Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

“I Don’t Like Playing with My Kids” – Why Play Still Matters If the idea of playing Barbies or dragons makes you groan… you’re not alone. In this episode, Justin and Kylie tackle a parenting confession that many are afraid to admit: “I don’t like playing with my kids.” Drawing from emotional intelligence research and real-life experience, they unpack why play matters (even if it’s not your favourite), how to make it meaningful and manageable, and why it’s one of the simplest ways to build connection, confidence, and emotional regulation in your child. KEY POINTS Play is not a luxury—it’s essential.Play builds emotional intelligence, connection, and social skills better than almost anything else. It’s not about doing it ‘right’.Play works best when it’s spontaneous, simple, and mutually enjoyable—not when it’s forced or scripted. The emotional impact is profound.Play regulates emotions, reduces tension, strengthens relationships, and helps kids feel seen, heard, and valued. The secret is in the interaction.What makes play powerful is the back-and-forth: the jokes, the giggles, the shared creativity—not the activity itself. A little goes a long way.Just 5–10 minutes of intentional play can fill your child’s emotional cup and help them play independently afterwards. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Play is not about perfection—it’s about connection and presence.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Happy Families Membership – parenting tools & webinars happyfamilies.com.au – resources for raising emotionally intelligent kids Ethan Kross, Shift ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Find a 5–10 minute window each dayYou don’t need hours. Commit to short, fully present bursts of play—no phones, no multitasking. Gamify the mundaneTurn routines into playful challenges: “Can you hop to the bathroom on one foot?” or “Let’s race to tidy up.” Let your child leadAsk: “How could we make this more fun?” Give them a sense of autonomy and watch their creativity bloom. Prioritise connection over performanceYou’re not there to entertain—you’re there to engage. Drop the pressure, enjoy the moment. Repeat. Consistency is the win.Over time, this builds emotional strength, stronger relationships, and memories that last. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Prawns, Perspective & Parenting: Why the Silly Moments Matter Most Sometimes the most ridiculous memories become the most meaningful.In this heartfelt Friday episode, Justin and Kylie reflect on family, connection, and the unexpected power of silly traditions—like reenacting a 50-year-old prawn-and-tomato-sauce date. From celebrating milestones to navigating teenage heartbreak, this episode reminds us that family life isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, being all-in, and seeing our children through a lens of love. KEY POINTS Family memories don’t have to be perfect to matter. A chaotic dinner with bad food can become a treasured story if shared with love and laughter. Perspective is everything—especially with big emotions. When a teenager's heartbreak feels overwhelming, a shift in perspective can transform frustration into compassion. Silly moments build strong families. Reenactments, impromptu plays, or saying “yes” to your child’s wild idea create connection and shared joy. The long game in parenting matters. Showing up, sticking it out, and staying connected builds legacy—not just for now, but for generations. Every child’s intensity is a strength in disguise. Big emotions may feel inconvenient in the moment—but they’re often the foundation for deep love and character. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “We think we’re supposed to have perfect families—prawns and tomato sauce is not a perfect dish. But that’s the stuff of family.” RESOURCES MENTIONED The Parenting Revolution by Dr. Justin Coulson This is Connection – book mentioned by a listener Shift by Ethan Kross – for understanding and managing emotions happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Say Yes to the Silly Stuff When your kids ask to put on a play, reenact a moment, or share something ridiculous—join in. Shift Your Perspective If you’re feeling frustrated, try seeing the situation through someone else’s eyes—especially your child’s. Celebrate the Everyday You don’t need a 50th anniversary to make memories. Make ordinary moments extraordinary by being present. Notice the Strength in Emotion Big feelings can be exhausting—but they reveal depth, empathy, and passion. Name the strengths behind the storm. Invest TIME Kids spell love T-I-M-E. Whatever else you have going on this weekend, spend it with them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if the most powerful thing you can do as a parent… is let go? Today’s episode dives into one of the most radical and relieving ideas in parenting: trusting your child’s natural development. Drawing on powerful research from McGill University, Dr Justin explores why pushing less can actually lead to more—less stress, more confidence, fewer behavioural issues, and healthier relationships. Learn how to spot the traps of controlling parenting and discover the four key ingredients to raising capable, self-motivated kids—without the pressure. KEY POINTS The Research: A 2008 study by Landry et al. found that parents who trust their children’s natural development feel more competent, enjoy parenting more, and have children with fewer behaviour problems. Trust ≠ Permissive Parenting: It’s not about doing nothing—it’s about guiding without controlling, believing that your child has an innate drive to grow and learn. The Stress Trap of Controlling Parenting: When parents feel responsible for every part of a child’s progress, they become ego-involved. This leads to micro-managing, overstimulation, and undermines the child’s self-motivation. Four Core Practices of Trust-Based Parenting: Explain why – Not just "because I said so" Validate feelings – Acknowledge the struggle without removing limits Offer real choices – Not manipulative options, but genuine autonomy Minimise control – Step back from bribes, threats, and pressure Cultural Insight: Norwegian mums, with more social support, showed higher trust in natural development than Canadian mums—highlighting how systemic pressure affects parenting mindset. Trust Leads to Growth: Kids with trusting parents show better self-regulation, higher intrinsic motivation, and fewer behavioural problems. They trust their own capabilities—because their parents do. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The most radical thing you can do as a parent might be to trust your child.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Landry et al. (2008) study on trust in development The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson happyfamilies.com.au – Parenting resources and support ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Stop Comparing Ditch the charts, milestone checklists, and other kids' timelines. Trust your child’s rhythm. Pause Before You Push Ask: “Is this about my child—or my anxiety?” Shift from Director to Facilitator Create opportunities, then step back and let your child take the lead. Use the Four Trust Tools: Give reasons Recognise feelings Offer choices Minimise control Remember the Long Game Development isn’t a race. If you're planting seeds, don’t keep digging them up to see if they’re growing. Just nurture, support—and trust.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Join us as we dive into the world of "Granny Core" — a charming, nostalgic approach to helping kids disconnect from screens by embracing slow, hands-on, screen-free hobbies. From knitting and baking to treehouse building and backyard adventures, this episode is packed with 20 timeless activities that promote creativity, connection, and calm. If you're tired of fighting the screen-time battle, this list is your new best friend. KEY POINTS: Why Screen-Free Matters: The overuse of screens is linked to increased anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and academic issues in kids. The Rise of Granny Core: A cultural trend that celebrates slow, traditional activities like knitting, gardening, and baking. Nostalgic Outdoor Play: Classic games like hopscotch, bike riding, and treehouse building help foster imagination and independence. Community & Connection: Group activities like game nights and neighbourhood breakfasts create meaningful relationships and combat isolation. Creative Projects: Activities such as Lego building, writing stories, and learning instruments develop resilience and problem-solving. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “The goal isn’t to eliminate screens entirely. The goal is to ensure screens aren’t crowding out enriching experiences that build confidence, creativity, and connection for our kids.” – Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happy Families website: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Pick One Granny Hobby: Choose one activity, like baking or embroidery, to try with your child this week. Get Outside: Encourage unstructured outdoor play—think mud pies, capture the flag, or a nature scavenger hunt. Host a Game Night: Invite another family over for board games or trivia. Create a Mini Club: Start a small neighbourhood kids' club for crafts or service projects. Connect with a “Grandma”: If real grandparents aren’t nearby, find a local elder who can share time and wisdom with your kids. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today’s Q&A episode, Elizabeth from Melbourne shares a heartbreaking concern: her 7-year-old son is engaging in inappropriate behaviours towards girls at school. We unpack this tricky topic with sensitivity and seriousness—discussing how to draw firm boundaries, have safe and open conversations, and when to seek professional help. If you’ve ever felt unsure about how to respond when your child crosses a line, this episode will offer clarity, compassion, and practical tools. KEY POINTS: Normal Curiosity vs Concerning Behaviour: It’s typical for kids between ages 4–8 to explore gender and bodies—but behaviour like skirt-lifting and bottom-touching crosses a serious line. Immediate Action is Crucial: Clear, direct communication is needed. “Your body belongs to you. Other people’s bodies belong to them.” Teach Consent Early: Consent education starts with everyday interactions—asking before hugging, respecting personal space, and stopping when someone says no. Don’t Catastrophize, Stay Present: Parents must resist the urge to project into the future and instead address the present issue calmly and constructively. Get on the Same Page with the School: Schools have protocols—partner with them for consistent boundaries and supervision. Have Open Conversations Using the 3 E’s of Discipline: Explore what’s behind the behavior, Explain why it’s inappropriate, and Empower your child with better choices. Look Deeper, Ask the Hard Questions: Behaviour may stem from exposure to inappropriate content, modelling by others, or—more rarely—neurological or psychological factors. Avoid Labels: Kids need support, not stigma. Labels can harm their identity and influence how others treat them. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Labels belong on jars, not on people.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Michelle Mitchell's books Consent Can’t Wait Campaign happyfamilies.com.au – for parenting resources and help ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Have a Calm, Direct Conversation Set a firm boundary: “This behaviour is not okay.” Avoid shame—focus on clear expectations. Initiate a Safe Dialogue Reassure your child: “There’s nothing you can say that will make us stop loving you.” Then ask direct but gentle questions about where the behaviour may be coming from. Involve the School Work with teachers and school counsellors to ensure supervision and consistent messaging. Monitor Online Access Review screen time and check for any exposure to explicit content. Consider Professional Help If behaviours repeat or your child discloses troubling influences, consult a psychologist or counsellor experienced in childhood behaviour.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's time to address the age-old question: Do children make us happy? Backed by powerful research and personal stories, Kylie and Justin explore the paradox of parenting—how our kids can simultaneously be our greatest joy and our biggest challenge. Featuring insights from happiness researchers like Daniel Kahneman, Paul Bloom, and Roy Baumeister, the conversation moves from exhaustion and conflict to purpose, meaning, and unconditional love. KEY POINTS: Research shows that parenting often decreases happiness and marital satisfaction, especially in the early years. Daniel Kahneman's study revealed mothers find time with kids less enjoyable than activities like watching TV or shopping—particularly during stressful mornings and evenings. Despite the challenges, most parents say they don't regret having children—why? Cultural and policy differences influence parental happiness across countries. Parenting isn’t primarily about happiness—it's about purpose, meaning, and deep emotional connection. The hardest parts of parenting often give rise to the most profound moments of growth and joy. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "If the loss of a child would be total annihilation, then having a child—healthy, happy, and sound—must be annihilation’s opposite, which sounds pretty terrific." – Paul Bloom RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Parenting Revolution by Dr. Justin Coulson All Joy and No Fun by Jennifer Senior The Sweet Spot by Paul Bloom Meanings of Life by Roy Baumeister Daniel Kahneman’s research on parental enjoyment Columbia University studies by Sara McLanahan ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Redefine Happiness: Shift your focus from momentary happiness to long-term meaning and connection. Embrace the Mess: Recognise that hard days are part of the growth—yours and your child’s. Prioritise Connection: In the chaos, seek small moments of intimacy and presence. Protect Your Partnership: Align as a couple around shared parenting values; the child isn’t the problem—misalignment often is. Find Support: Advocate for better policy and community support—or build your village where you can. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr. Justin Coulson speaks with former Disney executive and GameTruck founder Scott Novis about the hidden dangers of video games—and how parents can help their kids develop a healthy relationship with gaming. From understanding addictive design to replacing screen time with real-world connection, this conversation delivers practical, real-world solutions for every family navigating the digital age. KEY POINTS Addiction by Design: Some game developers deliberately design games using the "hook algorithm" to exploit children’s brain development and keep them playing compulsively. Self-Determination vs. Hooked Gaming: Games built on autonomy, mastery, and relatedness (like Minecraft) build skills and confidence. Hooked games create craving, not satisfaction. 3 Hacks for Safer Gaming: Buy the game (don’t use free-to-play). Play offline (limits tracking and manipulation). Listen to how your child talks about the game (progress = good, frustration = red flag). Ending Game Time Without Conflict: Pre-agree on ending conditions, give non-verbal cues (like flicking the lights), and offer choices that preserve agency. Offline Substitutes Matter: Create "hard to enter, hard to leave" real-life communities (e.g., sports, jiu-jitsu, Dungeons & Dragons) that offer connection, skill-building, and purpose. Social Disconnection: Excessive gaming and screen time can cause “virtual autism” and impair emotional and social development. The Goal: Return to a play-based childhood that prioritises real-world connection, effort, and fun. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “If your child sounds like a victim when they talk about the game—they’re in trouble. If they sound empowered, they’re probably playing a good game.”— Scott Novis RESOURCES MENTIONED Books: The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt Glued to Games by Scott Rigby & Richard Ryan Scattered Minds by Dr. Gabor Maté Miss Connection by Dr. Justin Coulson Websites: https://www.scottnovis.com/ – Scott's personal site gametruck.com – Scott's company for social gaming experiences Article: William Siu's essay in The New York Times on game addiction and design ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Buy Games, Not AddictionsChoose paid games that don’t rely on manipulating your child’s attention or money. Play Offline Whenever PossibleRemove always-on connectivity that allows companies to track and shape behaviour. Ask the Right QuestionsIs your child developing skills—or just chasing random rewards? Listen for signs of empowerment or frustration. Negotiate Game Time Up FrontPre-agree on stop times and methods, give warnings (e.g., flicking lights), and honour your child’s autonomy. Replace, Don’t Just RemoveReplace screen time with rich, social, skill-building real-world activities—like sports, martial arts, tabletop games, or outdoor adventures. No Screens in BedroomsSet screen bedtimes. Keep devices out of reach at night to prevent secret play. Get InvolvedPlay games with your kids—even if you're bad at them. Model effort, learning, and connection. Watch for Red FlagsLook for sleep disruption, secretive behaviour, rage quitting, or declining school performance. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this lighthearted episode of the Happy Families Podcast, we revisit some of the funniest and most unexpected things kids say when learning about where babies come from. Inspired by our interview last week with parenting educator Michelle Mitchell and her book Where Do Babies Come From?, we share some laugh-out-loud stories that remind us how curious—and hilarious—kids can be. We also reflect on the importance of connection, structure, and giving kids something to look forward to. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Let’s create our own purpose together.”— Justin Coulson, reflecting on how one dad helped his son rediscover joy and meaning through shared outdoor adventures. RESOURCES MENTIONED Michelle Mitchell's books: Where Do Babies Come From? The Girl's Guide to Puberty The Guy's Guide to Puberty Upcoming episode:Interview with Scott Novis, former VP at Disney, about managing kids and gaming without conflict (drops on Saturday!). ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Have the Talk—Early and Openly:Use age-appropriate, fact-based resources like Michelle Mitchell’s books to guide conversations about sex and puberty. Laugh Together:Don’t be afraid to see the humour in awkward conversations—sharing a laugh builds trust and openness. Create Connection Through Experience:Take time to plan simple but meaningful activities with your kids (e.g., camping, biking, time outdoors) that foster relationship and reduce reliance on screens. Build and Maintain Structure:Life can throw curveballs, but having a flexible routine helps maintain emotional and mental stability for the whole family. Don’t Give Up on Change:Implementing new habits is hard, especially in chaos, but small intentional resets make a big difference. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A major new report from the OECD has revealed shocking insights into how screen use is shaping children's lives—and not for the better. In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the disturbing statistics, explain the real-world impact of screens on kids’ mental health, relationships, and development, and offer practical, age-specific strategies to help parents take back control. From toddlers to teens, this is the digital wake-up call every parent needs. KEY POINTS Startling Stats: Aussie teens average 7 hours of screen time per day. 12% use screens more than 80 hours per week. 70% of 10-year-olds “own” smartphones. 60% of Australian girls report severe distress from cyberbullying. 4 Uncomfortable Truths for Parents: Real-world problems predict digital problems. Kids in distress offline turn to screens for escape. Most parents are fighting the wrong war. The issue is less about screen time and more about content and connection. It’s a bi-directional trap. Poor mental health drives screen addiction, and screen use worsens mental health. Parental hypocrisy matters. Kids don’t listen if we model the very behaviour we criticise. The Hidden Costs of Screen Use: Depression, anxiety, loneliness, academic decline, sleep issues, and family conflict all rise with excessive and unsupervised screen use. The Real Solution: Strong offline relationships, autonomy-supportive parenting, and a focus on values, not just rules or limits. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “You can’t lift someone up if you’re underneath them. You’ve got to stand on high ground.” — Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED OECD Report: How’s Life for Children in the Digital Age? The Parenting Revolution by Justin Coulson Happy Families Webinars and Courses Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg Past episodes on sextortion and gaming ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS For Kids Aged 0–7: Be present during screen time or avoid it altogether. Keep devices out of bedrooms—model this yourself. Avoid gamified apps and addictive content. Prioritise simple, slow-paced shows (e.g., Bluey). For Kids Aged 8–12: Create a co-designed family media plan. Prioritise what they’re consuming, not just how much. Invest in offline activities and friendships—nature, play, and sport are protective. For Teens: Shift from control to collaboration. Support autonomy and solve problems with them. Address root issues—mental health, loneliness, stress—before tackling screen habits. Model healthy screen use. Walk your talk, or your words will fall flat. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is your child’s gaming habit harmless fun—or something more serious? In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson share highlights from an eye-opening conversation with Scott Novis, a former Disney and Nintendo gaming executive. They discuss how modern games are designed to hook kids using sophisticated psychological techniques, what parents can do to support healthier habits, and the small shifts that make big differences in digital wellbeing. KEY POINTS The "Hooked Algorithm": Modern games use cues, unpredictable rewards, and psychological manipulation to drive compulsive use—especially among kids. Addiction Is by Design: Notifications, in-game incentives, and persistent online features are engineered to steal attention and limit agency. Console Games vs. Online Games: Games played offline on a console with a defined endpoint are less addictive than online, never-ending games. Digital Detox Strategies: Removing screens, increasing nature time, and focusing on physical activity can reset unhealthy patterns. Agency is the Key: Healthy gaming promotes a sense of control and mastery. Unhealthy games rob kids of their agency and drive compulsive behaviour. Warning Signs: Sleep disturbances, sneaky screen use, emotional outbursts, or secretive behaviours may signal an unhealthy gaming relationship. Parents Aren’t Immune: Even adults struggle with screen control—our own detox experiences can inform how we guide our kids. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Are these games reinforcing their sense of agency—or deleting it?” — Scott Novis RESOURCES MENTIONED Upcoming full interview with Scott Novis (drops Saturday) Book: Stolen Focus by Johann Hari (referenced) HappyFamilies.com.au – screen-time webinars and parenting resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Know the Hook: Understand how modern games manipulate attention and behaviour using psychological rewards. Audit the Games: Prioritise offline games with defined endings. Avoid always-on, online, in-app-reward-driven games. Turn Off Notifications: Disable alerts to reduce temptation and constant interruption. Create Tech-Free Routines: Set clear screen bedtimes and keep devices out of bedrooms. Watch for Warning Signs: Pay attention to sleep issues, irritability, or secretive behaviours. Detox Together: Plan regular family screen detoxes—go offline, get into nature, and rediscover agency. Talk Openly: Ask your kids how games make them feel—listen without judgement and create a collaborative plan for balance. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.