Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Ever brushed off your child’s whining, anxiety, or fussy eating as “just a phase”? What if those small annoyances are quietly shaping big challenges for your family’s wellbeing? In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the Region Beta Paradox — the psychology behind why we ignore little problems until they explode — and reveal how parents can catch the signs early, stay regulated, and protect their family’s mental health. KEY POINTS What the Region Beta Paradox is (and why it’s a parenting game-changer).How “little niggles” like whining or sibling squabbles can erode family harmony.The danger of waiting until problems hit crisis point.Why self-regulation and self-care aren’t optional for parents.Practical cues to know when a child’s behaviour needs professional attention. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Deal with the niggles before they become the drama. Your future family harmony depends on it.” RESOURCES Why small annoyances can harm us more than big disruptions   | PSYCHE How to Respond When Triggered by Your Child [Article] Self-Care Strategies That Really Work [Article] Overwhelm: Self-care Strategies for When Everything is Too Much [Webinar] Why Our Kids Need Us to Set Limits [Article] Unplugged Parenthood: Reducing Screen Time to Strengthen Family Connections [Article] Developmental Milestones: What to Expect From Birth to Adulthood [Article] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Notice the “drip-drip” annoyances — don’t dismiss them. Reframe whining or misbehaviour as unmet needs, not defiance. Model self-regulation: pause, breathe, respond calmly. Build self-care into your week — connection > screens. If issues persist, track frequency, intensity, and duration — and seek help early. Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever looked at your child’s friends and thought, “This is not going to end well”? You’re not alone. But new research shows that stepping in and steering kids away from certain friendships can actually make things worse — leaving your child less accepted by peers, more anxious, and even more likely to act out. In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie unpack the surprising dangers of interfering in your child’s friendships, why your good intentions can backfire, and how to guide your kids without damaging trust. KEY POINTS Why parental interference often increases risky behaviour and peer rejection. The “forbidden fruit” effect — why the more you disapprove, the closer kids cling. How criticism of a friend can sound like criticism of your child. The power of trust: letting kids figure it out leads to stronger, healthier friendships. What to do instead — shift from policing friendships to teaching what makes a good friend. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE "When you say, ‘I don’t like who you are when you’re with that friend,’ what your child really hears is, ‘I don’t like who you are.’" RESOURCES Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry study on parental interference in friendships.  Chris Niemiec (University of Rochester) research on “forbidden fruit” friendships. How do I Keep my Daughter Away from her Boyfriend? [HF Article] Supporting Autistic Children Course [NDIS approved] #1103 I'll Do Better Tomorrow: The Good Things Matter [HF Podcast episode on helping kids identify qualities of a good friend] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Pause before interfering — unless there’s bullying or real harm, stay out. Have general conversations about what makes a good friend, rather than targeting specific friendships. Trust your child’s ability to grow — most “bad” friendships naturally fade or transform with time. Model positive relationships so your child sees what healthy friendship looks like. Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au Become a Happy Families Member todaySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when a mum posts a video of tidying her teenager’s messy bedroom? Internet outrage. Some called it enabling. Others said it was love. In this episode, Dr Justin and Kylie cut through the noise and answer the real question: should parents be tidying their teens’ rooms - or teaching responsibility another way? You’ll discover what really matters when it comes to chores, gratitude, and raising kids who contribute at home without constant conflict. KEY POINTS: Why social media turned a simple act of love into a war of opinions The difference between helping your teen and enabling them How chores build gratitude, contribution, and teamwork Why kids don’t always see what parents do—and why that’s normal Practical ways to reset chores without the constant nagging The surprising truth: sometimes it’s okay to just tidy up QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:“The most important principle isn’t who cleans the room—it’s that everyone contributes.” RESOURCES: Mom tidies teen's room each morning, prompting a fascinating debate  | Upworthy I am Not the Maid – How to get 5 Star Service from the Kids at Home | HF Article My 13-Year-Old Doesn’t Pick up a Single Thing| HF Article Developmental Milestones [Introduction] | HF Article ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Call a short family meeting to reset chores and responsibilities. Use the explore–explain–empower method to get kids involved in deciding tasks. Focus on gratitude and contribution—not perfection. And if you tidy their room sometimes? That’s okay. Just don’t post it on social media. Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ever come home from work to a house that looks like a bomb went off—while your partner relaxes? Today Justin answers a listener who’s furious at a husband who won’t pull his weight. Is it laziness, “feigned incompetence,” or something deeper? Justin shares the tough-love steps every parent needs to hear to reclaim balance without a shouting match. Plus: a second listener asks for help with a 12-year-old facing anxiety, insomnia, and no friends—Justin’s practical roadmap will give you hope tonight. KEY POINTS Why “feigned incompetence” is a relationship killer—and how to call it out with compassion. Three steps to stop enabling: drop the martyr act, have the hard conversation, and set clear expectations. Family meetings as a secret weapon for shared responsibility. Supporting a tween with severe anxiety and sleep struggles: routines, medical checks, and delight-driven activities. How better sleep restores calm for the whole household. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “You deserve a partner, not a project.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES Couples meeting [Podcast Episode] The Importance of Sleep: How I Work Crossover [Podcast Episode] #452 Weaponised Incompetence [Podcast Episode] Parenting On The Same Page [Webinar] We Need to Talk About Parent Wellbeing [Webinar] A Grown Up’s Guide to Worry Stacking (and how to help kids kick it!) [Download] Riding the Waves: Tools for Taming Anxiety [Course for kids & teens] #310 Bedtime is the Right Time [Podcast Episode] #990 Mental Health Challenges with Anne Hollonds [Podcast Episode] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Name the Load – Write down every daily task you’re carrying; share it with your partner without blame. Set a Couple’s Meeting – Weekly 15-minute check-ins to agree on chores, schedules, and support. Prioritise Sleep – Create predictable bedtime routines for kids and adults. Find Delight – Help your child discover activities that light them up to ease anxiety and improve sleep. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are we protecting our kids too much? Today we tackle the controversial topic of risky play — climbing trees, speeding down hills, roughhousing, even handling tools. The things that make parents anxious might actually be the very things kids need most. Discover why risk is essential for resilience, confidence, and courage — and how to give your child the freedom to play without pushing them too far. KEY POINTS Why “risky play” isn’t dangerous play — it’s just play the way we grew up. The Canadian Paediatric Society’s 9 types of risky play (and how to try them at home). Why broken arms aren’t the worst thing, but bubble-wrapping kids might be. The surprising link between risky play and lower anxiety in children. Five simple ways to say yes to risk while keeping things developmentally appropriate. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE“You want your kids to be as safe as necessary — not as safe as possible.” RESOURCES & RELEVANT LINKS Jonathan Haidt, After Babel Substack Healthy childhood development through outdoor risky play: Navigating the balance with injury prevention  | Canadian Paediatric Society Roald Dahl quote on kids and risks Playing It Safe May Be The Biggest Risk Of All [Article] Resilience: Developing strength, calm and kindness in our kids [Webinar] #50 Risks and Rolling Down Hills [Happy Families Podcast] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Say yes more often when your child wants to try something new. Get kids outdoors — nature is the best playground. Encourage rough-and-tumble play and sports. Ditch screens when possible; real play builds real skills. Step back — give your kids space to take age-appropriate risks. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Think teens can’t have fun without booze? Think again. In this episode of I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, Justin and Kylie share the behind-the-scenes of hosting an 18th birthday that was loud, laughter-filled - and completely alcohol-free. From a $9.99 Bunnings “doorbell hack” every parent of a gamer needs, to setting clear boundaries that still let kids feel free, you’ll hear how the Coulson's created connection and unforgettable memories without the hangover. KEY POINTS The $9.99 Bunnings wireless doorbell that stops the endless “DINNER!” yelling at teens in headphones. How to host a high-energy, alcohol-free party teens actually rave about. Teaching kids they don’t need substances to have fun or belong. Using “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow” reflections to guide weekly family growth. A fresh take on schooling: why one daughter chose a vocational “industry school” and how alternative pathways (and gap years) can set kids up for success. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE“Life is long. If the standard path isn’t working, stop forcing your child to fit something that doesn’t fit.” – Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED Register interest for Justin’s upcoming Boys book here Study proves the importance of dads teaching sex education to their sons | Will & Woody A $10 Doorbell Stopped Me Yelling At My Teen | Lise & Sarah Study links a gap year to better university grades | The Conversation Gap Years, ATAR Myths & the Real Path to Success After School [with Amy Dyer] - Happy Families Podcast ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Model Substance-Free Fun: Show your teen that great parties don’t need alcohol. Set Clear, Kind Boundaries: Explain expectations up front—then let your kids rise to meet them. Explore Alternate School Paths: Investigate vocational schools, traineeships, or gap years if the traditional system isn’t serving your child. Create Simple Connection Cues: Try the wireless doorbell or another gentle way to call your teen without yelling. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

“Mum, I’m bored!” Sound familiar? In a world of endless screens and instant entertainment, boredom feels like a problem to fix. But what if it’s actually a hidden superpower? Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the science of boredom - why the right kind helps kids grow more creative, independent, and emotionally steady, and when it tips into trouble. Get quick, practical ideas to turn those “I’m bored!” moments into brain-boosting opportunities. KEY POINTS Good vs. Bad Boredom: Occasional boredom in a stimulating environment builds creativity, resilience, and emotional regulation. Chronic boredom in an empty environment links to anxiety and risky behaviour. Screens & Overstimulation: Devices hijack attention, prevent true mental rest, and can increase long-term boredom. The Brain on Boredom: When attention fades, the Default Mode Network activates - fueling imagination, identity-building, and problem-solving. Practical Parenting: Don’t rush to entertain. Provide an “enriched environment” (books, art supplies, outdoor space) and let kids self-direct. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Boredom isn’t a failure of parenting - it’s a reset button for the brain.” —Dr Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED Inside the bored brain: Unlocking the power of the default mode network | PsyPost Forget Overscheduling vs Bordeom - Self Direction is Key [Happy Families Article] The Case Against Boredom [Happy Families Article] Unhurrying Childhood [Happy Families Article] Fast-forward to boredom: How switching behavior on digital media makes people more bored | Journal of Experimental Psychology #1045 – The Art & Science of Family Meetings [Happy Families Podcast] ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Stop Fixing It: When kids complain, calmly acknowledge and leave space for them to decide what’s next. Prime the Environment: Keep open-ended materials - Lego, art supplies, books - visible and accessible. Embrace Downtime: Show your own healthy boredom habits: daydreaming, journaling, screen-free walks. Breath. Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter Leave a voice memo here or email your questions/comments to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is your child’s screen time spiralling—and every conversation about it ends in a fight? Professor Wayne Warburton, leading psychologist and researcher, reveals how apps and games are deliberately engineered to hook young brains. He explains the hidden neuroscience of addiction, what excessive screen use does to a child’s emotional regulation and attention, and how parents can reclaim calm without all-out war. If you’ve ever wondered why your tween melts down when you say “time’s up,” this episode is a must-listen. KEY POINTS Why modern apps use gambling-style tactics and AI to keep kids scrolling. How heavy screen use weakens the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that manages focus, planning, and emotional control. Simple, science-backed steps to reset family screen habits and return kids to the “driver’s seat.” Practical advice for conversations that don’t turn into shouting matches. Why social connection doesn’t have to mean social media. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE“It’s not your child’s fault—or yours. These products are built to be addictive. The goal is to put your child back in the driver’s seat, not the screen.” — Dr Wayne Warburton RESOURCES MENTIONED Dr Wayne Warburton’s books Growing Up Fast and Furious and The Importance of Media Literacy HappyFamilies.com.au for family screen-plan templates and parenting resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Choose the right moment: Discuss screens only when everyone is calm and offline. Externalise the problem: Frame it as “us versus the tech designers,” not parent versus child. Co-create a plan: Involve kids in setting screen limits and consequences; write it down. Build healthy replacements: Help kids identify offline ways to cope with boredom, anxiety, or stress. Model balance: Show your own healthy screen habits—your example speaks louder than rules. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you really trust your teen to manage their phone—and the algorithm—alone? In this episode, Justin and Kylie Coulson tackle a Gold Coast mum’s burning question: should parents rely on filtering apps or on trust? Justin shares his eye-opening experiment pretending to be a teenage boy on Instagram (and what the algorithm served up), while Kylie explains why this isn’t just a “trust” issue—it’s a maturity issue. Together they reveal how to set limits that actually protect kids, build accountability, and still keep the relationship strong. Key Points Why filters aren’t foolproof—and why blind trust is even riskier The hidden danger of “friendly” algorithms that quickly escalate to violent or explicit content Justin’s experiment that turned his feed dark in just two weeks The 3 E’s of Effective Discipline: Explore, Explain, Empower How to create family tech agreements that work—and stick Quote of the Episode “We say we don’t like the restraints, but we actually need them. Just like a roller-coaster harness, limits keep our kids safe when life turns upside down.” – Justin Coulson Resources Mentioned Managing Screens at Home [Webinar] Included in the Happy Families membership. Action Steps for Parents Audit together: Sit with your teen and explore what their algorithms are serving them. Set limits, not locks: Use filters as one layer, but focus on ongoing conversations. Use the 3 E’s: Explore their perspective, Explain your concerns, Empower them to co-create safe screen habits. Find your village: Connect with like-minded parents to make consistent boundaries easier. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your sweet preschooler just turned into a pint-sized whirlwind—kicking, screaming, and even hitting.Before you panic or punish, listen in. Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack why three-year-olds lash out, why it’s actually developmentally normal, and the calm, practical steps that help them (and you) find peace. Key Points Why hitting at age three is common—and not a sign you’re raising a violent teen. The real drivers: big emotions, low impulse control, limited language. Three core responses: stay regulated, set clear limits, redirect with movement or creative outlets. After the storm: empathic conversations and rehearsal for “next time.” Prevention tips: check the HALTS (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Stressed) and keep screen time low. Quote of the Episode “Regulating emotions is harder than learning to walk or tie shoelaces. Your job is to stay the adult while your child learns.” – Dr Justin Coulson Resources Mentioned Little People, Big Feelings [Webinar] – practical tools for parents of toddlers and preschoolers. Little People, Big Feelings [The Summit] Action Steps for Parents Stay calm—model the regulation you want your child to learn. State the boundary—“We have gentle hands. Hitting hurts.” Redirect energy—offer drawing, movement, or grounding games. Debrief later—when calm, problem-solve and rehearse next time. Check the basics—food, sleep, connection, and screen habits. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.