Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

Today is a solos show - YAY!Coming off of the mental health mini summit… I am reminded time and time again about the importance of creating an environment that support our kids-teens in being who they are. A space that feels emotionally safe.We hold the container, we set the tone, right?Before we can do that we really need to decide what it is that we want to create? Speaking with clients about this, before a big conversation or event, I will aks them, well, what is it you want to create? What is most important for you that your child receives?Strategies for creating a home environment that nurtures safety Routines/Consistency/dependable structure  Asking permission/Being curious Being available/Non judgmental Validate their experience Own your stuff Trust that your kids ARE thinking about what is best for them Power of perspective - 3 bs and the outside observer, remembering the iceberg Therapy - One of the things that has been really useful for me lately that I am digging into through therapy is identifying key times in my life where I felt lost, isolated, and really pulled away from my parents…. And if I could go back that that girl to tell her what she needs to hear…. Some of what has come up has been:This must be really hard, it must feel really confusingYou are ok just as you are, you are enough and worthy of loveI am here for you Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I am so excited to welcome Sara Dean to the Joyful Courage Podcast. Sara is the creator and host of the Shameless Mom Academy Podcast, a top rated podcast with over 2 million downloads. Her biggest passion is helping women own their space. After enduring a long infertility journey, and then a full blown identity crises following the birth of her son, Sara took her background in psychology/health/ wellness and rebuilt her identity – one step at a time. Today, Sara motivates and inspires women to stop shrinking and start growing in every aspect of their lives. She is on a mission to inspire women and moms, in particular, to live bigger, bolder, braver #everydamnday."I realized over time that I wanted to be having conversations about helping women take up space, rather than always trying to shrink in the space they existed in.”“Perfect is paralyzing.”“If you're in perfectionism, there's no momentum.”“We need to give ourselves permission to feel in big ways and to be vulnerable with those feelings.”“It's okay to cry, but suffering in silence is the most surefire way to destroy yourself.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The role of mindset  Outcome versus process goals  Moms and worthiness Why perfect sucks Perfectionism, procrastination and high achieving women How perfectionism robs you of momentum Doing B- work The role of routine and structure Creating mental freedom Giving ourselves permission to feel Intuition and finding the lessons in the chaos Learning to sit in discomfort Finding gratitude in hard moments and hard phases The universality of challenges and trauma  Why women suffer in silence Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOWInterviewed for the positive parenting conference by Sumitha Bhandarkar from afineparent.com and she wanted to interview me about my book – fun to remember that I wrote a book!Deep dove into the three Bs.Then last night I had my first of 6 live parenting classes here in Bellingham.Being vs doingTheory, belonging and significancePower of perceptionsHumans are social beings – everything in the context of relationshipIceberg why is it important to keep in mind? HALT Problem we see is a solution/response to a problem we don’t know about Mistaken beliefs about self/others/world Why is it hard to remember to consider the iceberg? BECAUSE WE ARE USUALLY PISSED ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING AT THE TIP!! WE HAVE OUR OWN ICEBERGS!!At the tip of our iceberg is our emotional/instinctive response to the behavior we are seeing right?And what is under the surface????? HALT!! Feelings of defeat and beat up about mistakes we made… Conditioning/baggage from our own experiences Ahhhhh – so many icebergs!!So we are wired to connect…. And remember what Dan and Tina shared in EPS 215 --- the four s’s – seen, safe, soothed, secure. THIS IS WHAT OUR KIDS NEED, and isn’t it what we need too?We get to learn to offer this up to ourselvesBack to the three Bs – this is one tool to support us in creating the four S’s for ourselves, so that we can then offer them up for our kids – show up better, attuned, connected, loving.Lets play with the 3 Bs…. I am going to guide you through them, while also explaining deeper the purpose and power of each B….BreathThe breath is an tool that directly effects the nervous system – and when we are in fight or flight, you can bet our nervous system is working overtime -rapid heart beat, tension, we are full of adrenaline…Attending to breath allows for a settling in…. a slowing down… an opening….BodyRiding the breath into the body in search of any leftover tension…. Allow the breath to soften the body, the small muscles in the face, the neck, the shoulders….We want to soften the body, open the body so that we can soften and open the mind….BalconyOnce you feel yourself soften, find your balcony seat, imagine that you can lift up and out of your body and look down at your experience, as if you are watching a show from a balcony seat – you are accessing your outside observer. The part of yourself that is separate from your experience, knowing that you are having an experience…From this place, this outside observer place, look at yourself through the lens of compassion, through the lens of love…. What is happening under your iceberg? Can you be a nonjudgmental observer? What happens when you get curious about your experience….?Breath body balcony – the 3 Bs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Alyssa Blask Campbell. Alyssa has her Master's of Education in Early Childhood. She is a leading expert in emotional development speaking to people around the world. She is a podcast host for Voices of Your Village and the CEO of Seed and Sew. Alyssa has been featured As an emotional development expert and publications such as the Washington Post, Kids VT and Family Education. After co creating the CEP method, which she's going to tell us all about, she researched it across the US and co authored a book on it scheduled for publication next year. Alyssa is deeply passionate about building emotional intelligence in children, stating that it's never too early or too late to start, thank goodness. Alyssa shows up as approachable and welcomes people into her village to get support at all ages and stages shame free. Join us! "In order to be able to do that social piece, the kindness, the respect the empathy, the social awareness components, we have to know how to navigate the self awareness and self regulation first.”“Sometimes times it's really just getting down to what is our feeling about what they're feeling or experiencing.”“I believe that it's our job to find the calm, not their job to get calm for us.”“It's safe for me to feel this because it's not going to last forever.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The difference between social and emotional development The role of self awareness and self regulation Coping mechanisms versus coping strategies The five phases of emotion processing Coping mechanisms as numbing agents Fine motor activities as processing tools Changing habits one at a time Reflective Practice - what it is and how it works Finding the calm for your kids Mirror Neurons and the neurology of calm Addressing bias as a step in the parenting education journey  Taking care of your physical health so you can self-regulate Allowing yourself to feel Recognizing feelings Empathizing and connecting vs noticing Helping your kids feel felt Finding security in your feeling Yale research on anxiety in kids The relationship between anxiety and fear Problem solving and conflict resolution Identifying when you’re ready for problem solving What makes Voices of Your Village Podcast awesome Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show! I am sharing about what is happening in the Joyful Courage community these next few weeks:Adolescent Mental Health Mini Summitwww.joyfulcourage.com/mhminisummitPodcast Recap LIVES added to the Patreon communitywww.patreon.com/joyfulcourageOther topics that I am speaking into: Resentment on the journey Making self care happen Being in choice And making choices that allow us to let go Being a model Transformation starts with us How are you showing up for your family?? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guests are Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson. Dan is an internationally acclaimed author, award winning educator and child psychiatrist. He is currently a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, where he also serves as a co investigator at the Center For Culture, Brain And Development, and co director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center. Dan co authored some of our favorite parenting books, including The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, and The Yes Brain. With the other guest joining us today, he also wrote Brainstorm: The Bible for Parents of Teens, Parenting From The Inside Out and Aware, which came out the summer of 2018 and he came on to discuss that book with me.  Dr. Tina Bryson is the other guest that we get to hear from today. She is the co author with Dan Segal of three New York Times bestsellers soon to be four and is the Executive Director of the Center for Connection in Pasadena, California. Tina is also a pediatric and adolescent, psychotherapist, she keynotes conferences, and conducts workshops for parents, educators and clinicians all over the world. There is so much more I could add to the bios of both of these guests I could truly go on and on. They're here today to share about their latest book, The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become, and How Their Brains get Wired. Join us! Resources:  The Whole Brain Child No Drama DisciplineThe Yes Brain The Baby BookEps 154: Dr. Dan Siegel Discussing the Science of Being Present The Power of Showing UpAware: The Science and Practice of PresenceEps 100: Dr. Tina Bryson Supports Us With Brain Informed ParentingEps 126: Tina Bryson is BACK teaching us about nurturing a YES BRAINBrainstorm Parenting From The Inside Out  Where to find Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson:Dr. Tina BrysonDr. Dan Siegel Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show, reflecting on 2019 – the celebrations, the lessons, all of it. I am so grateful for the community and the love you send me and each other on the daily!!See you in the new year!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Aparna Venkataraman. Aparna is a parent coach, meditation teacher, motivational speaker and global wellness advocate for doTERRA essential oils. Her approachable nature, strong intuition and problem solving skills guide her in supporting parents of babies, toddlers and teens to empower themselves and build healthy relationships with one another through effective communication, confidence building and light hearted mindfulness techniques.She values authenticity, which you all know is one of my favorites, a kind nature, motivation, love, compassion, gratitude and humor as key components of a beautiful life. She’s here to share ways that families can relieve stress through self care, mindfulness and effective communication. Join us!"Self care means to me to find ways to connect back to what is lighting me up, what is helping me to find peace and stay connected to my authentic self.”“There are simple things you can do each day that can help you to create a routine where you're feeling connected to yourself and not just waiting until the weekend until you have much more time”“We can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be a certain way and to show up in the world as somebody who has it all together. When we're really actually stressed, really, really stressed on the inside.”What you’ll hear in this episode: Self-care beyond manicures and exercise  Why self care doesn’t have to wait for the weekend  The pressure to keep up appearances How to tell when you’re connecting to your authentic self What is intrinsic self care The power behind finding our why  How spirituality can be helpful  The role of breath in self care Stress, parenting and mindfulness  Tips for learning mindfulness  Ways to start small in your mindfulness  Laughter as stress relief   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SOLO SHOW!I have shared about going to therapy – and quite a few of you have reached out and shared that this has prompted YOU to find this kind of support in your community – SO HAPPY!I told you how I shopped around and chose on that I thought was the right fit. I had actually had some one I trust and worked with suggest that somatic therapy was really the fit I wanted, so that is what I looked for.Even after shopping around, after a few sessions, I felt unsatisfied with the experience. IT felt slow and directionless. Now, this could ABSOLUTELY say something about me, right? Have I spoken before about my need to get things moving and FIX problems???I have another friend that told me that I would LOVE who she was seeing – it’s a man, interestingly enough I thought I wanted to work with women but I LOVE THIS GUY. And while he isn’t solving my problems and going into “fix it” mode – the masculine energy is what I am noticing is supporting the work. But it also feels balanced because there does seem to be spaciousness, but my experience of the time spent with him feel directional.So, all that to say that you all have permission to change up your mental health team if something feels off. Unapologetically.Today I want to talk about something that has been coming up for me, AND with some of my clients. I have a feeling you are all going to relate with this as well.So let me set this up and you can decide if you can relate….You are looking ahead to the weekend. Everyone is going to be home on Sunday and you would really like to have a family day, time together doing something…. Maybe you’ll all decide to go to a movie or do a project, but you know that time together is something you all need and Sunday is the perfect time….Sunday rolls around and your partner gets busy with a home improvement project that looks like it is going to last all day, one of you kids has made plans with friends and gets irritated when you tell him nope, you have to be home. And maybe the other child is looking for “alone time” rather than “together time.”We are all in this together, friends!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Tonya Dalton. Tonya is a productivity expert, writer, speaker and founder of Inkwell Press Productivity Company, a company centered around productivity tools and training. she released her book The Joy of Missing Out on October 1, she's going to share a little bit about her book with us. Tanya is also the mother of two teenagers and really knows what it means to be the leader of a family. Join us! " I love that it feels like a permission slip. Like I feel like I have permission to just stop chasing my tail.”“We're filling our calendars, but we're not really filling our souls.”“it's really about mindful living. It's really about living with intention.”“Productivity is not about doing more. It's about doing what is most important.”“Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured.”“None of us truly have it all together all of the time.”“Balance is a myth.” What you’ll hear in this episode: The glorification of busy The obligation and pressure to be busy  How not being busy makes us feel about ourselves  How being busy keeps us from nurturing ourselves and others  Quality over quantity  Embracing imperfection Releasing the need to be busy  “Shoulding” on ourselves and why that’s not helpful  Living mindfully with intention Prioritizing activities instead of trying to do all the things Letting go of “Some Day” Syndrome The stories we tell ourselves and unreasonably high expectations Getting curious about our responses to life  Examining our comfort zones and if they are serving us How releasing perfectionism supports connection Letting people lift you up as a gift to them Family as a team Sunday planning as a ritual Division of labor based on team member needs and supporting each other Belonging and significance and filling each other’s buckets Encouraging ownership and buy in with your kids Letting go of balance Finding flexibility in the mess   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices