Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

R. Doug Fields, author of Why We Snap and Electric Brain, shares insight from the field of neuroscience on why as evolved as we are, parents and teens still snap at each other. Plus, what new research in the field of brain waves could mean for our kids in the future.Full show notesYou’ve been asking your teenager to unload the dishwasher for days, only to be brushed off everytime. One day, you decide that enough is enough–your teen has lost the privilege of having their phone until they unload it. You announce this to your teen, explaining with a perfect sense of calm why this has to happen….but suddenly, your teen flies off the handle! Furious, they hurl insults, exclaim protestations, and then refuse to come out of their room. Why are they getting so worked up over such a small event?It turns out that this response is a part of a complicated evolutionary brain mechanism, one intended to keep us safe...but can sometimes misfire. It comes down to how we’re wired to face threats, whether we’re being followed down a dark alley or getting into an intense facebook fight! Understanding how this mental system works can help teens from making some impulsive mistakes–and help parents stay cool when arguments with teens heat up.This week we’re sitting down with neuroscientist Dr. R. Douglas Fields, author of Why We Snap: Understanding the Rage Circuit in Your Brain and Electric Brain: How the New Science of Brainwaves Reads Minds, Tells Us How We Learn, and Helps Us Change for the Better. Dr. Fields is a leading researcher in the field of brain science, studying everything from experimental usage of brain waves to developmental psychology. Today, we’re talking about aggression: why it comes so suddenly, how it affects our body, and what we can do about it.Why Aggression AppearsDr. Fields became fascinated by the brain’s aggressive response when he found himself being attacked by a gang on the Barcelona subway. While he and his daughter were in the station, he felt someone grasp for his wallet. Instantly, he was able to grab the perpetrator and tackle him to the ground, putting him in a chokehold. With no martial arts training, and no exceptional athleticism….how in the world was Dr. Fields able to accomplish such an astounding physical feat??!Asking himself that same question, Dr. Fields embarked on a research journey to understand how the body is able to perceive threats and react accordingly. It turns out, this response is deeply unconscious, monitored by the same mechanisms that our brain uses to regulate hunger and thirst.Since this response is hard-wired in our brains, intended to keep us alive, Dr Fields says it’s pointless to tell an upset teen to just “calm down”. In fact, that will likely make the situation worse. Instead, Dr. Fields suggests educating your teen on why a situation is firing them up, and prompt them to consider if it’s worth acting on their angry impulses. If someone flips your teen off in traffic,of course they’re going to get upset. But is it worth yelling back and cutting this person off, risking their own safety? Likely not! Having these discussions with teens can keep them from making decisions they regret.While adults struggle with aggressive responses just like teens do, teens are not as capable of regulating their response, says Dr. Fields. In the episode, he discusses how teens’ have brains that aren’t quite developed enough to control their angry impulses. He shares how you can help a teen learn the importance of self control.When it comes to handling danger, there are certain factors that affect the nature of our reaction. Dr. Fields dives into what these factors are, and why they’re so important to understanding aggressive impulses.The Significance of SexThere are four main influences that affect the body’s response to a perceived threat: our genetic makeup, our childhood experiences, brain damage (from sources like injury or drugs), and, most importantly, our gender. While it’s important to consider our level of impairment (we all know alcohol can make us a little more inclined to impulsivity) and the nature of our upbringing, Dr. Fields says the number one force that indicates our level of rage is our sex.Why is this so? Dr. Fields explains that the answer comes down to the bilateral nature of our brain! When women are encountered with a threat, the response takes place in the left side of the brain, where we process smaller details and analyze the situation at hand. When a large man brushes a bit too aggressively against a woman in a bar, she’s not likely to incite violence against him–she’s smart enough to know that’s a battle she can’t win.If a man finds himself in a similar situation, he’s much more likely to get rough with the other fellow, because his reaction to danger is processed on the right side of the brain, explains Dr. Fields. This means he’s thinking more about the big picture, and guided by his emotions. He’s not analyzing how this guy will come at him when they get into a fight, he’s acting out of fury! This is why 95% of all people in prison for violent crimes are men.The difference in response between the two genders comes down to mating, says Dr. Fields. Women examine mates for prospects, analyzing their qualities, while men are driven to mates by beauty or their visceral response to the other person. In the episode, Dr. Fields gets into how women funnel their violent impulses into indirect action, such a s gossip or self harm. Beyond just gender, Dr. Fields breaks down why certain things trigger an aggressive response, and how our threshold for becoming triggered can become lower from chronic stressStress and Social RankAmong most mammals, status among the pack is essential to survival...and humans are no different. Status in our society is tied to wealth and access to resources. That’s why office politics can elicit a rage response from us–we’re triggered by the threat to our status, and therefore our stability. When teens fight with somebody on Twitter, their place in the hierarchy is being threatened in a similar way, causing them to get angry.Contributing to this is the effect of prolonged stress. If a person is feeling anxious or expected to perform under pressure for a long period of time, their threshold for an impulsive, rage-fueled response is significantly lower. When your teen is about to overflow from managing school, sports, and their social life, they’re likely to blow up when you take their phone away.In the episode, Dr Fields explains that before he was robbed in Barcelona, he had faced a few other threats of robbery in the preceding days, This meant that his body was on higher alert, his brain circuitry changed to be more responsive. He believes this prolonged stress is the reason he was able to defend himself against the perpetrator with a crazy amount of physical strength!When it comes to responding with anger, educating a teen about why their body reacts the way it does can keep them from making dangerous mistakes and getting hurt. By talking to your teen about the brain science behind facing perceived threats, you can help them move through the world more safely.In the Episode…Dr. Fields’ brilliance shines through in today’s episode as he shares some extremely interesting facts about neuroscience and evolut...

Gregory Koufacos, author of The Primal Method, joins us for a discussion on why simply talking to boys doesn’t work--and how parents can instead activate a strong bond with their teens to set them up for a thriving healthy adult life.Full show notesWhen kids are misbehaving or getting on your last nerve, it can be difficult not to sound like a broken record. Repeated cries of “come home on time” or “put down the controller and start your homework” can feel as though they are falling on deaf ears! Frustratingly, no matter how hard you try to get through to them, teenagers just don’t seem to listen.This can become extra challenging when teens are partaking in behavior that is dangerous or harmful, or even illegal. Oftentimes, teens struggling with problems like substance abuse, self harm or addiction are especially likely to discard a parent’s pleas to change. If only there was another way to get through to kids, and make them realize there’s a better way to live.To get some advice on helping teens improve their lives, we’re sitting down with Gregory Koufacos, author of The Primal Method: A Book for Emerging Men. Gregory has spent years as an addiction counselor and mentor for troubled teens, helping them see the path to recovery and happiness. His unconventional method towards mentoring young people might be just what you need to finally reach your teen.Gregory’s mission is to help people understand the power of showing teens a better life, instead of just telling. He’s here to talk about how you can help kids truly build a positive future for themselves on a daily basis, instead of giving them advice that just falls flat. He also shares why it’s important to sometimes dish out some tough love, and the value of having a strong bond with your teen.Getting Kids EngagedYou can have a million different talks with your teen to try to convince them that you know best, but you’re probably familiar with hearing a “yeah” or “ok” in response...and seeing nothing change! So how can you teach your teens a lesson that actually sticks?In his work as an addiction counselor, Gregory often found himself hitting the same wall. Giving advice to patients in his clinic while they sat on the couch just wasn’t working, so one day he asked one of his clients to step outside with him. Once they were free from those four walls, out in the world, he realized there was a better, more interactive way to help kids get better.From then on, he adopted a system of real world immersion in his practice. He brings kids along to try new things and experience life, and shows them the happiness that can come from healthier habits. Gregory leads his clients by example, and encourages parents to do the same. Are you skipping out on doing things that fulfill you like cooking or working out, because you’re busy nagging your kid or worrying about something you can’t control? Kids can see that, and it affects their perception of what life has to offer. The first step to helping kids discover happiness is showing them what it looks like.Gregory believes that if you want kids to turn off the TV remote or get rid of the vape, you have to find something that helps them to enjoy life instead of seek distraction from it. It might not be easy–some kids might not be quick to share their interests or be vulnerable. However, once you catch on to a kid’s passion for surfing, dancing, writing, Gregory says to run with it. It can be so much more powerful than simply telling them to stop smoking or start working harder.While it’s important to provide kids with positive reinforcement and encourage them to pursue passions, it can also be just as important to be tough on them. Gregory dives into when exactly it can be valuable to give teens a little bit of a harsher treatment.The Significance of Tough LoveWhen teens are on the verge of giving up, Gregory stresses that they need someone to push them, not a parent who’s complicit in their choice to throw in the towel. When your son wants to play video games instead of studying for his final, he needs someone to challenge him to get rid of the controller and hit the books.Now, this doesn’t mean that parents should abandon empathy, Gregory says. He argues that there is a time and place for both soft and tough love, and that both can be necessary. It’s like gardening. While it’s valuable for plants to have water and sunlight, they also need to be trimmed and monitored to stay healthy!In the episode, Gregory tells the story of a patient who was seemingly a straight A student–or so he claimed. When Gregory dug a little deeper, he found that this student was actually barely scraping by. However, Gregory knew that this client wanted to be a straight A student, he just needed some tough love! He confronted the young man about the lie, challenging him, and then, using positive encouragement, guided him towards becoming a better student.When it comes to helping teens prosper, balancing out empathetic love with emphatic love is tricky, but can work wonders. Before you can communicate words of encouragement or disdain however, you’ve got to form a sincere bond with your teen, Gregory says.Creating a Close Bond with a TeenOne thing Gregory and I discuss in the episode is how parents are often asking the wrong questions, wondering: “When will my son start coming home on time?” or “When will my daughter start being honest with me about her alcohol use?”Instead, Gregory suggests asking questions that prompt you to think about the nature of you and your teen’s relationship. How often do the two of you spend quality time? What’s an activity you guys might be able to do together? George emphasizes that oftentimes, the issues that plague kids are caused on some level by the lack of a positive parental relationship. George explains that if you can put in the time to form a strong bond with your teen, you’ll be better equipped to help them stay safe, happy and healthy.Gregory also stresses the importance of knowing the difference between love and smothering. A lot of times, he meets parents who insist that they have strong, healthy connections to their children, when really they’re much too close and need to give kids some space. Gregory says not to worry, it’s normal to smother a bit, especially when teens are in a tough spot. In the episode, he shares some further advice for parents who worry they might be smothering.While it can seem tricky to help a struggling teen snap out of their funk, Gregory’s got some thorough and enlightening advice in the episode. By showing kids that a happy life is possible, doling out tough love when needed, and making the time to forge a strong connection, you can ensure that your teen will make it through whatever tough spot they’re in.Also in the Episode…Why it’s powerful to be vulnerable with your kidsHow to inspire creativity in teensWhy mentorship for young people can be life-changingHow different kinds of intelligence manifest in teensAlthough you might be sick and tired of bossing your kid around, there are better ways to get through to them! If you enjoyed today’s episode, check out Gregory’s website velocitymembership.com, and don’t forget to subscribe!

Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable and Hooked and former lecturer at Stanford University, offers new insight into why teens get so “addicted” to technology. Nir suggests the problem might not be as insurmountable as we thought and has a method for how to become indistractable.Full show notesIt’s so frustrating when kids seem infinitely more invested in their Fortnite match than the stack of homework sitting on their desk, or intent on binging Emily in Paris when they should be practicing their violin! In our modern world, where technology surrounds us, it seems that we’re all prone to getting caught up in all the distractions offered by our devices. We know our kids are smart and capable–if only they grew up in a world with no social media or streaming sites...right?Although it’s tempting, blaming our kids’ tendency towards distractions on technology isn’t going to get us anywhere. Even when we take their phones away and limit their access to facebook and Instagram, it seems that they still get distracted, still procrastinate, still don’t put in their full effort! There’s got to be a better way.Today we’re talking to the brilliant Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life and Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products. Along with teaching business at Stanford University and prospering as an entrepreneur, Nir has written widely on how people become hooked by technology, highlighting what exactly it is keeps us coming back for more. In our interview, he talks specifically about how parents can help kids dodge the technological distractions they so often fall prey to.In Nir’s eyes, the ability of young folks to free themselves from distraction is the key to a successful future. So how can we help kids get there? The answer is a lot more complicated than just simply limiting their technology use. It involves digging deeper into what’s triggering the technology use in the first place...Understanding Internal TriggersWhen we think of the word “distraction”, we tend to think of noises or sights around us that make it hard to concentrate. While these are certainly part of our inability to focus, Nir shines light on what he believes are the most potent forces of distraction: our anxiety, boredom, dread, and confusion. Nir defines these as “internal triggers”, differentiating them from”external triggers" like the beeping of a car alarm or TV playing the news in the background.These internal triggers are too often left out of the conversation when discussing distraction! As parents, it can be tempting to blame our kids’ concentration issues on circumstance or believe that we’re simply helpless when it comes to rebuking the distractions of tech. In reality, the solution to the problem lies in dealing with whatever it is kids are struggling with internally.This use of procrastination to deal with bigger internal problems is similar to drowning out emotional issues with drugs or alcohol, Nir says. It’s not alcohol that drives alcoholism, it’s the emotional conflict or inner turmoil of the alcoholic that causes their unhealthy behavior. The same goes for technology, he explains. We overuse and find distraction when we’re trying to avoid dealing with feelings we’d rather push away.So if your kid is a procrastinator, don’t worry–it’s not a character flaw, Nir emphasizes. Teens just need to learn to process whatever negative emotion they might be feeling. If they can get to the bottom of what’s keeping them productivity, they can begin to tackle the task at hand. In the episode, Nir talks more about how you can help teens deal with these deeper issues, instead of just placing restrictions on their tech use and hoping things will get better.Why Teens Go Online When They’re Unhappy OfflineYou might be wondering, what unpleasant feelings might be acting as internal triggers for my kid? Nir breaks down three main things kids need to be happy, and explains how they often look to the online landscape when they can’t get these things in real life.The first thing kids need is to feel competent. Unfortunately, this feeling is hard for kids to achieve in our modern day school system, Nir says. Nowadays, kids are always being subjected to test after test, a process which tends to make them feel pretty incompetent. But when they’re on Minecraft building fantastical structures, winning a game of Super Smash Brothers or watching their Instagram post rake in the likes, they suddenly feel that competence they desire! If we want kids to stop seeking approval online, we need to make sure they’re getting it in real life, Nir says.Teenagers also need autonomy, Nir explains, another thing they’re often not given nowadays. Teens are always being told where to go, how to dress, what to think, who they can and can’t talk to...the list goes on. When they go online, however, they’re able to do whatever they wish, basically unsupervised. They’re free to create, vent and explore! If teens felt as though they were able to have such freedom offline, they likely wouldn’t be so distracted by the online world.Finally, Nir explains how teens need relatedness–they need to understand others and feel understood. Unfortunately, even before the pandemic, kids in today’s world were more isolated than ever before. Nir notes that kids were once free to run around and play together, but now their schedules are full with math classes and flute lessons instead. Kids need to be around each other, however, leading them to seek the companionship they need online.In the episode, Nir and I discuss how you can mitigate these problems to create a child who has a healthy relationship with the internet. Once you teach kids to handle their emotions and get a grip on their internal triggers, they’ll be one step closer to defeating distraction. We’re not done. however. Nir’s got a few extra tips on what to do once you’ve got those internal triggers in the bag.Other Tips To Tackle DistractionsA big part of avoiding distraction is time management. Nir emphasizes the idea of making time for “traction”...the opposite of “distraction!” This means structuring your time around achieving your goals and becoming the person you hope to be. A lot of time, we fall victim to distraction because we don’t harness and direct our energy in productive ways.If we schedule our time, we can set aside moments for focus, as well as moments for fun. Nir emphasizes the importance of dedicating a separate block of time to play games or watch Netflix. If there’s forethought involved, kids can keep themselves from playing for hours. In addition, by being aware of when and how much they’ll play, teens keep themselves from getting distracted by thoughts of playing, Nir explains.Nir talks about how another really important factor in focus is sleep! Technology often plays a part in keeping kids from getting all the rest they need at night. This can cause some serious physiological and mental health issues! Nir says it’s probably not a good idea for teens to have cellphones with them as they’re falling asleep, or to have TVs in their room–these things will keep them from peacefully slipping into their dreams.In the episode, Nir talks further about how teens and parents alike can approach distraction from a few different angles. In addition, he shares ways we can actually use techn...

Marc Fienberg, author of Dad's Great Advice for Teens, helps us kick off the new year with some fresh advice for teens--and the best way to deliver it!Full show notesThere are so many things in life that teens, no matter their high school education, are not prepared for. Rarely are there standard courses on how to monitor our own technology use, balance friendships and relationships, and effectively resist drugs and alcohol. It falls on parents to deliver life advice. And with so much to cover it can be tricky to know where to start!Moreover, it’s daunting to do: being the brunt of eye-rolls and bringing up sometimes awkward topics generally isn’t at the top of anyone’s to-do list! Parents know their teens will just tune out as soon as discussions get lecture-y and cliche.Luckily, Marc Fienberg joins us this week to help with the issue of how best to dole out advice--and how to say it. Marc is the author of Dad's Great Advice for Teens: Stuff Every Teen Needs to Know About Parents, Friends, Social Media, Drinking, Dating, Relationships, and Finding Happiness. A father of four, Marc found when each kid became a tween/teen, there were certain pieces of advice he consistently wanted to impart. Significant age gap between his kids meant he had the chance to tweak and adapt his advice for each kid--and his teens let him know if his advice was any good!In speaking with fellow parents and friends into account his own teens’ feedback, Marc has a wealth of knowledge on what advice is sound, what strategies work, and the best ways to deliver advice to your teen.Speak From ExperienceMarc’s key piece of insight on how best to deliver advice is to do what no one else can: speak from your own experience. There is perhaps nothing that perks up your teen’s ears more than hearing stories about their own parents’ (mis)adventures. (Bonus points if another grown adult they know is in your stories!). Marc notes that not only will you have your teen’s full attention, but using your own experiences will lift your story out of the realm of cliche and prevent eye-rolls.Using your own experience has the added bonus of built in vulnerability, which Marc asserts is vital for a healthy teen-parent bond. Teens need to know it’s okay to “get it wrong”. Sharing times when you messed up or got hurt shows your teen no one is perfect--and that’s normal. When it comes to giving advice on romantic relationships, sharing your experience is particularly impactful for teens.The teenage brain is wired to find new relationships incredibly rewarding. You may notice your teen sloughs off plans with family and friends to hang out with a love interest. Instead of lecturing generally on the importance of maintaining relationships, Marc suggests pointing out the relationships you have from your high school years that have lasted. It’s fairly rare that we keep in touch with the people we’ve dated in high school. But the friends we make in our teen years often last a lifetime--maybe you’ve even zoomed them recently!This is not to say teens shouldn’t bother dating--Marc believes it is an important time for young people to put themselves out there and test the dating waters. Our role as parents is to help adolescents navigate the choppy seas of young love and keep everything in perspective.Seeking BalanceOne of the ways in which parents can help teens keep perspective is to push them to keep things balanced. Instead of accusing your teen of spending all their time with a new love, a better approach would be to try a relationship time-spent exercise. Whether you as the parent are in the right or not, is not the point: accuse your teen of something and they will immediately be on the defensive.You can try making it a thought experiment by saying something like: “If you have 10 hours a week you can spend with everybody, what do you think is a good way to break that up?” Most teens inherently know that they shouldn’t be spending every waking moment with one person. However we all fall prey to obsession from time to time--the teen brain just more often than the adult brain! It may take a parent sharing their own experience with losing friends over a relationship to wake up the teen to the fact that relationships are a balance.Similarly, teens can get sucked into their relationship with technology. And it’s a parents job to make sure they stay balanced in their relationship to social media/entertainment as well. Marc’s advice to avoid overdoing it with technology is to challenge your teens to balance consumption with creation.Marc’s rule with his own four teens on technology use? One hour of content creation gets you two hours of consumption. Creation can be as simple as making TikToks or as complex as running a podcast. It’s the act of flexing those creating muscles that’s the important thing in Marc’s mind.Additionally, Marc is adamant that we get our teens to balance the content they do post. Whatever our kids put on the internet is, in a large way, a part of their ‘brand’. Marc thinks it crucial to remind our teens that when they post content, it should be more than just them looking good. It can be so easy to get wrapped up in posting only pictures where we look beautiful, pretty, handsome, or sexy. Marc says parents should challenge teens to post things that show other facets of their personality. How can you share your other interests in pictures or videos?In the Episode…It was a blast to speak with Marc this week and hear his fresh advice and stories on raising teens. In addition to vulnerability and relationships (personal or otherwise), in our interview we cover:What exactly to say when advising your teen on relationshipsWhy buying drugs for your teens might be the next-best approachThe power of going with our gutHow to help your teen (and yourself) tap into your gutWhy we should explicitly tell our teens not to make us happyAs Marc states, no kid is going to take all your advice, but delivering it in an engaging way, and surprising them with your vulnerability, will at least get them to listen for longer. Cheers to starting the new year off with an advice-giving refresh and to closer, more connected relationships for all!

Paul Podolsky, author of Raising a Thief, goes in depth on his journey raising a traumatized daughter. Paul describes how to spot the signs and tells us what parents can do to help troubled teens heal and transition into adulthood.Full show notesWith teens dangling somewhere between childhood and adulthood, it can be hard to negotiate control as a parent–control over how late they can stay out, how much time they spend doing their homework, how much junk food they eat. Although they’re not kids anymore, they likely still live under your roof, meaning things can sometimes get heated when it comes to setting the rules.In certain cases, this battle over control can drive your kid to do some seriously bad stuff. When they feel powerless, they might turn to stealing, lying, and emotional manipulation to reclaim their sense of authority.Today I’m talking to Paul Podolsky, author of Raising a Thief: a Memoir. Paul is here to talk about what happens when kids take their need for control too far. After he and his wife adopted a six month old child from Russia, they discovered that they were in for more than they bargained for. Paul has a lot to teach us about the psychology of control, and how to work through the power struggles you might be having with your kid.By telling his own personal parenting story, Paul shines light on why teens sometimes feel powerless, what causes this troubling crisis of power in kids’ heads, and what you can do to gain back the control in your home.Paul’s Powerful StoryWhen Paul’s daughter began stealing things from her Pre-K classroom, lying through her teeth and even exposing herself to other members of the class, Paul and his wife just weren’t sure what was going on. After adopting her at just six months old, they had provided her with a loving home and had raised her just like any other young girl...so why was she acting up so much? It turns out, the problems could be traced back to before the young girl was adopted.Although Paul and his wife knew that their daughter had been through some rough times before being placed in an orphanage, they didn't know just how deeply affected she was. Because this trauma occurred for such a brief period of her life, and because she was now in a safe and stable home, Paul and his wife were certain that the psychological damage wouldn’t be so deep.However, because her birth mother failed to feed or hold her, she developed a feeling of stress and instability that would lead to a lifetime of control issues. Because her trauma was created so early in her life and was so severe, it’s effects were irreversible. When she was nine, a doctor diagnosed her with reactive attachment disorder. Over the next few years, the problems became so intense that they had to place her in a specialized institution.Although he’s been on a challenging journey, Paul is here to educate and share what he learned along the way. He wants parents to be aware of signs that their kid might have some deeper issues that need to be taken care of. In the episode, he talks further about his daughter’s troubling childhood, before dissecting just what is going on inside the heads of kids like her.How Trauma Leads to TroubleSo why would a kid who’s experienced trauma want to steal, lie, and cause a ruckus? It goes beyond just a need for attention, Paul explains. When a kid takes something that isn’t theirs, they suddenly have control over the situation, of the item they’ve taken. When they lie and twist the narrative in their favor, they’re able to reclaim power. It’s about filling a void, says Paul.Even if they’re only causing a small, inconsequential disruption, they’re able to feel powerful for a brief period of time. For many kids who’ve felt powerless or like they’ve been mistreated, causing trouble is a way for them to strike back at the world.In the episode, Paul shares a story that demonstrates this unhealthy need for control. His family planned to go to the beach, with the ultimatum that his daughter had to finish her homework. Because his daughter had a fixation with control, she dawdled through her homework while her family waited, enjoying the power she held over them.You may have found yourself in a similar situation, like when a kid just won't stop screaming until they get ice cream. Paul talked about how he didn't know what to do. If she kept them from going to the beach, she won. If he said, “forget the homework, let’s just go,” then she also won.Paul reveals in the episode how he eventually put an end to the situation. It has a lot to do with remaining ambivalent, so as to restrict your child from gaining too much power over you.Sound difficult? It is. Paul shares how he often struggles with it, and how you can take steps to make this process easier on yourself. In addition to ambivalence, Paul shares some other actions and preventative measures parents can take when kids become manipulative.Parenting through the ProblemsDealing with kids who act this way is no easy task. Paul says that if these types of behaviors are occurring regularly and causing serious damage to your family, you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help. He recalls checking his daughter into an institution when things were getting far too difficult for he and his wife to handle alone, and how it was tough because it made him feel like a failure. However, when he realized she would be with professionals who knew how to help her, he was able to understand just how necessary it was.Paul also recommends unity with your partner, if you have one. By binding together, the two of you create a stronger force. Manipulative kids might target one parent to try and pull you apart, creating a rift and weakening your power. But by listening to and valuing your partner’s opinions, and having their back in a tough spot, Paul believes you’ll be able to keep your family in better shape.Another important thing Paul says to remember is to always be blunt with kids who act up. If you dilly dally around the point, you’ll create more of an opportunity for kids to make excuses or tell lies. Additionally, you’ve got to have kids meet you halfway, says Paul. If they’re not putting in the effort, then you have to show them that you won’t do it all for them. In the episode, Paul talks extensively about what he and his wife did on a daily basis to mitigate their daughters manipulative behaviors.There’s so much to deal with, Paul expresses, and it’s ok to not always have a perfect day. No matter the kid, parenting is tough. All you can do is love unconditionally and work to make sure your kids are as happy and healthy as possible.In the Episode…We’re so glad to have Paul on today’s episode to share his story and give advice for what to do when kids struggle with control. In addition to the topics above, we talk about:Why it can be hard for troubled kids to get accurate diagnosesHow to detect Reactive Attachment DisorderHow we can prevent these behaviors from developing in the first placeWhy it can be very effective to present kids with choicesWhat Paul’s relationship is like with his daughter now that she’s in adulthoodWhile kids might act out when feeling powerless, there’s ways you can challenge their difficult behavior. If you liked what Paul had to say, check out his bio for links to his website and social media. Thanks for listening and see you next y...

John Beede, author of The Warrior Challenge, sheds light on how to help instill values of kindness, courage, and grit in our young people. Plus, how to approach masculinity in a healthy way that benefits everyone.Full show notesWhen your kids have moved out and are facing the world every day on their own, you won’t be there to tell them how to act–they’ll have to rely on their values. As a parent, leaving your kid with principles to live by can be a critical part of raising decent, self sufficient individuals! If we can help kids prioritize kindness, respect, responsibility and honesty, we give them the key to a bright future.But how do we teach values to our kids in a way that sticks? Even when we know what exactly we want to teach to them, how can we get them to listen? Teens might not want to hear your opinion, and even if they do, it can be difficult to really show them how positive values create a better life. When it really comes down to it, imparting the right principles on kids feels just about as hard as making it to the top of Mount Everest!Luckily, today we’re talking to somebody who has made it to the top of Everest. He’s also been struck by lightning, swam with great white sharks, survived an attack from a five foot iguana...and has a lot of insight when it comes to raising resilient teens with strong values. His name is John Beede, and he’s the author of The Warrior Challenge: 8 Quests for Boys to Grow Up With Kindness, Courage and Grit.John speaks to share how his character and values have allowed him to accomplish amazing things–and teach how teens that they can do the same. In our interview we’re talking about how teenagers can be more comfortable being vulnerable, shed toxic friendships in favor of healthy ones, and harness the power of grit to accomplish anything they set their minds to.The Value of VulnerabilityIt can be tough for anyone to talk about their feelings, especially young people and especially young men. In our society, there’s often a pervading mentality that we need to power through hard times on our own without accepting help. However, if we want to raise kids who can be happy and healthy on their own, John stresses how important it is to encourage kids to be vulnerable about their feelings–and value their own mental healthTo demonstrate what he means, John shares a story in our interview about a deeply disturbing encounter he had while climbing Mount Everest. The incident left him with trauma, which he buried deep down in order to be “strong”. Over time, however, he began to feel haunted by the experience despite his repeated attempts to suppress it. In the episode, he shares the powerful moment that made him realize that it was time for him to seek some therapy.Once he was able to get the help he needed, John realized how important it was to incorporate the value of vulnerability to his teachings. It takes a lot of courage, he says, but it can do wonders for teens to speak about how they feel. This can include sharing more of their emotions with friends and family or in a more serious case, speaking to a trained professional.This idea can bleed into things like conflict resolution; if teens are able to express their feelings, they’ll be better off when it comes to things like setting boundaries. In the episode, John and I talk more about how teens can learn to express when they’re feeling sad, mad, or scared to create healthier relationships.This isn’t all John has to say about how practicing the right values can lead to more fulfilling relationships, however. There’s lots more in the episode about ditching toxic friendships to make room for positive, gainful ones.Cutting Ties to Toxic PeopleWhen it comes to helping your kid develop strong values, there’s a lot of power in who they align themselves with. If they surround themselves with those who lift them up and help them become their best selves, they’ll be able to take on the world with confidence in who they are and what they believe in.In our interview, John shares the three part checklist every teen should use when deciding whether or not to allow someone into their inner circle. This includes picking people who push them to reach their full potential, making sure friends have their back through thick and thin, and rejecting anyone who doesn’t respect whatever boundaries your teen chooses to set.John also speaks extensively on how teens can detect and eject toxic individuals from their lives to create a happier existence. To do this, John suggests teens embark on some personal reflection to consider how friends or significant others make them feel. Does your teen feel like they’ve changed for the worse as a result of being friends with this person? Is your teen no longer interested in things they used to love since they began allowing this person to take up significant amounts of time in their life?When teens are able to ask these questions, they can make progress towards surrounding themselves only with people who make them feel great. And when they feel great, they’ll become stronger, more capable people–people who embody John’s definition of grit.What “Grit” Really MeansThe word “grit” appears in the title of John’s book, so it’s clearly an important value he hopes to impart on the youth. However, when it comes to defining what grit actually means, John’s opinion differs from some. While others might see it as continuously (and stubbornly) pursuing the same method until they succeed at the task at hand, John believes grit comes down thinking outside the box and stepping outside of what’s comfortable.As Einstein once said, repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity! Instead, John says grit comes down to knowing when it's time to switch things up and try something new. If you’ve been trying to confront your teen about a specific topic to no avail, it might be time to go to a teacher, therapist, or other mentor. If your teen is struggling to pass their history class, don’t give up! Maybe there’s a tutor or an online resource out there for them you may not be considering.John explains that another valuable component of grit is remaining present. It’s so easy to backtrack and waste energy thinking about the past or analyzing the future, but if your teen really wants to battle their demons and accomplish their wildest dreams, they’ll have to first take on what’s right in front of them.In our interview, John shares some stories from real life heroes who exemplified the true meaning of grit to embrace seemingly insurmountable odds and come out on top. When it comes to values, teens might not know who they are yet. By listening to positive voices like John’s (and their parents, of course), they can become stronger individuals who live by their own principles.In the episode…John’s brilliant, adventurous spirit shines through this week as he shares his advice for imparting values on teens. On top of the ideas mentioned above, we discussWhy it’s important to talk to teens about pornographyHow you can help your teen develop “infinity muscles”What to do when teens express toxic masculinityWhy it’s valuable for teens to have role modelsWhile it can be tricky to get teens to adopt the right principles for living life, John is here to help. And what better ti...

Leslie Josel, author of How To Do It Now Because It’s Not Going Away and global time management expert, shares her passion for planners, productivity, and practicing. Find out the tricks for helping teens get more homework done (on time) and retain more information!Full show notesWhen kids are tired from a long day of classes and basketball practice and it’s time to get cracking on some calculus, their gaze might drift from the textbook to their Instagram feed for an hour...or two hours...and then maybe they’ll watch a little Netflix, text their friends, make a TikTok...before they know it, it’s 10 p.m. and they haven’t even started!Procrastination can get the better of all of us occasionally, let’s be honest–but for students, it can often become a damaging habit that holds them back from getting the grades they hope for or finishing a college app on time. When it comes down to it, procrastination can often take hold of a teen’s time and simply not let go.To help kids battle their inner procrastinator and become time management experts, we’re talking with Leslie Josel, author of How to Do it Now Because it's Not Going Away: An Expert Guide to Getting Stuff Done. Leslie has been working with teens and college students for almost twenty years to help them untangle their lives from the sticky web of procrastination and create order from their own personal chaos.In our interview, she’s giving you tons of tips to guide your teen towards living a more organized life. We’re chatting about how teens can tackle time management, what kids can learn about their habits by doing some self reflection, and how we can give students some control over their learning process to get them more excited about their education.Teaching Teens Time ManagementLeslie is seriously passionate about time management, and she’s got some innovative solutions to your teen’s procrastination problem. During our interview, she proposed a unique tool to help kids keep track of time, a tool they might not be familiar with: an analog clock. That’s right, a clock that ticks every second, with hands that move. You know, from the old days!She insists that analog clocks serve an important overall purpose: visualizing and externalizing time. What in the world does that mean, you ask? It means using objects and divides to get a sense of the passing of time. This includes a calendar, a timer, a planner–and yes, an analog clock– things that remind teens exactly where in time we are. When teenagers place themselves on a timeline, they can better estimate how long it will take to complete a given task.By using devices to externalize time, teens can give their daily tasks a beginning, middle and end, allowing them to effectively judge how much time they need to spend on this and when they’ll need to be done with that. Instead of just floating unmoored in the hours, they’ll be able to know where they need to direct their energy.This comes into play when setting rules for kids about what they need to get done. Telling a kid to work on their homework for twenty minutes before sitting down to dinner is going to be a lot more comprehensible than asking them to finish their assignment, Leslie says. In the episode, she breaks down other ways we can help kids stay in control of their time, instead of letting time control them.Helping Teens Understand Their HabitsFor teens to master time management, they first need to identify where and when procrastination seems to take its toll. If they can take some time to consider their daily habits, they’ll be able to find where they’re going wrong and solve their productivity problems.Leslie encourages teens to map out their time usage in a day on a piece of paper or digital document. This gives them the chance to identify where in the day they are losing time to procrastination, when exactly they are most productive, and what they can do to improve their overall time management.This activity pushes your kids to confront themselves so that you don’t have to! Instead of telling them that they waste too much time, encourage them to record their own data about their habits–they’ll be able to see their procrastination on the paper in front of them! It can be a thought provoking and even fun experience for them to reflect on how they live and how they can maximize their productivity from day to day.Leslie says that if kids do realize they have serious time management problems, they often explain their behavior as a self fulfilling prophecy. They think that poor time management is “just the way they work” or simply describe themselves as “lazy”. In the episode, Leslie talks about how we can help kids change their attitudes to shift their self image and become the productive people they were meant to be.Once teens get to the bottom of their procrastination problems, they’ll be able to manage their time more effectively...but how can we help them go even one step further? By finding the study methods that grant them the most effective learning experience.Discovering the Right Study HabitsWhen we look at the research, we find that the most common source of disagreement and discord among teens and their parents is homework. All teens have to do it, but not all teens study the same way–creating a lot of tension between teens who are fed up with what’s expected and parents who just want to see students successful.Leslie says what teens need to do is discover their own personal studying preferences. Some students do their best work at a coffee shop, surrounded by crowds of talking people. Others prefer to listen to rock music as they solve equations, or, as Leslie hilariously mentions in an anecdote in the episode, sit in the bathtub! When students understand what works best for them, their productivity will get a boost.There are also lots of other small ways Leslie says kids can become better learners. Incorporating physical activity into the long hours of hitting the books helps improve retention of material. Reviewing things about a half hour before bedtime is also a proven method to help info stick in teens’ brains. Incorporating variation into study habits keeps things exciting and has been shown to be effective at helping teens remember facts and figures.In the episode, Leslie talks about why she personally objects to the term “studying”, saying we should instead opt for the word “practice”. She believes it’s more active, more energetic, and more interesting than “studying”, and helps kids see studying as something to be desired in the same way they might practice soccer, guitar or dancing. We discuss this in more depth in the interview.In the Episode…Leslie was such a joy to interview this week, and her ideas about teenage productivity are so helpful to parents everywhere. In addition to the topics mentioned above, we cover:Why teens procrastinate more than adultsThe value planners add to teens’ livesWhy we need to change our overall approach to homeworkThe silver linings of distance learning.While procrastination might feel inevitable, Leslie’s advice is here to guide your teen towards reaching their highest level of productivity. See you next week!

Richard Capriola, author of The Addicted Child and a seasoned addiction counselor, gives us the details on vaping, marijuana use, and drug abuse in teens. Together Andy and Richard go in depth on what to do if you suspect substance abuse and how to start a successful recovery.Full show notesAs more states legalize marijuana and vape companies continue to pander to young people with “fun” flavors, there’s an increased risk that your teen might do some experimenting. But while adults might be able to experiment and handle it, teens, with their still-developing brains, are much more likely to get addicted.Widespread availability plus technology makes clandestine access to alcohol and drugs easier than ever. Recent research shows that illicit drug use is starting younger and younger–current stats show kids starting as early as age 14! Kids these days are more susceptible than ever to potential substance abuse that can have serious, long lasting effects on their brains and bodies.That’s why this week, we’re talking to Richard Capriola, author of The Addicted Child: the Parents Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse. Richard has worked with families for over twenty years to guide struggling adolescents towards recovery from debilitating psychological and substance related conditions. His mission is to rescue kids from the depths of drug addiction and bring them back to a healthy, happy way of life.In our interview, Richard shares what he thinks every parent should know about the realities of adolescent addiction. He explains how you can identify possible substance abuse in your teen or a teen you may know, how you can react without worsening the problem, and what steps you can take to create a plan for recovery.Spotting Substance Abuse in An AdolescentIt can be really scary to think your teen might be suffering with substance abuse that you’re not aware of...so how can you determine if you should be worried? To help ease your anxiety, Richard outlines some potential warning signs in the episode.To start, he encourages paying close attention to your teen’s behaviors, and monitoring for any significant or concerning changes. Does your teenager suddenly seem disinterested in things they used to enjoy? Have they suddenly become secretive about who they're hanging out with? Have their grades dropped or have they stopped caring about their appearance?If you notice anything of this nature, Richard says your teen might be dealing with something serious. It could be a psychological issue, a substance abuse issue, or both–Richard tells us the two very often go hand in hand.To be pre-emptive, Richard champions the idea of starting a channel of communication with your teen before they reach adolescence. If you can give your teen the ability to trust you and come to you when they’re feeling stressed, they’re more likely to key you in if they’re developing a substance abuse issue. Hopefully they’ll feel comfortable enough to talk through their emotions with you before they even begin engaging with these substances in the first place, preventing the problem altogether. Richard and I discuss specific ways you can work on building trust in the episode.So you’ve noticed a teenager is behaving a little differently...and you discover that they’ve been, say, popping prescription pills all day long. What the heck do you do now? How do you reach out without alienating them or making them feel attacked?Talking to your Teen About the IssueIt’s definitely not easy to approach a struggling teen, especially one that might be in denial about having an issue. They might be defensive or angry, or give you an attitude. It can also seem to them that you’re only trying to guilt or shame them instead of help them.Richard advises against jumping any conclusions--just because your teen has been out past curfew all week and seems to be asking you for more money lately doesn’t mean they’re hooked on crack. He recommends having a comprehensive list of concerning behaviors that they’ve been exhibiting, in order to illustrate your concern. Why have they been avoiding your questions about their whereabouts? Why have they suddenly begun sleeping until 1 P.M.?What’s important is that they know you are concerned with their well being above all else, says Richard. When you’re asserting that their behavior is unacceptable, you’re doing so because you believe that it’s unacceptable for them to treat themselves so poorly!One thing Richard has always incorporated in his work is education; by teaching kids what drugs do to their brains, you can help them understand why their substance abuse is a legitimate problem. When you show them a diagram of a brain and explain the ways taking adderall three times a day causes serious physical damage to their neural landscape, they begin to comprehend the gravity of the problem.In the episode, Richard and I talk further about how you can have productive, constructive discussions with a teen whom you suspect might be struggling with substance abuse. Once you’ve had this important heart-to-heart, it’s time to put together a plan to help the teen progress past this problem.Making a Map to RecoveryOvercoming a drug addiction is incredibly challenging for anyone, especially teenagers who might be overwhelmed with life or unsure how to make better choices for themselves. Although the road to recovery is potentially lengthy and filled with road blocks, it’s far from impossible! In our interview, Richard outlines the steps you can take to help your teen get back on a positive path.An important first step, Richard says, is setting up a comprehensive assessment of your teen’s health: that includes the physical and the psychological! One of the things Richard emphasizes in our interview is that if a teen is addicted to a substance, there is almost always an underlying psychological cause. It might be anxiety, PTSD, depression...whatever it is, it’s just as important to deal with than the addiction at hand.During the treatment process, Richard believes that it’s always important to remain positive rather than punitive. When kids relapse or fail to meet the standards we set for their recovery, it can be tempting to punish them or impose restrictions. However, Richard urges parents not to discount the positive–rewarding teens can be incredibly powerful! He and I get into specifics about when and how we should reward kids when they make progress.All teenagers are different, and are going to need help in unique ways. Some kids might need immediate medical help and hospitalization, Richard says, while others should set up a meeting with a local counselor. In the episode, Richard dives deeper into how we can assess what a specific teen needs to fight addiction.In the Episode...My interview with Richard encompasses a wide range of topics, discussing everything from why someone might do bath salts to the effects of respiratory particles on cognition. In addition to how addiction can be spotted and treated, we discuss:What to do when a teen resists getting helpHow to prevent kids from selling their prescription medicationWhy “inhalants” are used by younger teensHow you can find the right counselor for your kidsIt was so enlightening to chat with Richard today! The threat of substance abuse is out there, but Happy listening, an...

Dr. Pamela Ellis, author of What to Know Before They Go, shares key insights on how to best prepare for college. Whether your teen is a senior or seventh grader, Dr. Ellis has tips for how to catch up and how to get ahead.Full show notesFor parents and students alike, the road to college can be full of twists, turns and unpredictable roadblocks...it sometimes feels like you’ll never cross the finish line! It might feel as though getting into top schools is practically impossible, especially when trying to get in means endless extracurriculars, community service, SATs, GPA–the list of requirements and considerations goes on and on.For students, the only thing worse than this insane workload is the possibility of not even getting in! For parents, it’s heartbreaking to know how much stress and pressure your kid is under. It can be excruciating to wait and wonder if they'll get accepted to the school of their dreams or be forced to reevaluate their life in the wake of rejection.Although it may seem like it’s all too overwhelming to handle, don’t fear! We’re here to help out. There are small steps you and your teen can take to prepare for the college application process, whether they're finishing up seventh grade or heading into their junior year, a struggling student or top of their class. If you can develop a greater understanding of the whole process, you’ll be better equipped to set your student up for success.Our guest today is Pamela Ellis, a.k.a, “ The Education Doctor”, author of What to Know Before They Go. Dr. Ellis has worked with thousands of teens and families to help students choose the right colleges and gain admission. She’s an expert on helping teens cope with the thousands of stressors of college admissions, with strategies covering everything from scholarship qualifications to everyday time management.In the interview, Pamela and I discuss how teens can prioritize their responsibilities, why they should challenge themselves in small ways to expand their comfort zones, and what they can do to organize their lives during this stressful and confusing period.How Prioritizing Leads to ProductivityBeing a teen on the road to college means balancing extracurriculars and grades, writing essays, getting letters of recommendation, acing your ACTs and balancing a budget. There’s no shortage of tasks and not nearly enough time...so how can your teen get it all done?Pamela suggests that teens narrow their focus. She and I discuss how valuable it can be to simply hone in on a few important tasks when you only have a limited amount of time. By sticking to a few specific goals instead of running around trying to solve every problem, Pamela believes teens can manage admissions stress and come out on top.In the episode, Pamela and I talk about how these goals should differ for kids of ages. Those finishing up sophomore year are going to need very different guidance than those beginning their prepping to become seniors. For example, Pamela explains in our interview how she believes 9th graders aren’t quite ready to whip up a list of prospective colleges yet, and should perhaps extend their focus towards making dependable friends instead!Getting into college doesn’t just require great planning, however. Teens also have to stand out to tired admissions officers shuffling through thousands of applications. To do so, they’re going to have to challenge themselves to go above and beyond.Pushing Teens to Reach Their PotentialTrying to stand out on an application can be one of the most stressful things about the entire admissions process. Millions of kids across the world send in applications, vying for a few prized spots at prestigious universities. It’s not always easy to look perfect on paper, especially when competition is so intense.Pamela’s advice to teens and parents is to take advantage of every opportunity. Kids might shy away from taking harder classes or joining clubs, but by pushing themselves to shoot for the stars, kids can achieve more than they think. Pamela believes that students shouldn’t hold back when it comes to taking that extra leap out of their comfort zone–it could make all the difference when it comes to admissions!Don’t think your kid is really capable of acing AP Spanish? That’s ok too. Pamela says it’s important to assess where kids are at and encourage them to move at their own pace, remaining true to themselves. If Spanish isn’t their best subject, maybe root for them to perform even better in English this year, especially if they plan to apply to journalism or literature programs.By pushing themselves, they’ll not only look better on paper, but more confident. By tackling challenges they didn’t think they could handle, they’ll learn that that they’re capable of more than they ever dreamed–a lesson they’ll take with them as they continue into adulthood.In the episode, Pamela and I discuss how you can guide your teen towards striving for success. When looking to the future to figure out what’s possible for your teen, it can also be helpful to look back to the past–and do some collecting, documenting and organizing.Tracking your Teen’s ProgressWhen your teen is trying to gather all their achievements and accolades to make their application pop, they’re going to wish they had kept a catalog. If your teen still has a few years to go before those applications are due, now might be a good time to start keeping track of things that could give your teen that extra edge.This doesn’t include their certificate for athlete of the year. It can also include their best essays, a log of volunteer hours, a list of extracurricular activities they’ve participated in. Collecting these things in one place allows them to have all their information at their fingertips. It also helps teens develop a mindset of collecting and recording things, something they’ll need later down the line when they’re preparing a resume or applying for a bank loan. The sooner they start flexing that muscle, the better.Additionally, keeping a record of how much time and effort they spend on different activities can help teens reflect on their own priorities and time management. If a teen looks back at their log from freshman year to see that they spent much more time in the art building than they did in the library, they might have to ask themselves: is art what I want to focus on? By examining their own behaviors and patterns, they can head into future endeavors with a better understanding of their own ambitions as well as their tendencies.In Pamela’s eyes, the most important thing is that kids are able to perform at their best, and have the college experience of their dreams. By following her advice, we can help ourselves and our kids handle all the throes of applying to college and make it to the other side.In the Episode…Pamela and I touch on a wide range of topics, answering all your burning questions about the admissions process. In addition to the topics above, we discuss…Why it’s important for kids to read for pleasureHow kids can get the most out of summer vacationWhy kids catch a “sophomore slump”What kids can do to make the most of a college fairIf you like listening to Pamela’s advice, check out her website, theeducationdoctor.com. Thanks for listening; don’t forget to share and subscribe! We’ll see ...

Jeremy Bhandari, author of Trust the Grind, interviewed the world’s most elite athletes to figure out what young people can do to be just as successful in their own pursuits.Full show notesYou know your teen is capable of more than binging Netflix, but helping teens sort out their own goals and motivate them to take action is hard work! Kids these days encounter distractions at every turn, and are constantly bombarded with images and videos of others who are better dancers, athletes, make-up artists, singers, comedians, (etc!) than your teen. Teens might feel like it’s no use even trying to catch up with the top talent today.Although it may seem impossible to empower a teen that just doesn’t want to try, today, we're speaking with a guest who’s interviewed top athletes to deduce what teens can do to achieve personal success--and what parents can do to help.I’m sitting down with Jeremy Bhandari, author of Trust the Grind: How World-Class Athletes Got to the Top. As a lifelong sports fanatic, Jeremy decided to talk to some of his favorite athletes to uncover their secrets to success, work ethic, and most importantly, happiness. He learned some seriously powerful lessons about how young people can thrive in any avenue they choose to pursue--and he’s here to share those lessons with you.In our insightful interview, Jeremy and I talk about how some of sports’ biggest stars achieved their wildest dreams. He explains how your teen can do anything they dream of, so long as they receive encouragement, remain in the right headspace, and are constantly challenged to reach their full potential.Cheer For Your Kid Until They Reach the Finish LineAs a parent, you want to see your child successful and happy….which is why you might not always support their off-the-wall ambitions. It can be difficult to get behind your kid’s lofty goals of winning an Oscar or becoming the next president of the United States when you know they might face some disappointment when they fall short.The truth is, you’re not alone there. Even the parents of world famous athletes have been known to be doubtful of their kid’s dreams. Jeremy and I discuss his interview with Gary Player, one of the world’s most successful golfers, and how parental disapproval almost derailed a legendary career. Gary struggled to get his father’s support when he decided to play golf around the world instead of going to college. Without his father’s help, Gary struggled financially, unable to buy golf clubs to pursue his true passion.However, Gary’s dad eventually came around, even deciding to take out a loan himself to finance Gary’s new clubs. To this day, Gary cites his father’s support as a major reason for his success. Without his parents behind him, Gary may very well have failed to become the brilliant golfer he was destined to become. Jeremy says one of things he found to be consistent among many of the athletes he interviewed was how much they benefited from having supportive parents or adults to cheer them on in their youth.As Jeremy and I talk further on this idea, he emphasizes how empowering kids to believe in themselves can be essential to their success as an adult. Whether your teen strives to run Wall Street or sell out Madison Square Garden, they’re not likely to get too far without some support from you.In the episode, we dive deeper into the idea of encouragement, and how we can use positive reinforcement to help kids understand how hard work pays off. When it comes to helping your kid get their mind in the right spot, Jeremy has some further advice to bring out the high achiever hiding inside.Challenging Kids To Be Their BestBeyond just providing positive reinforcement, Jeremy discusses the importance of challenging your kids to go above and beyond what they believe themselves to be capable of. While praising them can have amazing results, it can also be powerful to remind them that they can always improve, and continue to strive for further greatness.Jeremy shares a story from his interview with Andruw Jones, a talented athlete who played major league baseball for 17 seasons. Jones grew up with a father who was constantly challenging him, asking him how many push ups he could do, how high he could jump, or how deep he could dive into the ocean. Jones told Jeremy that constantly being challenged taught him that there was always room to grow, and molded him into someone who continues to shoot for the moon.Frequently encouraging kids to go above and beyond helps meld their meld to reflect an attitude of perseverance. Athletes work out their muscles to become stronger, faster, and more efficient, but Jeremy talks about how exercising one’s mind is just as important. If you’re constantly pushing your teen to believe they are capable of greatness, you can help them become the super star they were always meant to be.In the episode, Jeremy and I expand on this idea, chatting about how we should encourage teens to associate with friends and teammates who push them to always be improving. We also get into a deeper discussion on how important a teen’s mental landscape is to their ambition and productivity.Why the Mindset MattersAlmost everyone Jeremy interviewed for his book had something to say about the importance one’s mentality plays in achieving greatness. Whether it’s knowing how to handle anxiety in stressful situations or grappling with discouragement in the aftermath of failure, Jeremy says one’s mindset is the key to staying afloat when the going gets tough.When your teen is in a tough spot, and thinks that they aren’t capable of passing a math test or winning the talent show, Jeremy suggests reminding them that nothing good comes easy. It’s totally normal to struggle, get knocked down, and come up short. What matters is that teens keep trying. Everyone from Elon Musk to Albert Einstein faced failure before changing the world. No one gets it right all the time, especially when they’re just starting out.Jeremy also touches on how easy it is for teenagers to blow situations out of proportion and make mountains out of molehills. Even though they may think that failing their driving test is the end of the world, it can do wonders to simply remind them to stay calm and try again in a few months. By helping them maintain a positive attitude of perseverance, you can keep them on the track to success.Unfortunately, teens these days are also often sucked into a dangerous mental habit: comparing themselves to others on social media. There’s millions of people online for teens to compare themselves with at any moment, often causing them to feel inferior or incapable. In the episode, Jeremy and I discuss how we can help teens avoid falling into this harmful trap, and instead empower them to wake up everyday and love themselves.In the Episode...Jeremy and I chat about his interviews with a variety of different athletes from a diverse range of disciplines, each one with a unique perspective on life. In addition to the ideas mentioned above, we cover:Why it’s essential for teens to define their goalsHow eating healthy and exercising can truly change your teen’s lifeWhat teens should look for in a friendHow we can instill hard work in our teensIt was so much fun to talk to Jeremy this week, and hear the fascinating perspective he’s gained from interviewing so man...