Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Hey friends… thank you for meeting me here. Thank you for seeing me and for sharing the ways that this podcast resonates with you and supports you. I have received feedback from so many of you talking about how this show is a lifeline for you, and a place where the experience you are having on the parenting journey is validating.Radical Acceptance Have you heard of this? DBT (which I haven’t ever done and know really nothing about accepting something with all of your soul opening yourself to fully experience the reality of the moment Fighting reality continues suffering Being in acceptance allow “radically accept that you want something you don’t have and it’s not a catastrophe” – Marsha Lineham The moment your in and the past – but you can change from there Reality is what it is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTG7YEWkJFI Past and future fucks us up How many of us feel guilty and rack our brains looking for where we screwed up? If we did it differently we wouldn’t be in the situation we are in…. But but but…. Shouldn’t we think about the future? And how can we not??? I have hopes and dreams for my kids, of course. THEY ARE THE DESIGNERS OF THEIRL IFE AND HOW CAN I GET OUT OF THE WAY???????? Creating a space that is pure enough for them to trust themselves. Popular conversations Would have us believe that there is a five step process for getting the outcome we want with our kids Popular conversations would have us believe that parenting is about them and not us Popular conversations would have us believe that if things go sideways it is about something that we are doing wrong, that there is something to fix Popular conversation blames the world today, technology, and teens themselves for what we are seeing  What if popular conversation is wrongWhat if parenting is all about us?What if no matter WHAT we do, our kids are going to experience the path they are meant to experience?What if right here, right now, is exactly as it is meant to be?Radical acceptance.If this is exactly where we are meant to be, with all fo the challenges that exist – and I see you out there. Those of you with kids who are navigating mental health challenges, drug use and abuse, risky behavior –I see you out there who FROM THE BEGINNING were invited into radical acceptance due to your childs different abilities – whether they be physical, mental or emotional. You are the ones that all of us can learn from. This is old news, this idea of accepting reality AS IT IS. Thank you for being models for the rest of us and modeling what this looks like….If this is exactly where we are meant to be, if we accept rather than resist the reality that we are finding ourselves in day to day, then there must be a purpose.Perhaps it is as simple as sitting in this space. Allowing the physical, emotional, and spiritual experience of this acceptance to live without trying to make it go away.My own experience with this…. Eps 203 I talked about getting a therapist Current situation creating a physical response in my body Somatic therapy/radical acceptance called me to transform the experience What also shows up….. self doubt (the ego is super loud) Back to radical acceptance, back to turning inward and being with what is showing up Raise your hand if you can’t sleep?Raise your hand if your belly is tied up in knots?Raise your hand if you are experiencing feat that is with you all.damn.day?I see you.Radical acceptance. Things are as they are. Feel that Notice what shows up Allow it to have a voice How does your body respond? What happens when you bring compassion? Can you be with it? We are not in charge of the narrative that is our children’s lives. Yet , as that narrative plays out, we can write our own narrative about how we are going to show up……And right now, the narrative that I am writing is one of radical acceptance.I love you! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Wendy Bertagnole.Wendy Bertagnole, is a lover of chocolate, lifter of heavy weights, believer in wearing yoga clothes most every day, and a mother of three kids. She works with moms who are frustrated with their children’s behavior, helping them to once again enjoy motherhood and their children. With an undergrad degree in child development and a masters in special education, Wendy has taken what she’s learned, while also raising her three kids, to serve others Wendy knows that not every child shows up 100% happy and willing to cooperate every moment of every day, which can be frustrating. She believe every behavior is a form of communication and her mission is to help every parent understand what their child is communicating through their behavior.Wendy’s work is aligned with the mission of Joyful Courage and I am thrilled to have some time to talk with her today.Find Wendy:Website | Podcast | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show – woohoo!I am having a really hard time prepping a solo show…. Part of the problem is that I feel like I am really in my own work of finding some space inside of my fears and worries about my parenting.Am I too permissive? Am I avoiding conflict? Or am I meeting my kids where they are at?Am I being pragmatic, or is this confusing?Am I enabling or am I meeting my children where they are at?What is going to happen to them?Will they be able to cope in the future?Will they ever feel passionate about anything?Do they feel worthy of showing up, standing up, giving back?I literally have been waking up in the middle of the night gripped with tension in my body and mind, spinning through all of these questions, coupling this with “what if…”Well – I made an appointment to see my fave energy worker to see if I could get some help with removing these blocks, letting go so I could release these fears. And you know what came up – it is time for me to get some therapy.Yup.See, I am super aware of what is happening when it is happening. I can see the way I am in the middle of my family, grasping for strings to bring me a sense of control and safety – what is really happening is that I am becoming so entangled in their experience, that I may actually be making things worse… Or maybe not, but the dynamics in my relationships are not what I want them to be.Shift into love. Shift into connection. Surrender, let go.But what happened, what I learned or was reminded of from my energy worker, is that the “shift” I want to have happen, that I actually want to have happen, is bypassing the very real need that my inner girl has to be seen and heard and felt.Between the messages I received growing up, and the persona that I try to fill in my career, there is this mistaken idea that to belong, or to matter, or to be “doing my work” I need to not fall apart. That falling apart is somehow weak, or a crutch, or I don’t know…. Not enlightened?I can pinpoint times in my life where my experience was being dismissed, where I was told that there wasn’t space for me to breakdown and I have internalized that to the point where I can’t move through my pain.And right now, the pain is fear and self doubt and worry…. My system wants to take the short cut to just breathing, finding neutral with my body and taking the balcony seat (doesn’t that sound familiar?)And I am not here to say that the breath body balcony tool isn’t helpful, I do believe it is, AND there are times when the work that is being called for goes deeper than mindfulness with breath and journaling.Working out what I am being shown as a place to get messy and dig in is actually going to support me in using mindfulness/the 3 Bs as tools for daily practice of being in relationship with my teens, WITHOUT bringing in the baggage of what I am holding from my own past…It’s like when I work with teachers, I get to facilitate PDC, which is super useful all of the kids, and there are a small percentage of the kids that need more, right? For various reasons, there are some kids in the classroom that need more, they need a team, they need creative problem solving that is a bit more out of the box than the majority. That is where I am at right now on my own journey, and I need a team. I have some things to work through, beliefs to reframe, and some validation of my human experience to receive. I get to spend some time digging into my stuff in a way that lets it all come undone, finding a feeling of safety for being with the breakdown, so that I can breakthrough what is on the other side of these limiting beliefs.Thank you so much for listening…. Please let me know how this show has resonated for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is DR. ROB REIHER. Rob is a highly respected developmental and educational psychologist. He is a media expert who studies the escalating impact of tech, media and consumerism and it’s accompanying “noise” on children, families and society. Also, Rob has extensive experience as a researcher, counselor, speaker, consultant, and educator. As an adjunct professor of Psychology at Woodbury University in Burbank California, Rob created and taught the first INNERTAINMENT course in the country. Rob has written two books and is the co-author (with Daniel Acuff Ph.D.) of Kidnapped: How Irresponsible Marketers Are Stealing the Minds of Your Children. He is also the co-host of the Live Above the Noise podcast.I am thrilled to have Dr. Reiher on to support us in developing tools for this landscape of parenting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Natha Campanella. She is a professional writer, a mother, a teacher, an astrologer and intuitive guide. Natha is also a certified master life coach and she uses a unique blend of modalities and her approach with an emphasis on traditional coaching and astrology. She often supplements with knowledge from the enneagram. We will be discussing astrology. Join us!"There's something that is very objective about astrology and also very validating.”“The beautiful thing about astrology it is that it is so similar to the way that we as humans just navigate the world.”“Meeting them where they're at is understanding who they are, and then working with them from that place.”What you’ll hear in this episode: How natal charts are created and what they mean  What archetypes are and what they do How a chart is laid out and what each section symbolizes Ways your sign can influence your approach to life  How you can use your astrological information to shape your choices Astrological insights as additional, objective, non-judgmental information for self-exploration Why charting your family can be helpful Astrology as a means to meet your kids where they are at How astrology can interface with or be complementary to positive or peaceful parenting Using astrological information to navigate parenting challenges Astrology and the iceberg metaphor Resources for understanding astrology Ways to work with Natha What does Joyful Courage mean to you?I think joyful courage means to me that, you know, even when stuff feels really hard, which it does a lot. Especially, I don't know for the rest of you, but for me, that there's always this sort of invitation to be courageous and keep moving forward and to really look for what is joyful within the context of what's happening. And I always find really amazing things even when I'm, you know, having a dark night of the soul. It's like "Oh, you know, look at how beautiful that bumblebee looks on that flower right now" and so you know, it's like always just seeking out, always knowing that there is something beautiful happening and that can bring joy.Resources: Caroline Myss - Sacred Contracts Astro.com The Inner SkyJan SpillerWhere to find:Website | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yay! I’m back! I’ve missed you all!!! It isn’t often that I take time off of this podcast, and I am really grateful to have taken the past few weeks off.Some of the things that went down included: Working with three elementary schools here in Bellingham! Supporting the staff members with implementing Positive Discipline in the classroom Shout out to teachers – they are on the font lines of making the world a better place, and just like all of us, doing the best they can with the tools they have. I have worked with many teachers doing the PD trainer, and I have come across some that are deeply discouraged, and others that are super encouraged and what they all have in common is that they show up each day for the kids in their class. And I just want to say that the ways that parents treat their children’s teacher makes all the difference. Build that relationship – it will benefit not only your child, but all the children in your child’s class because a teacher that feels connected to the families he or she serves is going to show up better – belonging and significance are not only what our kids need, it is what all humans need. I launched the Parenting Teens with Positive Discipline Audio Summit Encore Offer! I just couldn’t put these conversations to rest – they were so rich. I know that the whole online summit formula is to give you way more than you can consume in a short period of time and then sell you the whole thing so that you can actually get what you need at your own pace. I followed that formula last time and it felt weird…. I do need to make a living people, and the content I create does have significant value, and…. This felt weird to me. So what I did was I distilled down the content so that it is in bite sized pieces. And omg, going through these audios again was so amazing – I am in a different place than when I recorded these interviews and it really speaks into how our lenses, or our listening, changes over time…. Anyways, I had over 200 people tune into the summit and the feedback was so great!!! If you missed it, I *am* selling the package, with all the interviews in full, for a limited time on my website. $49. Another significant thing that went down in the last few weeks is that MY SON HAS STARTED AT HIS NEW SCHOOL!!!  Remember, we moved? Do you remember that my son was not so excited? Actually, he was pretty pissed about the whole thing and had a pretty low key summer up here, worrying about what his new school and life was going ot look like. He did make one friend prior to school starting here in the neighborhood. Shout out to Leona who saw my post in the neighborhood moms FB group about looking for another 8th grader who likes basketball to hand out with my son and got in touch. They hit it off and it made a world of difference for Ian to have a friend walking into the first day. And just as I suspected, he was fine. Better than fine, he was like a celebrity. And that is how it’s been since school started. He is building a friend group full of really sweet, kind kids. I get to trust his judge of character and remember that Ian likes to be around kids that are nice and fun. Yay. Big exhale there. WHEW!!!!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

HEYYYY!! This isn't a full episode - just a quick announcement letting listeners know that the show is going to take a month off and come back strong September 17th - woop woop. Listen in and find out how to stay connected. Big love, Casey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a SOLO SHOW! First, how about a community celebration for the 200TH EPISODE of the Joyful Courage Podcast!!! WOOP WOOP!! It is so exciting to reach this milestone with you all... Along with the fact that the podcast has been downloaded over 550,000 times!! I am so deeply grateful and honored that I get to show up for you each week and that what I create is useful to you.... In honor of the 200th show, I actually have a BRAND NEW SOLO SHOW to share this week. I got some pretty powerful feedback from my teen daughter about my parenting style and the messages she is getting through how I show up and talk to her. Granted, we are navigating some new territory, and have recently been in some tricky discussions. And at the end of the day, I don't always know what the right thing to do is... You out there with teens may know what I mean, the conversation may sound like this: Teenager: "But, whycan'tI ___?" Parent (racking brain for the perfect , logical answer):  "I'm not sure, mostly ___ just feels like itshouldbe a hard no...." And then you are left feeling like maybe you are holding on to old beliefs, or perhaps it is what other people will think that is getting in the way, or maybe you are having one of those "can you just nottellme and get a littlesneaky" moments (yes, these thoughts exist for me too). While we all want open, honest relationships with our kids - the open honesty brings with it a BUNCH of challenges that catch you off guard. And honestly, I don't always know the right answer, it's not always neat and tidy over here, AND, it turns out, sometimes my daughter feels like a a giving permission, when really, I am just unsure of what to say do. You guys. It is so messy. And this is what I am sharing on the podcast this week. I hope you love it. :::::Parenting Teens with Positive Discipline Audio Summit ENCORE OFFERThe Parenting Teens with Positive Discipline Audio Summit first went live in January of 2019. I gave participants each interview in its entirety, for a week of learning. It was a LOT of content for busy overwhelmed parents, so I built a curated navigation system, to help guide and support and I am sharing with you.I have organized some of the many powerful messages from the interviews and complied them around the themes that are important to get us started.Those themes include: Hot topics like screens, sex, body image, risky behavior Deepening our understanding of this time of life, for both your teen and you, as a parent Strategies for maintaining and nurturing your relationship Settling in when it gets messy Doing our work to get out of their way The Encore Offer is my gift - free to you. I think this wisdom is so important, I wanted to share with as many parents as possible. And I encourage you to share with others! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week I am replaying a conversation that I had one year ago, almost to THE DAY, with one of my DREAM GUESTs, Dr. Dan Siegel. I am so glad that when I record, there is only audio going on, because I was grinning like a fool while talking to Dr. Siegel. Anyone who knows his work, KNOWS, he is the real deal. Super brilliant. Super dedicated to supporting parents in a way that MATTERS.His books, which he co-authored with another Joyful Courage fave guest, Dr. Tina Bryson, include the whole brain child, no drama discipline, and the yes brain. He also wrote, Brainstorm, the power and purpose of the teen brain – a guide for every parent and teen to understand more fully the special, unique brain development that happens during adolescents.Dr. Seigel came on last summer to discuss his book, Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence. I love LOVED this discussion, and I think you will too!!Takeaways from the show How being present impacts the speed of the aging process Wellbeing and how it is enhanced by being present Relationships with your kids and how being present improves it Cultivating awareness Role modeling resilience How awareness feeds connection vs control Impacts of a lack of structure on the brain and future of children Authoritative parenting vs Authoritarian parenting Why we need the village and how that creates stress for contemporary parents Finding joy, tranquility and connection through expanding awareness Flipping our lid, learning from our body’s signals and how awareness can help Monitoring and modifying for self-regulation and to improve responses to stress The 3 O’s what they mean Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey friends! Welcome back to Joyful Courage – a conscious parenting podcast, where we get real and raw about the parenting journey. You have tuned in to another SUMMER SERIES EPISODE!! This week I am super excited to bring back my conversation from TWO YEARS AGO, Episode 98, with Kerry Foreman. I am THRILLED to be sharing this conversation with you. Kerry is someone that I follow on Instagram and am continuously inspired by how she shows up in the world.Kerry has an online program for teens that is based in mindfulness. It is a 4 week research based course will allow your teen to develop beginning mindfulness skills and cultivate a mindfulness practice that will reduce stress and improve their mental health. Your teen will become empowered to take control of their well being, become more aware of thoughts and behaviors leading to higher accountability, increase their self esteem, and find an inner happiness not attached to anything external.Kerry Foreman is a Registered Psychotherapist, with her Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She is passionate about Mindfulness and has been practicing and teaching for 4 years. Kerry lives in Monument, Colorado with her patient husband, a teenager, a tween and two rescue dogs, Norman and Fern. Through using Mindfulness to increase her self awareness, she realized that during her childhood she had learned and practiced faulty coping skills. She targeted them one by one, and slowly changed the cycles of her family, learned new behaviors, and worked to create new, positive habits for life. She did this in order to have a successful marriage and to be the kind of Mom she wanted to be. She is passionate about her ability to create change. Change your thinking and it changes your life.What you’ll hear in this episode: Recognition of FOO (Family of Origin) patterns and the call to make changes Psychological/verbal/emotional abuse trains us react rather than respond Noticing patterns such as shame, guilt and anger – where do they originate? Becoming a parent can bring these to the surface. How do we recognize where we need to change? Learning to respond instead if react Understand and reflect on our own parents’ experience Creating change and becoming aware of our own inner state of being Mindfulness practice influences the shift into better relationships How do we become grounded in order to stay balanced and present in mind no matter what is happening around us? Where control plays a role in mindfulness and the contrast in anxiety What do we chose to believe – what is the story we play in our minds? Self talk of being a victim – recognizing the language Expectations of others and how to stay mindful and in control while at the same time releasing what we are not in control of. What does Joyful Courage mean to me?“Joyful Courage is finding the joy in being brave enough to parent differently. Finding a new path in order to allow our kids to be who they were meant to be.”Where to find Kerry:YouTube l Facebook l Twitter l BLOG Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices