Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

A major new report from the OECD has revealed shocking insights into how screen use is shaping children's lives—and not for the better. In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the disturbing statistics, explain the real-world impact of screens on kids’ mental health, relationships, and development, and offer practical, age-specific strategies to help parents take back control. From toddlers to teens, this is the digital wake-up call every parent needs. KEY POINTS Startling Stats: Aussie teens average 7 hours of screen time per day. 12% use screens more than 80 hours per week. 70% of 10-year-olds “own” smartphones. 60% of Australian girls report severe distress from cyberbullying. 4 Uncomfortable Truths for Parents: Real-world problems predict digital problems. Kids in distress offline turn to screens for escape. Most parents are fighting the wrong war. The issue is less about screen time and more about content and connection. It’s a bi-directional trap. Poor mental health drives screen addiction, and screen use worsens mental health. Parental hypocrisy matters. Kids don’t listen if we model the very behaviour we criticise. The Hidden Costs of Screen Use: Depression, anxiety, loneliness, academic decline, sleep issues, and family conflict all rise with excessive and unsupervised screen use. The Real Solution: Strong offline relationships, autonomy-supportive parenting, and a focus on values, not just rules or limits. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “You can’t lift someone up if you’re underneath them. You’ve got to stand on high ground.” — Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED OECD Report: How’s Life for Children in the Digital Age? The Parenting Revolution by Justin Coulson Happy Families Webinars and Courses Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg Past episodes on sextortion and gaming ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS For Kids Aged 0–7: Be present during screen time or avoid it altogether. Keep devices out of bedrooms—model this yourself. Avoid gamified apps and addictive content. Prioritise simple, slow-paced shows (e.g., Bluey). For Kids Aged 8–12: Create a co-designed family media plan. Prioritise what they’re consuming, not just how much. Invest in offline activities and friendships—nature, play, and sport are protective. For Teens: Shift from control to collaboration. Support autonomy and solve problems with them. Address root issues—mental health, loneliness, stress—before tackling screen habits. Model healthy screen use. Walk your talk, or your words will fall flat. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is your child’s gaming habit harmless fun—or something more serious? In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson share highlights from an eye-opening conversation with Scott Novis, a former Disney and Nintendo gaming executive. They discuss how modern games are designed to hook kids using sophisticated psychological techniques, what parents can do to support healthier habits, and the small shifts that make big differences in digital wellbeing. KEY POINTS The "Hooked Algorithm": Modern games use cues, unpredictable rewards, and psychological manipulation to drive compulsive use—especially among kids. Addiction Is by Design: Notifications, in-game incentives, and persistent online features are engineered to steal attention and limit agency. Console Games vs. Online Games: Games played offline on a console with a defined endpoint are less addictive than online, never-ending games. Digital Detox Strategies: Removing screens, increasing nature time, and focusing on physical activity can reset unhealthy patterns. Agency is the Key: Healthy gaming promotes a sense of control and mastery. Unhealthy games rob kids of their agency and drive compulsive behaviour. Warning Signs: Sleep disturbances, sneaky screen use, emotional outbursts, or secretive behaviours may signal an unhealthy gaming relationship. Parents Aren’t Immune: Even adults struggle with screen control—our own detox experiences can inform how we guide our kids. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Are these games reinforcing their sense of agency—or deleting it?” — Scott Novis RESOURCES MENTIONED Upcoming full interview with Scott Novis (drops Saturday) Book: Stolen Focus by Johann Hari (referenced) HappyFamilies.com.au – screen-time webinars and parenting resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Know the Hook: Understand how modern games manipulate attention and behaviour using psychological rewards. Audit the Games: Prioritise offline games with defined endings. Avoid always-on, online, in-app-reward-driven games. Turn Off Notifications: Disable alerts to reduce temptation and constant interruption. Create Tech-Free Routines: Set clear screen bedtimes and keep devices out of bedrooms. Watch for Warning Signs: Pay attention to sleep issues, irritability, or secretive behaviours. Detox Together: Plan regular family screen detoxes—go offline, get into nature, and rediscover agency. Talk Openly: Ask your kids how games make them feel—listen without judgement and create a collaborative plan for balance. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do you do when every interaction with your child feels like a battle? Today we respond to a mum’s heartfelt question about her 11-year-old daughter, who is struggling with screaming, lying, and constant conflict. We explore the psychological needs behind difficult behaviour and share practical, compassionate strategies for rebuilding connection—especially when all you feel like doing is correcting. KEY POINTS Challenging Behaviour Is Communication: Kids act out when their basic needs—connection, autonomy, and competence—aren’t being met. The Correction Trap: When every interaction becomes about control or discipline, children feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued. Slow Down to Reconnect: Rebuilding the relationship requires presence, patience, and sometimes stepping completely away from “the agenda.” Parental Self-Awareness Matters: Many parents unintentionally undermine connection through well-meaning but misdirected responses. Lifestyle Matters: Sleep, nutrition, movement, screen time, and social connection all have huge impacts on emotional and behavioural wellbeing. The Psychological Load of Puberty: Eleven is a big age—especially for girls. Body changes, identity confusion, and peer pressures amplify emotional volatility. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “If you want to speed it up, you’ve got to slow it down. If you want control, you’ve got to give them voice.”— Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED Book: Misconnection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World & Needs to Talk by Dr Justin Coulson Podcast Reference: Pop Culture Parenting by Billy Garvey Research Mentioned: Sapiens Lab study on early device use and mental health ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause the Correction Cycle: Focus less on behaviour and more on what your child might be trying to communicate. Rebuild Connection: Prioritise quality time—go for a bike ride, hit the beach, or just be together with no agenda. Validate & Listen: Show your child you see and hear them, even if you don’t agree with their behaviour. Assess Lifestyle Factors: Review sleep, nutrition, screen time, physical activity, and relationships. Reflect on Your Responses: Ask yourself—are your well-intentioned actions unintentionally adding fuel to the fire? Give Her Voice: Offer choices, listen to her preferences, and include her in problem-solving. Get Support if Needed: If mental health concerns persist, seek help from professionals. Find us on Facebook or TikTok Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is your child’s schedule packed from morning to night—or are they struggling with too much downtime? Today we explore the pressure parents feel to provide enrichment, the unintended consequences of overscheduling, and why finding the "sweet spot" of activities matters. Plus, we give practical, compassionate guidance to help families strike a healthy balance between stimulation, growth, and the simple joys of being a kid. KEY POINTS: The Pressure to Perform: Some communities foster competitive parenting cultures where success is measured by how "busy" and advanced kids are. Overscheduling Risks: Too many activities, especially at a young age, can lead to burnout, injury, anxiety, and screen dependence. The Value of Boredom: Downtime activates the brain’s default mode network, critical for identity formation and creativity. Joy Over Achievement: Extra-curriculars should feel like a highlight of the week—not a chore. Parental Motivations: Sometimes we push activities to validate our own efforts, not because they truly benefit the child. Finding the Sweet Spot: One or two joy-filled, child-led activities per week—plus unstructured time for play and connection—is often enough. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Sometimes the best thing for a child is simply the freedom to be a child.” — Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happy Families Website: happyfamilies.com.au Justin Coulson's books and parenting presentations (particularly on resilience and child development) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Evaluate Motivations: Ask yourself if the activities your child is in are for their growth—or your peace of mind or pride. Limit Activities: Aim for 1–2 extracurriculars per week, chosen based on your child’s genuine interests and capacity. Prioritise Unstructured Play: Make space for relaxed, screen-free time with friends or solo play to develop creativity and identity. Watch for Burnout Signs: If your child resists or dreads their activities, it may be time to scale back. Invest in Family Time: Schedule regular, quality time together. Family connection is foundational to wellbeing. Redefine Boredom: Don’t rush to fill every moment. Boredom can be a gateway to deeper thinking and imagination. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this warm and essential conversation, Dr. Justin Coulson sits down with author, educator, and parenting expert Michelle Mitchell to explore how parents can navigate conversations around sex, puberty, consent, and identity with their children aged 8–12. Michelle shares insights from her book Where Do Babies Come From?, offering parents practical tools to talk about tricky topics with clarity, confidence, and compassion. KEY POINTS: Parents often feel unsure or awkward when kids ask about sex, reproduction, or body changes—but avoiding the topic can lead to misinformation and anxiety. Michelle's book is written for kids aged 8–12 and includes age-appropriate detail, wraparound values, and medical illustrations to provide clarity and context. Talking about sex should include conversations about respect, emotional intimacy, and consent—not just the mechanics. Children benefit from being book “bosses”—given agency and choice about how, when, and with whom to learn this information. Respecting a child’s privacy and emotional readiness is crucial; discomfort is normal and protective. Conversations about consent start with everyday experiences: knocking before entering, asking before touching, and even checking in before offering advice. Identity and family story matter deeply—every child deserves to feel seen and safe, no matter how they came into the world. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “If you don’t ever want that to happen to your body, you don’t have to—because anything to do with sex is 100% your choice.” —Michelle Mitchell RESOURCES MENTIONED: Where Do Babies Come From? by Michelle Mitchell The Girl’s Guide to Puberty and The Guy’s Guide to Puberty by Michelle Mitchell Michelle Mitchell’s website: www.michellemitchell.org Happy Families Website: www.happyfamilies.com.au Australian Government's Consent Can’t Wait Campaign ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Start Early: Begin conversations around body parts, privacy, and consent well before puberty. Choose the Right Resources: Use age-appropriate books like Michelle's to guide your conversations and revisit them often. Normalise Curiosity: Let your children know it’s okay to ask questions—nothing is off-limits. Respect Autonomy: Ask if your child wants to read with you or alone; offer space but stay present and open. Model Consent Daily: Ask permission before touching or offering advice to build mutual respect. Value Connection Over Perfection: You don’t need to have perfect answers—just be available and genuine.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our family… is slow down. In this reflective I’ll Do Better Tomorrow episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson share the power of pausing, being present, and choosing connection over control. From Sunday night beach walks to heartfelt conversations with teenage daughters, this episode is a gentle reminder that the simple moments matter most. KEY POINTS: Presence > Productivity. Slowing down, ditching the schedule, and being together—like a spontaneous walk after dinner—can be the reset your family needs. Connection is the goal. Whether you're navigating tough teen years or sharing a sunset, strong relationships grow from time, conversation, and attention. Repair matters more than perfection. Every parent will make mistakes. What counts is how we acknowledge, repair, and grow through them. Children are wired to connect. They want close relationships with us. Our job is to not let ego or defensiveness get in the way. Grace + ownership = healing. When your child opens up about past hurt, resist defensiveness. Instead, acknowledge it, own it, and seek forgiveness. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Our children are biologically wired to connect with us. We’ve just got to make sure we don’t get in the way of that.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Parenting Revolution – Dr Justin Coulson’s latest book Happy Families School Membership – For parent engagement and wellbeing resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Plan nothing. Take one evening this week to leave the agenda behind. Go for a walk, sit together, be still. Check in deeply. Ask one of your kids: “What’s been hard for you lately?” And listen—fully. Apologise when needed. If your child opens up about hurt or resentment, resist the urge to defend. Acknowledge their truth and offer a sincere, humble “I’m sorry.” Model forgiveness and grace. Let your children see that love doesn’t require perfection—just connection and accountability. Strengthen the bond. Say “yes” to spontaneous togetherness. It might become a memory your child cherishes forever.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why are so many girls struggling with anxiety, low mood, and poor mental health—and why are they starting to think it’s normal? In this Doctor’s Desk episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack recent UK research that asked teen girls themselves what's causing their distress. The answers are confronting: gender expectations, academic pressure, toxic friendships, and social media. But there’s hope. This episode offers real parenting solutions to help our girls thrive. KEY POINTS: Girls are normalising poor mental health. That’s not okay. We need to intervene early with meaningful support and connection. Narrow gender expectations hurt. Whether they lean into “girly” or “tomboy,” girls feel judged either way. Let them follow their authentic interests, not societal labels. Academic pressure is intense. Many girls feel they must succeed and that failing means they’re a failure. That belief is contributing to rising anxiety. Friendships can be fraught. Judgy, competitive peer dynamics—especially around appearance and eating—erode girls’ confidence and mental health. Social media fuels comparison. Girls see everyone else’s “perfect” lives and feel like they don’t measure up. The myth of the perfectable life is everywhere. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Poor mental health shouldn’t be normal. It should be the exception—not the expectation.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: University of Manchester research (linked in show notes) Miss Connection: Why Your Teenage Daughter Hates You, Expects the World, and Needs to Talk – By Dr Justin Coulson Happy Families School Membership ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Break the gender box. Support your daughter’s interests, whatever they are. Expose her to a wide range of hobbies and possibilities. Ease academic pressure. Model balance, share your own stories of failure and recovery, and consider the value of a gap year post-high school. Prioritise quality friendships. Encourage your child to nurture one or two deep, loyal friendships over being "popular." Create strong tech boundaries. Monitor screen time, model healthy device use, and ask reflective questions about how social media makes them feel. Eat dinner together. Regular family time at the table builds belonging, boosts well-being, and keeps the door open for tough conversations. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When your 8-year-old asks, “Where do babies come from?” how do you respond—without panicking? In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson share a sneak peek from an upcoming full interview with parenting author Michelle Mitchell about how to answer kids’ trickiest questions around procreation, intimacy, and consent. With warmth and practical wisdom, this conversation helps you feel more confident about when to talk, what to say, and how to create safe, shame-free conversations at every age. KEY POINTS: Start early and keep it simple. Naming body parts from a young age normalises these conversations and lays the foundation for later discussions about intimacy and consent. It’s never one big talk—it’s lots of little ones. Open, ongoing conversations build trust and make it easier for your child to ask more questions over time. You don’t need to get it perfect—just talk. Whether your style is open and casual or more private and reserved, what matters is that you're talking. Consent starts with valuing the body. Children need to understand their body is important, personal, and deserves respect—this frames later discussions about consent and intimacy in a meaningful, protective way. Humour helps. Be ready for funny, awkward, or unexpected responses. Respond with warmth, and follow your child’s lead on what they’re ready for. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “It doesn’t matter how your family talks—at the dinner table or quietly in private. What matters is that you’re talking.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Where Do Babies Come From? And Other Questions 8–12 Year Olds Ask – Michelle Mitchell’s newest book for kids and parents The Girl’s Guide to Puberty and The Guy’s Guide to Puberty – Also by Michelle Mitchell Happy Families School Membership Coming Soon: Full interview with Michelle Mitchell (Saturday episode) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Start with naming. Use proper terminology for body parts from the toddler years to normalise respectful language. Create a safe atmosphere. Be open to your child’s questions without judgement—even if you feel uncomfortable. Match your message to your child’s age. Answer what they’re asking, and don’t overshare if they’re not ready. Read together. Use age-appropriate books like Michelle’s to guide conversations and give your child permission to explore topics at their pace. Teach consent through value. Help your child understand that their body is special and deserves care and respect—this lays the groundwork for deeper conversations later. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today’s Tricky Questions episode, Justin and Kylie answer Kim’s heartfelt question: How do we raise young adult males and stay connected when we don’t agree with their choices? Whether your son is 16 or 26, this episode is full of practical, compassionate advice about letting go of control, nurturing connection, and guiding your son’s journey into manhood without damaging the relationship. KEY POINTS: Independence is the goal. Young men need to pull away to become their own person. This is healthy and expected development—not defiance. Connection > Control. Every attempt to correct or direct your young adult without enough relational “water in the bucket” weakens your influence. Prioritise staying close. Rites of passage matter. Boys don’t just “become men” by aging—they seek experiences to prove themselves. Without intentional guidance, they’ll create risky alternatives (like Schoolies, binge drinking, etc.). Defer respectfully. As children grow, parents should move from cocooning → reasoned cocooning → pre-arming → reasoned deference → full deference. Ask for consent to influence. If you want to share advice, first ask: “Are you open to hearing some ideas?” If the answer is no, focus on rebuilding connection. Your presence matters more than your opinion. The way you show up—without judgement, with genuine interest—determines whether your young adult wants to stay close or push away. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “If our relationship is a bucket, connection is the water. Correction and direction? That’s just air. And no one wants to carry an empty bucket.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happy Families School Membership: A resource hub for schools and parents seeking connection-based parenting support. Justin’s upcoming book on raising boys and young men (sign up now to hear all the details!) More on rites of passage from Dr Arne Rubinstein in the Bringing Up Boys Summit ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Step back from control. Accept that your child’s job is to grow away from you. Your job? Stay close enough that they still want to come back. Check your relationship “bucket.” Before correcting or advising, ask: Is there enough connection here for this to be received well? Use the deference ladder. Ages 0–7: Cocoon 8–13: Reasoned cocooning 13–15: Pre-arming 15–17: Reasoned deference 18+: Full deference with permission to advise Build trust by asking permission. Instead of jumping in with opinions, say: “Would you be open to hearing a thought I have?” Let them grow. Sometimes, encouraging your child to move out or take more responsibility is the healthiest path forward—even if it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Last week Justin and Kylie discussed Chappell Roan's recent claim that everyone she knows who has kids is miserable.  Listen to episode #1245 - Mothers & Happiness In light of this, we thought we'd replay episode #1072 - an interview with journalist Angela Mollard about an article where she asked if parenting needs a PR job.  The link to that article is in the notes below. Journalist Angela Mollard writes that "[a]n age of confession and vulnerability has seen parenting rebranded as a challenging, joyless, expensive, and freedom-sapping decision. They forgot the awesome bits." On the podcast today, Angela chats with Justing about finding the joy in parenting, the importance of perspective and gratitude, and why we must speak of the great parts of parenthood—because although parenting is hard, it's absolutely worth it! In this episode: The vulnerabilities VS the joys of parenting Parenting needs a PR job? Blame the mummy bloggers | Angela Mollard | The Daily Telegraph Finding fulfilment in parenting Generational differences Gratitude Look for the 'glimmers' every day #148 Flecks of Gold Perspective  Being present What Your Child Needs From You by Dr Justin Coulson (use coupon code SPRING15 for a sneaky discount! Ends 6/5/24) Related links: Parenting Made Easy(er) Unplugging Parenthood (and being present!) Doors are now open to the Happy Families Membership  NEW weekly kids’ ‘Print & Play’ subscription FELT (Fostering Emotional Learning Together) Find us on Facebook or TikTok Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.