Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

This week’s episode is a SOLO show!! Takeaways from the show: Adlerian theory Our perception of belonging and significance colors the lens we see the world out of Undue attention review Honor your kids beliefs Second mistaken goal: Misguided power Notice how your child’s behavior makes you feel Power struggles Ways adults add to this behavior The importance of teaching your kids to contribute in ways for them to use their power You are not in control of your kids Teens want the acknowledgement of how capable they are Acknowledge your part in the stuff that’s gone down with your teens House rules audit The importance of practicing follow through How to make your child feel a greater sense of belonging and significance  Coaching Page | Eps 261 | Eps 129 | Eps 177 | Eps 218 | Eps 261 | Eps 263  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Michelle Icard.   Michelle is a member of the Today show parenting team and NBC News Learn. The author of Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen and Middle School Makeover, her work has been featured in the Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, The Christian Science Monitor, Redbook, Time, and People.  Her leadership curriculum for middle schoolers, Athena's Path and Hero's Pursuit, have been implemented at schools across the U.S., and her summer camp curriculum is offered at more than twenty camps each summer. She lives with her family in Charlotte, North Carolina. Takeaways from the show: Being the leader and designer of your life Michelle’s new book: 14 talks by age Fourteen How lots of little conversations are more helpful than one big conversation BRIEF acronym  Conversation crashers Be specific with your kids Isolation is a part of exploring independence Sitting inside of having tough conversations with your child Having trust in your kids that they will learn from their mistakes Having a neutral expression while talking to your kids  For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s episode is a solo show! Takeaways from the show: Perception matters The goal of behavior is to find and feel a sense of belonging and significance Iceberg metaphor Mistaken goals: Undue attention Connection vs. attention Tune into how your kid’s behavior makes you feel Parents contribute to beliefs kids have about connection The coded message behind annoying behavior is notice me and involve me usefully Redirect by involving your kids in a useful task Say what you will do Avoid special services Plan 1 on 1 time with your kids Involve your kids in creating routines Eps 261 | Downloadable Mistaken Goal Chart See you next week!! :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Pamela Ellis. In her more than 20 years working in education research and as a financial executive in the private sector, Pamela Ellis—The Education Doctor® has emerged as a leading authority on what it takes for students to thrive in education and, thereby, in life.Her work supports parents find the school where their children can thrive—the one that feels like home.Takeaways from the show Struggles parents are going through with supporting kids for college Myths about getting into college ACT and SAT myths  Looking for a college that fits with you How soon parents of college bound kids should be making moves for their future Benefits of taking a gap year Breaking down what to think about as your kids move through each year of high school Reading for pleasure Understanding scholarships For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s podcast is a solo show!Takeaways from the show: Concepts and theories of Positive Discipline Belief behind behavior Iceberg metaphor  Positive discipline 101 Behaviorist vs. Positive Discipline The concept of belonging and significance School drama You must start with self reflection if you want to create lasting change Pay attention to how it feels when school drama comes up with your child The first reason for our kids to misbehave is that they desire attention and connection If kids don’t get the connection, they move on to seeking power Eps 259 | Alison Smith interviewFor more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Alexandra Eidens. Alexandra is the founder of Big Life Journal, a growth mindset company for children and teens. Alexandra’s company specializes in creating practical tools to help parents and teachers integrate growth mindset into their everyday lives. Their guided journals are now used by over 500,000 children world wide. When not creating journals, Alexandra is reading the latest research on brain science and the mind-body connection. Takeaways from the show: The foundations of Big Life Journal Nurturing a growth mindset Personal development in parenting Growth vs. fixed mindset Model the human experience to your children Be process oriented vs. outcome oriented Teach your children to set learning goals Rejection is an indication that you are putting yourself out there How to deliver feedback to your child Make a habit of learning new things Embrace struggle and adversity Compare yourself to yourself only Engage in deliberate practice Comfort vs. stretch zone Model being vulnerable in your own experiences The best thing you can do as a parent is love your kids unconditionally  Where to find Alexandra: Ebook | Big Life Journal | FaceBook  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s podcast is a solo show!Takeaways from the show Teen Counseling The 5 Criteria of Positive Discipline Questions to ask yourself to see if the response your giving in a situation meets the criteria for Positive Discipline Come into it expecting your kids to follow through Your kids behavior lets you know what kind of experience they’re having Invite your kids into more expression of what’s going on for them Most of our mischief comes from the perception that we don’t feel like we matter Everyone has their own unique lenses they see out of Whatever we do, we want our kids to feel more connected, seen, and like they matter Trust the process Our kids learn through experience over time Celebrate mistakes, focus on solutions Model your own self-regulation Help your children discover how capable they are Recognize this isn’t a formula or a gimmick Healthy human beings are expressive Resources mentioned:Jane Nelsen Positive Discipline WebsiteFor more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My guest today is Gemma Hartley.Gemma is a freelance journalist and the author of Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward. She’s a mom of 3 kids, 5, 7 and 10Takeaways from the show: Gemma’s journey of being a writer The article that started her career  Not wanting to ask your family to do something, just wanting them to know to do it Teasing apart emotional labor The pressure that lays on moms’ shoulders What are shared standards Acknowledge your standards exist for a reason  Holding resentment when your significant other feels like they should get praise for things you do on a daily basis Being in conversation with our family in a way that supports everyone Make it normal to talk about emotional labor  Vulnerability with your partner is scary but necessary  When going into emotional labor conversations, be clear on your intentions The process of re-evaluating the life you share should include everyone being involved Tools that help make everyone feel supported in emotional labor Asking your kids to “help” you with household chores implies it is your job, which it isn’t Recognize the subtle messaging you’re giving your kids Where to find Gemma: Book | Website | Facebook | Instagram | Women Aren’t Nags Article | Emotional Labor Article Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s episode is a solo show!Takeaways from the show Birth story of my first child How resistance and tension can affect your relationship with your kids Recognizing your own resistance will open up a deep personal inquiry Your teen has their own experience and mistakes to make on their path of life Journal about resistance Broaden your relationships by looking into yourself to where you hold resistance Your teens emotional development is still in the process even if they look like full-grown humans Parenting for a Brave New World Summit Click here to listen to the interview with my daughter RowanFor more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week my guest is Iris Chen.Iris is a writer, unschooler, and founder of the Untigering movement. After starting out as a hardcore tiger mother, she began to untiger when she saw all the negative effects of her authoritarian parenting. Now she’s on a mission to empower others families by promoting mental health, peaceful parenting, and educational freedom for children. She recently moved back to California with her husband and two sons after 16 years of living in China. Takeaways from the show Tiger parenting and its cultural meaning Iris’ experience growing up and how that played into her parenting How patterns of how you were parented can show up into the subconscious Shifting to a different way of parenting Doing the inner work so your relationships with your kids can improve Holding space for your emotions  Learning to filter assumptions about children and parenting through a lens of love and respect and anti-oppression The swing from demanding parenting to permissive parenting Leaning into trust and connection  Having a positive way to manage dysregulation Taking apart the baggage around making mistakes in parenting Making mistakes is an opportunity to model ownership, responsibility and humility Holding mutual respect in the relationships with your children Bringing awareness to the fact that children are worthy of honor and dignity and certain rights For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices