Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today’s guest is Stacy Davison. Stacy is an instructional coach, entrepreneur, new mom to a rainbow baby boy. Last year Stacy and her husband started the company Personal Peptalk, a line of motivational and uplifting products which they design, illustrate, and self-publish. In her weekly motivational email on her podcast Stacy candidly shares how she dominates life challenges more mindfully. We will be discussing positivity in parenting and life. Join us!"It’s easy to meditate up on the mountain top but eventually you have to come down and buy groceries.” What you’ll hear in this episode: Finding zen where we are - preparing for the Super Bowl moments The challenges of motherhood and the importance of being real about that Shifting perspective on suffering Choosing love, joy and compassion in moments of difficulty How hanging onto suffering hurts us Letting go of people pleasing to ask for what you need Positivity in times of sorrow Supporting friends in times of loss Love bombs - what they are, how they help Shifting to empowerment and choosing what you want to cultivate Being a joy detective Choosing not to be defined by the things that have happened Resources:Pep Talk Decks Where to find:Personal Pep Talk website - sign up for her Monday Morning Motivation Personal Pep Talk podcast | Personal Pep Talk Instagram | Personal Pep Talk Tattoos | Personal Pep Talk Facebook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show!News: No shows in December, Happy Holidays! January Parenting Teens Audio Summit, YAY!! Launching the first of January – stay tuned to register Summit is live January 21st – 25th Validation, inspiration, nuggets to PRACTICE Patreon Woop woop Alternative to membership program Opportunity to be in exchange of energy patreon.com/joyfulcourage $1, $5, $10/month options $10 private FB group, Chaos to Calm Ecourse, monthly Webinar based on the questions that are coming up in the group  This week’s content: Positive parenting is easy when there isn’t a lot of challenge – more challenging when our kids are rubbing up against our triggers Toolbox metaphor Higher our emotion, more likely we use desperate tools (rewards and punishment) The more tools we put in to toolbox, the more likely it is that the ineffective tools of rewards and punishment slide to the bottom We can always do better Relationship matters!!!!!! When our relationships are disconnected, navigating behavior in a harsh way isn’t useful for anyone Fear takes us towards harsh punishment Mistakes are opportunities to learn There are always consequences Inviting out kids into relationship Can feel uncomfortable Taking accountability for how the relationship currently is and get vulnerable Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean we stop being curious with our kids Start paying attention to the body Support ourselves by noticing what is happening inside We get more access to our toolbox when we are grounded and neutral At the end of the day what is most useful is your relationship NOT permission for being a permissive parent – still hold boundaries Stronger relationship the more likely your child will open up and talk to you Creating an environment where our kids can thrive and be a soft landing when they get it wrong Shame/blame does not promote accountability and personal responsibility Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Tammy Keeces, Head of School at Irvine Hebrew Day School, a former teacher, a positive discipline trainer and mama to three teenagers. She has a Bachelor of Psychology from UCLA, a Masters from Columbia University’s Teacher College in Curriculum and Instruction. She’s currently working on her doctorate. We will be discussing responding to tragic events like the Tree of Life Synagogue tragedy, as well as Judaism, positive discipline and how we can all support each other better. Join us!"None of us should feel alone.”“People are children and they just want to belong.”“God gives us many opportunities for goodness and kindness and this is another way for us to remind ourselves that we need to have hope and we need to have love.”“We have to come together now, more than ever.”What you’ll hear in this episode: How Irvine Hebrew Day School handled the tragedy in Pittsburgh Developmental appropriate levels of information about tragic events Balancing the feelings of parents and children in the wake of tragedy Meeting hate with love - finding inner resources in the face of fear Ways to encourage our kids to accept others The freeing power of compassion Parallels between the Torah and positive discipline How non-Jewish people can support the Jewish community Teaching our kids about leadership and civic responsibility What does Joyful Courage mean to you?It’s being brave every day, to make the right decisions for ourselves and those that love us and inviting joy despite the challenges, despite the heartache, we have to choose joy and that’s what you’re doing every day with joyful courage and I think that there’s no other way to live our lives at this point.Resources: We’re All Wonders bookWhere to find Irvine Hebrew Day School:FacebookWebsite Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Jeremy Schneider. Jeremy is a Marriage and Family Therapist whose career spans more than 15 years of working with individuals and families focussing on parenting, relationships and mental health. He is the author of Fatherhood in 40 Minute Snapshots and has been featured on the New York Times, The Today Show and CNN. We will be discussing co-parenting and alignment with our partners. Join us!"Every step that I take in my personal growth is one less step that they have to take.”“A lot of parenting is about experimentation.”“You just get better the more you do it. Just keep trying.”“We don’t want to be the same parent. We just want to be parenting in the same direction.”What you’ll hear in this episode:-Journaling as a way to maintain perspective-Examining our principles of parenting-Deciding what kind of people we want to raise-Personal growth and parenting - how they relate-Co-parenting and being in alignment with our parents-Fatherhood and parental involvement of dads-Finding balance as co-parents in agreeing on a parenting approach-The importance of parenting education-Navigating parenting as a dad when you feel uncertain-How Dads can model emotional expression for their kids-Approaching our partners with curiosity about their parenting approach-Parenting as a practice-Finding harmony in parenting stylesWhat does Joyful Courage mean to you? Having survived a fairly traumatic childhood, I think about courage a lot. I don’t normally think about it in terms of myself and that’s something that I’ve been working on to give myself credit for how far I’ve come and what I’ve been able to do and the kind of relationships I’ve been able to build within my family.I think Joyful courage is being able to enjoy, not the success, I’m trying to think of the word, being able to bask in this life I’ve built. It took a lot of work to get where I am and my wife and I have worked very hard to get where we are together. And we’ve worked very hard to survive as long as we have with our kids and get this far and I think, to me, one of the phrases that I play a lot in my head is happy chaos. I think of our life as happy chaos.Chaos doesn’t have to be bad and that’s kind of the way we think about it. My life is chaos, it’s just straight chaotic, because having teenagers and wanting to be there for them and wanting to be there for my wife and build this business and so and so forth; it’s chaos. But it’s a happy chaos because it all involves things that I love.And to me Joyful Courage has that same kind of feel, right? It’s the freedom, the sort of joyfulness of doing something that takes an enormous effort and overcoming anxiety and fear to be able to do it but that doesn’t mean that it’s bad. It can still be joyful in that experience of it.Resources: Fatherhood in 40 Minute SnapshotsWhere to find:Website | Facebook | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo Show this week!First – continues thanks for all of the feedback around the last solo show, where I shared about navigating my daughters mental health issues. It means the world to me to know that the content of the show is landing for you, and making a difference in your life. This week I am talking about our boys. Toxic Masculinity We have to do better for our boys Partners – emotional intelligence is for everyone Posturing Fragile Egos Curiosity Routine of talking about how we feel It’s not coddling – if we keep toughening them up and having them suppress how they feel we will continue to see cultures where war and violence exist Not blaming Not from a place of fear We all get to be full humans Boys and their fear of labels Build Skills More than just “walk away” Saving face w/o being a dick Being a champion People like him. He can take criticism, doesn’t make people choose friends, and doesn’t blow off someone for a better offer. When people are harassed or demeaned, he intervenes. He’s comfortable hanging out with guys who are both inside and outside the box. He holds his own opinion, but still listens to others. TALK ABOUT IT BEING HARD VALIDATE THEIR EXPEREINCE SUPPORT THEM IN RESPONSES TO LIFE This isn’t helicoptering Belonging significance influence Aren’t feeling it, they will take it where they can Posturing Insecure OR entitled All boys fall into a role where they feel safe Talk to your boys Keep talking Talk about emotions Check your “should/shouldn’t’ at the door Be open, own your mistakes, encourage them when you see life skills on display Love them up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Jennifer Griffin. Jennifer is the mother of four, has her masters in counseling psychology with 30 years of experience guiding children and adults on their relationship journeys. Jennifer is a DIY maven, specializing in leading individuals to uncover the messages in their chronic health conditions and their children’s challenging behaviors. Join us! What you’ll hear in this episode:-Simple, yet powerful techniques to heal at home-Taking back your power after trauma-What is EMDR and how can it help you heal?- How our kids behaviors can mirror our own unexpressed feelings and frustrations-How acting out can relate to our own inner struggles- The iceberg of behavior and how that relates to our children’s behavior and the way they channel their parents frustrations- Resisting the urge to “fix”- Understanding generational patterns- The role of balancing chakras in your child’s behavior-How claiming our authenticity and expressing our emotions can change how our kids express themselves through their behavior Resources:Channeling QuestionnaireEmbracing your child’s tantrums as a gift - Elephant Journal article Where to find: Understanding Morning Sickness as a Gift Understanding Your Child as a Spiritual GiftFacebook | Twitter  | Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show – sharing from personal experienceRecap what is happening with my teenager If you listened last year, you heard the struggle Online school Clients I’ve worked with Friends confiding in their experience What the stats say My experience of finding information What my gut tells me The ways the world has changed Why it’s so hard Weight of fear/possible outcomes Lack of control Our own stories PD is belonging and significance Power of perception What do we do when something feels “wrong” without giving message that they need to be fixed The challenge of meeting them where they’re at My experience with this…. Not knowing what this means The dance of acting/fixing vs validating/being The iceberg Tip of the iceberg They won’t talk, can’t identify what’s “wrong”, tears, withdrawal, aggression/defiance/anger, shut us out Grades/friends/activities Bad after school special Under the surface Hopelessness/fear/not know what or how they are feeling Feelings of disconnection Out of control Anxiety/depression The range…. Not all or nothing Grey areas Our own beliefs about mental health My experience, looking back I was afraid to call it what it was because it made it true My upbringing of not using things (family drama) as a “crutch” messaging Enmeshment/codependency I am going to get really vulnerable and highlight something that I see showing up because of the dynamics that are currently alive in my family My experience with needing approval – give me the gold star, tell me how great I am Wanting it from my family, especially my dad and step mom Now noticing that I am searching for it from my daughter NO BUENO Getting spiritual Carolyn Myss My experience of energy work in the context of my relationship with Rowan Life happens for us, so…. This is an experience that is happening for me? For Rowie?  Acknowledging my controlling tendencies and the message it sendsLetting go/backing offHaving a plan (with school) about what I will and won’t do with a requestTreatment Counseling, naturopath, energy work – this is what WE are doing You do you. Make choices for your kids. Listen to your kids. Listen deeply. Hear without fixing Ask permission Give them space and trust they will come to you Don’t be afraid to go big if things feel really off Ask hard questions GET SUPPORT TALK TO EACH OTHER Quit dismissing teens by saying “everyone feels that way” because even if it’s true this is not what they need to hear – they NEED to feel seen and heard Check your expectations at the door, accept that this is a part of your parenting story Take care of yourself Check your codependency GET HELP – if your gut tells you that what is happening with your child is extreme, seek help. I say this to you and to myself. We will get to the other side of this, my friends. And only we get to decide if we get to GO through this time of our lives, or if we GROW through it.Thank you to all of you parents of teens, those of you who are personal friends who have been brave enough to be in conversation with me, clients, listeners – you are not alone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Debrena Jackson Gandy, a best-selling author of three books, a keynote speaker, a world traveler, a transformational coach, a thought-leader, a sacred self care expert, relationship coach, founder of Juicy Woman University and The Love Academy. We are discussing creating juicy lives for ourselves. Join us!What you’ll hear in this episode:-Pampering the mind, body and the spirit-The nourishment of the spirit and why it matters-Why the first 9 years of life are so important to our beliefs-Getting past our own default mode-The guilt that comes from tending to self and martyrdom-When you feel bad about being good to self-The Sacred Self-Caring lifestyle vs. the lifestyle we inherit through default-Satisfaction, joy, ease, peace and flow: how to find it-Finding a new default for sacred self-care-The difference between the being and the doing - and the exhaustion that comes from all the doing-Division of responsibility for children within the home between parents - joint responsibility-How mothering behavior can block fathering and shared parenting-Being the architect of our own lives-When your “thought ware” isn’t aligned with being the architect of your own life-Baby steps to getting back into alignment-Debugging our programming-How beliefs impact attraction-The path to transformation-Getting curious about beliefs to make changes-Morning rituals for prayer and meditation-Discerning God’s voice from your inner self talk-The importance of asking in prayer-Understanding our own greatness and how that impacts our ability to live our birthright Resources:Free Gifts from Debrena’s websiteDebrena’s books, courses and moreWhere to find:Website | Facebook | Twitter  | Youtube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Returning to the practiceWhat Positive Discipline is to me…. Belong significance Iceberg Encouragement Kind and firm Presence/seeing/listening  What I have learned over time My own beliefs get in the way Fear manifests as control and rigidity Trust is the theme of my life What it means to have a practice Taking care of me Exploring worthiness Developing intention Modeling what I want Returning to the basics Check assumptions Read and learn about development! What speaks to you??? So many people and programs…. What/who makes sense to you? Where do you feel seen? Things to keep in mind There is no perfect Spirituality/energetics matter – this is bigger than me Its messy, not formulaic Blame serves no one There is no end point Finding a sense of peace inside of the chaos is life goals Comparing is not useful – ever You are the parent your child picked, not because you are perfect, but because you are you. Parenting is an opportunity to heal old wounds, to mend relationships, and grow as an individual, if you let it be Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Kim Muench. She is a JAI Institute for Parenting certified parenting coach who works with moms of preteens and teenagers. She is the mother of 5 kids ages 13-31. She writes about conscious parenting, provides one on one coaching and workshops to help support moms towards intentional parenting. We are discussing detaching from the outcome. Join us!"I want to help shift the consciousness of the way that we’re parenting, especially our teenagers.”“We want to give them opportunities and choices. But you absolutely have to have some boundaries and structure in place.”“What do we stand for? What do we value? What do we try to instill in our kids?”“You cannot give what you do not have.” “These bumps is where we grow character.”“You can be right or you can be in relationship."What you’ll hear in this episode:-When children arrive at adolescence- The balance of boundaries and relationship building with our teens- Choosing your battles- Defining your family values- Setting an example for your kids- Defining non-negotiables- Ways to offer choices to your teenager- Detaching from the outcome- Prioritizing personal care and personal development- The illusion of control- Individuation and what that can look like- Supporting our kids in making better choices with alcohol- Being okay with kids failing or things taking longer- Trusting vs hovering - learning to detach- Taking a long view to your relationship with your kids Resources: Episode 82: Tweens and Smart Phones Where to find:Website FacebookTwitterFacebook Group Real Life Parenting Community  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices