Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Heyyyyyy you! So much excitement – we got out house, kids are on board, book is getting attention, work is good…. Having the experience of seeing all that is abundant in my life has got me to thinking about how I have in the past seen abundance in the lives of others and thought “that will never be me” “I can’t do that” blah blah blah – and I’ve realized that in changing the story, I have changed what has unfolded in my life….. Its amazing. Our story keeps us where we are Listening to a lot of law of attraction – familiar? IF not, let me read what it is from the lawofattraction.com - Simply put, the Law of Attraction is the ability to attract into our lives whatever we are focusing on. It is believed that regardless of age, nationality or religious belief, we are all susceptible to the laws which govern the Universe, including the Law of Attraction. It is the Law of Attraction which uses the power of the mind to translate whatever is in our thoughts and materialize them into reality. In basic terms, all thoughts turn into things eventually. If you focus on negative doom and gloom you will remain under that cloud. If you focus on positive thoughts and have goals that you aim to achieve you will find a way to achieve them with massive action. We live our stories, we tell the stories we live, we live the story, we tell the story…. Sometimes that can keep us stuck. It isn’t the “stuck” that is bad, it is whether or not we WANT to be stuck where we are that we get to be aware of…. For example – When the life you are experiencing feels really hard and you see your kids as out of control…. And you talk about it with your partner and maybe your friends, and then you experience more of it, and you share with your mom or your therapist, and then there it is again, the hard, the heavy, someone asks you how you are, you give a big sigh and you respond with “I’m ok, things are hard” and the cycle continues to spin over and over and over. Where is there space for something new? Where is there room to BELIEVE that there is another possibility?? That is where you are. You are resigned. Done and done. A contrasting picture is one where things are going really well…. Kids are thriving, relationship is good, business is booming, there are so many possibilities opening up for you, and you talk about it with your partner and maybe your friends, and then you experience more of it, and you share with your mom or your therapist, and then there it is again, the trust, the excitement, someone asks you how you are, you give a big smile and you respond with “I’m amazing, things are so good” and the cycle continues to spin over and over and over. This space feels expansive, it feels like there is an expectancy of more goodness, you believe in possibility, you are open and hopeful.  We get to stay in our lane. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Anna Seewald. Anna is a Parent Educator, Keynote Speaker, Author and Host of The Authentic Parenting Podcast. With background in psychology and education, having worked with children for 18 years, today she helps conscious moms and dads to become calm and connected to themselves and their children through trauma-informed education. She believes in helping children by helping parents. She has a private practice that specializes in parent education, where she provides one-on-one parent coaching, parenting, court ordered, and co-parenting classes. www.authenticparenting.comWhat you’ll hear in this episode: What is emotional regulation? Gaining perspective on what it means when our child is emotionally dysregulated Why toddlers struggle with emotional regulation How emotional dysregulation of kids triggers parents How stress contributes to emotional dysregulation in parents How emotional regulation supports conflict resolution, jobs, relationships, academics What is co-regulation? How parents can stay regulated The Four-Step Calm Formula Coaching your child’s emotional regulation The role of compassion in emotional regulation Assessing the level of urgency in an emotionally dysregulated situation Language and emotional dysregulation Mindfulness and emotional dysregulation Validating our children’s feelings in a way that matches the intensity of their distress The impact of dysregulation on the verbal centers of the brain Dealing with emotional dysregulation under time constraints Post-dysregulation problem solving and how to nurture it What to do when your child won’t talk about their feelings The power of relationship in bringing emotional regulation Tips for listeners who are looking to get better at helping their children grow their self-regulation skills or themselves   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is solo show – woohoo!! I’ve been missing you all. I am so excited to have been interviewed by some amazing gals out there in the Podcast world. Anna Seewald of the Authentic Parenting Podcast – www.authenticparenting.com/podcast had me on and we talked about building trust – both in ourselves and our kids. Loved every minute of it and can’t WAIT to meet Anna in person at her conference in May, the Authentic Parenting Conference – www.authenticparenting.com/conference. Today I want to talk about a mantra that I have found useful time and time again. I learned it from a friend and mentor of mine – shout out to Denise Yost! – we saw each other for the first time in a while and when I asked her how she was, she responded with “fiercely committed, and lovingly detached” Fiercely committed, lovingly detached. What it means to be fiercely committed? Creating the environment Meeting their needs Advocating for them Being kind and firm Encouraging them  What does it mean to be lovingly detached? Allowing them to be who they are Allowing for them to build resiliency through navigating natural consequences Allowing them to be uncomfortable Trusting that they are on THEIR journey Letting go Giving them responsibility over their lives  What gets in the way? Our dreams/vision for them Our past/failures/mistakes Our assumptions Our addiction to what other people think Our insecurity about “doing it wrong” Our emotional regulation (or lack of) Our lens of the “right/wrong” way  What will help us move towards “fiercely committed, lovingly detached”? Two list exercise. Challenges Everyone probably has a really similar list – YAY! Gifts Doubt that you have any particular job description… What about “happy”? Can we hope for content? Can we hope for healthy coping skills and resiliency? Can we hope for grounded and empowered? Remember the challenges are at the tip of the iceberg – and anything we “do” with the challenges should somehow, someway, teach/model/or allow our kids to PRACTICE the life skills we want them to embody.  A bit about DO. So often parents want to know WHAT DO I DO?? In the moment tools This is a narrow mindset PD is a broader lens than in the moment. TRSUT in developing relationship TRUST that kids do better when they feel batter TRUST that all humans what to be connected and know that they matter and have influence In the moment? Keep everyone SAFE Acknowledge your child’s experience Look for solutions and/or ways of making things right  They are doing the best they can with the tools they have in the moment. Just because they can tell you what they will do better next time during a calm moment does NOT mean they will access that when they are flipped Not about being naughty/bad – its about relationship, tools and practice   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Simone Davis. Simone is the author of the new book, The Montessori Toddler. Simone is an AMI Association Montessori International Montessori Educator. She lives in Amsterdam where she runs parent-child Montessori classes at Jacaranda Tree Montessori. Simone is the author of a popular blog, The Montessori Notebook. She is also mother to two young adults. We will be discussing toddlers. Join us!"In Montessori it's an alternative education system where we're actually following each unique child on their own unique individual development.”“We start to think that toddlers are giving us a hard time when actually it's them having a hard time.”“We help them as much as necessary and as little as possible.”“Montessori is somewhere in between, we call it freedom within limits.”“It's really just how to communicate in an effective, respectful way.”“it's really about trusting your child that they're on their own unique timeline and that they're different to everybody else.”“I think of us as planting that seed as well and nurturing it so that we really recognize that each child's individual, how can I support and help them become the best version of themselves?” What you’ll hear in this episode: What the Montessori philosophy is all about The role of multi-age modeling in a Montessori environment The importance of taking time for training Preparing the environment and what that looks like How Montessori builds community and independence Teaching kids to care for things and each other: values-based learning How breaking down steps reduces assumptions and frustration The benefits of the Montessori approach Applying Montessori principles to your home What gets in the way of parents for seeing the gifts of the toddler years Practicing neutral observation without assumption like a scientist How the quest for Independence is similar in the teen and toddler years Setting kind and clear limits The value of a rich language environment with the space to try new things Getting comfortable with repeating yourself The role of making amends and modeling doing so yourself The most important thing for parents of young children to know in order to shift into the Montessori mindset Resources:Dan Siegel hand model of the brain video “The Montessori Toddler” book Where to find Simone:WebsiteFacebookInstagram YoutubePinterest Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves...:::: Winging it in the closet! Thank you for the review, Lauren! Listening to my clients and group participants…. Amazing the expansive way we can see/here for the other person.  The idea that kids get into mischief, make mistakes, AND well meaning, loving parents get stuck into thinking “they are manipulating me/trying to get what they want/playng me” Foundation of Adlerian theory – behavior being movement in the direction of belonging and significance As young children – always perceiving/interpreting/beliefs/action (private logic) Do I belong? Do I matter? Do I have influence? Am I safe? We are asking and answering those questions through our own lens, which has been developed over time, through experience and relationships we have lived through Kids are cut and dry, their private logic is experienced as “truth” Perception of emotional safety matters “I’m curious… I notice you don’t want to talk about problems after the fact…. Can you tell me about that?” Goal is to help them observe themselves Having a conversation about the conversation Curiosity has no agenda, it’s not a “method” Curiosity is non-judgmental and open THIS TAKES PRACTICE PEOPLE! Call it out when the space feels judge-y and own what we have brought in the past Asking VS Telling Experiential activity Play with this!! Remember there are layers!!  ::::: Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child. Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!! The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!! :::: Authentic Parenting ConferenceAnna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!! I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire. If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!! Come play with me!! :::::Be a SubscriberMake sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Meagan Wilson. Meagan is the founder of Whole Family Rhythms and living out her mission of helping other mothers, caregivers, and educators to create more clarity and balance within the home. Meagan’s website and seasonal Guides provide support, information, and resources on conscious parenting inspired by the earth, the seasons, and each family’s own unique values. Together, a community of over 25 thousand like-minded Mothers and educators gather each day on her Instagram feed to discuss parenting with love, connection and rhythm. "Connecting with your family values is this parenting partner exercise.”“Visual cues, no matter what, they are always very helpful.” What you’ll hear in this episode: What living with the rhythms of the earth and the seasons means What it means to align your life with your values How to document your family values in a meaningful way Discussing your values as co-parents with extended family and caregivers Routine vs rhythm, in-breath vs out-breath times and what it all means Using visuals to create daily habits What it means to be a loving authority Being the author of the boundaries that you're holding Natural consequences - what they are Connecting to something higher than yourself - not necessarily religion Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey there!!!Myths of Positive ParentingThat everything is peaceful all the time PD activity that shows the continuum between kindness and firmness parenting stylesKind AND firm can feel elusiveWe are all human beings having a human experienceKids and teens are perceiving what is happening around them, and making meaning out of what they are perceiving. They filter the world through their individual, developing lens – it makes sense that they get it wrong and response in a way that seems…. well…. Inconvenient.Our kids and teens are in the process of DEVELOPING and LEARNING life skills. They’ve had limited experience. They are doing the best they can with the tools they have. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Dr. Sarah Bergman Lewis. Before attending medical school ,Sarah helped to found a middle school called the Seattle Girls' School. As part of her 5 years with the Seattle girls' school she did admission and taught 6th grade Sarah attended University of Washington Medical School. She completed her pediatric residency at Seattle Children's, has worked in urgent care at Seattle Children's Hospital, then as a primary care physician.She and her family later travelled to Guatemala for 3 months where she worked in a local hospital and her kids attended school. Her family will return again this year for a visit and to help launch a partnership between a group of Seattle pediatricians and the Guatemalan hospital.Outside of works there is pursuing her yoga teaching training certificate and enjoys learning about sharing Integrative Medicine tools with her patients as part of a collaboration between Odessa Brown Children's Clinic and Arc of King County. She is helping devise the curriculum for a mindful self compassion course for Spanish speaking parents which she will co-facilitate in the spring.Her husband Steve is a nonprofit executive director. She is a mom of two delightful children. Today we are talking about navigating our own self-healing. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode: Parenting from wholeness, not fear Adverse childhood events and how they affect parents and parenting Adverse childhood events study explained The dose response effect to adverse childhood events How ACE scores impact health (physical and mental) risks The shadow side of resilience Behavior as a solution to a problem we don’t know about Epigenetics, what is it and what does it have to do with behavior? Being aware of what drives our internal “shark music” Exercising self-compassion around when you’re going to work on your issues How the way we talk to ourselves impacts how we talk to people in our family What embodiment means Encouraging embodiment in our kids Guiding conversations about embodiment Discussing screen time with our kids   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

First – let me tell you how much I love the show, Parenthood, on Netflix....Casey is on solo with you today digging into what it means to trust the process in the context of parenting, Positive Discipline, and leaning on our relationship as the most powerful way to influence our kids behavior.What does this mean? Hitting stage Homework stage The relationships/ life skill development journeyWhen we are stuck in a place with our kids it is easy to believe that it will “always be like this” Change happens over time If we want something to be different we have to BE different The dance we do with our kids has explicit steps, well choreographed over time All it take is one person to change the dance (YOU) What it means to be in an honest open relationship with your children What can feel like the dark side Curiosity and stalling when you don’t know what to do Notice your fear and let it guide you to pausing Gather your resources Listen to your gut How to voice concerns without blaming or condemning (thermometer activity)Encouraging vs discouraging out kidsWhen they are discouraged by OUR behavior they shift OUT OF taking responsibility or even thinking about their own behavior Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Bonnie J. Rough, who is an author, journalist, and speaker focusing on families, health, education, parenting and sexuality. Her latest book is Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality. has written recently for the New York Times on teaching young children about boundaries and consentand the value of childhood crushes, The Atlantic on both the link between sex ed and gender equalityand improving school sex ed, the Washington Post on why it’s important to teach sex ed in mixed-gender groups, and New York Magazine on raising kids without sexual shame. Join us! "What I learned is that the focus on helping kids wait longer is really not and should not be the end all. It’s really more about how can we prepare them to have a positive experience.” “The Dutch parents who I met and the American ones too who have inspired me on this really are prioritizing their relationship with their kids over their ideals about what and when their kids will do things.” “If we have those open lines of communication we actually have more control than if we forbid.” “The more open and transparent we can be with our kids the better.” What you’ll hear in this episode: Cultural differences between the US and Amsterdam around gender equality, nudity, and sexuality Normalizing conversations about sexuality Separating nudity from eroticism Differences in sexual health outcomes between US and Dutch teenagers Ways to keep lines of communication open with your kids Double standards applied to boys and girls Why helping your child maintain cross-gender friendships The importance of knowing your kids’ friends What the research says about teenage sex What to do when you feel you’re late to the party in talking to your kids about sex The importance of not having an agenda when having those curious conversations with kids Owning when we feel awkward or uncomfortable Navigating fear and baggage to become available for conversations with our kids Expanding our own knowledge base to have better conversations  Where to find Bonnie:WebsiteTwitterFacebookInstagram  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices