Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Can self-control be taught? In this episode, Justin and Kylie explore the science of self-regulation and how parents can help their kids—and themselves—build better habits. Drawing on an insightful interview with Professor Ethan Kross, author of Chatter, the conversation highlights strategies for boosting motivation, building emotional resilience, and taking control in those tricky moments where willpower fails. KEY POINTS: Self-control is not an innate trait—it's a skill that can be learned and strengthened. Motivation plays a crucial role in our capacity for self-control. External factors like being hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or stressed (HALTS) reduce our ability to regulate ourselves. Self-distancing, including the “Batman Effect,” can help children and adults manage strong emotions and make better decisions. People who appear to have strong self-control often just design their environments to avoid temptation. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“People who seem to have the most self-control often set up their environments in such a way that they don’t need to exercise it at all.” KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Teaching kids self-control starts with helping them understand triggers and setting up supportive environments. Self-control can be undermined by stress and unmet needs—parents should be compassionate, not critical. The “Batman Effect” (asking “What would Batman do?”) helps kids take a step back from their impulses and act with intention. Modelling healthy responses and acknowledging your own challenges shows kids that emotional regulation is a lifelong practice. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by Ethan Kross HALTS acronym (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Stressed) Ethan Kross’s full interview (to be aired Saturday) happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Teach kids about HALTS—help them recognise when their emotional state is affecting behaviour. Use the “Batman Effect” or similar strategies to encourage self-distancing during challenging moments. Model self-control by setting up environments that reduce temptation (e.g., not keeping junk food at home). Have regular conversations about motivation and how it supports goals and values. Tune in to the full interview with Ethan Kross for deeper insights and practical tools. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Justin and Kylie respond to a heartfelt question from a mum who’s at her wit’s end with her highly creative—but very destructive—three-year-old. From nail polish on couches to crayon art on every surface, they explore what’s developmentally normal, why punishment may backfire, and how parents can redirect energy with connection, supervision, and playful problem-solving. KEY POINTS: Destructive behaviour in young children is often a sign of creativity and a desire to explore. Supervision and engagement are key to reducing mischief. Each child is different; parenting approaches should adapt to each child’s needs and the family’s season of life. Redirection and empathy are more effective than blame and punishment. Quality time and creating opportunities for appropriate creative expression can help children feel seen and understood. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“Kids don’t lie the way adults do—they tell us what they wish the truth was.” KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Your child is not bad. They’re curious, creative, and still learning. Meet big messes with calm, not shame. Use redirection to teach without damaging trust. Invite cooperation by focusing on problem-solving together rather than punishment. Blaming doesn’t teach responsibility—connection does. RESOURCES MENTIONED: I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, I Promise by Maurine Reynolds Adamek “Lessons Learned” Substack by Beck Delahoy—Blame and Shame Doesn’t Solve Anything ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Create safe, designated spaces for creative play—paper, washable markers, etc. Increase supervision during high-risk moments (e.g., when things go quiet!). Spend intentional quality time daily, even in short bursts. Use imaginative redirection—like the “wicked mouse” approach—to encourage responsibility without shame. Clean up with your child, not as punishment, but as a shared problem-solving opportunity. Reflect on whether expectations are realistic for your child’s developmental stage. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Justin and Kylie dive into two powerful reads—Mel Robbins' The Let Them Theory and Sarah Wynn-Williams’ explosive memoir Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism. While Kylie champions the liberating message of letting go of control, Justin offers a scathing but thoughtful critique of Facebook's inner workings, as revealed in Wynn-Williams' book. Together, they unpack how these ideas relate to parenting and the digital world our children are growing up in. KEY POINTS: The Let Them Theory emphasises personal boundaries and not needing to fix or control others. Careless People reveals shocking behind-the-scenes practices at Facebook, particularly how the platform targets emotionally vulnerable teenagers for advertising. The tech industry's influence extends to global politics, youth mental health, and everyday family life. Memoirs can be a powerful vehicle for truth, shedding light on corporate irresponsibility. Parents need to be alert to the digital environments their children inhabit. ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Talk to your children about how social media works—especially how it might exploit their emotions. Consider setting digital boundaries in your home, including times for device-free connection. Read Careless People to better understand the systems shaping your family’s digital life. Practice the “let them” mindset by releasing control over things that don’t require your intervention. Stay informed—knowledge is power when it comes to parenting in a digital world. The Let Them Theory' by Mel Robbins. Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism by Sarah Wynn-Williams. Listen to Honestly With Bari Weiss - Meet Sarah Wynn-Williams, Facebook’s Highest-Ranking Whistleblower Send your comments and questions to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au Find more resources to make your family happier at the Happy Families website.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

[R] Australia's most decorated Olympian, Emma McKeon, shares intimate insights about her journey from young swimmer to Olympic champion, revealing the crucial role her parents played in fostering success without pressure. Her story provides a masterclass in supporting children's sporting endeavors while maintaining joy and balance. Key Points: The importance of enjoyment over achievement in youth sports How parental support without pressure builds self-determination Managing early-morning training and self-motivation Balancing multiple activities during teenage years Transforming competition anxiety into positive energy Quote of the Episode: "They never pressured me either way to swim or not to swim... They just wanted me to enjoy what I was doing and be happy in what I was doing, find something I was passionate about." Key Insights: Success comes from internal motivation, not external pressure The value of maintaining multiple interests and activities How to handle failure and setbacks constructively The importance of supporting children "no matter what" Why enjoyment must precede excellence Personal Stories Shared: Missing the 2012 London Olympics by 0.1 seconds Early morning training experiences Having her father as both parent and coach Balancing swimming with other activities Resources Mentioned: Self-Determination Theory Research on youth sports participation Multi-sport participation benefits Action Steps for Parents: Focus on enjoyment before achievement Allow children to set their own goals Support multiple activities and interests Help reframe anxiety as excitement Maintain unconditional support regardless of performance  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode of the Happy Families podcast, Justin and Kylie Coulson reflect on the challenges of parenting, from managing big emotions to keeping the household running smoothly. They discuss the importance of family meetings, handling difficult conversations with kids, and creative ways to encourage household contributions. KEY POINTS: Navigating difficult emotional conversations with children. The power of apologizing and reconnecting after conflict. Establishing family meetings for better communication and teamwork. Encouraging kids to contribute to the household with fun, creative chore names. The importance of consistency in family meetings and accountability.   QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"The hardest thing as a parent is sitting in a place when your child is having big emotions that generally speaking, are pointed directly at you." – Kylie Coulson   RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happy Families website ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Practice active listening when your child shares their emotions. If you mishandle a situation, revisit it later and apologize if needed. Introduce family meetings with a simple format: What's working? What's not? What can we improve? Make chores more appealing by adding fun names or gamifying the process. Stay consistent with family discussions and follow-ups to build trust and accountability. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is having a favourite child real, or is it just perception? In this episode of The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie Coulson dive into the research on parental favouritism, exploring why some children may seem more favoured than others. They discuss how personality traits, gender, and birth order play a role in parental preference and share practical strategies to ensure all children feel valued and loved. KEY POINTS: The concept of favouritism and how it manifests in families. Research findings on parental preference for daughters over sons. Why conscientious and agreeable children tend to receive more positive attention. The impact of favouritism on self-esteem and sibling relationships. Strategies to ensure children feel equally loved and valued. PERSONAL STORIES SHARED: Kylie’s experience with favouritism growing up and her sisters’ perceptions. Justin reflecting on his own childhood as the eldest of six children. Parenting experiences in the Coulson household, including navigating teenage years. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:"See their hearts. When you understand a child, you naturally connect with them more." KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS: Favouritism is often a result of understanding certain children more than others. Different children require different levels of attention at various times. Creating joyful, meaningful moments with each child fosters connection. Parents should be mindful of their body language and interactions to ensure all children feel valued. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Research study: Parents Favour Daughters: A Meta-Analysis of Gender and Other Predictors of Parental Differential Treatment (Published in Psychological Bulletin). ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Reflect on your relationships with each child—who do you understand most and least? Make a conscious effort to connect with the child you understand the least. Create intentional one-on-one time with each child to build meaningful connections. Focus on understanding rather than just liking your child’s personality. Acknowledge that different seasons of parenting bring different challenges and strengths. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A shocking 90% of Australian baby and toddler foods fail to meet international guidelines, yet manufacturers employ deceptive marketing tactics to make us believe they're healthy choices. In this eye-opening episode, paediatric dietitian Kareena Savage reveals how "organic" labels and Health Star Ratings can mislead parents, with some toddler snacks containing more sugar than white chocolate. Learn practical strategies for decoding food labels, avoiding nutritional traps, and creating healthier, more affordable lunchboxes your kids will actually eat. Quote of the Episode: "We as parents in 2025 have it tougher than any other parent has ever had it in terms of trying to understand what is a healthy food choice for our child or for our family." Key Points: Food manufacturers use deceptive marketing, with 90% of Australian baby/toddler foods failing international guidelines. Many products marketed as healthy (like "97% fruit and yoghurt") contain more sugar than white chocolate. When reading food labels, check the ingredients list first—shorter is better. Avoid products with sugar in the top three ingredients. For packaged foods, aim for less than 20g sugar per 100g. Keep sodium under 350mg per 100g. The Health Star Rating system has significant flaws—companies know how to "game" the system. Packaged foods are typically more expensive and less nutritious than whole foods. Homemade treats are healthier than commercial versions, even with similar ingredients. Setting clear boundaries around packaged foods helps children develop better eating habits.   Resources Mentioned: Visit nourishwithkarina.com for free recipes and nutrition information. Nourishing Kids support program Black bean brownie recipe   Action Steps for Parents: Examine ingredient lists—choose products with shorter lists and recognisable ingredients. Check sugar content—aim for less than 20g per 100g in cereals and snacks. Monitor sodium levels—keep under 350mg per 100g. Be sceptical of Health Star Ratings, especially on highly processed foods. Limit children to 1-2 packaged items per day in lunchboxes. Buy in bulk to reduce costs of healthier packaged options. Batch-cook healthier versions of treats on weekends (using wholemeal flour and less sugar). Set clear family boundaries around packaged food consumption. Modify recipes by adding nutritious ingredients (extra egg, chia seeds, wholemeal flour).  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is your child struggling with empathy, social skills, or thinking beyond their own wants? In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson tackle a question from a concerned parent about an 8-year-old who seems self-centred, struggles with friendships, and resists considering others' feelings. They break down key strategies to foster empathy, encourage connection, and navigate discipline without frustration. KEY POINTS: Why some children seem more self-focused than others. The role of personality, temperament, and developmental differences. The importance of listening over excessive explaining. Why "I don’t care" is often a defence mechanism. How to move from reactive discipline to problem-solving. The power of calm conversations outside of emotional moments. PERSONAL STORIES SHARED: Justin and Kylie reflect on their own parenting experiences, discussing how their children perceive and react to situations differently despite growing up in the same household. Insights from psychology on why siblings raised in the same family can have vastly different emotional and social responses. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "High emotions equal low intelligence. When kids (and parents) are emotionally heightened, it's not the time for lessons—it's time for connection." RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Three E’s of Effective Discipline (Explore, Explain, and Empower) The Happy Families website for parenting resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Observe and Listen—Instead of immediately correcting, try to understand why your child is acting this way. Create Calm Connection Moments—Have relaxed conversations over a treat to discuss social skills and feelings. Encourage Small Acts of Kindness—Model and praise thoughtful behaviour rather than just pointing out what's wrong. Use Open-Ended Questions—Instead of "Would you like it if someone did that to you?" Try "What do you think happened in that situation?" Be patient—growth in empathy and social awareness takes time. Stay consistent and supportive. It's easy to send us a question! Email podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au or use the super simple voice memo system at the Happy Families website. Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Science confirms what our grandparents instinctively knew—children who engage in risky outdoor play develop better motor skills, higher self-esteem, improved social behaviour, and greater problem-solving abilities. Counterintuitively, keeping kids at low heights doesn't prevent injuries, as most fractures occur close to the ground anyway. When we let children climb high, use sharp tools, play with dangerous elements, and occasionally disappear from adult supervision, we're not being negligent—we're helping them develop crucial life skills that no amount of supervised indoor activities can provide. Quote of the Episode: "When did injuring yourself become such a big deal? I mean, when we were kids, it was so exciting to walk in and see that somebody had a cast on their arm—the superhero in the classroom." - Justin Coulson Key Points: Risky play is different from hazardous activity—the child can assess the risk themselves and there's a clear benefit. Children who engage in risky play show improved risk detection, increased competence, higher self-esteem, and decreased conflict sensitivity. Research shows more developed motor skills, better social behaviour, greater independence, and improved conflict resolution in children with access to unsupervised outdoor play. Today's children spend less time outdoors and in unstructured play than ever before in history. Fracture frequency and severity is not related to the height of playground equipment—54% of arm fractures occur at low heights. Sharp knives are actually safer than blunt knives (they require less force and are less likely to slip). Types of risky play include activities involving heights, speed, dangerous tools, dangerous elements, rough-and-tumble play, and the possibility of getting lost. Play where children can disappear or get lost and risky play environments are positively associated with physical activity and social health. Rough and tumble play doesn't increase aggression and is associated with increased social competence. Risky play supports playtime, social interactions, creativity, and resilience.   Resources Mentioned: International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health (2015) meta-analysis on risky outdoor play Happy Families website    Action Steps for Parents: Distinguish between hazardous activities (where children can't assess risk) and beneficial risky play. Allow age-appropriate risk-taking, such as climbing heights, using real tools, or playing at speed. Step back and monitor from a distance rather than constantly supervising. Provide opportunities for unstructured outdoor play where children can make their own decisions. Remember that injuries are part of childhood development and rarely as serious as our fears suggest. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why do so many girls and women feel like they’re never “enough” when it comes to their appearance? In this powerful episode, Dr. Renee Engeln, author of Beauty Sick, joins Justin Coulson to explore the deep-rooted cultural obsession with beauty that shapes how girls and women see themselves. From five-year-olds already worrying about dieting to teens tying their self-worth to their looks, we discuss how self-objectification, social media, and unrealistic beauty standards impact mental health and self-esteem—and, more importantly, how we can help the next generation break free from beauty sickness. KEY POINTS: How self-objectification starts young—why even five-year-olds worry about their bodies. The role of social media in reinforcing beauty standards and distorting self-worth. Why puberty makes body image issues worse for girls while often benefiting boys. The pressures of perfection on women—from “mum jeans” to Botox and beyond. The hidden costs of beauty obsession—lost time, lost opportunities, and lifelong insecurity. How parents unintentionally reinforce body image struggles (and how to change that). The power of focusing on what bodies can do, rather than how they look. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "We may no longer play dress-ups and pose in front of the mirror like young girls do, but I worry that’s only because we’ve internalised that mirror—we never actually left it behind." – Dr. Renee Engeln RESOURCES MENTIONED: Beauty Sick: How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women by Dr. Renee Engeln Dr. Engeln’s TEDx Talk The End of Average by Todd Rose Beauty Sick Website—More on Dr. Engeln’s research Happy Families Website—Parenting resources Enough: A Session for Young Girls [Webinar] The Miss-Connection Summit [On sale!] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Create an “appearance-free” zone at home—focus conversations on interests, achievements, and values, not looks. Model self-acceptance—avoid negative self-talk about your own body in front of your kids. Encourage body functionality—celebrate what bodies can do, like running, dancing, creating, and learning. Audit social media—help your child follow diverse, inspiring accounts rather than beauty-focused ones. Talk about the beauty industry’s influence—help kids see how companies profit from insecurities. Give your teen a cause—channel their energy into fighting beauty standards, rather than succumbing to them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.