Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Every cry feels urgent. Every opinion feels loud. But what if responding faster isn’t always better? New research reveals something surprising: being responsive matters—but being too responsive might actually make things harder for your baby (and you). In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down a powerful cross-cultural study that challenges popular parenting advice and explains what truly helps babies learn to calm themselves—without neglect, guilt, or extremes. If you’ve ever felt anxious about every sound your baby makes, this episode will change how you listen. KEY POINTS Why faster responses don’t always mean faster soothing What a UK–Uganda study reveals about infant self-regulation The difference between responsiveness and over-responsiveness How parental anxiety transfers directly to babies Why how you respond matters as much as when you respond QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Being responsive helps babies feel safe—but being over-responsive can stop them learning how to soothe themselves.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Research published in Developmental Psychology British Psychological Society (BPS) 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know –by Dr Justin Coulson HappyFamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause before responding—notice the level of distress Respond quickly to real distress, not every murmur Calm yourself first—your baby borrows your nervous system Trust that small pauses can build self-soothing skills Let go of “perfect” responses and aim for attuned ones See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s happening younger than ever. Girls as young as five are worrying about their weight, and by age nine the insecurities can hit hard. In this episode we unpack a listener’s heartbreaking question: “Is my daughter pretty enough?” - and share the practical steps that protect kids from body image pain without making it worse. KEY POINTS Body image worries now start between ages 5–9 for many girls Why reassurance backfires & curiosity helps The 3-step approach: Curious → Validate → Reframe Teach function over appearance to build positive body appreciation The strongest predictor: how parents talk about their own bodies What mothers model → daughters absorb (instantly & powerfully) QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Don’t rush in with reassurance - get curious, not furious.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Misconnection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World, and Needs to Talk by Justin Coulson The Misconnection Summit Enough - A video resource for teen girls ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Get Curious (Not Furious): Ask where comments came from before correcting. Validate the Feelings: “That must have felt really crummy. I’m glad you told me.” Reframe: Shift to body function (what it does, not how it looks). Model Neutral-to-Positive Self Talk: No dieting talk, no body bashing, no opting out of photos. Build Gratitude for the Body: Surfing, running, hugging- celebrate capability. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The new social media minimum-age laws have landed — and parents are feeling everything from relief to rage. Eight weeks in, are our kids safer… or has nothing changed? In this episode, Justin Coulson unpacks what’s working, what’s failing, and the 3 essential things families must do now to navigate the digital world without losing connection. KEY POINTS Why the ban isn’t about cutting friendships — it’s about removing algorithmic manipulation from kids’ brains What big tech didn’t see coming (and why they’re closing youth accounts fast) The unexpected wins for kids: less anxiety, more freedom, real play The losses: platform migration, VPNs, fake ages, and parent-enabled workarounds Why this is a parent problem, not just a kid problem The 3 actions every family needs to take now QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “We’re not banning friendships. We’re protecting kids from big tech systems designed to manipulate their brains.”  RESOURCES GMee Phone (parental control phone) Rebecca Sparrow's free resource for parents: Beginner phones Landline/feature phones as alternative communication strategies Face-to-face play and offline gaming suggestions ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Have the WHY conversation — Kids don’t comply with “because I said so.” Explain algorithms, manipulation, and wellbeing.2. Offer real alternatives — Phones without cameras, offline gaming, playdates, landlines, outdoor time.3. Model digital discipline — If parents doom-scroll, kids will too. Show healthy device habits. LISTEN TO THIS EPISODE IF: You’re confused or frustrated by the social media ban Your child is begging for social media access You want safer digital habits without isolating kids You want less anxiety, more connection, and more play See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Some lessons don’t land the first time. Or the tenth. But then—something shifts. In this episode, Justin shares a surprising win from “explicit teaching” with his kids, and Kylie opens up about kinesiology, therapy, and why the evidence doesn’t always tell the whole story. This one hits deep for any parent who’s trying to raise values-led kids while staying connected through the teenage years. KEY POINTS Why teens need us in the details of their lives — even when they push back The power of a safe third party in tough conversations (psychology vs. kinesiology) How “explicit teaching” actually works in real families (the media/music example) When values stick — and why discussion beats lecturing every time The shift from compliance → identification → integration when kids choose their values QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “We don’t tell them what they have to do — we share principles, ask what they think, and keep the conversation going.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Misconnection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World, and Needs to Talk (Justin Coulson PhD) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Create safe third-party spaces. This could be a psychologist, mentor, aunt, uncle, or trusted adult — not always paid. Use explicit teaching sparingly — but consistently. Small conversations over time beat one big lecture. Ask values-based questions. Try: “What do you think this message does to you?” Let them wrestle. Real learning happens in the tension — not in compliance. Keep reflecting, don’t direct. Facilitate decisions instead of making them for your kids. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The school year has barely started… and mornings are chaos, afternoons are meltdowns, and bedtime is a war zone. If your family routine is already off the rails, you’re not alone — and you’re not failing. In this short, evidence-based episode, Justin & Kylie share two powerhouse strategies backed by world-class research that will instantly reduce friction, restore calm, and get your days flowing again. KEY POINTS Most families don’t have ten problems — they have one bottleneck. Fix that, and everything downstream improves. Use three questions to identify your real bottleneck (not the symptoms). Mornings, after-school collapse, bedtime battles, and parent bottlenecks are the most common trouble spots. Decision fatigue breaks routines. Successful families minimise decisions by using defaults, patterns, and routines. One-time decisions beat daily debates: uniforms, breakfast rotation, meal rosters, after-school defaults, and bedtime rules. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Family routine falls apart because you’re burning willpower on low-value repetitive decisions instead of creating a system that lets you make the decision once — then keep it on repeat.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Theory of Constraints — Eli Goldratt (bottlenecks & flow) Paradox of Choice — Barry Schwartz (decision overload) Decision Architecture — Chip Heath Skylight Calendar (not sponsored) — digital scheduling & defaults tool ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Identify the bottleneck: Ask: When does chaos peak? What task derails everything? What’s the domino? Fix that first. Engineer it out of existence: Change the environment, not the child — uniforms ready, lunches packed, shoes found the night before. Create defaults: Breakfast rotation, meal roster, after-school ritual, homework spot, bedtime time. Save willpower for what matters. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

They explain why anxiety, bullying and neurodivergence pushed them out of traditional school. They describe daily rhythms: who leads learning, flexible hours, and creative free time. They discuss research on testing, university rates and social outcomes. They cover trial approaches, mental wellbeing benefits, and the realistic trade offs of homeschooling life.

They unpack how teacher stress and parent behaviour shape a child’s school year. They explore why quick interactions often miss the mark and why volunteering builds trust fast. They highlight simple gratitude tactics to boost teacher morale. They stress holding stories lightly and assuming positive intent in tricky moments.

Discover how to make Christmas joyful and calm with a simple 'less is more' approach. Learn clever hacks like using shoeboxes for wrapping gifts and creating a fun unwrapping game. Justin and Kylie share their transformative family goals retreat and why most New Year’s resolutions fail. They emphasize turning goals into lifestyle habits, focusing on daily choices for big, long-term wins in health and vitality. Uncover the joy of thoughtful gift-giving and the surprising benefits of prioritizing family time.

The stationery scramble matters… but not as much as your child’s heart. In this powerful back-to-school episode, Justin and Kylie share the real checklist that sets kids up for confidence, calm, friendships, and resilience—without over-engineering the morning routine or forcing a perfect bedtime. Whether your child is starting school for the first time or changing schools for the fourth time, these strategies make Week 1 smoother and the whole year emotionally healthier. KEY POINTS The basic supplies are not what define success—keep them simple and stress-free. Three non-negotiables before Day 1: emotional check-ins, “who’s got your back” planning, and relationship connection. Why rehearsing the morning routine and enforcing strict early bedtimes are overrated. The 4-Part Real Checklist that changes the entire school year: How Can I Help? — support their goals instead of setting them. Daily Check-In Questions that build resilience, kindness, and social insight. Friendship Audit — understanding who they spend time with and how to support healthy social worlds. Activity Opt-Out Audit — letting kids quit activities that drain them and choose ones that light them up. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “When kids define success on their terms and know we’re in their corner, they’re amazing.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Personal Progress Interviews (PPI) Daily Check-In Questions for connection Friendship Audit steps Family Meeting framework ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Hold a relaxed emotional check-in before school starts (in bed, at the beach, on a walk). Clarify “who’s got your back” at school—teacher, counselor, friend, parent. Ask one Daily Check-In Question at dinner or bedtime. Run a Friendship Audit: learn names, build contact, create unstructured hangouts. Run an Activity Opt-Out Audit: “If we weren’t already doing this, would you choose it today?” Give permission to drop activities that feel like obligations, not joys. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Smartphones may seem essential, but research shows early access negatively impacts kids' mental health and sleep. Parents often grapple with cultural pressures for phone ownership, thinking of safety and connection. Instead, alternatives like dumb phones and watches are suggested. It's vital to establish a family standard, such as letting kids earn their phones. Even if a child already has a smartphone, setting boundaries like no phones in bedrooms can help mitigate risks. Ultimately, prioritizing well-being over immediate approval is key.