Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Half of Aussie kids say they’ve been bullied in the past year — and for some, it’s relentless. If your child is caught in the middle of it, you can feel powerless, worried, and desperate for answers. In this powerful conversation, Professor Donna Cross shares a simple but life-changing 4-step approach to help your child feel heard, supported, and in control — plus what to try when you’ve “done it all” and nothing changes. You’ll learn: The hidden signs your child is struggling (and what not to miss) Why face-to-face bullying is still more common than cyberbullying The LATE model — a simple framework to guide every conversation Why walking or sitting side-by-side helps kids open up How to help when the bullying won’t stop — even after trying everything When changing schools is worth considering (and how to make it work) QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "Don’t take the wheel — take the ride. Let your child lead the conversation so they keep their sense of control." RESOURCES MENTIONED Part 1 of our interview with Professor Donna Cross. Friendly Schools - An evidence-based whole-school approach to social & emotional wellbeing & bullying prevention. Bullying No Way - Professional learning resources. Professor Donna Cross’s research on bullying prevention and intervention Happy Families resources on bullying When Your Child is Bullied: A Calm, Practical Guide for Parents [HF Article] Rebecca Sparrow's friendship resources for parents and kids (Australia's "Friendship Whisperer") Rebecca Sparrow's friendship resources for schools and educators No Bullying Week: "Be Bold. Be Kind. Speak Up." Kid's Helpline for Bullying Spotlight on cyberbullying - a resource for schools The eSafety Commissioner's Guide to Cyberbullying Webinars for schools - designed for 3/4 and 5/6 students (Bullying No Way 2025) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Watch for warning signs — changes in mood, friendships, or routines. Use the LATE approach when your child opens up.  L – Listen without rushing to take over. A – Acknowledge the hurt (“That sounds really tough”). T – Talk about options, letting your child lead the ideas. E – End with encouragement and keep the door open for future talks. Role-play tricky situations to build your child’s confidence and coping skills. Engage the school early and keep them informed — especially during transitions. Encourage bystander support skills in your child’s friendship group. If necessary, consider a school change — but plan supports to prevent the bullying from following them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Bullying doesn’t just hurt feelings — it can rewire a child’s brain. In this powerful conversation for No Bullying Week, I speak with Professor Donna Cross, one of Australia’s leading bullying experts, about the profound short- and long-term impacts of bullying, why some children are targeted, and the surprising protective factors that can help shield kids from harm. You’ll learn what’s really going on in the minds of both bullies and their targets — and how parents can build a network of support that keeps kids safer at school and online. KEY POINTS Bullying can trigger long-term neurological and genetic changes through repeated stress responses. Effects can be similar to those seen in children experiencing abuse. High-risk factors for being bullied include loneliness, visible differences, lack of supportive bystanders, and not being well known or liked by teachers. Protective factors include multiple friendship groups, strong peer relationships, a culture of kindness, and supportive school environments. Social and physical environments — from seating arrangements to equipment availability — can influence bullying dynamics. Parents can play a key role by facilitating diverse friendship opportunities and monitoring online activity. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "Probably the most protective factor is your child’s relationships with other young people — especially having multiple friendship groups." – Professor Donna Cross RESOURCES Professor Donna Cross’s research and publications Happy Families resources on bullying prevention and response When Your Child is Bullied: A Calm, Practical Guide for Parents [HF Article] Rebecca Sparrow (Australia's "Friendship Whisperer") - resources for parents and kids to help build, repair, and strengthen friendships.  Friendship resources for schools and educators from Rebecca Sparrow. No Bullying Week: "Be Bold. Be Kind. Speak Up." Kid's Helpline for Bullying Spotlight on cyberbullying - a resource for schools The eSafety Commissioner's Guide to Cyberbullying ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Help your child build multiple, diverse friendship groups. Encourage empathy and kindness at home and in school conversations. Partner with your child’s school to promote a positive social environment. Teach your child how to respond calmly to provocation. Monitor and guide your child’s online interactions to reduce cyberbullying risk. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do you talk to your child about a terminal illness in the family? What if it’s not your family, but your best friend's—and you want to support both their kids and your own? In today’s heart-wrenching episode, Justin and Kylie tackle one of the toughest parenting challenges: helping children navigate the looming death of a loved one. With compassion, honesty, and practical wisdom, they share how to approach these conversations—and how to show up when words aren’t enough. KEY POINTS: Be honest with children in age-appropriate ways—truth helps, secrecy hurts. Children need predictability: keep routines and rituals where possible. Acknowledge emotions—yours and theirs. Say “I feel sad too.” When supporting a grieving friend, show up practically. Don’t ask, just do. Teach your child how to be a caring friend: “I don’t know what to say, but I care about you.” Offer your home as a safe place for affected children to rest and just be kids. Model empathy, presence, and consistency—not just for the family in crisis, but for your child watching. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "I don’t know what to say, but I care about you." — Teach this to your child, and say it yourself. It matters. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happy Families Website (submit your question here) Has Screen Use Crossed the Line in Your Home? - With Brad Marshall ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Speak to your child about serious illness honestly and age-appropriately. Keep routines and rituals in place to provide stability. Validate and model emotional expression: let your child see that it’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused. Help your child support their friend with care, not pressure. Offer practical help to grieving families—meals, transport, child-minding—without needing to be asked. Let your home be a haven for kids who are carrying heavy emotional loads. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most of us think we know what to do when our child is being bullied—stand up to the bully, teach resilience, demand punishment. But what if those responses are making things worse? In this No Bullying Week episode, Justin and Kylie bust the myths around bullying and offer counterintuitive, compassionate, and powerful alternatives. Discover what actually works to support kids being bullied—and how to raise kids who don’t become bullies in the first place. KEY POINTS: If Your Child Is Being Bullied: Stop telling kids to “stand up” to bullies. This victim-blaming advice ignores power dynamics and often escalates harm. Avoid framing bullying as “character-building” or a “resilience opportunity.” Bullying is trauma. It’s not a test of toughness. Don’t demand punishment. Zero-tolerance and “make them pay” approaches often backfire. The system needs repair—not retribution. To Prevent Your Child from Bullying: Watch for “dominance in disguise.” When we reward confidence or competitiveness without checking the impact on others, we may be reinforcing bullying. Reflect on your parenting style. Harsh, authoritarian parenting models the very power-over behaviour we’re trying to prevent. Go beyond “treat others how you want to be treated.” Help kids develop real empathy by guiding them to reflect on how others feel. Bonus: Get your kids involved in service. Nothing builds empathy like helping others in need. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Our job isn’t to make kids bounce back from abuse. Our job is to make sure the abuse doesn’t happen in the first place.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: When Your Child is Bullied: A Calm, Practical Guide for Parents [Article] National Centre Against Bullying Conference Wall Street Journal article on the parenting pendulum Bullying No Way: A National Week of Action ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Work with the school: Ask for systemic solutions, not quick punishments. Validate your child’s pain: Listen, believe, and support—without trying to “toughen them up.” Model empathy and connection at home: Choose collaboration over control. Encourage service and perspective-taking: Real-world connection builds character better than lectures ever could. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When your child is struggling, do you ever feel like you should know exactly what to say—but you don’t? In this episode, we explore the parenting pressure to fix our kids’ problems... and why sometimes, the best thing we can do is just pick up the phone and listen. Plus: the surprising milestone we celebrated this week and why your relationship deserves a party too. KEY POINTS Kids often expect parents to know what to do—but we don’t always have the answers.  A powerful reminder: our kids don’t need perfect words—they just need us to show up. Building community makes it easier to hold the line with tricky issues like phones. Why celebrating your marriage or partnership (even obscure milestones!) is crucial for a strong family. Love and presence matter more than parenting “perfection.” QUOTE OF THE EPISODE  "I didn’t say anything wise. I didn’t make anything better. I didn’t do emotion coaching or problem-solving. I just listened. And that was enough." RESOURCES MENTIONED Wednesday’s Episode with Dr Brad Marshall on the impact of phones Sunshine Coast Ballooning (hot air balloon anniversary celebration—not sponsored, just loved it) HappyFamilies.com.au for more resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Let go of needing the perfect words – Just be there. Listen. Build your community – Especially around tricky boundaries like phones and tech. Celebrate your partner – Mark the small and silly milestones. They matter. Reconnect with your kids – Even if you don’t have a fix, your presence is powerful. Remind yourself – You don’t have to have the answers. Just love them. Be there. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Feeling like your child is glued to their screen - and spiralling? You're not imagining it. A brand-new meta-analysis of nearly 300,000 kids reveals something alarming: screen time isn't just a symptom of emotional struggles… it’s making them worse. In this Doctor’s Desk deep dive, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down the research and shares three critical parenting strategies that can break the cycle. KEY POINTS A meta-analysis of 117 studies (292,739 kids!) shows screen use leads to increased emotional and behavioural problems—and kids who are already struggling are more likely to turn to screens. Gaming has the most harmful effects, especially when time limits are exceeded. There’s a reciprocal relationship between screen use and emotional struggles—each one fuels the other. The screen trap is real—even highly self-aware adults get caught. The key isn’t blame or punishment—it’s collaboration, connection, and compassion. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We need to question the gaming industry’s design, not our children’s character." RESOURCES MENTIONED Meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin (2025) Yesterday’s episode with Dr Brad Marshall on gaming disorder and smartphone overuse ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Question the system, not the child: Open conversations with kids about how games and social media are engineered to capture attention and exploit vulnerabilities. Collaborate on screen use limits: Use the 3 E’s: Explore, Explain, Empower. Involve kids in setting family screen guidelines focused on what they gain, not what they lose. Replace screens with real connection: Prioritise family time, hobbies, nature, and friendships. The more involved you are, the less likely screens will dominate. Get curious about unmet needs: Ask: What is my child seeking from this screen? How can I help them meet that need in real life? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Nine hours a day. That’s how long Aussie teens are spending on recreational screens. But what does this mean for their development—and should parents panic? In this confronting but practical conversation, Dr Justin Coulson is joined by Dr Brad Marshall, clinical psychologist and researcher, to unpack Australia’s biggest study to date on screen overuse and gaming disorder in kids. Together, they explore what the data shows, what it means for families, and what you should (and shouldn’t!) do if screen use has taken over your home. KEY POINTS New research shows 9 hours/day of screen time for high schoolers and 6 for primary kids—just for fun, not school. Around 5% of kids show signs of clinical or subclinical gaming disorder. 10% show signs of smartphone addiction. Significant developmental impacts were found across emotional, behavioural, educational, and physical domains. These issues start in primary school, not just during adolescence. It's not about banning screens but about helping parents set and enforce realistic, healthy limits. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "If your child is in a sleep deficit because they’re on screens at night, that snowballs into everything else." – Dr Brad Marshall RESOURCES MENTIONED The new Macquarie University study on screen overuse Brad’s Developmental Impact Questionnaire Happy Families podcast archive Brad Marshall’s organisation: Control Shift ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Don’t attack the tech. Avoid saying things like “that game is rotting your brain.” It shuts down connection. Don’t allow screens in bedrooms at night. Sleep loss is a key trigger for wider issues. Don’t argue in the heat of the moment. Have the “screen talk” when everyone’s calm. Get curious about impacts. Use tools like the Developmental Impact Questionnaire to understand your child’s experience. Pick your battles. Focus on habits and boundaries, not just hours. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

“My daughter says she doesn’t like being alone with her thoughts at night… so she plays music to drown them out.” In this episode of the Happy Families podcast, we explore a powerful listener question from a mum worried about her anxious child using music as a form of avoidance. Is it helpful? Harmful? And what can we do instead? We unpack the fine line between healthy distraction and long-term avoidance - and share tools to help your child build emotional strength, even in the dark. KEY POINTS Avoidance can reinforce anxiety - but sometimes, gentle avoidance is okay Music can be an effective short-term tool, but shouldn't become the only coping mechanism The risks of long-term distraction at bedtime (poor sleep, more anxiety) Strategies to help: Essential oils (yes, really—there’s research!) Gratitude practices before sleep Thought downloads/journaling to ease mental clutter Default Mode Network activity and its role in rumination Gradual tolerance toolkit—moving away from music to mindfulness Normalising and validating nighttime anxiety Parental presence and conversations to address the underlying worries QUOTE OF THE EPISODE  "Sometimes kids feel like they’re swimming with metaphorical sharks. They want to get out of the water—but we know they’re just dolphins. It’s our job to keep them swimming." RESOURCES MENTIONED Chatter by Ethan Kross Research on essential oils and anxiety (referenced but not directly cited) happyfamilies.com.au Leave us a voice memo for the podcast here ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Let your child know their racing thoughts at night are normal—and you're there for them. Collaborate on a bedtime plan: gentle music, meditation, or calming scents. Encourage journaling or a “thought download” before bed to externalise internal chaos. Add in a nightly gratitude ritual—simple and connecting. Over time, help your child build tolerance for their thoughts without needing constant distraction. If things remain tough, reach out to a GP or psychologist for professional support. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are we really setting our kids up for success in the real world? From burnt spaghetti to budgeting fails, this episode dives into the seven critical life skills every parent should teach their child before they fly the nest — unless you want them boomeranging back! This is the essential parenting checklist for raising capable, confident, and independent adults. KEY POINTS Get Organised & Be ProductiveTeens need to know how to manage time, set alarms, prioritise, and follow through on responsibilities — no one else is going to do it for them. Keep a Tidy House & Maintain HygieneBasic cleaning and personal hygiene habits matter. No one wants to live with (or date) someone who never cleans the bathroom. Cook Three Basic MealsTwo-minute noodles don't count! Being able to whip up three decent meals is a non-negotiable adulting skill. Research & Make Informed DecisionsFrom phone plans to uni courses, help your teen learn how to ask questions, compare options, and confidently choose what's right. Understand Basic BudgetingTrack spending, avoid debt traps, and save for goals — money smarts start at home. Regulate EmotionsTeach your teen to handle stress, setbacks, and big feelings without a meltdown (or a phone call to Mum every time). Navigate Conflict ConstructivelyKnowing how to disagree without destroying a relationship is key — whether it's a fight with a friend or a tricky work conversation. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The goal isn’t to send them out perfect. It’s to send them out capable — and make ourselves redundant in the process.” RESOURCES MENTIONED happyfamilies.com.au for parenting tools, resources, and workshops. ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS 1. Do a life skills audit — which of these seven has your child mastered?2. Model these behaviours daily: routines, budgeting, cooking, conflict resolution.3. Involve your child in real-life decisions (like comparing phone plans or budgeting for groceries).4. Use mistakes as teachable moments, not failures.5. Celebrate independence, even if it’s just cleaning the bathroom without being asked!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Would you get out of bed at 2:30am to drive your teen to Work Experience with horses? In this episode of I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, we share the parenting wins, fails, and funny moments from our week - including freezing mornings, heartfelt messages from listeners, and a couple of one-star reviews that left us speechless (almost). Also, Justin’s withdrawal from the Tour de France and unexpected fame in a shopping centre. From meaningful feedback on tricky conversations to tackling criticism with humour, this episode is about showing up, trying hard, and staying connected. KEY POINTS Supporting your teen’s passion… even when it starts at 3am Listener feedback about Sunday tricky conversations with kids What it’s like being recognised from Parental Guidance How to handle negative podcast reviews with grace and humour The reality of not being everyone’s flavour - and why that’s okay QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "We're not going to be everybody's favourite fruit. And that's okay." RESOURCES MENTIONED HappyFamilies.com.au Parental Guidance (TV show) Justin's Sunday Tricky Conversations (encouraged by listener Miranda) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Support your child’s passion - even when it disrupts your sleep. Your presence matters. Start a weekly tricky conversation with your child, like Miranda did. It builds trust and emotional safety. Remember you're not for everyone - and you don’t have to be. Show up authentically. Leave a review (preferably 5 stars 😉) if the podcast has helped you - feedback helps more than you know. Take care of yourself too - catch up on sleep and laughter when you can. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.