Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families cover image

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Latest episodes

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Feb 21, 2025 • 43min

#1183 - 71% of Household Mental Load Falls to Mums - Here's Why

The mental load in families isn't just about remembering school events or planning meals - it's an invisible, boundaryless, and enduring form of labour that impacts relationships, careers, and wellbeing. Join Professor Leah Ruppanner from the University of Melbourne as she unpacks groundbreaking research on how mental load affects modern families, why it's not just about task-sharing, and what couples can do to create more balance. Quote of the Episode: "The mental load is the emotional thinking work that we do to keep our households functioning." Key Insights: Women carry 71% of household mental load tasks. Mental load is invisible, boundary-less, and enduring. Both partners often duplicate mental load without realising. Schools generate nearly 3,000 WhatsApp messages per child annually. Men in equitable relationships report better health, sleep, and life satisfaction. Single parents (both mums and dads) share similar mental load levels. Work structures and social norms make it difficult for men to step into care roles. Mental load cannot be eliminated but can be better understood and managed. Resources Mentioned: Fair Play cards system Goldie app for managing school communications University of Melbourne research Misperceived podcast Professor Leah Ruppanner (@ProfLeah on Instagram) Action Steps for Parents: Start conversations about mental load without blame or past baggage. Consider how technology (like AI assistants) might help manage communications. Acknowledge both partners' different but equally valid mental burdens. Practice accepting help and taking breaks without guilt. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Feb 20, 2025 • 15min

#1182 - The Silent Message Your Face Sends

The Silent Message Your Face Sends   When your child walks into the room, what do they see? Drawing from Toni Morrison's profound insight and an Olympic coach's wisdom about competition, discover how subtle expressions shape our children's sense of worth and why measuring against our own progress matters more than beating others. Plus, learn why even well-intentioned critical looks might be sending the wrong message. Quote of the Episode: "When they walked in the room, I was glad to see them. It's just as small as that... That is how you learn what your value is." Key Insights: Children read facial expressions more than words. Good intentions can still show as criticism. Competition should focus on personal improvement. Our reactions shape children's sense of worth. Joy should be visible, not just felt. Even caring criticism can appear negative. Personal bests matter more than winning. Face-to-face interactions shape self-worth. Resources Mentioned: Frank Dick's coaching philosophy Toni Morrison on the Oprah Show Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Notice your facial expression when children enter the room.. Focus on personal growth rather than competitive outcomes. Show joy intentionally in daily interactions Make delight visible when greeting children. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Feb 19, 2025 • 15min

#1181 - When Mama Bear Strikes: A Deeper Look

A mum's classroom confrontation made headlines, but the full story reveals a more complex reality about school bullying. Learn why traditional approaches often fail, what evidence you need to collect, and when removing your child might be the best option. Plus, discover why building adult relationships could matter more than peer connections. Quote of the Episode: "Fundamentally our job is to keep our kids safe. When we can't control others' behaviour, sometimes removing our children is the only option." Key Insights: High emotions lead to poor decision-making. Evidence collection is crucial for intervention. Restorative practice isn't always effective.  Working within the system brings better results. Adult mentoring may be more valuable than peer relationships. System escalation requires documented evidence. Physical and psychological safety must be priorities. Traditional age-based socialisation may need rethinking.   Resources Mentioned: eSafety Commissioner website Department of Education Police reporting systems Happy Families   Action Steps for Parents: Document Everything Keep interaction records Save digital evidence Track all school communications 2.  Work Within the System Follow proper channels Escalate systematically Maintain evidence trails 3. Consider Safety Options Evaluate psychological safety Consider environment changes Build adult support networks See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Feb 18, 2025 • 12min

#1180 - Do Helpful Husbands Get Lucky? The Research Says...

Does helping around the house lead to a better love life? In this preview of Saturday's interview with Professor Leah Ruppanner, we explore the surprising truth about mental load duplication in relationships and why keeping score might be missing the point. Plus, discover why men who share the mental load don't just get 'lucky' - they get better sleep, health, and life satisfaction too. Quote of the Episode: "The load hasn't shifted, it is still as heavy as it was, but now we're shouldering it together." Key Insights: Both partners often carry duplicate worries and mental load Men frequently carry heavy but unspoken burdens Task division isn't about transactions but teamwork Mental load reduction isn't about attraction but creating space for connection Daily vs episodic tasks affect how couples share responsibilities Working as a team matters more than keeping score Sharing mental load benefits both partners' wellbeing Open communication about burdens strengthens relationships Resources Mentioned: Professor Leah Ruppanner, University of Melbourne Research on mental load and marital satisfaction Happy Families Full interview airing Saturday Action Steps for Couples: Acknowledge both partners' mental burdens without score-keeping Share loads together rather than carrying them individually Focus on team approaches rather than transactional divisions Create space for connection by sharing mental and physical tasks See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Feb 17, 2025 • 14min

#1179 - Why Your Three-Year-Old Seems Possessed (And What to Do)

When everything's a battle with your three-year-old, understanding the developmental realities can transform your approach. Learn why emotional regulation, theory of mind, and language development explain those challenging behaviours, and discover three practical solutions that actually work. Plus, find out why your child might be an angel at daycare but struggle at home - and why that's actually a good sign. Quote of the Episode: "We expect way too much of our children emotionally and not nearly enough of them physically." Key Insights: Emotional regulation begins developing at age 3-4 Theory of Mind develops around ages 4.5-5.5 Language limitations affect behaviour management Different contexts (home vs daycare) create different behaviours Connection matters more than correction Rushing and time pressure escalate emotions The importance of autonomy for toddler cooperation Fun can transform routine tasks Resources Mentioned: Little People, Big Feelings [webinar] The Parenting Revolution [book] Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Slow Down Create margin in routines Reduce rushing Maintain calm Build Connection Focus on feeling seen, heard, and valued Prioritize emotional availability Engage in their activities Make it Fun Add playful elements to routine tasks Use music and movement Transform ordinary moments with simple games See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Feb 16, 2025 • 12min

#1178 - Two People Who Can Change Your Child's School Life

When kids feel they belong at school, the benefits last up to 10 years into their future. Drawing from groundbreaking Monash University research, discover why school belonging trumps academic success for long-term wellbeing, and learn the two key relationships that can transform your child's school experience. Plus, get practical strategies to help your child build stronger school connections, even if they're struggling to fit in. Quote of the Episode: "Those children who felt a strong sense of belonging in high school experienced fewer mental health challenges in their 20s." Key Insights: School belonging impacts mental health well into the mid-20s Two key factors: one supportive adult and one friend at school Strong school belonging leads to better engagement and motivation Social connections act as a resource that helps accumulate more positive relationships Belonging increases resilience and ability to cope with stress Effects persist even when controlling for academic performance Parent involvement can significantly impact school belonging The impact goes beyond immediate happiness to long-term wellbeing Resources Mentioned: Monash University research study Associate Professor Kellyanne Allen's work US research on school belonging Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Partner with the School Open communication with teachers Advocate through school counsellors Support school initiatives and volunteer when possible Nurture Connections at Home Provide emotional support Help develop social skills Create opportunities for friendship building Champion Their Interests Encourage exploration of passions Celebrate strengths Support age-appropriate autonomy See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Feb 14, 2025 • 35min

#1177 - The Tech Expert Who's Fighting Big Tech... For Our Kids

Use HAPPY at g-mee.com for a $40 discount on G-Mee Connect Pro (down from $189 to $149). A former Channel 9 tech commentator reveals why he abandoned his media career to create a safer phone for kids after witnessing the devastating effects of unrestricted device access. In this eye-opening conversation, Charlie Brown shares shocking insider stories about social media dangers and offers hope to parents navigating the digital landscape. If you've ever worried about giving your child a phone, this episode could change everything. Quote of the Episode: "Do not ever let them have unfettered access to the internet on any device at all, ever." - Charlie Brown Key Points: The age of first phone adoption is getting younger while devices are becoming more powerful and potentially dangerous. Most parental controls have significant limitations or can be circumvented. Social media platforms deliberately make frequent changes to stay ahead of parental understanding. The impact of current tech decisions on children won't be fully understood for 5-10 years. Parents need to work collaboratively with children rather than taking an adversarial approach. Device-free car rides create opportunities for meaningful family conversation. The dangers of TikTok extend beyond individual privacy to potential sociopolitical manipulation. Resources Mentioned: G-mee Phones Spriggy (banking app) Google Family Link Apple Screen Time TikTok Action Steps for Parents: Implement some form of parental controls on all devices. Create tech-free zones and times (like car rides) for family connection. Have regular conversations with children about their digital experiences. Build trust so children feel safe discussing online challenges. Consider alternatives to standard smartphones for younger children. Remove unfettered internet access from children's devices. Model healthy tech habits by reducing your own screen time. Work collaboratively with children rather than taking a purely restrictive approach. Use HAPPY at g-mee.com for a $40 discount on G-Mee Connect Pro (down from $189 to $149).See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Feb 13, 2025 • 16min

#1176 - Competition and Kids: A Fresh Perspective

Pink lunch boxes, parenting confessions, and some truly terrible (but hilarious) kid jokes—this episode has it all! Justin shares a surprising "mea culpa" about a parenting stance he might have been too firm on, while Kylie opens up about their daughter's tough transition back to school and how they’re helping her navigate the overwhelm. Plus, a heartfelt listener shoutout and a laugh-out-loud joke about ADHD. Tune in for relatable parenting moments, thoughtful insights, and a few good giggles! Key Insights: Teen overwhelm requires patient, curious exploration Using movies like Inside Out 2 can help explain emotions Competition's impact depends on context and age Sometimes feeling competent matters more than winning Parents can and should revise their positions The way we process experiences matters more than the experiences themselves School transitions create multiple layers of challenge Emotion coaching requires timing and patience Quote of the Episode: "It's not about doing therapy, it's just about helping her to feel seen, heard, and valued so that you can move to a productive resolution." Resources Mentioned: Inside Out 2 movie 9 Ways to a Resilient Child book 9 Ways to a Resilient Child [The Course] Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Help children identify and understand their emotions before seeking solutions Use relatable metaphors (like movies) to discuss complex feelings Reconsider whether protecting children from competition might limit growth opportunities See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Feb 12, 2025 • 13min

#1175 - Why Your Husband's Diet Works (And Yours Doesn't)

From dinosaur cartilage to gluten-free unicorn tears, the wellness industry has gone off the rails. Drawing from viral content creator Caitlin Murray's (@BigTimeAdulting) hilarious take on modern health advice, we unpack why women's health has become so complicated and offer practical alternatives to the supplement-heavy, social-media-driven wellness culture. Quote of the Episode: "The best health plan is the one that you can maintain long term." Key Insights: Modern wellness culture creates overwhelming and often contradictory advice Social media amplifies health anxiety and pressure The wellness industrial complex keeps adding complexity and cost Simple, sustainable changes often work better than extreme measures There's a difference between purchasing progress and earning it Family involvement can make healthy choices more sustainable Most health improvements require either time or money investment The basics (movement, whole foods, sleep) still matter most Resources Mentioned: BigTimeAdulting (Caitlin Murray) on Instagram Australian adult physical activity statistics Happy Families Action Steps for Parents: Focus on sustainable, long-term health habits rather than quick fixes Reduce social media consumption for better mental and physical health Make healthy choices a family activity rather than an individual burden Choose whole foods and regular movement over complicated supplement regimens See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Feb 11, 2025 • 12min

#1174 - Meta's Worst Nightmare: Kids Without Phones

Use HAPPY at g-mee.com for a $40 discount on G-Mee Connect Pro (down from $189 to $149). Why don’t tech executives let their own children use social media? Can teenagers appreciate strict phone boundaries? If you're fighting screen time battles with your kids, this episode offers hope that your children will eventually thank you for protecting them from unrestricted tech access. Quote of the Episode: "Nobody ever says, 'That was the best weekend ever, just love that! We should do that more often—stare at our phones and ignore each other.'" - Justin Coulson Key Points: Meta and other tech platforms are "terrified" of proposed legislation restricting youth access. Tech executives often ban their own children from using the products they create. The shift from play-based to screen-based childhood is rewiring children's brains. Building trust and supporting autonomy helps children understand and accept boundaries. Regular conversations about technology use are essential for family relationships. Social media platforms prioritise engagement over user wellbeing. Children eventually recognise and appreciate parents' protective boundaries. Resources Mentioned: Unplug Childhood Jonathan Haidt's research on "the great rewiring" Need-supportive parenting approach Action Steps for Parents: Include children in technology decision-making processes. Have regular conversations about tech use rather than one-time discussions. Build trust while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Support autonomy within safe limits. Create tech-free family time. Share the reasoning behind tech restrictions. Focus on building real-world connections. Stay informed about social media risks and platform practices. Use HAPPY at g-mee.com for a $40 discount on G-Mee Connect Pro (down from $189 to $149).See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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