfLeah on Instagram) Action Steps for Parents: Start conversations about mental load without blame or past baggage. Consider how technology (like AI assistants) might help manage communications. Acknowledge both partners' different but equally valid mental burdens. Practice accepting help and taking breaks without guilt. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From dinosaur cartilage to gluten-free unicorn tears, the wellness industry has gone off the rails. Drawing from viral content creator Caitlin Murray's (@BigTimeAdulting) hilarious take on modern health advice, we unpack why women's health has become so complicated and offer practical alternatives to the supplement-heavy, social-media-driven wellness culture. Quote of the Episode: "The best health plan is the one that you can maintain long term." Key Insights: Modern wellness culture creates overwhelming and often contradictory advice Social media amplifies health anxiety and pressure The wellness industrial complex keeps adding complexity and cost Simple, sustainable changes often work better than extreme measures There's a difference between purchasing progress and earning it Family involvement can make healthy choices more sustainable Most health improvements require either time or money investment The basics (movement, whole foods, sleep) still matter most Resources Mentioned: BigTimeAdulting (Caitlin Murray) on Instagram Australian adult physical activity statistics Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Focus on sustainable, long-term health habits rather than quick fixes Reduce social media consumption for better mental and physical health Make healthy choices a family activity rather than an individual burden Choose whole foods and regular movement over complicated supplement regimens See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why do our kids lose it over the smallest things—and how can we help them hold it together? In this insightful episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack what emotional regulation really means and share a simple 3-step framework to help kids (and parents!) handle big feelings more effectively. Whether it's tantrums, sibling fights, or homework meltdowns, these tools will help your family build emotional resilience—without losing your cool. KEY POINTS: Emotional regulation is about expressing or suppressing emotions appropriately to achieve long-term goals. Most children develop consistent regulation skills by age 9, but they still need support along the way. Regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about processing them constructively. Parents must model regulation themselves, not just expect it from their kids. Three powerful parenting tools: Support, don’t solve – Be present and connected without taking over. Offer hints – Gently guide children through overwhelm with small, manageable steps. Read the room – Check for physical or emotional needs that might be driving big reactions. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Support, don’t solve—it builds competence, autonomy, and connection all at once.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment Self-Determination Theory HappyFamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Pause before reacting—check your own emotional state before helping your child regulate theirs. Name the emotion and offer empathy—validate your child’s feelings without fixing them. Break big tasks into chunks—help your child manage overwhelm one step at a time. Create a regulation-friendly environment—watch for hunger, fatigue, or stress that may fuel dysregulation. Model emotional regulation—let your child see you process your emotions calmly and respectfully. Resources Mentioned: Walter Mischel's Marshmallow Experiment Self-Determination Theory HappyFamilies.com.au See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Consent isn’t just a conversation for teens—it starts from birth and evolves with every stage of childhood. In this important episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack how to teach kids about consent from zero to adolescence. From tickle fights to tricky teen moments, this is your guide to raising respectful, confident kids who know their rights, understand boundaries, and feel empowered to speak up. KEY POINTS: Consent starts early: young children can learn body autonomy through everyday routines like bath time and tickling. Children should be taught they have a voice and their boundaries matter—even with trusted adults and relatives. From ages 6–12, focus on body language, verbal/non-verbal cues, and respect in friendships. For teenagers, conversations shift to romantic relationships, digital safety, and clear, enthusiastic consent. Consent is not a one-off talk—it’s an ongoing conversation based on empathy, safety, and empowerment. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“If the person you’re with won’t be excited about what happened tomorrow, that’s not consent.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Consent Can’t Wait – National campaign with age-appropriate, inclusive resources. Happy Families website – happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Start early: Give your child opportunities to express preferences about hugs, play, and physical affection. Use everyday language to explain consent during routines like dressing or bathing. Teach kids to read body language and respect “no”—even when it's non-verbal. Give your teens the tools to navigate peer pressure, digital safety, and intimacy with clarity and confidence. Remind your children that they owe no one access to their body—ever. Have open, ongoing conversations about boundaries, empathy, and healthy relationships—at every age. RELATED LINKS: #217 The Age of Consent with Rebecca Sparrow #226 More Than Consent Education with Melinda Tankard Reist Sex, Consent & Staying Safe [Webinar] #1071 - Body Boundaries With Jayneen Sanders Find us on Facebook  Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when a high-achieving mum, running two businesses and parenting three kids, discovers that the chaos in her life isn’t just “normal”—it’s undiagnosed ADHD? In this powerful and relatable conversation, Justin chats with former psychologist and ADHD advocate Jane McFadden about her late diagnosis, parenting in a neurodiverse family, and why understanding is the first step towards connection. KEY POINTS: Jane McFadden was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood—after years of burnout, high-functioning chaos, and parenting struggles. ADHD can often be masked by achievement, especially in women. Many children and adults use “scaffolding,” or complex routines, to hide difficulties with executive function. Diagnosis isn’t about labels—it’s about understanding and unlocking connection. Neurodiverse families can thrive when support and insight replace shame and confusion. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“If you don’t want to label your child, they’ll label themselves—and it’ll be far worse than any diagnosis.” RESOURCES: ADHD Mums podcast by Jane McFadden Happy Families Membership – happyfamilies.com.au Help For the ADHD Parent [Article] Parenting ADHD [The Course] Parenting an ADHD Child [Article] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: If you suspect neurodiversity in yourself or your child, seek a qualified assessment—it can offer clarity and hope. Explore resources and communities like ADHD Mums to connect with others on a similar journey. Approach parenting with empathy—ask your child why something is hard instead of assuming they’re being defiant. Recognise the signs of burnout in yourself and prioritise support. Focus on connection first—diagnosis is a tool to deepen relationships, not define them. Find us on Facebook Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If you've ever asked your child to do something—only to be met with silence, eye-rolls, or outright refusal—this episode is for you. Justin and Kylie dive into five surprising reasons why kids ignore us and share five powerful strategies to help them want to listen. With equal parts insight and humour, this episode offers real-world parenting advice that makes connection—not control—the goal. KEY POINTS: Kids often don’t listen because they don’t care about the task or see it as relevant to them. Developmentally, children are egocentric and lack adult-level perspective. Parents often forget to get their child’s attention before making a request. Screentime, distractions, and habits of non-compliance can reduce responsiveness. Being fun, patient, and involved can transform how children respond. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Be the kind of person your kids want to pay attention to.” RESOURCES: Happy Families Membership – happyfamilies.com.au How to Get Your Kids to Really Listen [PDF download] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Get your child’s attention before speaking—use touch, eye contact, and a calm tone. Be involved—where possible, do the task together rather than directing from afar. Use gentle reminders and accountability instead of repeating or yelling. Be patient—allow time between request and response before following up. Make it fun—add humour, creativity, and playfulness to your interactions to boost connection. Find us on Facebook Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Should we be making our children apologise when they do the wrong thing? What does a sincere apology look like? In this episode: Parental Guidance (S1): “Forcing children to apologise is teaching children to lie” Victim mentality People pleasing Ruptured relationships The Parenting Revolution, by Dr Justin Coulson Motivation Continuum - extrinsic, introjected, identified, integrated, intrinsic Is It Wrong to Tell Kids to Apologize? | The Atlantic Theory of Mind Why do children apologise under coercion? Feeling seen, heard, and valued Repairing relationships Why don't kids want to apologise? 4 components of a sincere apology Related links:  Should we Force our Children to Say 'Sorry' Carrots & Sticks: How Rewards and Punishments Hurt Our Kids, and What to do Instead [Webinar] Doors are now open to the Happy Families Membership  NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print & Play’ subscription FELT (Fostering Emotional Learning Together) Find us on Facebook or TikTok Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is self-control something you're born with—or something you can teach your kids, starting today? Psychologist and bestselling author Ethan Kross takes us into the science of the inner voice, revealing how our thoughts shape our behaviour—and how we can shape our thoughts. From powerful tools that help children talk to themselves like a friend to simple mindset shifts that build long-term resilience, this conversation is packed with practical wisdom for raising emotionally intelligent, self-regulated kids. KEY POINTS: Self-control is a skill that can be taught and strengthened. The inner voice is a powerful tool in navigating emotions and decision-making. Kids benefit from learning how to create psychological distance during challenges. Techniques like mental time travel and third-person self-talk are effective at all ages. Parents have a unique opportunity to guide how children learn to speak to themselves. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“We’re not born with self-control; we learn it. And the tools we use to manage our mind are like muscles—we can train them.” KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Help your child shift perspective by asking, “What would you say to a friend?” Build emotional resilience by teaching kids to recall times they’ve overcome obstacles. Model calm and constructive self-talk in your own moments of stress—kids are watching. Introduce the idea of an “inner coach” who can guide them through tough situations. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by Ethan Kross University of Michigan’s Emotion & Self-Control Lab Techniques such as self-distancing, visualisation, and reflective self-talk ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Be intentional with your own self-talk—your children are learning from you. Use playful, imaginative language to teach kids how to create emotional distance. Encourage children to reflect on past successes to fuel future confidence. Practice third-person self-talk together to turn overwhelming moments into teachable ones. Keep emotional regulation tools simple, visual, and consistent. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Could the way we celebrate kids at school actually be leaving many of them behind? In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the hidden costs of awards, assemblies, and school trips. From motivation to mental health, they explore how traditional recognition systems can impact children—and what we can do instead to help every child feel seen, supported, and valued. KEY POINTS: Awards ceremonies often benefit the same high achievers, leaving many students feeling invisible or unworthy. External rewards can reduce intrinsic motivation, especially in areas of creativity, effort, and behaviour. Assemblies can either unite a community or create anxiety and disconnection, depending on how they're run. Away days and camps offer valuable opportunities for growth—but need to be inclusive and purposeful. Children thrive when they feel seen, valued, and part of something bigger than themselves. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Kids don’t need a trophy to know they matter. They need connection, encouragement, and a belief that they belong.” KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Praise effort and process, not just outcomes. Be cautious about over-relying on rewards—consider what motivates your child from within. Talk with your child about how school events make them feel—do they feel recognised and included? Encourage educators to focus on connection and belonging in school-wide activities. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Deci & Ryan’s research on Self-Determination Theory Studies on rewards and motivation from Alfie Kohn and Carol Dweck Justin Coulson’s book 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Ask your child how they feel during awards assemblies—validate their emotions. Focus your praise on effort, character, and perseverance rather than outcomes. Advocate for inclusive school events that celebrate all students, not just a few. If your child misses out on recognition, remind them of their value through connection and encouragement. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Justin and Kylie dive into startling new data showing the positive effects of mobile phone bans in Australian schools. They explore statistics that reveal significant improvements in student learning, behaviour, and classroom engagement and reflect on the broader implications for parenting and screen time at home. KEY POINTS: The mobile phone ban in schools has led to 87% of students being less distracted 81% reporting improved learning 63% drop in critical incidents involving social media 54% reduction in behavioural issues Government intervention in screen and phone use is proving effective. Removing screens from classrooms and delaying smartphone access at home are strongly recommended. Analogue tools outperform digital ones in fostering better learning outcomes. Data from vaping bans also support the case for limiting access to harmful digital content. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Kids don't need smartphones. They need smart parents, and smart parents give their kids dumb phones.” – Dr. Justin Coulson KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Delaying your child's access to smartphones helps them focus, learn, and behave better. School phone bans are effective, but more impact can be made at home and in broader digital habits. Parents shouldn't rely on children to self-regulate in an adult digital world—protection and guidance are necessary. Government restrictions, while imperfect, are valuable in safeguarding children. RESOURCES: Unplug Childhood [Join the village!] Kids Need Smart Parents, Not Smart Phones [Article] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Delay giving children smartphones as long as possible—opt for dumb phones with basic functionality. Set boundaries around screen use at home, especially for social media and unsupervised access. Support analogue learning tools at home and advocate for them in schools. Stay informed about government policies that affect your child’s digital environment. Have open conversations with your child about the purpose and risks of digital devices. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.