Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Hey friends! Welcome back to Joyful Courage – a conscious parenting podcast, where we get real and raw about the parenting journey. You have tuned in to another SUMMER SERIES EPISODE!! This week I am bringing back my conversation with Kim Muench. Kim has been on the show a couple of times, but this episode we dig into how the parenting teens experience can really feel like a tight rope walk. Consider the content of LAST WEEK’s show, I thought it would be helpful to share this conversation. Kim is a JAI Institute for Parenting certified parenting coach who works with moms of preteens and teenagers. She is the mother of 5 kids ages 13-31. She writes about conscious parenting, provides one on one coaching and workshops to help support moms towards intentional parenting. We are discussing detaching from the outcome. Join us!What you’ll hear in this episode:- When children arrive at adolescence - The balance of boundaries and relationship building with our teens - Choosing your battles - Defining your family values - Setting an example for your kids - Defining non-negotiables - Ways to offer choices to your teenager - Detaching from the outcome - Prioritizing personal care and personal development - The illusion of control - Individuation and what that can look like - Supporting our kids in making better choices with alcohol - Being okay with kids failing or things taking longer - Trusting vs hovering - learning to detach - Taking a long view to your relationship with your kidsWhat does Joyful Courage mean to you?Joyful Courage means to me enthusiastically embracing and supporting the journey of our sons and daughters that have come into the world to live out their journey. Supporting and encouraging them with enthusiasm. And I love the two words together, I think it’s fantastic.Resources: Episode 82: Tweens and Smart PhonesWhere to find:Website | Facebook | Twitter | Facebook Group Real Life Parenting Community Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today I am bringing back my conversation with Liz Blackwell-Moore from episode 128. Liz and I go deep into the conversation of substance use and abuse and how to be in relationship with our kids while also navigating the very real decisions they may or may not decide to make. I know, this topic is tough. We all want our kid to be safe and healthy…. And we all feel the fear around the very real risks some of them take. This conversation is powerful and left me feeling more grounded about this super intense part of the parenting teens journey. Check it out.I am so excited to have Liz on today to talk about an incredibly relevant topic – kids and drugs. GAH. I know. No one really WANTS to talk about this, but we have to.Liz has been working in the field of substance use since 2000. Her current work involves working with community coalitions and organizations to provide training on prevention strategies as well as technical assistance to translate public health research into practice and implement a restorative trauma-informed approach to addressing public health problems.So basically, Liz is going to break it all down for us in a way that is helpful. She lives in Portland, Maine with her wife, two happy kids, and a puppy.Resources: https://the20minuteguide.com/ http://www.drugfree.org/Good reading on the teen brain: Dan Siegel Brainstorm Francis Jensen The Teenage BrainLinks for young people: http://www.teen.drugabuse.gov/ *This is National Institute of Drug Abuse website for teenshttp://www.protectwhatsnext.com/ *This is a website out of Colorado for young people specifically about marijuana useWhere to find Liz:Birchlanestrategies.com (under-construction) Linked in Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we are going wayyyyy back to revisit Episode 21, my conversation with Jessica Lahey about what it means to be an “autonomy supportive” parents.This was such a powerful revisit for me, four years later, as my kids settle into the teen years and all the challenges and celebrations they get to navigate. I would love to take away the pain and confusion that comes with this time – AND I know that my kids will have their deepest learning through experience…Such a great conversation!Jessica Lahey is smart and funny and real when it comes to talking straight up about how we rob our kids of their future when we protect the from failure... It doesn't matter if they are in the sandbox or a high school classroom, our kids only learn the tools for relationship, empathy and resiliency when we (parents) allow them the gift of discomfort, making mistakes and yes, failure.Listen in to this candid conversation and consider where you could pull back a bit, where you could allow your kids a little bit more room to learn from their missteps, to own when they've hurt someone, to problem solve it when they've left their homework or lunch at home (again!)...We all love our kids, we want them to grow into the fullest, best versions of themselves, sometimes that requires us to back off and let them figure some things out... You may be surprised by just how capable they are!Mentions:The book: The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey The article in the Atlantic that started it all: Why Parents Need to Let Their Children Fail Why Back to School Night Made Me Feel Like a Bad Mom Glennon Doyle Melton on momastry.com  How to Raise and Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today we are going to revisit Episode 138, my conversation with Genevieve Simperingham about what peaceful parenting during the teen years looks like.Genevieve Simperingham is a counsellor, an AWARE parenting educator, a writer, a group facilitator, meditation teacher and founder of the Peaceful Parent Institute in New Zealand. Over the last 24 years, Genevieve has presented hundreds of workshops and courses. She has parented her own kids using attachment principles and she seeks to empower parents with the tools that result in increased harmony, trust and cooperation in the family unit. We are discussing peaceful parenting our teenagers. Join us!“It’s about bringing into your parenting not just how you should respond in this situation or in that situation and our different approaches and techniques (which are really, really important) but it’s all about who we are as a person and who our child is as a person and the dynamic and the energy between us.”“We shouldn’t be in fighter stance simply because we have teenagers.”What you’ll hear in this episode:  What is peaceful parenting and how it is different than some of the more mainstream behaviorist parenting approaches. The Centre, Connect, Communicate approach Stress management, self care and healing trauma and how they relate to parenting The need for authenticity in empathy and curiosity The biggest hang-ups for parents around peaceful parenting teenagers Having tough conversations with your teens without shorting out the connection at the outset Setting and holding limits within the peaceful parenting framework Sex, drugs and alcohol use in teens - is it better to allow at home or to restrict? Reducing power struggles and rebellion Educating and empowering teens to make their own choices Reconnecting to move past conflict What does Joyful Courage mean to you?Joyful courage to me, it connects me with that last bit that we were just talking about, to me it’s about joy we feel in the heart and it takes a lot of courage to reconnect. So to me it’s about opening the heart and allowing the joy, the enjoyment of the relationship, of the connection to come back in and that takes courage. It takes courage to be vulnerable again. It’s easier to be hard and defensive and stern and it takes courage to open the heart come back to the joy of that beautiful connection again.Resources:Aware parentingWhere to find Genevieve:The way of the Peaceful Parent Facebook Group Facebook Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s show is a revisit of Episode 57, my conversation with Sharon Ballantine.With 3 children to parent, Sharon turned to books for help with parenting, but she never had the time to read and process the information in the books. So, with no other options available to her, she decided to rely on her own intuition and her own Internal Guidance System for parenting. She began using this technique and the law of attraction to manifest exactly what she wanted as a parent. In this episode, Sharon shares exactly how she made it all happen! Sharon Ballantine is a Parenting and Life Coach and Founder of the Ballantine Parenting Institute. Her book, The Art of Blissful Parenting, guides parents with practical as well as spiritual advice in raising their children. It also guides parents on how to get into alignment, discover and use their own IGS before they can teach their children.In this episode Sharon also discusses: How to find answers within yourself You have an internal guidance system that begins with your feelings Why leaving the room can help you get “in alignment” to parent Physical movement can be a tool to help bring you into a centered place of alignment Changing the subject that is causing stress and bad energy can cause a shift in energy The teenage years are the years of “personal discovery” Parents spend the teen years in fear mode and resort to using control Whoever a teenager is today is not their final destination. Be patient; they will change. Why we want to avoid making our children feel bad at all costs Staying centered will give you the coping skills to deal with any kind of crazy you have to deal with “This too shall pass” - it is true especially for teens Ways to deal with teen behavior that is harmful Focusing on the future and consequences of actions can allow a teen to take responsibility and look at the big picture How to support your child’s development of their Internal Guidance System Ways her failures as a parent contributed to finding her Internal Guidance System What joyful courage means to her and how it contributes to bliss Resources Mentioned on the Show: The Secret - Rhonda ByrneThe Art of Blissful Parenting - Sharon BallantineConnect with Sharon:Website - sharonballantine.com Facebook/sharonballantineTwitter/LifeCoachSB Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Shelley Francis. Shelly is an audiologist specializing in auditory processing disorder, and has been working with children for over 25 years. Over the years she has noticed a trend where more and more children are being seen as extra sensitive, not only with their physical senses but with their inner senses as well. By using her own sensitivities, she looks past a child's diagnosis and connects with their heart.Today Shelly remains motivated by both her passion to help children and her unique perspective in childhood development, which she has described in her book, No Child Left Unwrapped: Understanding and Honoring the Gifts Every Child is Born With. It's her hope that her book and her teachings will help create the needed paradigm shifts within our education system and within our society that will better support our beautiful sensory sensitive children of today. Join us! “Often we pigeonhole these children thinking that they need to be a certain way to be successful and then they can't be successful because that's not their nature. ” “There's so much more information out there to receive than just information through our five senses.” “Everybody needs to know that they're awesome.” “These children then just feel like there's, there's so much wrong with them, but they're never really getting what's right with them, what's good with them, what's awesome about them.” “Often the problem we see is a solution to a problem that we don't know about” “We are always looking at the external for the answer. What if the answer is someplace else?” “Nobody can deny the fact that we need more people that are empathic or empathetic and compassionate. And that's what we're getting.” “Let's help our kids when they're young or as early as possible so they don't have to go through as much of these challenges that we've had to go through, that other sensitive people have had to go through in the past.” “Entangled trauma for a sensitive soul is a recipe for disaster.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The difference between differences and disorder The need to recognize and honor differences Sensory differences - what are they and how do you recognize them? Sensory information, behavior and how they intersect The challenges of living heart wide open for kids who haven’t learned how to release the energy of others Baby steps for supporting sensitive kids The role of meditation as a tool Resilience: what it means and how we develop it Trauma, sensitivity and visualization to create filters for energy   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey friends! Can’t believe that it is nearly halfway through June!-      Book launch – IG Giveaway-      JCA Teens program-      NASAP and TP-      Looking ahead at the summer-      Planning for next fallo  More JCA Teenso  Possible JCA Tweens/Preteenso  Live workshops/classesToday I want to get back to basics.I am a Positive Discipline Trainer. My recent time in Tucson at NASAP and co-facilitating the TP has brought me back to the building blocks of positive discipline…. I am also finding myself on exploratory calls with new clients who are eager to do one on one work and looking for resources to share what the philosophy of PD is all about, with the Joyful Courage spin, or course.So, I decided I would do a show about it. I am excited to share, and if you are someone who feels like you know all about PD, I invite you to listen from a place of curiosity and wonder – to catch yourself when you think “I know all of this” and shift into “what is here for me to learn?” Because that is one of my favorite things about this work – there are so many layers. Right when I think “oh yeah, NOW I get it” life throws me something new, or my kids step into a new place of development, or I just simply find myself back in my old ways of thinking (because it is so darn familiar) and I realize, yet again, that there is more to learn….Excited? Me too.A lot of people hear the words, Positive Discipline and assume that it is all about being nice while we dole out consequences to our kids. Or they get really stuck on the word “positive “ and think it is all about being permissive and letting our kids run the show. Some people mistakenly believe that PD parents don’t ever want their kids to feel bad, and perhaps lump PD with helicoptering, coddling or enabling our kids. This is totally NOT what PD is all about. To start, one thing I really appreciate about Positive Discipline is that it is a program that has it’s roots in Adlerian Psychology. Alfred Adler was one of the first social psychologists. He worked with individuals and families and found, time and time again, that human behavior was motivated by a sense of belonging and significance. He found that we are always moving towards, or moving from, our sense of connection and knowing that we matter. And when behavior starts to look like mischief, it can be linked back to the individuals perception of belonging and significance. Jane Nelsen, the author and co-author of the library of Positive Discipline books, talks about belonging and significance as our longing for love and responsibility. -      Kind and firm-      Belonging and significance-      Mutual respect/dignity for all-      Encouragement-      Social interest-      Take time for training-      The courage to be imperfect/mistakes as opportunities to learn-      We always have a choice Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Lahana Vigliano. Lahana is a certified clinical nutritionist and CEO of Thrival Nutrition. She has her Bachelor's degree in Nutrition Science and currently is pursuing her Master's degree in Nutrition Science. Lahana and her team help support women who struggle with weight loss, hormone imbalances, digestive issues, chronic fatigue, and many other lingering issues that leaves women not feeling their best. She uses food as medicine as well as herbs and supplements when needed to support her clients. She looks at the whole body holistically, making sure women are understanding how nutrition, sleep, stress, and their environment impact their health. She creates tons of free resources on her blog, www.thrivalnutrition.com. We’re going to be discussing nutrition and stress. Join us! “In the question of “Am I doing enough?” We often are actually doing too much..”“Everybody's going to be okay if their schedule isn't completely jam-packed.”“We miss self-care opportunities just because we aren't in the mindset of recognizing that we're having a self-care opportunity”“Change isn't going to happen just because you want it to happen, but it will happen when we step into action.” What you’ll hear in this episode: What is cortisol and what does it do? How cortisol impacts brain growth in kids Most common stressors among parents How sleep interacts with cortisol Cortisol, appetite, and cravings Self-care and reframing what that looks like How much sleep we should be getting to maintain optimal health Finding time for sleep and self-care The stories we tell ourselves about food Making food prep easier Creating barriers around foods that don’t serve us Easy protein sources Ways to make vegetables more accessible Self-limiting beliefs around the scarcity of time and resources Learning to give yourself grace The power of doing something you love Prioritizing self-care to be able to care for others  What does Joyful Courage mean to you?So I think just, as my life as a mom, a business owner, a wife, I think it just means to really live life to the fullest, you know, having no fear and just being filled with joy with everything that you do, no matter what season, no matter what time in your life because it's meant to be because it's building me up to be the person God created me to be. So I'm just kind of going through life with that mantra. Resources: Under Pressure by Lisa DamourRecipes on Lahana’s website Where to find Lahana:www.thrivalnutrition.comFacebookInstagram Thrival Nutrition Podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody!!!! So happy to be back with you for another solo show – SO MUCH HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!! When I work with clients, I always start the hour with a grounding meditation, because I think we should ALL be dropping into the present moment more often, and then I ask, “What are you celebrating?” I love this question because it reminds my clients that there is always something to celebrate, something to look at as a gift. I know that sometimes if feels like a stretch, but when we challenge ourselves to find some gratitude, it shifts the energy, and opens up more possibilities. I am going to start this show with my own celebrations: First, I am celebrating all of the LOVE that the community has showered me with throughout this book launch – you people are AMAZING – thank you for the reviews you have written, the SM shout outs, the sweet comments you are sending my way. I do this work for all of us and I am so honored when you let me know that it makes a difference in your life! Another celebration is that I am getting the opportunity to practice NOT TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY with my kids lately. Like, a lot. Wrapping up the school year, the upcoming move, and a few other life experiences have upped the level of stress at our house, and the kids are navigating it the best they can. I experience them being irritated, withdrawn, annoyed, not wanting to talk to me, like, AT ALL….. Often this type of behavior is very easy to translate into, “why are you TREATING ME LIKE THIS??” or, “It hurts y feelings when you shut me out” which is actually what I said out loud….  And guess what? They are doing the best they can with the tools they have. They are navigating their life right now and the behavior is simply an INDICATOR that they are in it. It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me…. Back to the celebration, I am in the fire of this! I am in the fire of this and THIS is my opportunity to walk my talk. THIS is when it matters that I CHOOSE to tell the story of “it’s not about me” – the goal is to NOT be in a co-dependent relationship with our children, right? So here it is. That chance to separate myself from my child’s experience/behavior and generate the emotions that I WANT to be feeling, regardless of what is happening for her. Fiercely committed, yes, lovingly detached, always a work in progress. Ok, are you ready for me to get on with it??? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Mother's Quest founder, Julie Neale. Julie honors both the meaning and the mess of life and parenthood and believes our children and youth challenge us to grow into our best selves. She is on a mission to live a truly epic life and through her example inspire her children to do the same her for purpose. Her for-purpose venture Mother's Quest provides inspiration, coaching, and community so that mothers and those who work with young people can connect to support and resources, fulfill their unique purpose and live their epic lives. After a 20 year career as a leader in youth-serving nonprofit organizations, Julie turned her focus to coaching training at the Coaches Training Institute and facilitating a process known as Reflection for youth development professionals. Through this and her parenting experience, she realized that mothers and those who mother need an opportunity to reflect on their own growth, dreams, and plans, and created Mother's Quest to champion them with common care . She masterfully taps into her own curiosity and intuition to help her clients slow down from the business of life and work, reflect on what matters, clarify a future vision and move into action. In the fall of 2017, she founded the Women Podcasters in Solidarity initiative to raise awareness and dollars for social justice issues through the power of podcasting. The first season focused on anti-racism and police accountability. We're going to talk more about that initiative on today's show. When she's not wrestling with her kindergartner or driving her team to basketball practice, you can find her squeezing in 10 minutes of yoga and meditation, believing something is better than nothing and staying up way too late to watch a double hitter of Handmaid's Tale and Super Soul Sunday. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode: The importance of the modeling of continuing to grow and evolve as a human when that's the expectation we have of young people The value of holding a growth mindset around conversations about race Resources to learn about having conversations about race with our kids What is the Women Podcasters In Solidarity Initiative Giving our boys permission to cry and have emotion The power of conversation to create change Lessons learned from social justice activism How ego gets in the way of relationships Moving from transactional relationships to authentic connection  Resources:Slay Like a Mother bookThe Mask of Motherhood Ted TalkNicole Lee episode on Mother’s Quest podcast So You Want to Talk About Race - Ijeoma Oiuowomenpodcastersinsolidarity.com Ep 37: Generations Rising for Gun Safety with Gloria PanEp 07: Living Out Loud with Jenjii HystenEp 48: Lessons Learned Since Episode 24: Intersectionality and the Age of the New Heroine with Elizabeth Cronise McLaughlinMoms RisingEp 54: Superheroes, Fighting Patriarchy, and Courageously Defeating Gun Violence with Ladd EverittOne Pulse for America Masterminds and Wingmen - Rosalind WisemanEp 55: From Grief to Advocacy and a Circle of Mothers with Trayvon Martin’s Mother Sybrina FultonThe Trayvon Martin FoundationCircle of Mothers retreatLucy McBath’s StoryMothers Against Police Brutality EP33: Beyond the Trauma: Legacy, Compassion and Change with Mothers Against Police Brutality Co-Founder Sara Mokuria EP27: On Living an E.P.I.C. Life with Julie NealeEp 49: A Conversation About Courage with Sage Hobbs and Julie Neale Where to find Julie:Mothersquest.comMother's Quest PodcastMother's Quest Facebook group Mother's Quest business pageMother’s Quest InstagramJulie@mothersquest.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices