The Parenting Mirror: What Your Kids Are Really Learning From You [Parental Guidance Ep. 4)

What happens when your child becomes the parent — even just for a day? In this episode, we unpack last night’s Parental Guidance challenge, where kids were asked to care for a realistic baby doll, revealing what they’ve learned from their parents’ example. From “cry-it-out” methods to family role clarity, and even the silent weight of unappreciated parents — this conversation is a wake-up call for every mum and dad. Are you raising future chair stackers, or scorekeepers?

KEY POINTS:

• Kids reflect the parenting they see — sometimes in ways we don’t expect.
• Why “cry-it-out” for babies is controversial and why we generally recommend avoiding it (especially under 6 months).
• The hidden harm of parenting with threats and power-centred comments.
• The trap of seeking validation from your children instead of giving without expectation.
• Why clarity in family roles, self-awareness, and communication are critical.
• The concept of raising “chair stackers” — children (and future adults) who see and meet needs without keeping score.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:

"If there was one gift I could give every parent, it would be the gift of self-awareness — the ability to see how your children experience you." - Justin Coulson

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Upcoming book: Boys by Justin Coulson (on raising “chair stackers”).
• More parenting resources at: happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

1. Reflect honestly: What do your kids see and learn from the way you react under stress?
2. If you’ve used cry-it-out methods, consider alternatives and seek support if you’re struggling.
3. Have a conversation with your partner (and even your kids) about family roles and whether everyone feels the load is fair and balanced.
4. Let go of the need for validation from your kids — parenting is about giving.
5. Start encouraging the “chair stacker” mindset in your kids by modelling it yourself.

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