Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Unpacking the most misguided parenting advice, the hosts challenge popular practices like controlled crying and timeouts. They argue that these methods can harm emotional connections and misunderstand children's needs. The conversation highlights the importance of responsiveness and emotional support, debunking the myth that being empathetic spoils kids. They also advocate for allowing children to express themselves, emphasizing that co-regulation and shared emotional experiences lead to healthier relationships.

They talk a lot about culture in schools/education.   What’s really driving teacher burnout, student disengagement, and poor behaviour in schools? In this compelling conversation, I’m joined by Adam Voigt—former principal, education thought leader, and founder of Real Schools—to explore why culture, not curriculum, is the true heart of great education. From phone bans to shocking increases in sexualised behaviour, we unpack the most pressing issues in today’s classrooms—and how families can play a vital role in shaping school culture for the better. KEY POINTS: Why phone bans work—and the student-led secret to getting buy-in from kids The disturbing rise of sexualised behaviour and harassment in schools Teacher burnout: why it’s getting worse and how to turn it around How shame, not badness, drives poor behaviour—and what restorative practices offer instead The 3 consistent challenges teachers face: student behaviour, workload, and parent interactions Why building school culture is the most powerful thing a school can do How culture improves outcomes for students, teachers, and parents alike QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “We need to reclaim how we work—not just the classroom. When schools focus on culture, every stakeholder benefits.” – Adam Voigt RESOURCES MENTIONED: Restoring Teaching by Adam Voigt – Free eBook, audiobook & print-at-cost version Adam’s organisation: Real Schools Happy Families resources for families and schools: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Be a culture builder at your child’s school. Ask the principal or teacher, “What’s our school’s culture—and how can I support it?” Talk to your child about phone use—and help them practice face-to-face connection at home. Model respectful behaviour, especially around teachers. Show your child that respect is foundational, not optional. Challenge inappropriate content and conversations early. Don’t wait for school to step in—your voice matters first. Share Adam’s book with your school’s leadership team. It’s a small gesture that could shift the culture in big ways. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You send out party invitations and… crickets. Or worse — a wall of “maybe” and no-shows. Are parents today just too busy, too anxious, or too uninterested to connect? Justin and Kylie tackle the growing epidemic of “commitment-phobia” among modern parents and uncover why it’s harder than ever to build the village our kids desperately need. From loneliness to overload to digital distractions, you’ll learn the real reasons parents opt out — and four surprisingly simple ways to bring connection back. If you’ve ever wondered why it feels like you’re parenting alone — and how to change that — this is the episode you need. KEY POINTS: Why today’s parents avoid social commitments (and it’s not just post-COVID). The collapse of “enforced proximity” and accidental connection. Why loneliness is now a public health crisis. How treating community like a marketplace keeps us isolated. The role of emotional overload and overstimulation. 4 actionable ways to rebuild your village — one parent at a time. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "Other people matter. The community you’re craving already exists — it’s just hiding behind the same fears and overwhelm you’re feeling." RESOURCES MENTIONED: Submit your tricky parenting questions here ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Create low-stakes, frequent opportunities for connection — coffee catch-ups, quick chats at pick-up, or a casual park playdate. Focus on contribution: ask “What can I give?” instead of “What’s in it for me?” Schedule digital downtime daily — put your phone down and reclaim your mental space. Don’t fear rejection. Keep showing up. Start with one parent and build from there. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Every parent hits that moment — the eye roll, the “you’re so unfair,” the slammed door. It’s the backchat that drives us up the wall. But what if we told you that this so-called “sass” is actually a sign of something good? In today’s episode, Justin and Kylie unpack why backchat is one of the most misunderstood parts of child development — and how you can respond in a way that strengthens your relationship, rather than wrecking it. We share 3 practical mindset shifts and 4 go-to scripts you can use today to turn attitude into connection and cooperation. Yes, even when the sass is strong. KEY POINTS: Backchat is often a clumsy expression of unmet needs — not a sign of defiance Reframing disrespect as a lack of skills (not a lack of values) changes everything Power struggles escalate when we seek control instead of connection Meeting autonomy, relatedness, and competence needs helps reduce pushback Get curious, not furious — especially when emotions are high Four practical scripts help parents respond with connection, not control QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Disrespect often isn’t deliberate — it’s just clumsy communication from a kid who doesn’t yet have the skills to do it better.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: The 3 Basic Psychological Needs: Autonomy, Relatedness, Competence The “Get Curious, Not Furious” principle happyfamilies.com.au for more resources and support ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Reframe backchat as a sign of emotional overwhelm or unmet needs Use validating language like “Sometimes it feels like I’m your enemy, doesn’t it?” Offer autonomy with choices (“I don’t mind when you do it — just have it done by dinner”) Give in fantasy what they can’t have in reality to lighten the moment Use the 3 E’s Script: “Sounds like you’re really frustrated... will you help me see what’s bothering you?” Set boundaries with respect: “I’m going to give you a chance to rethink that and try again in harmony with our values.” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What kind of parent willingly gives up a peaceful beach day… for four hours of standing in theme park lines? In this episode, Justin shares the story of his most "Father of the Year" moment — and Kylie reveals how she did something even braver. If you’ve ever had to choose between comfort and connection, this one’s for you. KEY POINTS: Why showing up — even when it’s uncomfortable — creates lasting memories for our kids.The unexpected benefits of shared boredom (like standing in line together!).How doing things you hate can still bring joy — to both you and your kids.The value of modelling courage, humour, and presence (even on the Kansas Twister).Why it’s often the hard, inconvenient moments that matter most in family life. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Do the hard things. The joy it brings your kids — seeing you squeal, be scared, and do it anyway — you can’t put a price on that.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: HappyFamilies.com.au — for more parenting inspiration and tools. ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Say Yes to the Hard Thing – Whether it’s a dreaded ride, a messy game, or a long conversation, lean in. Model Being Brave – Let your kids see you doing things outside your comfort zone. Find Joy in the Chaos – Embrace the mess, the lines, and the noise as chances to connect. Reflect and Celebrate – Share the story with your kids afterwards. Celebrate effort, not perfection. Plan Your Own "Hard Thing" – Ask yourself: What’s one thing I can do this week that puts my kids first, even if it’s uncomfortable? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Few topics divide parents more than gender identity — and the stakes couldn’t be higher. On the last episode of Parental Guidance, the debate ignited strong emotions and hard truths about what it means to protect our kids’ mental health while avoiding irreversible mistakes.  In today’s podcast, Justin and Kylie break down the episode, share insights from research, and offer calm, practical advice for navigating this sensitive topic as a parent. KEY POINTS: Why this issue is so emotionally loaded. What we don’t know The strong correlation between gender identity struggles and other issues like autism, anxiety, depression, and online influences Why ‘affirmation-only’ models are controversial The role of screens and peer groups in shaping kids’ beliefs about gender. Why delaying medical or surgical interventions while maintaining love and openness can be the wisest path forward QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "You want to keep your kids safe, loved, and supported — but you also want to move slowly, with wisdom and care, because these decisions have lifelong consequences." — Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Time to Think by Hannah Barnes (on the Tavistock Clinic and gender identity diagnoses) Articles and more resources at happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Limit screen time and social media exposure, especially to platforms like TikTok or Tumblr where gender identity narratives can be amplified. Check your child’s peer group influences — and watch for “cluster” patterns in friend groups. Find a good psychologist or counsellor who will explore underlying emotional, developmental, and psychological factors instead of rushing to affirm. Stay compassionate and keep the dialogue open with your child. Let them know you love and support them unconditionally — while explaining that serious medical decisions can wait. Delay irreversible interventions (like hormones or surgery) until your child is much older and has had time to mature and reflect. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What does “boys will be boys” really mean—and why does it get under so many parents’ skin? In this powerful episode, we dive into the final challenge of Parental Guidance and unpack the loaded stereotypes around masculinity, parenting roles, and what it means to raise emotionally healthy boys in today’s world. From baby dolls to rough-and-tumble play, the conversation gets real about how we guide our sons—and what we might be getting wrong. KEY POINTS: Why the phrase “boys will be boys” is not an excuse for bad behaviour How TV moments can misrepresent real-life parenting and child behaviour The critical role fathers can and should play in early parenting Gender roles, cultural expectations, and the policing of boys’ behaviour The concept of “surplus value” and helping boys become safe, strong contributors The challenge of letting boys be expressive without fear of being labelled or shamed Encouraging healthy masculinity without shaming traditional male traits QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Boys will be boys is never an acceptable excuse when a boy is making others feel unsafe or weaker. Healthy masculinity is about being a bonus — adding value and helping people feel safer and stronger." — Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Parental Guidance Season 3, Episode 4 (available to stream on 9Now) Richard Reeves – Of Boys and Men Upcoming book on raising boys by Dr Justin Coulson ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Challenge the stereotype: Avoid using phrases like “boys will be boys” to excuse disrespectful or rough behaviour. Involve dads early: Regardless of breastfeeding or work roles, dads can actively participate in everything from settling babies to managing household chaos. Nurture competence: Support your partner’s (and your child’s) parenting confidence—especially when they feel unsure. Talk about gender norms: With both sons and daughters, talk openly about gender expectations, and give them permission to break the mould. Model and celebrate healthy masculinity: Encourage boys to add value to others' lives, and help them develop emotional literacy without forcing them to fit a mould. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when your child becomes the parent — even just for a day? In this episode, we unpack last night’s Parental Guidance challenge, where kids were asked to care for a realistic baby doll, revealing what they’ve learned from their parents’ example. From “cry-it-out” methods to family role clarity, and even the silent weight of unappreciated parents — this conversation is a wake-up call for every mum and dad. Are you raising future chair stackers, or scorekeepers? KEY POINTS: Kids reflect the parenting they see — sometimes in ways we don’t expect. Why “cry-it-out” for babies is controversial and why we generally recommend avoiding it (especially under 6 months). The hidden harm of parenting with threats and power-centred comments. The trap of seeking validation from your children instead of giving without expectation. Why clarity in family roles, self-awareness, and communication are critical. The concept of raising “chair stackers” — children (and future adults) who see and meet needs without keeping score. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "If there was one gift I could give every parent, it would be the gift of self-awareness — the ability to see how your children experience you." - Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Upcoming book: Boys by Justin Coulson (on raising “chair stackers”). More parenting resources at: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Reflect honestly: What do your kids see and learn from the way you react under stress? If you’ve used cry-it-out methods, consider alternatives and seek support if you’re struggling. Have a conversation with your partner (and even your kids) about family roles and whether everyone feels the load is fair and balanced. Let go of the need for validation from your kids — parenting is about giving. Start encouraging the “chair stacker” mindset in your kids by modelling it yourself. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do you do when your baby screams from 7 PM to 3 AM every night? Tonight, Parental Guidance tackles one of the toughest, most overlooked issues facing families: the silent epidemic of mental illness. Heartbreaking stories. Honest conversations. And real hope for parents who feel alone in the dark. Don’t miss this powerful episode—stream it on 9Now or watch live at 7:30 PM on Channel 9. RESOURCES MENTIONED Catch up on Seasons 1, 2, and the first episodes of Season 3 on the 9Now app. Tune in live tonight at 7:30 PM on Channel 9 or stream on 9Now. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Talking about money with kids can feel intimidating — but it doesn’t have to be. In episode #1302, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Yish Koh, Managing Director of Kit, to unpack practical, simple ways parents can raise kids who are confident and smart with money. From avoiding the ‘tap trap’ to setting stretch goals, you’ll learn how your own money mindset shapes theirs — and the small, powerful lessons that stick for life. KEY POINTS: Why attitude about money matters more than aptitude — and how parents can model healthy habits. The danger of passing on economic anxiety to kids. How to teach kids to delay gratification and set meaningful goals. Creative ways to incentivise saving, including ‘stretch goals’ with bonuses. Why teaching kids about time and compound interest is a game-changer. Cash vs. digital money: helping kids grasp the value of invisible dollars. The best tools and apps to make financial education engaging and real for kids. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "If I almost spent $15 on a game just to feel good—and I have a PhD in psychology—imagine how hard it is for our kids to resist."— Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED Kit Pocket Money App by CommBank Free Download: Kit's Smart Money Playbook ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Start the conversation: Make money a regular topic at home — no shame, no secrecy. Model what you want to see: Explain your own decisions, from saving to spending. Teach delayed gratification: Use food or small purchases to illustrate. Set savings goals with your kids — and add stretch goals with incentives. Open a savings account or use a money app to help kids track and celebrate progress. Don’t forget about cash: Occasionally let them pay in notes or coins to connect the dots. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.