Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today is a solo show.I missed you all last week…. As you know, I am in the throes of navigating my own parenting journey and sometimes that means stepping away from my professional work to focus on my family.For all of you out there who are feeling like you are the only one struggling on this path, it simply IS NOT TRUE. We all have our own way of sharing with the world, and many people just don’t. They keep the hard stuff to themselves, leaving the rest of us thinking that their lives are easy-breezy.This podcast, and this episode, is my way of pulling back the curtain and sharing from am deeply authentic place. The Joyful Courage community is a place for all of us to bring our whole, vulnerable selves.There is plenty to worry about on the parenting path, especially as our kids transform into teens and beyond. When is the fear useful, and when is it getting in the way of hearing our own wise, intuition? I explore that today.I hope you enjoy it! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Hunter Clarke-Fields. Hunter is a yoga and mindfulness coach, the host of the Mindful Mama Podcast, and supporter of moms near and far. She is also a mama herself and walks her talk with her two daughters. I had the great pleasure of being a guest on Hunter’s podcast and am thrilled to host here on the Joyful Courage Podcast.Hunter’s book, Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids is available now, and I am super honored to share her wisdom with you all today.Where to find HunterRaising Good Humans Book Page: Raising Good Humans Book.comFacebook Page: Hunter Clarke-Fields, Mindful Mama MentorInstagram: Mindful Mama MentorTwitter: HClarkeFieldsLinkedIn: Hunter Clarke-Fields Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week is a solo show and I am totally going free style. There aren’t much for show notes, I hope you listen and that what is shared resonates with you. We are all in this together! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Jaynay C. Johnson. Jaynay is a therapist, speaker and author, dedicating much of her time and energy to serving adolescent girls and their families. From suffering from teen depression to being written off from family and teachers as being just another troubled teen, Jaynay has always been a firm believer that at any given moment you have the power to say "This is not how the story is going to end." Jennay chose to take control of her story, choosing to dedicate her life to uplifting and empowering the leaders of tomorrow. Jaynay's body of work includes published books, magazine features, radio interviews and multiple guest appearances. A lady of elegance, poise, motivation and hope for tomorrow's leaders Jennay embodies an uplifting message and presentation style that she believes the ones coming behind her will need in order to reach their greatest potential. Join us!"I think the space where parents miss a great opportunity is to empathize.”“The reality is phones are not bad. Internet is not bad. It's a tool.”“If as the parent, you're constantly making the choices for them, you're almost telling them that you don't think that they can make good decision.”“It is important for us all to just take a proactive approach and have conversations around the best practices of social media, the best practices of having a phone. And I think we just need to be doing that more frequently than we are.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The evolution of the concept of adolescence The audacity of “I know, because I was a teenager.” Empathy and raising teens Giving teens enough information to make informed decisions The value of appropriate openness Intergenerational differences The role of mobile phones and when they tend to be introduced to Gen Z Important conversations to have about phones with your kids Big issues facing teens and their parents Emotional intelligence and how it factors into the decision of which paths to pursue Timing of college and the need to be open minded Teaching your kids to trust themselves Challenges facing teens and families of color Being cognizant of cultural differences  What does Joyful Courage mean to you?So joyful courage means to me that, although it can be rough to have certain conversations and to pull out some of the, you know, darker sides of life, I find joy knowing that once we pull them out, they get a chance to see the light. And from there, everything goes up and up. So that's what it means to me, that I had the courage to pull it out. But then you're happy because it's out and once it's out, it can breathe.Where to find Jaynay:Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey friends… thank you for meeting me here. Thank you for seeing me and for sharing the ways that this podcast resonates with you and supports you. I have received feedback from so many of you talking about how this show is a lifeline for you, and a place where the experience you are having on the parenting journey is validating.Radical Acceptance Have you heard of this? DBT (which I haven’t ever done and know really nothing about accepting something with all of your soul opening yourself to fully experience the reality of the moment Fighting reality continues suffering Being in acceptance allow “radically accept that you want something you don’t have and it’s not a catastrophe” – Marsha Lineham The moment your in and the past – but you can change from there Reality is what it is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTG7YEWkJFI Past and future fucks us up How many of us feel guilty and rack our brains looking for where we screwed up? If we did it differently we wouldn’t be in the situation we are in…. But but but…. Shouldn’t we think about the future? And how can we not??? I have hopes and dreams for my kids, of course. THEY ARE THE DESIGNERS OF THEIRL IFE AND HOW CAN I GET OUT OF THE WAY???????? Creating a space that is pure enough for them to trust themselves. Popular conversations Would have us believe that there is a five step process for getting the outcome we want with our kids Popular conversations would have us believe that parenting is about them and not us Popular conversations would have us believe that if things go sideways it is about something that we are doing wrong, that there is something to fix Popular conversation blames the world today, technology, and teens themselves for what we are seeing  What if popular conversation is wrongWhat if parenting is all about us?What if no matter WHAT we do, our kids are going to experience the path they are meant to experience?What if right here, right now, is exactly as it is meant to be?Radical acceptance.If this is exactly where we are meant to be, with all fo the challenges that exist – and I see you out there. Those of you with kids who are navigating mental health challenges, drug use and abuse, risky behavior –I see you out there who FROM THE BEGINNING were invited into radical acceptance due to your childs different abilities – whether they be physical, mental or emotional. You are the ones that all of us can learn from. This is old news, this idea of accepting reality AS IT IS. Thank you for being models for the rest of us and modeling what this looks like….If this is exactly where we are meant to be, if we accept rather than resist the reality that we are finding ourselves in day to day, then there must be a purpose.Perhaps it is as simple as sitting in this space. Allowing the physical, emotional, and spiritual experience of this acceptance to live without trying to make it go away.My own experience with this…. Eps 203 I talked about getting a therapist Current situation creating a physical response in my body Somatic therapy/radical acceptance called me to transform the experience What also shows up….. self doubt (the ego is super loud) Back to radical acceptance, back to turning inward and being with what is showing up Raise your hand if you can’t sleep?Raise your hand if your belly is tied up in knots?Raise your hand if you are experiencing feat that is with you all.damn.day?I see you.Radical acceptance. Things are as they are. Feel that Notice what shows up Allow it to have a voice How does your body respond? What happens when you bring compassion? Can you be with it? We are not in charge of the narrative that is our children’s lives. Yet , as that narrative plays out, we can write our own narrative about how we are going to show up……And right now, the narrative that I am writing is one of radical acceptance.I love you! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Wendy Bertagnole.Wendy Bertagnole, is a lover of chocolate, lifter of heavy weights, believer in wearing yoga clothes most every day, and a mother of three kids. She works with moms who are frustrated with their children’s behavior, helping them to once again enjoy motherhood and their children. With an undergrad degree in child development and a masters in special education, Wendy has taken what she’s learned, while also raising her three kids, to serve others Wendy knows that not every child shows up 100% happy and willing to cooperate every moment of every day, which can be frustrating. She believe every behavior is a form of communication and her mission is to help every parent understand what their child is communicating through their behavior.Wendy’s work is aligned with the mission of Joyful Courage and I am thrilled to have some time to talk with her today.Find Wendy:Website | Podcast | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show – woohoo!I am having a really hard time prepping a solo show…. Part of the problem is that I feel like I am really in my own work of finding some space inside of my fears and worries about my parenting.Am I too permissive? Am I avoiding conflict? Or am I meeting my kids where they are at?Am I being pragmatic, or is this confusing?Am I enabling or am I meeting my children where they are at?What is going to happen to them?Will they be able to cope in the future?Will they ever feel passionate about anything?Do they feel worthy of showing up, standing up, giving back?I literally have been waking up in the middle of the night gripped with tension in my body and mind, spinning through all of these questions, coupling this with “what if…”Well – I made an appointment to see my fave energy worker to see if I could get some help with removing these blocks, letting go so I could release these fears. And you know what came up – it is time for me to get some therapy.Yup.See, I am super aware of what is happening when it is happening. I can see the way I am in the middle of my family, grasping for strings to bring me a sense of control and safety – what is really happening is that I am becoming so entangled in their experience, that I may actually be making things worse… Or maybe not, but the dynamics in my relationships are not what I want them to be.Shift into love. Shift into connection. Surrender, let go.But what happened, what I learned or was reminded of from my energy worker, is that the “shift” I want to have happen, that I actually want to have happen, is bypassing the very real need that my inner girl has to be seen and heard and felt.Between the messages I received growing up, and the persona that I try to fill in my career, there is this mistaken idea that to belong, or to matter, or to be “doing my work” I need to not fall apart. That falling apart is somehow weak, or a crutch, or I don’t know…. Not enlightened?I can pinpoint times in my life where my experience was being dismissed, where I was told that there wasn’t space for me to breakdown and I have internalized that to the point where I can’t move through my pain.And right now, the pain is fear and self doubt and worry…. My system wants to take the short cut to just breathing, finding neutral with my body and taking the balcony seat (doesn’t that sound familiar?)And I am not here to say that the breath body balcony tool isn’t helpful, I do believe it is, AND there are times when the work that is being called for goes deeper than mindfulness with breath and journaling.Working out what I am being shown as a place to get messy and dig in is actually going to support me in using mindfulness/the 3 Bs as tools for daily practice of being in relationship with my teens, WITHOUT bringing in the baggage of what I am holding from my own past…It’s like when I work with teachers, I get to facilitate PDC, which is super useful all of the kids, and there are a small percentage of the kids that need more, right? For various reasons, there are some kids in the classroom that need more, they need a team, they need creative problem solving that is a bit more out of the box than the majority. That is where I am at right now on my own journey, and I need a team. I have some things to work through, beliefs to reframe, and some validation of my human experience to receive. I get to spend some time digging into my stuff in a way that lets it all come undone, finding a feeling of safety for being with the breakdown, so that I can breakthrough what is on the other side of these limiting beliefs.Thank you so much for listening…. Please let me know how this show has resonated for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is DR. ROB REIHER. Rob is a highly respected developmental and educational psychologist. He is a media expert who studies the escalating impact of tech, media and consumerism and it’s accompanying “noise” on children, families and society. Also, Rob has extensive experience as a researcher, counselor, speaker, consultant, and educator. As an adjunct professor of Psychology at Woodbury University in Burbank California, Rob created and taught the first INNERTAINMENT course in the country. Rob has written two books and is the co-author (with Daniel Acuff Ph.D.) of Kidnapped: How Irresponsible Marketers Are Stealing the Minds of Your Children. He is also the co-host of the Live Above the Noise podcast.I am thrilled to have Dr. Reiher on to support us in developing tools for this landscape of parenting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Natha Campanella. She is a professional writer, a mother, a teacher, an astrologer and intuitive guide. Natha is also a certified master life coach and she uses a unique blend of modalities and her approach with an emphasis on traditional coaching and astrology. She often supplements with knowledge from the enneagram. We will be discussing astrology. Join us!"There's something that is very objective about astrology and also very validating.”“The beautiful thing about astrology it is that it is so similar to the way that we as humans just navigate the world.”“Meeting them where they're at is understanding who they are, and then working with them from that place.”What you’ll hear in this episode: How natal charts are created and what they mean  What archetypes are and what they do How a chart is laid out and what each section symbolizes Ways your sign can influence your approach to life  How you can use your astrological information to shape your choices Astrological insights as additional, objective, non-judgmental information for self-exploration Why charting your family can be helpful Astrology as a means to meet your kids where they are at How astrology can interface with or be complementary to positive or peaceful parenting Using astrological information to navigate parenting challenges Astrology and the iceberg metaphor Resources for understanding astrology Ways to work with Natha What does Joyful Courage mean to you?I think joyful courage means to me that, you know, even when stuff feels really hard, which it does a lot. Especially, I don't know for the rest of you, but for me, that there's always this sort of invitation to be courageous and keep moving forward and to really look for what is joyful within the context of what's happening. And I always find really amazing things even when I'm, you know, having a dark night of the soul. It's like "Oh, you know, look at how beautiful that bumblebee looks on that flower right now" and so you know, it's like always just seeking out, always knowing that there is something beautiful happening and that can bring joy.Resources: Caroline Myss - Sacred Contracts Astro.com The Inner SkyJan SpillerWhere to find:Website | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yay! I’m back! I’ve missed you all!!! It isn’t often that I take time off of this podcast, and I am really grateful to have taken the past few weeks off.Some of the things that went down included: Working with three elementary schools here in Bellingham! Supporting the staff members with implementing Positive Discipline in the classroom Shout out to teachers – they are on the font lines of making the world a better place, and just like all of us, doing the best they can with the tools they have. I have worked with many teachers doing the PD trainer, and I have come across some that are deeply discouraged, and others that are super encouraged and what they all have in common is that they show up each day for the kids in their class. And I just want to say that the ways that parents treat their children’s teacher makes all the difference. Build that relationship – it will benefit not only your child, but all the children in your child’s class because a teacher that feels connected to the families he or she serves is going to show up better – belonging and significance are not only what our kids need, it is what all humans need. I launched the Parenting Teens with Positive Discipline Audio Summit Encore Offer! I just couldn’t put these conversations to rest – they were so rich. I know that the whole online summit formula is to give you way more than you can consume in a short period of time and then sell you the whole thing so that you can actually get what you need at your own pace. I followed that formula last time and it felt weird…. I do need to make a living people, and the content I create does have significant value, and…. This felt weird to me. So what I did was I distilled down the content so that it is in bite sized pieces. And omg, going through these audios again was so amazing – I am in a different place than when I recorded these interviews and it really speaks into how our lenses, or our listening, changes over time…. Anyways, I had over 200 people tune into the summit and the feedback was so great!!! If you missed it, I *am* selling the package, with all the interviews in full, for a limited time on my website. $49. Another significant thing that went down in the last few weeks is that MY SON HAS STARTED AT HIS NEW SCHOOL!!!  Remember, we moved? Do you remember that my son was not so excited? Actually, he was pretty pissed about the whole thing and had a pretty low key summer up here, worrying about what his new school and life was going ot look like. He did make one friend prior to school starting here in the neighborhood. Shout out to Leona who saw my post in the neighborhood moms FB group about looking for another 8th grader who likes basketball to hand out with my son and got in touch. They hit it off and it made a world of difference for Ian to have a friend walking into the first day. And just as I suspected, he was fine. Better than fine, he was like a celebrity. And that is how it’s been since school started. He is building a friend group full of really sweet, kind kids. I get to trust his judge of character and remember that Ian likes to be around kids that are nice and fun. Yay. Big exhale there. WHEW!!!!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices