Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today’s guest is Mary Nelsen-Tamborski, a licensed marriage and family therapist in San Diego and also a certified positive discipline trainer and parent coach. Mary’s formal training is secondary to the life training she got from her mother, Dr. Jane Nelsen, a marriage and family therapist and author of all the positive discipline books. Mary is a popular keynote speaker, and workshop presenter. We are discussing mistakes as opportunities to learn. Join us!“I find that these principles are universal so they are great, obviously for parents and children but it's also just human beings in general.”"The lens that we see our kids out of is everyone being equally worthy of dignity and respect it's no wonder that how we treat our kids , it should be a mirror of how we treat our friends and how we treat our coworkers and the checkers at the grocery store. It's about human to human relationships.""You have to break down to break through." `What you’ll hear in this episode: How positive discipline impacts other relationships in our lives Positive discipline as a theory and the reality of implementation Mistakes as opportunities to learn and navigating shame Solutions oriented problem solving versus consequences Dealing with your own emotional stuff when encountering challenging behaviour The role of regular family meetings The importance of apologies Making amends after we make mistakes What to do when you "lose it" Post-conflict communication and rebuilding closeness Managing triggers and being called out on your stuff Learning and growing as a family in positive discipline Assumptions & consequences - 3 R's & 1 H Brain development and consequences Genuine curiosity and asking curious questions to improve communication Curiosity as a way of being Shedding ego to engage in a meaningful way Connecting early to keep the lines of communication open for adolescence Treating your children as friends - a positive discipline perspective Resources:Jane Nelsen’s book SerenityWhere to find Mary:Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Thank you community! You are all so amazing.TOGETHER we are making an impact on the world.Today is a solo show…. I am getting vulnerable once again and shedding light on an area that I am not so proud of AND see as an opportunity for us all to grow as humans in relationship with each other.The white bubble.I know I am not the only person that lives a really homogenous life when it comes to diversity. AND, I know that many of you can celebrate LOTS of diversity in your life and relationships.Today I just wanted to call myself and anyone else in the community out in an effort to DO BETTER. The world is made up of a variety of people, from a diverse pool of cultures, experiences, and backgrounds.When I look out into the “positive parenting” world, I see lots of white faces. When I think about the people that listen to my show and participate in my community, I see a lot of white faces.I love all those white faces AND, I am recognizing that I could do more to bring more diverse voices onto the show and into our community – and into MY personal life as well. AND, because I get to speak from the platform of Joyful Courage, I get to be transparent and invite you all to join me.Whew!I am excited! We all get to take steps to shift the way the world is currently operating, and those of us with privilege, even if it is simply the color of our skin, have a part to play in that shift. I hope you will join me.And for those of you in the community who ARE people of color, please feel free to reach out and let me know how I can do better! I value your voice. Help me find guests that can tell stories and give support from a POV that is different from my middle class white woman lens.I love you all!Thank you for listening!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So thrilled to have Aubrey and Becky Springer on today to talk about how to take small steps to make a big difference.We all hope that our children will be in service to the world, that they will WANT to make a difference, to make the world a better place.Today’s show highlights what it can look like when being in contribution to the community is the default for a family – and how the way we impact our kids, through the experiences we invite them into, can impact the world.“We all belong to each other.” – Mama BeckyLinks mentioned:Support Aubrey’s Project Glennon DoyleTogether RisingUnion Gospel Mission Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Delaney Ruston, a documentary filmmaker. She believes in helping kids find balance in our tech filled world. She loves engaging audiences in solution centered discussions. We are discussing her work making the film Screenagers and how to support our kids with finding balance. Join us!“Just start with one simple change that you want to make and the real growth is when you talk about that with your kids and you show them your journey in trying to make that change.”“Maybe just pick one thing that you could decide to do that you’re not using tech as you normally would.”“The key, the most absolute important thing about it is starting with something positive about technology.” “The brain has a really hard time holding two opposite truths at the same time and it’s particularly hard for kids and teens.”  “To find sustainable solutions for tech balance and the child and teen brain we’re going to have to work together.”What you’ll hear in this episode: The neuroscience of technology use and over-use The individual child and technology use - micro impacts vs metadata Setting attainable goals for technology use reduction The power of changing just one thing Recognizing the difficulty of cognitive dissonance in conversations about technology Reducing defensiveness in technology conversations Why 30% of families are struggling with daily fights about technology What studies say about parent device use Distracted parenting and interactions with our kids Learning new skills: how this changes as kids grow Self-regulation and parenting involvement in creating limits Setting aside screen free time as a family Technology and sleep - setting boundaries for wellness Guidelines for young kids to set the stage for later technology use Sleep time, Study time and Family time - technology boundaries Digital etiquette ideas When you’ve given up and need to reign things in Taking stock of how we use our time How to bring Screenagers into your community School policies: prevalence of device use in middle and high schools Impact of device use on academics in middle and high schools  Resources:Tech Talk TuesdaysWhere to find Delaney:Screenagersmovie.com l Delaneyruston.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s podcast was created in honor of the 159 parents who enrolled and engaged in the #joyfulcourage10.Today we complete the program, and begin the practice of sustaining the magic and community that was created there, because of the people who showed up vulnerably, authentically, and courageously.I love what I get to do.Thank you to each of you that spent the last 10 days building relationship with me and each other. YOU ARE AMAZING!!!Alright – today’s theme for the show is authenticity and transparency.Parenting as a journey Not a secret No hidden agenda About being in human relationship Modeling Life skills are learned through modeling Vulnerability and authenticity is learned through modeling Kicking it up a notch is lifting up and OUT of the modeling and being transparent Human relationships are messy.Parenting is messy.Life-iing is messy.When we actively, intentionally, decide to SHIFT the way we parent, we set ourselves up to be exposed as flawed humans. Hello vulnerability Hello humility Hello contrary to the “adults are always right”  While the whole Positive Discipline/Positive Parenting approach is SIMPLE – I mean, choose relationship and trust that your children will lean life skills – WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL???Right, and then we are in life and it is a shit show. Defeat Self talk Comparison-itis Giving up Be transparent!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Genevieve Simperingham, a counsellor, an AWARE parenting educator, a writer, a group facilitator, meditation teacher and founder of the Peaceful Parent Institute in New Zealand. Over the last 24 years, Genevieve has presented hundreds of workshops and courses. She has parented her own kids using attachment principles and she seeks to empower parents with the tools that result in increased harmony, trust and cooperation in the family unit. We are discussing peaceful parenting our teenagers. Join us!“It’s about bringing into your parenting not just how you should respond in this situation or in that situation and our different approaches and techniques (which are really, really important) but it’s all about who we are as a person and who our child is as a person and the dynamic and the energy between us.”“We shouldn’t be in fighter stance simply because we have teenagers.”What you’ll hear in this episode: What is peaceful parenting and how it is different than some of the more mainstream behaviorist parenting approaches. The Centre, Connect, Communicate approach Stress management, self care and healing trauma and how they relate to parenting The need for authenticity in empathy and curiosity The biggest hangups for parents around peaceful parenting teenagers Having tough conversations with your teens without shorting out the connection at the outset Setting and holding limits within the peaceful parenting framework Sex, drugs and alcohol use in teens - is it better to allow at home or to restrict? Reducing power struggles and rebellion Educating and empowering teens to make their own choices Reconnecting to move past conflict What does Joyful Courage mean to you?Joyful courage to me, it connects me with that last bit that we were just talking about, to me it’s about joy we feel in the heart and it takes a lot of courage to reconnect. So to me it’s about opening the heart and allowing the joy, the enjoyment of the relationship, of the connection to come back in and that takes courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable again. It’s easier to be hard and defensive and stern and it takes courage to open the heart come back to the joy of that beautiful connection again.Resources:Aware parentingWhere to find Genevieve:The way of the Peaceful Parent Facebook GroupFacebookWebsite Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Gratitude to the community, specifically my one on one clients and the membership. Themes Collective experience My own filter Always in the learning, growing, developing Humaning is simple, not easy Knowing what we want, not taking action to get there Identifying what we want Reading/learning tools/strategies Sitting on the outside of it Procrastination Self talk Sneak messages Fear/worthiness/perfectionism Finding Nemo Working so hard to get to his goal Dealing with the monkey mind of dory (is there a metaphor here?) Perseverance despite fear Turtle Come into the current, dude Less effort Less resistance More results Bigger possibilities The Secret/ Law of Attraction / FLOW What is this all about? The Law of attraction is the belief that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts people can bring positive or negative experiences into their life. The belief is based on the idea that people and their thoughts are both made from "pure energy", and that through the process of "like energy attracting like energy" a person can improve their own health, wealth and personal relationships. What you think about you bring about Yes thought AND actively taking steps that move you in that direction NEMO HAD TO SAY YES AND ENTER THE FLOW TO BE A PART OF THE FLOW What the heck does this have to do with parenting? Paying attention to the flow What makes it easy to be easy going, even when things are challenging? What do you notice about when your family is more easy going? Under the surface/foundation Routines Common language Needs are met Connected Belonging and significance Have you defined where you want to flow to take you? More of a way of being than a destination, unless you are setting specific goals It is an ACTIVE process – we must be in action FLOW state shows up because it all becomes easier the more we choose in Choosing in I say this a lot Being a yes Seizing the opportunities to “practice” the tools TAKING ACTION If you want things to BE different then you need to BE different Interrupting the patters Discover what your patterns are Pay attention/mindfulness Ex – phone use When do you use it What do you notice about right before you pick it up? Where do you use it What routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern DECIDING to do something different/interrupting Leaving it upstairs in the morning Ex – getting mad at my teenager/taking her angst personally When do you do it What do you notice about right before you yell Where are you typically when you yell What routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern DECIDING to practice something different Internal work of allowing HER to be responsible for her feelings and allowing ME to be responsible for mine Creating a “one liner” that supports me in knowing/sharing where I am at Taking care of myself Offering my daughter opportunities to develop tools for taking care of herself – LIFE SKILL Ex – being resentful that no one “helps” When do you do it What do you notice about right before resentment shows up Where are you typically when you are feeling What routines can you play with that will interrupt your pattern DECIDING to practice something different Creating routines around that particular time of the day Getting face to face and asking for help Smiling Listen, we all thrive in community. We thrive when we are being supported and joined by a bunch of other people who are diving into the practices and the work that we are engaging in. Do yourself a favor and JOIN THE #JOYFULCOURAGE10 – this is EXACTLY what you need to step into your OWN flow of parenting. This is the jumpstart you need to manifest the family vibe that you desire. We are on a collective journey, and the #JC10 is the party bus you didn’t know that you wanted on – disco ball and all!! Sign up RIGHT NOW, we start April 1st – www.joyfulcourage.com/jc10 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Kelly Flannigan Bos, MSW. Kelly is a clinical therapist focusing on individual, marriage, and family relationships. She helps people find meaning and joy in their relationships - with themselves and others. As a well-known relationship expert, she has appeared in a professional capacity in countless media markets as a guest and writer. Today we are discussing an article she wrote in November called, “I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner critic.” Join us!“We’re not always going to have the perfect reactions and we can certainly apologize when we haven’t kept our cool or done the right thing. There’s ways to model other things like resolution or forgiveness.” “Does a good brow beating make us feel better, more able to face the challenges ahead of us? Usually not. We often shame ourselves into inertia. Would we ever say these words to a friend? There is a better way. We can be kind to ourselves and get better results and I definitely want kind self talk for my kids." “It’s a constant journey but it’s one I know I want to be on so I just keep starting again and if I can be self-compassionate to myself, then I have something to give outside as well.”What you’ll hear in this episode: The role of self-compassion in parenting The three tenets of self-compassion Moving past the isolation of the shame of not meeting our own expectations Over-identification with our problems and how mindfulness can make a difference Worry and the reality of the lack of accuracy of our future prediction Phases of parenting and worry Brain development and parenting – developmental challenges Getting out of the emotional whirlwind The role of self-comfort, recognizing and acknowledging our own suffering Self-compassion as a way to build capacity for parenting challenges Self-compassion and it’s relationship to compassion we can extend to others Self-compassion for avoiding depletion Making self-compassion part of common language in the family Family meetings as a vehicle for communicating self-compassion Separating the child from the behavior Problem solving to avoid over identification with problems Fear as a barrier to positive parenting Self care as self-compassion What to do when you have no room for self-care Resources: I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner criticWhere to find Kelly:FacebookTwitterInstagramWebsiteYoutube  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Not a lot of show notes today… I am sharing the feedback and follow through of the Parents and Politics show and talking about letting go of attachment and fear.Enjoy!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Rebecca Eanes, the author of two books for parents: Positive Parenting The Essential Guide and The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting. She is back to talk to us about her newest resource for parents: The Positive Parenting Workbook. Rebecca leads a community of over a million on her Facebook page, Positive Parenting Toddlers and Beyond. Join us! “I see and speak about parenting as a journey… and the journey is a continuous invitation to continue to practice being the parent we want to be as often as possible.”“Parenting is one long personal development workshop.”  “My kids are the best mirrors because in them I have seen my own negative attitudes and bad moods and emotional reactions in really every area that I needed to improve upon.”“I think we definitely grow ourselves up in the process of helping our kids grow up.”“Our kids are going to make mistakes every day. If they had perfect parents, they would not know how to get through this world.” “Be as gentle and respectful with yourself as you are trying to be with your kids. You are not perfect either and you don’t have to be. We are all growing, we are all learning, we are all flawed, and we all need grace. This is a journey and there’s not a destination yet that I’ve seen. It’s an ever going thing so be good to yourself along the way.”What you’ll hear in this episode: Dealing with swearing and supporting kids in navigating different rules in different situations Positive parenting and what it really means The role of mutual respect in positive parenting Identifying underlying issues under disrespect Shifting focus: from disrespectful behavior itself to supporting learning that leads to respectful behavior. Leadership in positive parenting Non-negotiables and positive parenting The value in personal development and parenting Moving from behavior patrol to positive parenting The origins of the Positive Parenting Workbook Discipline as part of the parenting pie 7 Pillars of family culture as part of positive parenting Words of wisdom for parents working towards positive parenting Resources:Positive Parents websiteThe Positive Parenting WorkbookThe Newbie’s Guide to Positive ParentingPositive Parenting: An Essential GuidePositive Parenting In Action Where to find Rebecca:Facebook TwitterInstagramPositive Parents websitePinterestCreative Child Magazine Mother.ly Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices