Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

I'll Do Better Tomorrow: The Power of Teaching Kids About EmotionsKids don’t magically learn emotional regulation—they need to be taught. In this special Friday episode of I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, Justin and Kylie reflect on a big week: a powerful email from the past, and a meaningful family conversation about emotions. They share how their weekly “teaching tradition” helps their kids understand, express, and manage big feelings—with practical ideas any parent can try at home. KEY POINTS Weekly family tradition:The Coulsons have moved from monthly “tricky topic” chats to weekly conversations—because consistency matters more than perfection. Understanding emotions visually:Emotions were mapped across two axes—energy (high/low) and pleasantness (pleasant/unpleasant)—to help kids name and normalise feelings. Teaching emotional regulation:Emotions aren’t who we are; they’re what we feel. Kids were taught to “move through” emotions rather than get stuck in them. Adaptive vs maladaptive coping:Adaptive strategies included movement, music, cold water, connection, and even cleaning. Maladaptive strategies included isolation, outbursts, or ruminating alone. Explicit teaching works:Kids responded well to a clear, hands-on conversation. And yes—one child acted it all out in real time. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Emotions are not who we are—they're something we move through.” RESOURCES MENTIONED The Parenting Revolution – Book by Dr Justin Coulson happyfamilies.com.au – resources for family connection Consent education: Consent Can't Wait campaign ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Start a Weekly Chat TraditionChoose a consistent time (e.g. Sunday evenings) to talk about a value, life skill, or tricky topic as a family. Teach Emotions in Two DimensionsUse energy (high/low) and pleasantness (pleasant/unpleasant) to help kids map their feelings more clearly. Help Kids Reframe Their LanguageInstead of “I am angry,” encourage “I have anger.” It promotes healthier emotional distance. Create an Adaptive Coping List TogetherBrainstorm ways to manage big feelings that work for your family: music, exercise, pets, hugs, laughter. Be Consistent, Not Perfect It’s not about grand lessons—it’s about regular, intentional connection that grows with your children. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when you strip your smartphone of its “smart”? In this Doctor’s Desk deep dive, Justin and Kylie unpack a groundbreaking new study showing what really happens when people block mobile internet on their smartphones. The results? Better focus. Improved wellbeing. Healthier screen habits. Drawing on the science, personal experience, and insights from Jonathan Haidt and game designers themselves, this episode offers a wake-up call—and a way forward—for families navigating digital overload. KEY POINTS First-of-its-kind research: A randomised controlled trial published in PNAS Nexus found that blocking mobile internet improved sustained attention, mental health, and subjective wellbeing. 91% improved: Nearly all participants in the study saw measurable gains by turning off mobile internet for just two weeks. How behaviour changes: People spent more time socialising, exercising, and being in nature—activities that are strongly linked to happiness and resilience. Jonathan Haidt’s insight: The greatest harm of screens isn’t just anxiety—it’s the destruction of attention and the erosion of childhood development. Addiction by design: Game developers and social media engineers want you and your kids to be addicted. Their business depends on it. Not all screen time is equal: Watching a movie with someone? Often fine. Scrolling alone on a touchscreen? Psychologically harmful. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “We are prisoners to our devices—and the smartest people on earth designed it that way.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Study: Blocking Mobile Internet on Smartphones Improves Sustained Attention, Mental Health, and Subjective Wellbeing (PNAS Nexus) The Anxious Generation – Jonathan Haidt The Parenting Revolution – Dr Justin Coulson happyfamilies.com.au The Light Phone 3 (Justin’s personal attempt at going “dumb”) ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Block Internet Access on Phones Use settings or third-party tools to disable mobile internet on smartphones, especially for kids. Switch to “Dumb Mode” Calls and texts only. Move social and entertainment use to desktop computers to limit impulsive use. Model Change Yourself Consider your own phone use. Try a one-week mobile internet detox and note how your mind and mood change. Prioritise Real-World Activity Encourage (and plan for) more time in nature, exercise, and in-person connection. Educate & Equip Talk to your kids about how screens are designed. Teach them to spot manipulation—and reclaim their attention. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

 What if failing to be the perfect parent was the point all along? In this raw and deeply moving preview episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the heart, humour, and humanity behind Mumming—a memoir by Victoria Vanstone about a year of trying (and failing) to be a better parent. From shouty moments to terrifying near-loss, Victoria’s journey reminds us that imperfection is part of the gig. Because parenting isn’t about getting it right. It’s about showing up, loving fiercely, and doing the best we can. KEY POINTS Perfection is overrated: Victoria Vanstone's story is a refreshing reminder that parenting doesn’t require perfection—it just asks for presence and persistence. Imperfection can be a superpower: By owning her flaws, Victoria models growth and authenticity—for herself and her children. Love always involves risk: Whether it’s sending your teen to the plaza or surviving a choking emergency, parenting requires us to let go—and that’s terrifying and transformative. Identity as a parent takes time: Mumming is as much about self-discovery as it is about raising kids. Who we want to be isn’t always who we are—but we can still move in the right direction. Humour and honesty heal: Victoria’s writing blends wit, wisdom, and the kind of vulnerability that helps parents everywhere feel less alone. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “So long as you’re trying, you’re not actually failing.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Mumming by Victoria Vanstone (book) Full interview available on the Happy Families podcast (Saturday drop) happyfamilies.com.au – for more parenting resources ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Embrace your imperfections. Notice where you feel like you’re “failing” and reframe it—what effort or love lies beneath? Talk honestly with your kids. Share age-appropriate truths about your struggles or mistakes. It builds trust and models growth. Laugh at the mess. Use humour as a way to connect and ease the tension that comes with everyday parenting chaos. Let love stretch you. Whether it’s letting go of control or facing fear, love will always ask something big of you. Step into that stretch. Read something real. Pick up Mumming or another memoir that normalises the messy beauty of parenting. You’re not alone. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do you do when your anxiety has become their anxiety? In this listener Q&A, Justin and Kylie respond to Amy from Melbourne—a self-diagnosed helicopter parent whose 9-year-old daughter now struggles with fear and risk aversion. With compassion and practical insight, they break down the difference between risky and dangerous play, explore the impact of parental anxiety, and offer real-world strategies to build your child’s confidence—without ignoring safety. KEY POINTS Risk ≠ Danger: Risky play involves challenge with decision-making and agency. Dangerous or hazardous play involves hidden threats kids can’t yet assess. Why Risky Play Matters: It improves mental health, builds confidence, reduces anxiety, enhances learning, and strengthens decision-making. Parental Anxiety is Contagious: When parents over-control, children miss the chance to develop autonomy and trust in their own judgement. Structure Builds Competence: Autonomy-supportive parenting isn’t “hands off”—it means offering guidance, boundaries, and support while allowing your child to step up gradually. Small Steps Lead to Big Growth: You don’t have to throw your child in the deep end. Micro-risks—like ordering lunch, paying for milk, or exploring a store aisle alone—build trust and resilience. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The goal is to keep children as safe as necessary—not as safe as possible.” RESOURCES MENTIONED The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson happyfamilies.com.au – More resources for autonomy-supportive parenting Submit your question: happyfamilies.com.au/podcast ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Start With a Conversation Gently acknowledge your own anxiety and let your child know you’re learning to trust her more. Introduce Low-Stakes Risks: Let her pay for something at the shops Send her to order lunch while you wait nearby Assign a small independent task at home Teach, Then Step Back Give your child the structure to succeed—rules, expectations, safety cues—then give them space to apply it. Increase Freedom Gradually As both your and your child’s confidence grows, slowly expand what she’s allowed to do without your help. Keep Safety Contextual Not every environment is safe for independence. Know your context, but look for creative alternatives to build autonomy. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

“I Don’t Like Playing with My Kids” – Why Play Still Matters If the idea of playing Barbies or dragons makes you groan… you’re not alone. In this episode, Justin and Kylie tackle a parenting confession that many are afraid to admit: “I don’t like playing with my kids.” Drawing from emotional intelligence research and real-life experience, they unpack why play matters (even if it’s not your favourite), how to make it meaningful and manageable, and why it’s one of the simplest ways to build connection, confidence, and emotional regulation in your child. KEY POINTS Play is not a luxury—it’s essential.Play builds emotional intelligence, connection, and social skills better than almost anything else. It’s not about doing it ‘right’.Play works best when it’s spontaneous, simple, and mutually enjoyable—not when it’s forced or scripted. The emotional impact is profound.Play regulates emotions, reduces tension, strengthens relationships, and helps kids feel seen, heard, and valued. The secret is in the interaction.What makes play powerful is the back-and-forth: the jokes, the giggles, the shared creativity—not the activity itself. A little goes a long way.Just 5–10 minutes of intentional play can fill your child’s emotional cup and help them play independently afterwards. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “Play is not about perfection—it’s about connection and presence.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Happy Families Membership – parenting tools & webinars happyfamilies.com.au – resources for raising emotionally intelligent kids Ethan Kross, Shift ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Find a 5–10 minute window each dayYou don’t need hours. Commit to short, fully present bursts of play—no phones, no multitasking. Gamify the mundaneTurn routines into playful challenges: “Can you hop to the bathroom on one foot?” or “Let’s race to tidy up.” Let your child leadAsk: “How could we make this more fun?” Give them a sense of autonomy and watch their creativity bloom. Prioritise connection over performanceYou’re not there to entertain—you’re there to engage. Drop the pressure, enjoy the moment. Repeat. Consistency is the win.Over time, this builds emotional strength, stronger relationships, and memories that last. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Prawns, Perspective & Parenting: Why the Silly Moments Matter Most Sometimes the most ridiculous memories become the most meaningful.In this heartfelt Friday episode, Justin and Kylie reflect on family, connection, and the unexpected power of silly traditions—like reenacting a 50-year-old prawn-and-tomato-sauce date. From celebrating milestones to navigating teenage heartbreak, this episode reminds us that family life isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, being all-in, and seeing our children through a lens of love. KEY POINTS Family memories don’t have to be perfect to matter. A chaotic dinner with bad food can become a treasured story if shared with love and laughter. Perspective is everything—especially with big emotions. When a teenager's heartbreak feels overwhelming, a shift in perspective can transform frustration into compassion. Silly moments build strong families. Reenactments, impromptu plays, or saying “yes” to your child’s wild idea create connection and shared joy. The long game in parenting matters. Showing up, sticking it out, and staying connected builds legacy—not just for now, but for generations. Every child’s intensity is a strength in disguise. Big emotions may feel inconvenient in the moment—but they’re often the foundation for deep love and character. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “We think we’re supposed to have perfect families—prawns and tomato sauce is not a perfect dish. But that’s the stuff of family.” RESOURCES MENTIONED The Parenting Revolution by Dr. Justin Coulson This is Connection – book mentioned by a listener Shift by Ethan Kross – for understanding and managing emotions happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Say Yes to the Silly Stuff When your kids ask to put on a play, reenact a moment, or share something ridiculous—join in. Shift Your Perspective If you’re feeling frustrated, try seeing the situation through someone else’s eyes—especially your child’s. Celebrate the Everyday You don’t need a 50th anniversary to make memories. Make ordinary moments extraordinary by being present. Notice the Strength in Emotion Big feelings can be exhausting—but they reveal depth, empathy, and passion. Name the strengths behind the storm. Invest TIME Kids spell love T-I-M-E. Whatever else you have going on this weekend, spend it with them. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if the most powerful thing you can do as a parent… is let go? Today’s episode dives into one of the most radical and relieving ideas in parenting: trusting your child’s natural development. Drawing on powerful research from McGill University, Dr Justin explores why pushing less can actually lead to more—less stress, more confidence, fewer behavioural issues, and healthier relationships. Learn how to spot the traps of controlling parenting and discover the four key ingredients to raising capable, self-motivated kids—without the pressure. KEY POINTS The Research: A 2008 study by Landry et al. found that parents who trust their children’s natural development feel more competent, enjoy parenting more, and have children with fewer behaviour problems. Trust ≠ Permissive Parenting: It’s not about doing nothing—it’s about guiding without controlling, believing that your child has an innate drive to grow and learn. The Stress Trap of Controlling Parenting: When parents feel responsible for every part of a child’s progress, they become ego-involved. This leads to micro-managing, overstimulation, and undermines the child’s self-motivation. Four Core Practices of Trust-Based Parenting: Explain why – Not just "because I said so" Validate feelings – Acknowledge the struggle without removing limits Offer real choices – Not manipulative options, but genuine autonomy Minimise control – Step back from bribes, threats, and pressure Cultural Insight: Norwegian mums, with more social support, showed higher trust in natural development than Canadian mums—highlighting how systemic pressure affects parenting mindset. Trust Leads to Growth: Kids with trusting parents show better self-regulation, higher intrinsic motivation, and fewer behavioural problems. They trust their own capabilities—because their parents do. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE “The most radical thing you can do as a parent might be to trust your child.” RESOURCES MENTIONED Landry et al. (2008) study on trust in development The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson happyfamilies.com.au – Parenting resources and support ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS Stop Comparing Ditch the charts, milestone checklists, and other kids' timelines. Trust your child’s rhythm. Pause Before You Push Ask: “Is this about my child—or my anxiety?” Shift from Director to Facilitator Create opportunities, then step back and let your child take the lead. Use the Four Trust Tools: Give reasons Recognise feelings Offer choices Minimise control Remember the Long Game Development isn’t a race. If you're planting seeds, don’t keep digging them up to see if they’re growing. Just nurture, support—and trust.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Join us as we dive into the world of "Granny Core" — a charming, nostalgic approach to helping kids disconnect from screens by embracing slow, hands-on, screen-free hobbies. From knitting and baking to treehouse building and backyard adventures, this episode is packed with 20 timeless activities that promote creativity, connection, and calm. If you're tired of fighting the screen-time battle, this list is your new best friend. KEY POINTS: Why Screen-Free Matters: The overuse of screens is linked to increased anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and academic issues in kids. The Rise of Granny Core: A cultural trend that celebrates slow, traditional activities like knitting, gardening, and baking. Nostalgic Outdoor Play: Classic games like hopscotch, bike riding, and treehouse building help foster imagination and independence. Community & Connection: Group activities like game nights and neighbourhood breakfasts create meaningful relationships and combat isolation. Creative Projects: Activities such as Lego building, writing stories, and learning instruments develop resilience and problem-solving. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “The goal isn’t to eliminate screens entirely. The goal is to ensure screens aren’t crowding out enriching experiences that build confidence, creativity, and connection for our kids.” – Justin Coulson RESOURCES MENTIONED: Happy Families website: happyfamilies.com.au ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Pick One Granny Hobby: Choose one activity, like baking or embroidery, to try with your child this week. Get Outside: Encourage unstructured outdoor play—think mud pies, capture the flag, or a nature scavenger hunt. Host a Game Night: Invite another family over for board games or trivia. Create a Mini Club: Start a small neighbourhood kids' club for crafts or service projects. Connect with a “Grandma”: If real grandparents aren’t nearby, find a local elder who can share time and wisdom with your kids. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today’s Q&A episode, Elizabeth from Melbourne shares a heartbreaking concern: her 7-year-old son is engaging in inappropriate behaviours towards girls at school. We unpack this tricky topic with sensitivity and seriousness—discussing how to draw firm boundaries, have safe and open conversations, and when to seek professional help. If you’ve ever felt unsure about how to respond when your child crosses a line, this episode will offer clarity, compassion, and practical tools. KEY POINTS: Normal Curiosity vs Concerning Behaviour: It’s typical for kids between ages 4–8 to explore gender and bodies—but behaviour like skirt-lifting and bottom-touching crosses a serious line. Immediate Action is Crucial: Clear, direct communication is needed. “Your body belongs to you. Other people’s bodies belong to them.” Teach Consent Early: Consent education starts with everyday interactions—asking before hugging, respecting personal space, and stopping when someone says no. Don’t Catastrophize, Stay Present: Parents must resist the urge to project into the future and instead address the present issue calmly and constructively. Get on the Same Page with the School: Schools have protocols—partner with them for consistent boundaries and supervision. Have Open Conversations Using the 3 E’s of Discipline: Explore what’s behind the behavior, Explain why it’s inappropriate, and Empower your child with better choices. Look Deeper, Ask the Hard Questions: Behaviour may stem from exposure to inappropriate content, modelling by others, or—more rarely—neurological or psychological factors. Avoid Labels: Kids need support, not stigma. Labels can harm their identity and influence how others treat them. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: “Labels belong on jars, not on people.” RESOURCES MENTIONED: Michelle Mitchell's books Consent Can’t Wait Campaign happyfamilies.com.au – for parenting resources and help ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Have a Calm, Direct Conversation Set a firm boundary: “This behaviour is not okay.” Avoid shame—focus on clear expectations. Initiate a Safe Dialogue Reassure your child: “There’s nothing you can say that will make us stop loving you.” Then ask direct but gentle questions about where the behaviour may be coming from. Involve the School Work with teachers and school counsellors to ensure supervision and consistent messaging. Monitor Online Access Review screen time and check for any exposure to explicit content. Consider Professional Help If behaviours repeat or your child discloses troubling influences, consult a psychologist or counsellor experienced in childhood behaviour.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's time to address the age-old question: Do children make us happy? Backed by powerful research and personal stories, Kylie and Justin explore the paradox of parenting—how our kids can simultaneously be our greatest joy and our biggest challenge. Featuring insights from happiness researchers like Daniel Kahneman, Paul Bloom, and Roy Baumeister, the conversation moves from exhaustion and conflict to purpose, meaning, and unconditional love. KEY POINTS: Research shows that parenting often decreases happiness and marital satisfaction, especially in the early years. Daniel Kahneman's study revealed mothers find time with kids less enjoyable than activities like watching TV or shopping—particularly during stressful mornings and evenings. Despite the challenges, most parents say they don't regret having children—why? Cultural and policy differences influence parental happiness across countries. Parenting isn’t primarily about happiness—it's about purpose, meaning, and deep emotional connection. The hardest parts of parenting often give rise to the most profound moments of growth and joy. QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "If the loss of a child would be total annihilation, then having a child—healthy, happy, and sound—must be annihilation’s opposite, which sounds pretty terrific." – Paul Bloom RESOURCES MENTIONED: The Parenting Revolution by Dr. Justin Coulson All Joy and No Fun by Jennifer Senior The Sweet Spot by Paul Bloom Meanings of Life by Roy Baumeister Daniel Kahneman’s research on parental enjoyment Columbia University studies by Sara McLanahan ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS: Redefine Happiness: Shift your focus from momentary happiness to long-term meaning and connection. Embrace the Mess: Recognise that hard days are part of the growth—yours and your child’s. Prioritise Connection: In the chaos, seek small moments of intimacy and presence. Protect Your Partnership: Align as a couple around shared parenting values; the child isn’t the problem—misalignment often is. Find Support: Advocate for better policy and community support—or build your village where you can. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.