Marc Fienberg, author of Dad's Great Advice for Teens, helps us kick off the new year with some fresh advice for teens--and the best way to deliver it!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesThere are so many things in life that teens, no matter their high school education, are not prepared for. Rarely are there standard courses on how to monitor our own technology use, balance friendships and relationships, and effectively resist drugs and alcohol. It falls on parents to deliver life advice. And with so much to cover it can be tricky to know where to start!Moreover, it’s daunting to do: being the brunt of eye-rolls and bringing up sometimes awkward topics generally isn’t at the top of anyone’s to-do list! Parents know their teens will just tune out as soon as discussions get lecture-y and cliche.Luckily, Marc Fienberg joins us this week to help with the issue of how best to dole out advice--and how to say it. Marc is the author of Dad's Great Advice for Teens: Stuff Every Teen Needs to Know About Parents, Friends, Social Media, Drinking, Dating, Relationships, and Finding Happiness. A father of four, Marc found when each kid became a tween/teen, there were certain pieces of advice he consistently wanted to impart. Significant age gap between his kids meant he had the chance to tweak and adapt his advice for each kid--and his teens let him know if his advice was any good!In speaking with fellow parents and friends into account his own teens’ feedback, Marc has a wealth of knowledge on what advice is sound, what strategies work, and the best ways to deliver advice to your teen.Speak From ExperienceMarc’s key piece of insight on how best to deliver advice is to do what no one else can: speak from your own experience. There is perhaps nothing that perks up your teen’s ears more than hearing stories about their own parents’ (mis)adventures. (Bonus points if another grown adult they know is in your stories!). Marc notes that not only will you have your teen’s full attention, but using your own experiences will lift your story out of the realm of cliche and prevent eye-rolls.Using your own experience has the added bonus of built in vulnerability, which Marc asserts is vital for a healthy teen-parent bond. Teens need to know it’s okay to “get it wrong”. Sharing times when you messed up or got hurt shows your teen no one is perfect--and that’s normal. When it comes to giving advice on romantic relationships, sharing your experience is particularly impactful for teens.The teenage brain is wired to find new relationships incredibly rewarding. You may notice your teen sloughs off plans with family and friends to hang out with a love interest. Instead of lecturing generally on the importance of maintaining relationships, Marc suggests pointing out the relationships you have from your high school years that have lasted. It’s fairly rare that we keep in touch with the people we’ve dated in high school. But the friends we make in our teen years often last a lifetime--maybe you’ve even zoomed them recently!This is not to say teens shouldn’t bother dating--Marc believes it is an important time for young people to put themselves out there and test the dating waters. Our role as parents is to help adolescents navigate the choppy seas of young love and keep everything in perspective.Seeking BalanceOne of the ways in which parents can help teens keep perspective is to push them to keep things balanced. Instead of accusing your teen of spending all their time with a new love, a better approach would be to try a relationship time-spent exercise. Whether you as the parent are in the right or not, is not the point: accuse your teen of something and they will immediately be on the defensive.You can try making it a thought experiment by saying something like: “If you have 10 hours a week you can spend with everybody, what do you think is a good way to break that up?” Most teens inherently know that they shouldn’t be spending every waking moment with one person. However we all fall prey to obsession from time to time--the teen brain just more often than the adult brain! It may take a parent sharing their own experience with losing friends over a relationship to wake up the teen to the fact that relationships are a balance.Similarly, teens can get sucked into their relationship with technology. And it’s a parents job to make sure they stay balanced in their relationship to social media/entertainment as well. Marc’s advice to avoid overdoing it with technology is to challenge your teens to balance consumption with creation.Marc’s rule with his own four teens on technology use? One hour of content creation gets you two hours of consumption. Creation can be as simple as making TikToks or as complex as running a podcast. It’s the act of flexing those creating muscles that’s the important thing in Marc’s mind.Additionally, Marc is adamant that we get our teens to balance the content they do post. Whatever our kids put on the internet is, in a large way, a part of their ‘brand’. Marc thinks it crucial to remind our teens that when they post content, it should be more than just them looking good. It can be so easy to get wrapped up in posting only pictures where we look beautiful, pretty, handsome, or sexy. Marc says parents should challenge teens to post things that show other facets of their personality. How can you share your other interests in pictures or videos?In the Episode…It was a blast to speak with Marc this week and hear his fresh advice and stories on raising teens. In addition to vulnerability and relationships (personal or otherwise), in our interview we cover:What exactly to say when advising your teen on relationshipsWhy buying drugs for your teens might be the next-best approachThe power of going with our gutHow to help your teen (and yourself) tap into your gutWhy we should explicitly tell our teens not to make us happyAs Marc states, no kid is going to take all your advice, but delivering it in an engaging way, and surprising them with your vulnerability, will at least get them to listen for longer. Cheers to starting the new year off with an advice-giving refresh and to closer, more connected relationships for all! Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Paul Podolsky, author of Raising a Thief, goes in depth on his journey raising a traumatized daughter. Paul describes how to spot the signs and tells us what parents can do to help troubled teens heal and transition into adulthood.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWith teens dangling somewhere between childhood and adulthood, it can be hard to negotiate control as a parent–control over how late they can stay out, how much time they spend doing their homework, how much junk food they eat. Although they’re not kids anymore, they likely still live under your roof, meaning things can sometimes get heated when it comes to setting the rules.In certain cases, this battle over control can drive your kid to do some seriously bad stuff. When they feel powerless, they might turn to stealing, lying, and emotional manipulation to reclaim their sense of authority.Today I’m talking to Paul Podolsky, author of Raising a Thief: a Memoir. Paul is here to talk about what happens when kids take their need for control too far. After he and his wife adopted a six month old child from Russia, they discovered that they were in for more than they bargained for. Paul has a lot to teach us about the psychology of control, and how to work through the power struggles you might be having with your kid.By telling his own personal parenting story, Paul shines light on why teens sometimes feel powerless, what causes this troubling crisis of power in kids’ heads, and what you can do to gain back the control in your home.Paul’s Powerful StoryWhen Paul’s daughter began stealing things from her Pre-K classroom, lying through her teeth and even exposing herself to other members of the class, Paul and his wife just weren’t sure what was going on. After adopting her at just six months old, they had provided her with a loving home and had raised her just like any other young girl...so why was she acting up so much? It turns out, the problems could be traced back to before the young girl was adopted.Although Paul and his wife knew that their daughter had been through some rough times before being placed in an orphanage, they didn't know just how deeply affected she was. Because this trauma occurred for such a brief period of her life, and because she was now in a safe and stable home, Paul and his wife were certain that the psychological damage wouldn’t be so deep.However, because her birth mother failed to feed or hold her, she developed a feeling of stress and instability that would lead to a lifetime of control issues. Because her trauma was created so early in her life and was so severe, it’s effects were irreversible. When she was nine, a doctor diagnosed her with reactive attachment disorder. Over the next few years, the problems became so intense that they had to place her in a specialized institution.Although he’s been on a challenging journey, Paul is here to educate and share what he learned along the way. He wants parents to be aware of signs that their kid might have some deeper issues that need to be taken care of. In the episode, he talks further about his daughter’s troubling childhood, before dissecting just what is going on inside the heads of kids like her.How Trauma Leads to TroubleSo why would a kid who’s experienced trauma want to steal, lie, and cause a ruckus? It goes beyond just a need for attention, Paul explains. When a kid takes something that isn’t theirs, they suddenly have control over the situation, of the item they’ve taken. When they lie and twist the narrative in their favor, they’re able to reclaim power. It’s about filling a void, says Paul.Even if they’re only causing a small, inconsequential disruption, they’re able to feel powerful for a brief period of time. For many kids who’ve felt powerless or like they’ve been mistreated, causing trouble is a way for them to strike back at the world.In the episode, Paul shares a story that demonstrates this unhealthy need for control. His family planned to go to the beach, with the ultimatum that his daughter had to finish her homework. Because his daughter had a fixation with control, she dawdled through her homework while her family waited, enjoying the power she held over them.You may have found yourself in a similar situation, like when a kid just won't stop screaming until they get ice cream. Paul talked about how he didn't know what to do. If she kept them from going to the beach, she won. If he said, “forget the homework, let’s just go,” then she also won.Paul reveals in the episode how he eventually put an end to the situation. It has a lot to do with remaining ambivalent, so as to restrict your child from gaining too much power over you.Sound difficult? It is. Paul shares how he often struggles with it, and how you can take steps to make this process easier on yourself. In addition to ambivalence, Paul shares some other actions and preventative measures parents can take when kids become manipulative.Parenting through the ProblemsDealing with kids who act this way is no easy task. Paul says that if these types of behaviors are occurring regularly and causing serious damage to your family, you shouldn’t be afraid to seek help. He recalls checking his daughter into an institution when things were getting far too difficult for he and his wife to handle alone, and how it was tough because it made him feel like a failure. However, when he realized she would be with professionals who knew how to help her, he was able to understand just how necessary it was.Paul also recommends unity with your partner, if you have one. By binding together, the two of you create a stronger force. Manipulative kids might target one parent to try and pull you apart, creating a rift and weakening your power. But by listening to and valuing your partner’s opinions, and having their back in a tough spot, Paul believes you’ll be able to keep your family in better shape.Another important thing Paul says to remember is to always be blunt with kids who act up. If you dilly dally around the point, you’ll create more of an opportunity for kids to make excuses or tell lies. Additionally, you’ve got to have kids meet you halfway, says Paul. If they’re not putting in the effort, then you have to show them that you won’t do it all for them. In the episode, Paul talks extensively about what he and his wife did on a daily basis to mitigate their daughters manipulative behaviors.There’s so much to deal with, Paul expresses, and it’s ok to not always have a perfect day. No matter the kid, parenting is tough. All you can do is love unconditionally and work to make sure your kids are as happy and healthy as possible.In the Episode…We’re so glad to have Paul on today’s episode to share his story and give advice for what to do when kids struggle with control. In addition to the topics above, we talk about:Why it can be hard for troubled kids to get accurate diagnosesHow to detect Reactive Attachment DisorderHow we can prevent these behaviors from developing in the first placeWhy it can be very effective to present kids with choicesWhat Paul’s relationship is like with his daughter now that she’s in adulthoodWhile kids mi...

John Beede, author of The Warrior Challenge, sheds light on how to help instill values of kindness, courage, and grit in our young people. Plus, how to approach masculinity in a healthy way that benefits everyone.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWhen your kids have moved out and are facing the world every day on their own, you won’t be there to tell them how to act–they’ll have to rely on their values. As a parent, leaving your kid with principles to live by can be a critical part of raising decent, self sufficient individuals! If we can help kids prioritize kindness, respect, responsibility and honesty, we give them the key to a bright future.But how do we teach values to our kids in a way that sticks? Even when we know what exactly we want to teach to them, how can we get them to listen? Teens might not want to hear your opinion, and even if they do, it can be difficult to really show them how positive values create a better life. When it really comes down to it, imparting the right principles on kids feels just about as hard as making it to the top of Mount Everest!Luckily, today we’re talking to somebody who has made it to the top of Everest. He’s also been struck by lightning, swam with great white sharks, survived an attack from a five foot iguana...and has a lot of insight when it comes to raising resilient teens with strong values. His name is John Beede, and he’s the author of The Warrior Challenge: 8 Quests for Boys to Grow Up With Kindness, Courage and Grit.John speaks to share how his character and values have allowed him to accomplish amazing things–and teach how teens that they can do the same. In our interview we’re talking about how teenagers can be more comfortable being vulnerable, shed toxic friendships in favor of healthy ones, and harness the power of grit to accomplish anything they set their minds to.The Value of VulnerabilityIt can be tough for anyone to talk about their feelings, especially young people and especially young men. In our society, there’s often a pervading mentality that we need to power through hard times on our own without accepting help. However, if we want to raise kids who can be happy and healthy on their own, John stresses how important it is to encourage kids to be vulnerable about their feelings–and value their own mental healthTo demonstrate what he means, John shares a story in our interview about a deeply disturbing encounter he had while climbing Mount Everest. The incident left him with trauma, which he buried deep down in order to be “strong”. Over time, however, he began to feel haunted by the experience despite his repeated attempts to suppress it. In the episode, he shares the powerful moment that made him realize that it was time for him to seek some therapy.Once he was able to get the help he needed, John realized how important it was to incorporate the value of vulnerability to his teachings. It takes a lot of courage, he says, but it can do wonders for teens to speak about how they feel. This can include sharing more of their emotions with friends and family or in a more serious case, speaking to a trained professional.This idea can bleed into things like conflict resolution; if teens are able to express their feelings, they’ll be better off when it comes to things like setting boundaries. In the episode, John and I talk more about how teens can learn to express when they’re feeling sad, mad, or scared to create healthier relationships.This isn’t all John has to say about how practicing the right values can lead to more fulfilling relationships, however. There’s lots more in the episode about ditching toxic friendships to make room for positive, gainful ones.Cutting Ties to Toxic PeopleWhen it comes to helping your kid develop strong values, there’s a lot of power in who they align themselves with. If they surround themselves with those who lift them up and help them become their best selves, they’ll be able to take on the world with confidence in who they are and what they believe in.In our interview, John shares the three part checklist every teen should use when deciding whether or not to allow someone into their inner circle. This includes picking people who push them to reach their full potential, making sure friends have their back through thick and thin, and rejecting anyone who doesn’t respect whatever boundaries your teen chooses to set.John also speaks extensively on how teens can detect and eject toxic individuals from their lives to create a happier existence. To do this, John suggests teens embark on some personal reflection to consider how friends or significant others make them feel. Does your teen feel like they’ve changed for the worse as a result of being friends with this person? Is your teen no longer interested in things they used to love since they began allowing this person to take up significant amounts of time in their life?When teens are able to ask these questions, they can make progress towards surrounding themselves only with people who make them feel great. And when they feel great, they’ll become stronger, more capable people–people who embody John’s definition of grit.What “Grit” Really MeansThe word “grit” appears in the title of John’s book, so it’s clearly an important value he hopes to impart on the youth. However, when it comes to defining what grit actually means, John’s opinion differs from some. While others might see it as continuously (and stubbornly) pursuing the same method until they succeed at the task at hand, John believes grit comes down thinking outside the box and stepping outside of what’s comfortable.As Einstein once said, repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity! Instead, John says grit comes down to knowing when it's time to switch things up and try something new. If you’ve been trying to confront your teen about a specific topic to no avail, it might be time to go to a teacher, therapist, or other mentor. If your teen is struggling to pass their history class, don’t give up! Maybe there’s a tutor or an online resource out there for them you may not be considering.John explains that another valuable component of grit is remaining present. It’s so easy to backtrack and waste energy thinking about the past or analyzing the future, but if your teen really wants to battle their demons and accomplish their wildest dreams, they’ll have to first take on what’s right in front of them.In our interview, John shares some stories from real life heroes who exemplified the true meaning of grit to embrace seemingly insurmountable odds and come out on top. When it comes to values, teens might not know who they are yet. By listening to positive voices like John’s (and their parents, of course), they can become stronger individuals who live by their own principles.In the episode…John’s brilliant, adventurous spirit shines through this week as he shares his advice for imparting values on teens. On top of the ideas mentioned above, we discussWhy it’s important to talk to teens about pornographyHow you can help your teen develop “infinity muscles”What to do wh...

Leslie Josel, author of How To Do It Now Because It’s Not Going Away and global time management expert, shares her passion for planners, productivity, and practicing. Find out the tricks for helping teens get more homework done (on time) and retain more information!Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWhen kids are tired from a long day of classes and basketball practice and it’s time to get cracking on some calculus, their gaze might drift from the textbook to their Instagram feed for an hour...or two hours...and then maybe they’ll watch a little Netflix, text their friends, make a TikTok...before they know it, it’s 10 p.m. and they haven’t even started!Procrastination can get the better of all of us occasionally, let’s be honest–but for students, it can often become a damaging habit that holds them back from getting the grades they hope for or finishing a college app on time. When it comes down to it, procrastination can often take hold of a teen’s time and simply not let go.To help kids battle their inner procrastinator and become time management experts, we’re talking with Leslie Josel, author of How to Do it Now Because it's Not Going Away: An Expert Guide to Getting Stuff Done. Leslie has been working with teens and college students for almost twenty years to help them untangle their lives from the sticky web of procrastination and create order from their own personal chaos.In our interview, she’s giving you tons of tips to guide your teen towards living a more organized life. We’re chatting about how teens can tackle time management, what kids can learn about their habits by doing some self reflection, and how we can give students some control over their learning process to get them more excited about their education.Teaching Teens Time ManagementLeslie is seriously passionate about time management, and she’s got some innovative solutions to your teen’s procrastination problem. During our interview, she proposed a unique tool to help kids keep track of time, a tool they might not be familiar with: an analog clock. That’s right, a clock that ticks every second, with hands that move. You know, from the old days!She insists that analog clocks serve an important overall purpose: visualizing and externalizing time. What in the world does that mean, you ask? It means using objects and divides to get a sense of the passing of time. This includes a calendar, a timer, a planner–and yes, an analog clock– things that remind teens exactly where in time we are. When teenagers place themselves on a timeline, they can better estimate how long it will take to complete a given task.By using devices to externalize time, teens can give their daily tasks a beginning, middle and end, allowing them to effectively judge how much time they need to spend on this and when they’ll need to be done with that. Instead of just floating unmoored in the hours, they’ll be able to know where they need to direct their energy.This comes into play when setting rules for kids about what they need to get done. Telling a kid to work on their homework for twenty minutes before sitting down to dinner is going to be a lot more comprehensible than asking them to finish their assignment, Leslie says. In the episode, she breaks down other ways we can help kids stay in control of their time, instead of letting time control them.Helping Teens Understand Their HabitsFor teens to master time management, they first need to identify where and when procrastination seems to take its toll. If they can take some time to consider their daily habits, they’ll be able to find where they’re going wrong and solve their productivity problems.Leslie encourages teens to map out their time usage in a day on a piece of paper or digital document. This gives them the chance to identify where in the day they are losing time to procrastination, when exactly they are most productive, and what they can do to improve their overall time management.This activity pushes your kids to confront themselves so that you don’t have to! Instead of telling them that they waste too much time, encourage them to record their own data about their habits–they’ll be able to see their procrastination on the paper in front of them! It can be a thought provoking and even fun experience for them to reflect on how they live and how they can maximize their productivity from day to day.Leslie says that if kids do realize they have serious time management problems, they often explain their behavior as a self fulfilling prophecy. They think that poor time management is “just the way they work” or simply describe themselves as “lazy”. In the episode, Leslie talks about how we can help kids change their attitudes to shift their self image and become the productive people they were meant to be.Once teens get to the bottom of their procrastination problems, they’ll be able to manage their time more effectively...but how can we help them go even one step further? By finding the study methods that grant them the most effective learning experience.Discovering the Right Study HabitsWhen we look at the research, we find that the most common source of disagreement and discord among teens and their parents is homework. All teens have to do it, but not all teens study the same way–creating a lot of tension between teens who are fed up with what’s expected and parents who just want to see students successful.Leslie says what teens need to do is discover their own personal studying preferences. Some students do their best work at a coffee shop, surrounded by crowds of talking people. Others prefer to listen to rock music as they solve equations, or, as Leslie hilariously mentions in an anecdote in the episode, sit in the bathtub! When students understand what works best for them, their productivity will get a boost.There are also lots of other small ways Leslie says kids can become better learners. Incorporating physical activity into the long hours of hitting the books helps improve retention of material. Reviewing things about a half hour before bedtime is also a proven method to help info stick in teens’ brains. Incorporating variation into study habits keeps things exciting and has been shown to be effective at helping teens remember facts and figures.In the episode, Leslie talks about why she personally objects to the term “studying”, saying we should instead opt for the word “practice”. She believes it’s more active, more energetic, and more interesting than “studying”, and helps kids see studying as something to be desired in the same way they might practice soccer, guitar or dancing. We discuss this in more depth in the interview.In the Episode…Leslie was such a joy to interview this week, and her ideas about teenage productivity are so helpful to parents everywhere. In addition to the topics mentioned above, we cover:Why teens procrastinate more than adultsThe value planners add to teens’ livesWhy we need to change our overall approach to homeworkThe silver linings of distance learning.While procrastination might feel inevitable, Leslie’s advice is here to guide your teen towards reaching their high...

Richard Capriola, author of The Addicted Child and a seasoned addiction counselor, gives us the details on vaping, marijuana use, and drug abuse in teens. Together Andy and Richard go in depth on what to do if you suspect substance abuse and how to start a successful recovery.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesAs more states legalize marijuana and vape companies continue to pander to young people with “fun” flavors, there’s an increased risk that your teen might do some experimenting. But while adults might be able to experiment and handle it, teens, with their still-developing brains, are much more likely to get addicted.Widespread availability plus technology makes clandestine access to alcohol and drugs easier than ever. Recent research shows that illicit drug use is starting younger and younger–current stats show kids starting as early as age 14! Kids these days are more susceptible than ever to potential substance abuse that can have serious, long lasting effects on their brains and bodies.That’s why this week, we’re talking to Richard Capriola, author of The Addicted Child: the Parents Guide to Adolescent Substance Abuse. Richard has worked with families for over twenty years to guide struggling adolescents towards recovery from debilitating psychological and substance related conditions. His mission is to rescue kids from the depths of drug addiction and bring them back to a healthy, happy way of life.In our interview, Richard shares what he thinks every parent should know about the realities of adolescent addiction. He explains how you can identify possible substance abuse in your teen or a teen you may know, how you can react without worsening the problem, and what steps you can take to create a plan for recovery.Spotting Substance Abuse in An AdolescentIt can be really scary to think your teen might be suffering with substance abuse that you’re not aware of...so how can you determine if you should be worried? To help ease your anxiety, Richard outlines some potential warning signs in the episode.To start, he encourages paying close attention to your teen’s behaviors, and monitoring for any significant or concerning changes. Does your teenager suddenly seem disinterested in things they used to enjoy? Have they suddenly become secretive about who they're hanging out with? Have their grades dropped or have they stopped caring about their appearance?If you notice anything of this nature, Richard says your teen might be dealing with something serious. It could be a psychological issue, a substance abuse issue, or both–Richard tells us the two very often go hand in hand.To be pre-emptive, Richard champions the idea of starting a channel of communication with your teen before they reach adolescence. If you can give your teen the ability to trust you and come to you when they’re feeling stressed, they’re more likely to key you in if they’re developing a substance abuse issue. Hopefully they’ll feel comfortable enough to talk through their emotions with you before they even begin engaging with these substances in the first place, preventing the problem altogether. Richard and I discuss specific ways you can work on building trust in the episode.So you’ve noticed a teenager is behaving a little differently...and you discover that they’ve been, say, popping prescription pills all day long. What the heck do you do now? How do you reach out without alienating them or making them feel attacked?Talking to your Teen About the IssueIt’s definitely not easy to approach a struggling teen, especially one that might be in denial about having an issue. They might be defensive or angry, or give you an attitude. It can also seem to them that you’re only trying to guilt or shame them instead of help them.Richard advises against jumping any conclusions--just because your teen has been out past curfew all week and seems to be asking you for more money lately doesn’t mean they’re hooked on crack. He recommends having a comprehensive list of concerning behaviors that they’ve been exhibiting, in order to illustrate your concern. Why have they been avoiding your questions about their whereabouts? Why have they suddenly begun sleeping until 1 P.M.?What’s important is that they know you are concerned with their well being above all else, says Richard. When you’re asserting that their behavior is unacceptable, you’re doing so because you believe that it’s unacceptable for them to treat themselves so poorly!One thing Richard has always incorporated in his work is education; by teaching kids what drugs do to their brains, you can help them understand why their substance abuse is a legitimate problem. When you show them a diagram of a brain and explain the ways taking adderall three times a day causes serious physical damage to their neural landscape, they begin to comprehend the gravity of the problem.In the episode, Richard and I talk further about how you can have productive, constructive discussions with a teen whom you suspect might be struggling with substance abuse. Once you’ve had this important heart-to-heart, it’s time to put together a plan to help the teen progress past this problem.Making a Map to RecoveryOvercoming a drug addiction is incredibly challenging for anyone, especially teenagers who might be overwhelmed with life or unsure how to make better choices for themselves. Although the road to recovery is potentially lengthy and filled with road blocks, it’s far from impossible! In our interview, Richard outlines the steps you can take to help your teen get back on a positive path.An important first step, Richard says, is setting up a comprehensive assessment of your teen’s health: that includes the physical and the psychological! One of the things Richard emphasizes in our interview is that if a teen is addicted to a substance, there is almost always an underlying psychological cause. It might be anxiety, PTSD, depression...whatever it is, it’s just as important to deal with than the addiction at hand.During the treatment process, Richard believes that it’s always important to remain positive rather than punitive. When kids relapse or fail to meet the standards we set for their recovery, it can be tempting to punish them or impose restrictions. However, Richard urges parents not to discount the positive–rewarding teens can be incredibly powerful! He and I get into specifics about when and how we should reward kids when they make progress.All teenagers are different, and are going to need help in unique ways. Some kids might need immediate medical help and hospitalization, Richard says, while others should set up a meeting with a local counselor. In the episode, Richard dives deeper into how we can assess what a specific teen needs to fight addiction.In the Episode...My interview with Richard encompasses a wide range of topics, discussing everything from why someone might do bath salts to the effects of respiratory particles on cognition. In addition to how addiction can be spotted and treated, we discuss:What to do when a teen resists getting helpHow to prevent kids from selling their prescription medicationWhy “...

Dr. Pamela Ellis, author of What to Know Before They Go, shares key insights on how to best prepare for college. Whether your teen is a senior or seventh grader, Dr. Ellis has tips for how to catch up and how to get ahead.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesFor parents and students alike, the road to college can be full of twists, turns and unpredictable roadblocks...it sometimes feels like you’ll never cross the finish line! It might feel as though getting into top schools is practically impossible, especially when trying to get in means endless extracurriculars, community service, SATs, GPA–the list of requirements and considerations goes on and on.For students, the only thing worse than this insane workload is the possibility of not even getting in! For parents, it’s heartbreaking to know how much stress and pressure your kid is under. It can be excruciating to wait and wonder if they'll get accepted to the school of their dreams or be forced to reevaluate their life in the wake of rejection.Although it may seem like it’s all too overwhelming to handle, don’t fear! We’re here to help out. There are small steps you and your teen can take to prepare for the college application process, whether they're finishing up seventh grade or heading into their junior year, a struggling student or top of their class. If you can develop a greater understanding of the whole process, you’ll be better equipped to set your student up for success.Our guest today is Pamela Ellis, a.k.a, “ The Education Doctor”, author of What to Know Before They Go. Dr. Ellis has worked with thousands of teens and families to help students choose the right colleges and gain admission. She’s an expert on helping teens cope with the thousands of stressors of college admissions, with strategies covering everything from scholarship qualifications to everyday time management.In the interview, Pamela and I discuss how teens can prioritize their responsibilities, why they should challenge themselves in small ways to expand their comfort zones, and what they can do to organize their lives during this stressful and confusing period.How Prioritizing Leads to ProductivityBeing a teen on the road to college means balancing extracurriculars and grades, writing essays, getting letters of recommendation, acing your ACTs and balancing a budget. There’s no shortage of tasks and not nearly enough time...so how can your teen get it all done?Pamela suggests that teens narrow their focus. She and I discuss how valuable it can be to simply hone in on a few important tasks when you only have a limited amount of time. By sticking to a few specific goals instead of running around trying to solve every problem, Pamela believes teens can manage admissions stress and come out on top.In the episode, Pamela and I talk about how these goals should differ for kids of ages. Those finishing up sophomore year are going to need very different guidance than those beginning their prepping to become seniors. For example, Pamela explains in our interview how she believes 9th graders aren’t quite ready to whip up a list of prospective colleges yet, and should perhaps extend their focus towards making dependable friends instead!Getting into college doesn’t just require great planning, however. Teens also have to stand out to tired admissions officers shuffling through thousands of applications. To do so, they’re going to have to challenge themselves to go above and beyond.Pushing Teens to Reach Their PotentialTrying to stand out on an application can be one of the most stressful things about the entire admissions process. Millions of kids across the world send in applications, vying for a few prized spots at prestigious universities. It’s not always easy to look perfect on paper, especially when competition is so intense.Pamela’s advice to teens and parents is to take advantage of every opportunity. Kids might shy away from taking harder classes or joining clubs, but by pushing themselves to shoot for the stars, kids can achieve more than they think. Pamela believes that students shouldn’t hold back when it comes to taking that extra leap out of their comfort zone–it could make all the difference when it comes to admissions!Don’t think your kid is really capable of acing AP Spanish? That’s ok too. Pamela says it’s important to assess where kids are at and encourage them to move at their own pace, remaining true to themselves. If Spanish isn’t their best subject, maybe root for them to perform even better in English this year, especially if they plan to apply to journalism or literature programs.By pushing themselves, they’ll not only look better on paper, but more confident. By tackling challenges they didn’t think they could handle, they’ll learn that that they’re capable of more than they ever dreamed–a lesson they’ll take with them as they continue into adulthood.In the episode, Pamela and I discuss how you can guide your teen towards striving for success. When looking to the future to figure out what’s possible for your teen, it can also be helpful to look back to the past–and do some collecting, documenting and organizing.Tracking your Teen’s ProgressWhen your teen is trying to gather all their achievements and accolades to make their application pop, they’re going to wish they had kept a catalog. If your teen still has a few years to go before those applications are due, now might be a good time to start keeping track of things that could give your teen that extra edge.This doesn’t include their certificate for athlete of the year. It can also include their best essays, a log of volunteer hours, a list of extracurricular activities they’ve participated in. Collecting these things in one place allows them to have all their information at their fingertips. It also helps teens develop a mindset of collecting and recording things, something they’ll need later down the line when they’re preparing a resume or applying for a bank loan. The sooner they start flexing that muscle, the better.Additionally, keeping a record of how much time and effort they spend on different activities can help teens reflect on their own priorities and time management. If a teen looks back at their log from freshman year to see that they spent much more time in the art building than they did in the library, they might have to ask themselves: is art what I want to focus on? By examining their own behaviors and patterns, they can head into future endeavors with a better understanding of their own ambitions as well as their tendencies.In Pamela’s eyes, the most important thing is that kids are able to perform at their best, and have the college experience of their dreams. By following her advice, we can help ourselves and our kids handle all the throes of applying to college and make it to the other side.In the Episode…Pamela and I touch on a wide range of topics, answering all your burning questions about the admissions process. In addition to the topics above, we discuss…Why it’s important for kids to read for pleasureHow kids can get the most out of summer vacationWhy kids catch a “sophomore slump”...

Jeremy Bhandari, author of Trust the Grind, interviewed the world’s most elite athletes to figure out what young people can do to be just as successful in their own pursuits.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesYou know your teen is capable of more than binging Netflix, but helping teens sort out their own goals and motivate them to take action is hard work! Kids these days encounter distractions at every turn, and are constantly bombarded with images and videos of others who are better dancers, athletes, make-up artists, singers, comedians, (etc!) than your teen. Teens might feel like it’s no use even trying to catch up with the top talent today.Although it may seem impossible to empower a teen that just doesn’t want to try, today, we're speaking with a guest who’s interviewed top athletes to deduce what teens can do to achieve personal success--and what parents can do to help.I’m sitting down with Jeremy Bhandari, author of Trust the Grind: How World-Class Athletes Got to the Top. As a lifelong sports fanatic, Jeremy decided to talk to some of his favorite athletes to uncover their secrets to success, work ethic, and most importantly, happiness. He learned some seriously powerful lessons about how young people can thrive in any avenue they choose to pursue--and he’s here to share those lessons with you.In our insightful interview, Jeremy and I talk about how some of sports’ biggest stars achieved their wildest dreams. He explains how your teen can do anything they dream of, so long as they receive encouragement, remain in the right headspace, and are constantly challenged to reach their full potential.Cheer For Your Kid Until They Reach the Finish LineAs a parent, you want to see your child successful and happy….which is why you might not always support their off-the-wall ambitions. It can be difficult to get behind your kid’s lofty goals of winning an Oscar or becoming the next president of the United States when you know they might face some disappointment when they fall short.The truth is, you’re not alone there. Even the parents of world famous athletes have been known to be doubtful of their kid’s dreams. Jeremy and I discuss his interview with Gary Player, one of the world’s most successful golfers, and how parental disapproval almost derailed a legendary career. Gary struggled to get his father’s support when he decided to play golf around the world instead of going to college. Without his father’s help, Gary struggled financially, unable to buy golf clubs to pursue his true passion.However, Gary’s dad eventually came around, even deciding to take out a loan himself to finance Gary’s new clubs. To this day, Gary cites his father’s support as a major reason for his success. Without his parents behind him, Gary may very well have failed to become the brilliant golfer he was destined to become. Jeremy says one of things he found to be consistent among many of the athletes he interviewed was how much they benefited from having supportive parents or adults to cheer them on in their youth.As Jeremy and I talk further on this idea, he emphasizes how empowering kids to believe in themselves can be essential to their success as an adult. Whether your teen strives to run Wall Street or sell out Madison Square Garden, they’re not likely to get too far without some support from you.In the episode, we dive deeper into the idea of encouragement, and how we can use positive reinforcement to help kids understand how hard work pays off. When it comes to helping your kid get their mind in the right spot, Jeremy has some further advice to bring out the high achiever hiding inside.Challenging Kids To Be Their BestBeyond just providing positive reinforcement, Jeremy discusses the importance of challenging your kids to go above and beyond what they believe themselves to be capable of. While praising them can have amazing results, it can also be powerful to remind them that they can always improve, and continue to strive for further greatness.Jeremy shares a story from his interview with Andruw Jones, a talented athlete who played major league baseball for 17 seasons. Jones grew up with a father who was constantly challenging him, asking him how many push ups he could do, how high he could jump, or how deep he could dive into the ocean. Jones told Jeremy that constantly being challenged taught him that there was always room to grow, and molded him into someone who continues to shoot for the moon.Frequently encouraging kids to go above and beyond helps meld their meld to reflect an attitude of perseverance. Athletes work out their muscles to become stronger, faster, and more efficient, but Jeremy talks about how exercising one’s mind is just as important. If you’re constantly pushing your teen to believe they are capable of greatness, you can help them become the super star they were always meant to be.In the episode, Jeremy and I expand on this idea, chatting about how we should encourage teens to associate with friends and teammates who push them to always be improving. We also get into a deeper discussion on how important a teen’s mental landscape is to their ambition and productivity.Why the Mindset MattersAlmost everyone Jeremy interviewed for his book had something to say about the importance one’s mentality plays in achieving greatness. Whether it’s knowing how to handle anxiety in stressful situations or grappling with discouragement in the aftermath of failure, Jeremy says one’s mindset is the key to staying afloat when the going gets tough.When your teen is in a tough spot, and thinks that they aren’t capable of passing a math test or winning the talent show, Jeremy suggests reminding them that nothing good comes easy. It’s totally normal to struggle, get knocked down, and come up short. What matters is that teens keep trying. Everyone from Elon Musk to Albert Einstein faced failure before changing the world. No one gets it right all the time, especially when they’re just starting out.Jeremy also touches on how easy it is for teenagers to blow situations out of proportion and make mountains out of molehills. Even though they may think that failing their driving test is the end of the world, it can do wonders to simply remind them to stay calm and try again in a few months. By helping them maintain a positive attitude of perseverance, you can keep them on the track to success.Unfortunately, teens these days are also often sucked into a dangerous mental habit: comparing themselves to others on social media. There’s millions of people online for teens to compare themselves with at any moment, often causing them to feel inferior or incapable. In the episode, Jeremy and I discuss how we can help teens avoid falling into this harmful trap, and instead empower them to wake up everyday and love themselves.In the Episode...Jeremy and I chat about his interviews with a variety of different athletes from a diverse range of disciplines, each one with a unique perspective on life. In addition to the ideas mentioned above, we cover:Why it’s essential for teens to define their goalsHow eating healthy and exercising can truly change your teen’s life...

Leah Plunkett, author of Sharenthood, joins Andy for a discussion on the consequences and benefits of our teens’ extensive digital footprint. We leave more data behind us than we think--who is using it and for what purposes?Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesIt’s not always easy to know what to share about your kids online. You might want to celebrate how cute they look in a Winnie the Pooh Halloween costume by posting a picture on Instagram, or share your grievances on Facebook when they just won’t stop wetting the bed. When you decide to snap that pic or type that post however, you might be doing more damage to your kid’s future and reputation than you realize.Today we’re talking about how, even when parents have the best intentions, they may submit their kids to certain risks by posting information online. So much of your information can be found and used online in ways that can be harmful to your children, ways you might not even expect. Although social media can be a great place to share and socialize with friends and family, extra vigilance about your kid’s internet presence is becoming more and more necessary as it becomes cheaper and easier for companies and individuals to collect your data.In this episode, we’re sitting down with Leah Plunkett, author of Sharenthood: Why We Should Think Before We Talk about Our Kids Online. Leah serves as a Faculty Affiliate at the Berkman Klein Center for Internet and Society at Harvard University, and is a leading expert on digital privacy and data collection, especially among young folks. Leah’s expertise on digital media, privacy, and adolescence make for an eye-opening interview about how you can guide yourself and your kids towards more responsible, literate use of the online landscape.Leah and I discuss a broad range of topics, covering everything from why your kids might be affected by your seemingly innocuous Facebook posts, what information is at risk of being collected and exploited from your online activity, and whether or not parents should consider implementing surveillance technology to spy on their teen’s internet behavior.Why You Should Watch What You ShareAs a parent, it can be really rewarding to log on and share what your kids are up to; it gives you the chance to chat with other parents and include your friends and family in your child’s growth! However, there are some things Leah says you might want to be aware of before you hit post...because when something goes online there’s a chance that it can never truly be erased.For starters, posting a picture of your kid with frosting all over their face and down their shirt might seem pretty cute to you, but could potentially embarrass them down the line. Although this may not seem super obvious when kids are still young, bullies can emerge as your kid reaches adolescence, bullies who might be on the prowl for images and facts about your teen that can be used to humiliate them. Leah suggests taking some time to think about how what you post might come around to bite your kid in the butt in a few years.There are also some frightening figures online who can use information about your kids for nefarious purposes. By sharing data about a kid’s whereabouts, their likes and dislikes, what they fear or where they hang out, you may be submitting that information to dangerous folks who lurk on the internet. Now, this doesn’t mean you should immediately sound the alarm and remove every trace of your kid’s existence from Facebook, but there are some ways you can moderate your posts to ensure your kid is safe from these internet predators. Leah and I talk more about this in the episode.The bottom line is that kids are generally too young to consent to being posted about and shared on the web, so Leah says it’s important to take some serious caution about how and where they are portrayed. While you may only have the best intentions, there are always ways your kid’s data could be used to harm them. This goes beyond just cyberbullying or internet predators, with big tech likely collecting huge amounts of data on you and your kids in recent times and using it for all sorts of purposes.The Dark Truth About Data CollectionYou may have heard that companies like Facebook and Google could be collecting some of your data and using it to give you personalized content or targeted ads--but are you aware of just how much data all sorts of companies are gathering about you and your family?Leah dives into just how much information companies are collecting, and how they’re using it. Surprisingly, companies can collect data from things as seemingly innocent as the learning software that your kids use at school, or games they download and play on their phones. Frustratingly, there is not a cohesive location, method or protocol for people to find out how their data is being used.By collecting data about kids online tendencies, attitudes, and habits, companies are able to understand how your child thinks and behaves. This information can then be used in decisions about whether to hire them or grant them admission to college when they grow up. There are hiring companies that harness and combine all of this data to know how well an individual will perform as an employee. When faced with a large pool of applicants, businesses can pay to find out who is the best candidate for the job, and who can be disqualified.Although this might worry you, don’t fret. Leah and I discuss possible solutions to this issue in the episode, talking about specific ways companies can become more accountable in the future for the spread of your data. You might also be wondering, however, how you can talk to your teen about all this, and if you should step in to monitor their online activity. Luckily, Leah’s got some answers for you.Why Surveilling Your Child Might Not Be The AnswerWhen you become aware of just how much data about your kid is up for collection, it can be tempting to install software that controls what media your kid engages with and how much time they spend browsing the web. However, Leah recommends refraining from doing so, as this teaches them a damaging lesson--that surveillance is a natural part of interacting with the online space.Instead, Leah suggests having open and value-based discussions with them about media literacy and their media usage. Although you might feel nervous or unsure about how to approach them about these ideas, Leash stresses how essential these talks can be. She and I chat more in the episode about specific ways you can initiate this kind of discussion and methods you can use to guide your teen away from potentially risky internet behavior.According to Leah, the important thing is making sure your kids have the agency and the ability to make their own judgments about what’s safe and what’s not. When it comes down to it, that’s what matters most about helping keep our kids safe online. We want them to grow up independent and free to follow their chosen path in life, without data collection or negative online forces getting in the way. By making sure our kids can protect themselves, we give them the gift of a safe future.In the Episode…It was very eye-opening to chat with Leah this week about the many d...

John G. Miller, author of five books including Raising Accountable Kids and QBQ!, shares his expertise on how to get your teenager to be responsible for their own actions. Plus, the ultimate question to ask when it feels like nothing is working.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWhen your kids are refusing to listen, staying out past curfew and ignoring your repeated attempts to establish control, some serious questions come to mind. Questions like: When will they start respecting me? How can I get them to listen to me? What is it that causes them to act this way?As frustrated as you may feel--and we know, teens can be frustrating--it turns out that you might be asking yourself the wrong questions. Even when it feels like your kid is single-handedly instigating disagreements and causing turmoil, there is a more effective approach than simply imploring them to end this behavior, an approach that requires you to reflect on your own actions.What is that approach, exactly? Glad you asked. This week I’m sitting down with John G. Miller, author of the classic book QBQ!: The Question Behind the Question and the recent Raising Accountable Kids: How to Be an Outstanding Parent Using the Power of Personal Accountability. John has been speaking and teaching workshops on leadership and management for over twenty years and is also the father of 7 kids! He’s here to share what he’s learned from years of mentoring clients and raising kids, and talk all about how you can practice accountability to become a better parent.In our interview, John covers the basics of the principle of accountability, and the questions you should be asking yourself if you want to improve your parenting powers. He also identifies the qualities that, in his eyes, make a weak parent, and how you can strengthen your approach to ensure your kids become the best people they can be.How To Practice AccountabilityAlthough you may be familiar with the term ‘accountability’, John clears up what he means when he uses the word and how his definition can be harnessed to create a more fulfilling life. In defining accountability, John seeks to define the opposite first. He focuses on three behaviors--victim thinking, blaming others, and procrastination. People tend to embody these traits when they reject accountability. They ask, why can’t others behave the way I want them to? When will people start doing what I need them to do?Instead of engaging in this type of thinking, John encourages you to do the contrary. He asks you to stop focusing on outward factors and instead focus your energies inward. His approach endorses asking questions about how you, yourself can improve your situation, instead of relying on others. In John’s eyes, accountability is not just about keeping others in check, it’s about reflecting on your personal behaviors and practices to see where you can make positive changes.This is especially true for leaders, managers, educators, and for our purposes, parents. Being an authority figure that emphasizes accountability means holding yourself to high standards, and modeling responsible behavior for those who are watching you. In the episode, John dives deeper into the importance of accountability in leadership. Specifically, he talks about how parents can use accountability to create stronger relationships with their teensParenting with AccountabilityWhen it comes to parenting, John talks about how practicing accountability can be a game changer. He shares an anecdote about a woman he got to know through his work, a woman who found herself bickering with her daughter day after day. The woman had repeatedly implored her daughter to change her behavior, but their relationship had only gotten worse.It wasn’t until the woman worked with John to grasp the idea of accountability that things got better. She decided to ask her daughter how she could be a better mother, which allowed her daughter to express the various ways she had felt disrespected or held back by their relationship. The two established a dialogue, and through this channel of communication, they were able to mend their broken relationship.This idea of mutual communication and respect--enabled by accountability--is central to John’s work. He believes that if we ask ourselves what we can do to create compromise, instead of yelling or relying on punitive measures, we can become better parents and build stronger bonds with our teens. In the episode, John gets into this idea further, even sharing a personal story about when he and his son faced a critical disagreement over his son’s path in life.Although John speaks to the importance of listening, he also believes parenting is a very complicated, multifaceted endeavor. While patience and understanding matter, there’s another important practice that he believes should be implemented--discipline.How Accountability Relates to DisciplineIn order to be an accountable parent, John stresses the importance of understanding that your child’s behavior is a reflection of your own parenting. He dispels the notion of blaming your teens issues on current political leaders, the media, or the people they hang out with, and instead implores the parent to focus on how they’ve shaped their child’s behavior.A lot of this comes down to making sure you discipline your child effectively, says John. He believes there’s been a general trend of parents who are afraid of disciplining kids in recent years. This leads to parents continually allowing their kids to misbehave. When parents don’t step in to stop bad behavior early on, they allow it to become a pattern. John stresses that parents should be quick to act on attitudes they don’t approve of, and be unafraid to talk to their kids about how and why certain behaviors are not appropriate or acceptable.For example, parents often find themselves in a situation where the success of their teen is more important to them than it is to the teen themselves. For example, a parent might be spending a lot of time worrying about their child’s academic success, while their child is more concerned with beating their high score on Mario Kart. John expresses the importance of holding yourself accountable for this behavior as a parent, and teaching your teen what happens when they don’t take their responsibilities seriously. If they’re going to get an F for not turning in work they haven’t done, don’t do the work for them--allow them to get an F, and understand what it means to fail.In the end, if you want your child to be a functional, thriving, positive force in the world, John believes you are also accountable for modeling that same behavior. He expresses his belief that humility is the cornerstone of leadership, and by constantly reflecting on how you can be a better individual and a more effective parent, you will be able to raise a happier, more intelligent teen.In the Episode…John's spirited and humorous character shines through in this very entertaining and interesting episode! He’s got a lot to tell us about, and this episode is jam packed with advice until the very end. In addition to the ideas discussed above, we...

Dr. Margaret Rutherford, author of Perfectly Hidden Depression and psychologist, chats with Andy about the symptoms--some intuitive and some counterintuitive--of depression. According to Dr. Rutherford many young people hide feelings of depression behind a constant state of achieving.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full show notesWe know our teenagers better than anybody else, so we’d definitely know when they were feeling depressed...right? The basic symptoms of a depressed person are recognizable---withdrawing from social activities, no longer participating in things they used to enjoy, changes in dress and diet. If we saw that our teen exhibited these symptoms or noticed that they seemed anxious or unenthusiastic about life, we’d definitely know something was up.But what about a teen who’s depression isn’t quite so easily spotted? What if your teen seemed to be doing perfectly--class president, varsity soccer team, prom queen--but deep down, they were hiding a seriously crippling mental health crisis? Teenagers like this exist, and in fact this kind of depression is a lot more common than you might think.To shed some light on this subject, we’re sitting down with Dr. Margaret Rutherford, author of Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free From the Perfectionism that Masks your Depression. The book is all about how some people experience depression in a way we may not think of as “traditional” or” conventional”. These people seem as though they’ve got everything together on the surface, but inside, a deep depression is stirring.Dr. Rutherford began to notice this kind of depression in patients in her 25+ years as a therapist. Patients would come in for other conditions, like eating disorders or insomnia, and were surprised at the suggestion that perhaps they may be suffering from depression. These patients would insist that their life was going well, when it was time to discuss the serious traumas they’ve faced, they smiled through it as though there was no pain at all.That’s when Margaret realized that perhaps these patients were experiencing depression in a way she hadn’t quite considered before. She coined the term “Perfectly Hidden Depression”, to describe people who’s sadness was so well hidden that even they themselves didn’t realize it was there. They don’t look depressed, don’t act depressed, have an active life with plenty of friends, but then are suddenly discovered attempting suicide or checking themselves into psych hospitals.In order to help you better understand how this could be possible, Dr. Rutherford dives into the definition of Perfectly Hidden Depression and explains it’s symptoms and signs. In the episode, she describes common habits of people with this condition, which can serve as warning signs that your teen might be experiencing a mental health issue that they can’t or won’t talk about.10 Signs of Perfectly Hidden DepressionIf you’re worried that the description of Perfectly Hidden Depression might sound like your teen, don’t fret. Margaret and I discuss in depth ten common symptoms of people with this condition, so that you can develop a deeper understanding of how it works and how it may be affecting your teen.Dr. Rutherford explains that one thing people with this kind of depression tend to do is focus intensely on outward accomplishments in order to feel valuable. This may occur as a result of feeling an excessive pressure from family or society to achieve highly. They might feel as though they aren’t valid or worthy of love when they aren’t winning awards or getting promotions. Margaret emphasizes that while ambition is a wonderful attribute, this need to fulfill external measures of success can become irrational or cause intense self criticism, leading to a dangerous decline in mental health.This leads to another common habit of those with Perfectly Hidden Depression--the tendency to compartmentalize their feelings. While those who are struggling with these feelings may sense that something is off within them, these folks are likely to put this feeling in a box in their mind and pretend it doesn’t exist, or believe it is simply the result of a bad day. Margaret shares a tragic example of an individual who exhibited some depressive behaviors, who, when a worried friend showed concern, insisted it was only a fleeting feeling. Sadly, a few weeks later, he committed suicide.Oftentimes, people with Perfectly Hidden Depression don’t feel like they can share their negative feelings, or may even suppress them to the point where they don’t let themselves really experience sadness. Dr. Rutherford says that this often occurs because these individuals have a harsh inner critic which might cause them to feel shame over these negative emotions. They’re also often perfectionists, and don’t like to cry, complain, or show that their life is anything less than smooth sailing.In the episode, Margaret discusses all ten common habits of those with Perfectly Hidden Depression and explains how to spot them. Once we’ve defined the syndrome a little further, we dive into what parents might be doing to worsen this condition in teens, and how they can prevent this condition from developing in their kids.How Parents Can Hurt And HelpDr. Rutherford knows that parents would never want to cause their children grief, but she points out some ways parents may be contributing to or worsening the development of Perfectly Hidden Depression in their teens. Oftentimes, the pressure from parents to achieve and perform, whether that’s in school, sports, or other extracurriculars, can be a major contributor to this problem. In the episode, Margaret talks about how we can continue to encourage kids in a healthy way, allowing them to reach their full potential while also allowing them to remain emotionally stable.In many cases, parents might see their kid performing extremely well, and take this to mean that this kid is happy and thriving. This is not a bad assumption--and it is certainly true in some cases. Margaret suggests, however, checking in with your teenager and making sure they are maintaining healthy habits and considering their own mental well-being. In the episode, she explores this idea further and gives tips for what to do if you suspect your teen might be struggling with Perfectly Hidden Depression.When it comes to prevention, Dr. Rutherford stresses the importance of being vulnerable with your kid. She stresses how important it is to model emotional vulnerability to allow teens to grow into individuals who know how to handle all of life's ups and downs. If parents make it seem as though expressing sadness, anger and fear is unacceptable, kids may not learn how to let their feelings out.This means it’s ok to share your disappointments about losing out on a job, your sadness about the death of a loved one. It’s ok to show your teenager that life doesn’t always go as planned. Now of course, it’s not a teenager’s job to help you fix the problem or to be your therapist, but letting them see that failure and negative emotions are a part of life can do wonders for their own emotional health.In The Episode…When it comes to Perfectly Hidden Depression, there’s a lot to learn! Dr. Rutherford and I also cover:How to spot symp...