The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

My friend Susan Guthrie, host of Divorce and Beyond Podcast, joins me to talk about why you might want to seek spousal and child support in your divorce. I am especially excited about this episode because it's a crossover event that we created for you! This episode is Part 1 of the crossover event and you can hear Part 2 on Susan's show. Alimony is the scariest and complicated topic that comes up during a divorce. Together, Susan and I talk about the complexities of spousal support, including how tax laws/bills affect alimony (currently, not in a good way), and when it's appropriate to seek out support. In Part 1 of our crossover conversation (this episode, right here!) Susan and I talked about why women should take support. In Part 2, we discuss some of the support pitfalls to watch out for and why it may not be the best solution for everyone. Head over to Susan's podcast to listen to Part 2! Show Highlights The real-deal about alimony and the factors that go into determining when alimony is appropriate. (4:34) Child support guidelines as they currently stand place children in the middle of a divorce. This is NOT okay. (16:44) As a stay-at-home parent, you've invested in the household, therefore spousal support honors the work that you've done — as well as the fact that you've been removed from the workforce for a time.. However, it's a minimal return on your investment, which can leave women more disempowered in the end. (18:15) What you need to know about negotiating support. (28:08) Learn More About Susan: Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the United States, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan provides exclusively online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world through her business Divorce in a Better Way. Susan has also recently partnered with mediation legend, Forrest "Woody" Mosten, to create the Mosten Guthrie Academy to provide cutting edge gold-standard training for attorneys, mediators and other professionals. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association's (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Membership Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Mediation Committee and Annual Advanced Mediation Skills Institute. Susan is also an internationally well-regarded expert in online mediation and has been training colleagues and other professionals in the practical and ethical considerations of conducting their mediations online with her innovative programs and webinars for more than two years. To date, more than 15,000 dispute resolution professionals have benefited from her program and she has trained mediators in countries all around the world including programs for the American Bar Association (ABA), the Alternative Dispute Resolution Institute of Canada (ADRIC), and the National Association of Distinguished Neutrals (NADN) among others. Susan founded Learn to Mediate Online™ in 2018 and now offers more than 7 programs for professionals all designed to help them to advance their skills and their practice to new heights. In addition to her other professional endeavors, Susan is an award-winning podcast host. Having reached a podcast listening audience of almost 4 million in the past two years, Susan is the creator and host of the hit podcast, The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. which debuted on iTunes "Top Podcasts for Self-Help" List. She recently launched The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. to bring current information, updates and news on ODR to her thousands of followers. Susan has been featured in and on media outlets such as CNBC, Market Watch, Forbes, Eye on Chicago, WGN, the ABA's Just Resolutions Magazine, Thrive Global, The Nook Online among others. She is licensed to practice law in the States of California and Connecticut as well as before the Supreme Court of the United States. Resources & Links:Susan's website The Divorce and Beyond Podcast Susan on Instagram Divorce and Beyond Podcast on Instagram Divorce Corp (movie) The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Part of my work is to dig through the roots of patriarchal oppression, expose it for what it is, and bring light to ways in which we can smash it into oblivion. So, when I hear about stories of girls who are given to their abusers to be married at the age of 13 because they are pregnant - I am outraged (and enraged). Dawn Tyree is a fierce survivor of child marriage and turned her experience into an incredible life's work. She was not raised in a fanatical cult. Girls being married off to their abuser is happening all over the U.S. every year. In this episode, Dawn joined me to talk about her experience. We discuss the problem of child marriage and how we can resolve it. She is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. Her experience has been published in multiple major publications around the world. I am honored that she joined me to share her story. Show Highlights Dawn shares her story of being left in the care of an adult, experiencing sexual abuse at his hands, and being forced to marry him at 13. (8:57) The system is set up to let sexual abuse, abandonment, and child marriage happen. (13:13) Dawn's experience of being manipulated into believing that child marriage was the best choice. (15:31) How and when Dawn became aware that she was a victim of a sexual predator/abuser, how she began to process those emotions and started to plot her way out. (17:49) The story of her divorce and custody proceedings - as a minor. By the way, there is NO minimum age to marry (currently) in the state of CA. But, you have to be 18 years old in order for a divorce to be finalized. (27:26) From a parenting perspective, how Dawn spoke to her children about her/their situation. (29:01) Why you have to take your children out of an abusive situation and give them the opportunity to see what else there is. (35:19) What we can do to help end child marriage in the U.S. (41:32) Dawn explains why child marriage is a form of sex trafficking in plain sight. (50:21) Learn More About Dawn: Dawn Tyree is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. She is currently working with Global Hope 365 to help end child marriage in California. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. The story of her experience as a child forced into marriage has been published in The New York Times, Reuters, The Sun, DailyMail, The News-Review, WRAL, Freedom United, Portland Metrozine, YES! Magazine, and printed into 12 different languages. Dawn works with multiple organizations and universities across the nation to help educate and offer support in comparative studies (the US and international) on child marriage and human rights abuse issues. Dawn was featured in a two-hour documentary on child marriage in the U.S. as part of the A & E Network docu-series, "I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story" with Elizabeth Vargas that aired in April 2019. She continues her activism work in tandem with writing her harrowing story of overcoming the toughest of odds. Tyree is enjoying life in the Pacific Northwest Coastal Range. Resources & Links: National Coalition to End Child Marriage Dawn on FacebookDawn on Instagram California Coalition to End Child Marriage Child Marriage – Shocking StatisticsStudents Against Child Marriage A&E's I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story GET HELP: National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888 Text: befree to *233733 Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

The topic of trauma bonds is one of the biggest conversations that circulate within my Facebook group and also with clients. In fact, it is one of the biggest obstacles women tackle as they extricate themselves from a toxic relationship. So this week, I am bringing back my friend Gwynn Raimondi to talk all about trauma bonds. Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer, and the creator of the Trauma-Informed Embodiment™ modality. The typical advice given to those breaking free from toxic relationships is to go no contact. Unfortunately, if you are a parent, going no contact isn't an option. You don't have the luxury of doing that when you share children with the person you have a trauma bond with. In this episode, Gwynn helps us understand what a trauma bond is and how you can set healthy boundaries in order to break free. Show Highlights What are trauma bonds and how do we recognize them? Plus, the two definitions of trauma bonds. (8:12) How trauma bonds are formed within long-term abusive partnerships. (9:07) The reason you can't heal from trauma bonds on your own and why you don't go to therapy with an abuser. (13:52) How to break free from a trauma bond. (21:40) The basics of what a healthy relationship should look like. (31:24) Learn More About Gwynn: Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer and the creator of the Trauma Informed Embodiment™ modality. She specializes in complex (childhood, relational, & attachment based) traumas, grief, embodiment, and their intersections. She has written extensively over the last several years about many different types of trauma and the ways they impact our relationships. She offers online groups and programs periodically throughout the year, as well as works with individual clients via Zoom. Resources & Links:Gwynn on Instagram Gwynn on Facebook Gwynn's newsletterGwynn's Current Workshops and Offerings Rhian Lockard on Divorce Survival Guide Big Little LiesFAYR App The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Divorce comes with many harsh realizations. Once the dust starts to settle, lost friendships or friendships that no longer feel supportive can be the most painful realizations. What the hell happened to your friends? And how do you make new ones? My guest, Daniel Herrold, is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age. There are several aspects to Daniel's story that are poignant, like his deep respect and commitment to his ex-wife (the woman who stayed home for many years raising their children), as well as the story of how he created a new community with people he'd never known before. It is my hope that by sharing stories such as Daniel's, you'll see what is possible after divorce. Sure, it may not always be rainbows and unicorns. But rebuilding a community is possible and can come pretty darn close to magical too. Show Highlights Why it's important to surround yourself with people who are going through a divorce, who understand it, or who have been through it. (7:31) What happened to your friends? Some of the realities of friendship, including lost friendships, post-divorce. (8:12) Why should you focus on self-care, healing, and establishing that friendship group to help the healing process, instead of dating or thinking about your next partnership. (12:21) Daniel's story of recognizing the opportunity cost of his ex-wife being a stay at home mom and what that meant for them post-divorce. (19:58) How to put resentment and emotional baggage aside and show up with integrity. (26:30) Why Daniel created DivorcedOver40, building a community of nonjudgemental peers. And why it is not a matchmaking site. (36:21) Learn More About Daniel: Daniel is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age. Daniel is a resident of Tulsa, OK and has been divorced for nearly two years now and has three daughters. Resources & Links:DivorcedOver40DivorcedOver40 on Instagram DivorcedOver40 on FacebookSmart Dating Academy on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Sunday, January 3rd, was the start of peak dating season. To talk about how to harness the power of dating, my dear friend Bela Gandhi returns to the show. Bela is my go-to for all things dating advice and coaching. In fact, she gets the Divorce Survival Guide seal approval! There is no better time in your life to start thinking about dating than now. Bela breaks down some of the do's, don'ts, and how-tos for maneuvering through dating during peak season and beyond. Show Highlights What is it about this time of year that makes you feel the pull to start dating? (5:10) Are there great partners out there? (6:22) How to screen people in and what that means. (9:48) Some dating advice for women who have recently exited a relationship with a toxic abuser. (13:17) All the love in the world will not change a Beast into a Prince. (18:51) If dating makes you excited, Bela shares how to harness the power of dating season, including some dating profile tips. (22:13) Some pandemic silver linings in the world of dating. (31:22) Learn More About Bela: Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets. After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemical and manufacturing company (CCC) as the, where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating's Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009. Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients "like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships". SDA's coaches become personal trainers for their clients' love lives. The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success. Resources & Links:Smart Dating Academy Bela on Instagram Bela on Facebook Bela on Twitter Smart Dating Academy on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I have another listener favorite episode for you on when to give up the authentic fight: I asked a friend who is going through a divorce what I should talk about in this week's episode. He said I should talk about cravings. And he offered what he meant by saying this, "Given the shit happening in the world, we turn to safety, fantasy, and imagination to numb our true selves and we give up the authentic fight." How beautiful is that? There is so much happening in the world right now. And my friend is right, we numb out as a way to escape. We numb with food, drinking, or shopping. When it comes to relationships, we numb out by fantasizing about other people; hoping they are the cure for a troubled marriage. Turning to other people, places, or things will not lead you to true fulfillment. Doing so simply covers up the pain, momentarily. Succumbing to cravings is giving up the authentic fight. What happens if you just sit still with all of the shit that is happening in your life; what if you gazed into all of your own holes and examined them for what they are? What if? What might be possible for your relationship, for your marriage, or most importantly, for you? That's what I am talking about this week on the podcast. I hope you tune in. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why marriage is not responsible for fulfilling you 100% Discernment work is so complex, but necessary The importance of recognizing your own 'made-up' stories and changing the narrative Today's episode is sponsored by Soberlink: Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

I am back after a month-long hiatus from the podcast. So where have I been? Well, I had COVID-19. Yup, it seems like I was 2020's personal punching bag. In this episode, I tell you about my experience, how I caught it, and what happened to me. I also go into why letting your guard down, even just a little bit, is like gambling with your life. COVID is no joke. If my story can save anyone else from getting this virus, I'm happy to share my experience. Thank you so much for hanging in with me, for all the support, emails, and the well-wishes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I did want to share one note about the holidays and divorce: I know the holidays are a difficult time for many. Keep the focus on your children. Do what's best for them, even if it means collaborating, coordinating, and doing the shopping for an ex who may be dropping the ball. How it goes this year is not how it will go every year. This is a process. So if you're in some situation that's pissing you off, you can get through it, and you can make changes moving forward I'll be back in January 2021 with new episodes, new content, and more. Until next time, sending my love. Resources & Links:Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Doing the holidays and divorce — at the best of times — can be super complicated. Co-parenting during the holidays during a pandemic? What a shitshow, amiright? Well, it doesn't have to be. This week, Michelle Dempsey-Multack joins me to offer tips and advice on how to handle the holidays during this crazy time. Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. There is no guidebook for parenting during a pandemic. But through our conversation, we hope you find some insight, inspiration, and tips to help you move through the upcoming season with confidence and grace. Show Highlights The shift in the divorce and co-parenting space and the role COVID-19 plays. (3:35) How to have an uncomfortable conversation that is non-threatening about making the holidays safe for your children. (8:49) Distinguish between the ex-partner who will balk about everything vs the ex-partner who is truthly concerned because they deem your actions as reckless. (12:06) Uncomfortable conversations lead to comfortable situations. (14:16) You can't tell COVID to go away because it would make divorce easier. But COVID is forcing new divorcees to slow down post-divorce. (15:33) Some tips on how to handle the holidays as co-parents, including how to share or split holidays. (24:48) Make your goal about you, moving on in a healthy way and doing what is best for your children. (34:57) Creating new holidays and traditions for yourself, post-divorce. (35:10) Learn More About Michelle Dempsey: Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®) and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade - just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie. Resources & Links: Michelle's website Michelle on Instagram Michelle on Facebook Mom's Moving On Podcast Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Maneuvering through a divorce is tough. Co-parenting can be even tougher. Parenting a diagnosed or newly diagnosed child with ADHD or neurodiversity post-divorce, well, things can feel downright suffocating at times. This week on the podcast we're talking about parenting a perfectly imperfect complex child in the midst of a divorce. My guest Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. She's the co-founder of ImpactADHD.com and co-creator of Sanity School®. When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, Elaine's work truly impacted the way that I moved through my son's diagnosis, parenting, co-parenting with my ex, and everything that came after that. Seriously. Elaine's work was a lifesaver for me. Show Highlights Getting an ADHD diagnosis for your child. (4:20) Now that you know what you are dealing with, what happens next? (5:00) Moving from 'fix-it' mode to 'understanding'. (8:29) How to deal when one partner in the co-parent has ADHD and you have a child diagnosed with ADHD too. (16:31) What to do when one parent is in denial about a diagnosis. (19:05) Steps to help empower your child to find control where they can and help them feel good. (20:26) Choose one thing to be important at a time and not try to do everything at once. (38:26) What to do when your co-parent partner is criticizing your way of parenting. (42:05) Learn More About Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. The co-founder of ImpactADHD.com, co-creator of Sanity School® (an online behavior therapy program), and co-author of Parenting ADHD Now! Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD, she provides coaching, training, and support for parents of complex kids – and parents raising kids in complex times. Her newest book, The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More was released in September. Elaine has served as a parent advisor for the American Academy of Pediatrics and on the national Board of Directors of CHADD. She is the mother in an ADHD++ family of six. Resources & Links: Elaine's website Elaine on Twitter Elaine on LinkedIn Elaine on Facebook Elaine on Instagram Bless Her Heart – She Just Doesn't Understand ADHD (article) Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I am sounding off about why I get political on my podcast, on social media, and in my work. The short answer: It's because it matters and it's all intertwined. America is extricating itself from a relationship with a toxic abuser. The same thing is being played out in so many marriages that I see.In this episode, I breakdown the intersection between politics and my work in women's empowerment. I explore the similarities between Donald Trump and toxic partners, and why doing the work to remove yourself from such relationships is so important. Not just for you, but for your children, and for America. Show Highlights Why I talk about politics in my work. Consider where the power dynamic shifted in your relationship. Why you need to have a solid exit plan when leaving a toxic relationship. The importance of understanding and acknowledging privileges to support others who do not have the same privilege. Why it's important to do the work and be an active participant in changing the systems and behaviors in your life. Resources & Links:DSG Episode: Nobody is Entitled to Your Forgiveness Seduced Documentary National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support, resources and advice for your safety: TheHotline.org or call 800-799-7233Private Coaching with Kate AnthonyKate Anthony's program Rooted Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group