Joyful Courage for Parenting Teens

TODAY IS A SOLO SHOW!I am so excited to be back here with you all… What a summer. I am so excited to reconnect and reset for the coming months, and to let you know what to expect for me, the community and the podcastBefore I get into it… Patreon patreon/com/joyfulcourage Livestreaming Monthly group calls Join us!! The Risky Behavior and Teens summit was AMAZING – thank you to my guests and everyone who registered – If you missed it, go to www.joyfulcourage.com/summit-shop and check it out – you can also see and purchase past summits that you may have missed.For more show notes, including transcripts, visit our website here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today is a solo show from me… And I am sharing some personal thoughts and plans for Joyful Courage and what to expect through the summer and into the fall.What a wild first half of 2020 Covid 19 Quarantine School from home Personal struggles Racial uprising…. Stay tuned for a way that you can support a powerful black woman owned biz in the coming weeks <3 Timid opening up of the country and approaching summer I am taking a break from the podcast Revisit my mission Yes parenting, but how can it look so that I am also acknowledging/uplifting non-white voices? There are a LOT of white parenting educators – talk about Leslie’s post calling out white parent educators Really get clear on what I want to bring you next fall Tighten up my vision for Joyful Courage Working on the Risky Behavior Mini Summit Recording the interviews – AMAZING Creating the systems Working on the marketing Putting together another 6 week class Actually LOVING teaching through zoom, the current class has parents from all over the US Focusing on my clients One on one coaching Find out more at www.joyfulcourage.com/coaching Focusing on my family As you know…. Cancer Teenagers Hard to step away Don’t want to let anyone down Don’t want you to forget about me Don’t want to lose this communication tool…. AND FB groups IG Newsletter (biweekly) joyfulcourage.com/join   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Vivek Patel. Vivek is a conscious parenting educator who works with families to help create more harmony and connection in their homes. He has dedicated his life to spreading awareness and supporting change in schools. He's worked with youth organizations teaching conflict resolution anti bullying and leadership through movement martial arts and dance. As a conscious parenting educator, he has written hundreds of articles and has 60 parenting videos, you can find his writing on Facebook, the meaningful ideas website and YouTube. We are discussing how to take current events and bring the learning into the home. Join us! " Being anti-racist...It's a mindset that we look at the world through that we analyze the systems that we engage in with, that we listen to language with, and, and everything from media and advertising to government systems to educational systems, the correction system, the legal system, the financial system, the housing system, everything.”“ From the micro to the macro, being willing to look at those things and see look for look at and look for the inequities, to be willing to see them inside yourself and and other people and the systems and the anti racist part of it is to be doing something to actively change it.”“When we lift up the people that are oppressed, all of us benefit from it.” “Conscious parenting is cycle breaking” What you’ll hear in this episode: Why conscious parenting? Vivek’s activism journey What it means to be anti-racist From micro to macro, reflecting on self and systems The role of self-love and compassion The power of coming together Celebrating the discomfort Opening ourselves up for better relationships and interactions Our parenting relationship and our influence around topics of race Moving away from perfectionism and embracing the practice of becoming anti-racist Conscious parenting as cycle breaking Should we shield our kids from the pain of the world? Kids and fairness: leveraging their intuition towards acts of changemaking Why you need to do your own work, face our own fears and where to start Six relationships that drive change Modelling anti-racism for our kids Zooming in, zooming out, and condoning bad behavior Modelling our use of power, how we engage with power and why it’s important Control and consent in parenting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Solo show – last minute decision to wait on the conversation that I was going to air today….Today I am going to talk about chores and allowanceThere was a post from a mom in on of the Joyful Courage FB groups a few weeks ago reflecting on how it was time for her 11 and 5 year old to begin chores and allowance. The comments were a range of advice, with many parents speaking into separating chores from allowance. I promised the group that I would speak into this on the podcast.Before I do though, I want to say that you get to take this information and make it your own, right? You get to decide what is best for YOUR family when it comes to chores and allowance. I also acknowledge that being able to give our children and allowance isn’t something that everyone can do. Please listen for the underlying spirit instead of listening thinking there is a “right” way to do this.Also, I want you to notice if you are listening though the filter of “my kids won/t…” or “what happens if they don’t…” or you will miss the message.There is a level of significance and mattering that shows up when our kids are expected to be in contribution. Trust that. Trust them.So chores – contributions/family work So much online for age appropriate chores They are enthusiastic when young although it may be a challenge for us Less enthusiastic when older which is also challenging Have a plan, be explicitCo-creating routines Daily Weekly Family house cleaning party Check in on how it’s working (family meeting) Tweak as necessary Inside the plan be explicit about what is a “completed job” and when it needs to be done byTake time to train: You do the task while child watches You do the task together Child does task while you watch Child does the task independently Fold this into the fabric of your family Don’t be rigid Ask for their ideasAllowance – we don’t pay for chores…. Story about rowan and ian“yeah but” – typically don’t need to threat or reward – and will be explicit “your jobs need to be done before you leave the house/jump on a screen/lunchtime/etc”We don’t pay for chores.We started giving the kids a small allowance when they were young so that they had money to learn to manage. Save Give Spend As they got older, their allowance increased and what we would pay for decreased Time out in the world with friends Haricuts Cosmetics Shoes (Ian is obsessed) Resources: Amy McCreedy on Joyful Courage Eps 62 – Teaching our Kids Money Sense The opposite of spoiled by Ron Lieber Montessori guide to age appropriate chores (handout online)Build relationship. Build relationship. Build relationship.Create an agreement around chores:“I have a problem and I need your help” There is a lot to do and you need ot help out Brainstorm a list of things to do around the house This week, pick one a day Thank you for following through OR I noticed you haven’t followed through, please get that done Tweak as necessary You’ve got this friend! Let me now what you put into practice and any questions or feedback that you have. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today I am solo.I have a heavy heart this week, and a short show. I know I promised something on chores and allowance but you will have to wait a few weeks for that.This week I want to highlight a few shows that I have done in the past and offer up some resources to keep learning and growing as humans – because that is what my work si about – Joyful Courage is about embracing opportunities to grow, even when it’s messy and wobbly.As someone with an audience that is largely white women, I am going to step into THIS opportunity to share some thoughts and steps to be better. I am heartsick over here as I reach out to my friends who are also people of color, letting thme know that I see them and I stand with them. I am heartsick all the time when I think about the conversations that they need to have with their children that I will never need to have with mine, because of the color of their skin. I am heartsick when I consider the fear they hold every time their partner or child leaves the house.Enough.And white women… we have power. We have so much power. My intention here is to invite you in to your own learning about your power, about your implicit bias, about the conditioning that continues to lead us all through a system that is designed to lift only some of us.And I get it, where do we start? What do we do? It is uncomfortable, we don’t want to say the wrong thing, we don’t want to add to the hurt and the micro aggressions with our unintentional ignorance. But doing nothing and continuing to say nothing is not ok.Time to speak up. To stand up. To learn, to be corrected when we get it wrong and take it with humility. To be uncomfortable. Because guess what? The black people in this country have been uncomfortable since the beginning. They have been beaten down, silenced, abused, ridiculed, traumatized and more – since the beginning. We can be in the growing pain of learning to be better. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Leah Carrie, a sex and intimacy coach who helps women shed shame about their sexuality and communicate about what they really want in the bedroom rather than just tolerating what they're given. Her clients learn to embrace their sexuality no matter what it looks like. She is the host of the podcast Good Girls Talk About Sex.  Sexual freedom is a subject that is deeply personal to Leah because she spent most of her life being a very good girl. Most of the sex she had was either boring or painful, but she endured it because she didn't know she was allowed to ask for anything different. Having taken her own journey to sexual freedom, she is now passionate about breaking the silence, fear and shame around women's sexuality and pleasure and redefining what it means to be a good girl. Join us!" I discovered, not only is it okay to be as interested in sex as I've always been, but it's okay for sex to be pleasurable. And it's really, really okay for me to ask for what I want.”“I had spent my whole life thinking that I was giving consent for all of the sex I had been having, because I wasn't saying no. It turns out that's not what consent means at all. Consent is active and enthusiastic.” “We're all so afraid of being judged.”What you’ll hear in this episode: The role of tantric massage The meaning of consent Sexual healing and sex work  The criminalization of sex work  How sex ed is approached in other countries How to say and accept “no”  Postpartum sex and expectations Sex positive parenting Quarantine touch deprivation What does Joyful Courage mean to you?To me, it means figuring out what we really really want and asking for it. Courage is, I think, figuring out what we want. And being willing to admit that maybe somebody else is interested in giving to us and the joyful part of that is sharing it and believing that maybe we could get it. And I really don't want people to be walking around like I was for the first 42 years of my life, believing that I was just supposed to accept whatever I was given and I wasn't allowed to ask for anything more. And since I have learned a new way of being, my life has changed dramatically in the best possible ways. And so I want that for everyone.Resources: Good Girls Talk About Sex The Three Minute GameWhere to find:Youtube | @goodgirlstalk on FB | @goodgirlstalk on Insta | FB Group | Website | Twitter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ahhh, hello.Today I want to talk about beat up.There tends to be two extreme ends of the spectrum…. Thre are those of us who have a crazy ideal that we are trying to live up to – typically one where we don’t make any mistakes and show up perfect in all the roles we play. None of us can ever really get there, but we are striving for it. The self talk may sound like:“I have to be more present with the kids.”“I need to make more homecooked meals.”“I’ve got to catch up on housecleaning/laundry/yardwork….”“I’ve GOT to loose some weight…”We are AWARE that there are steps we can take to move in the direction of the life we want to create, AND, when we aren’t taking the steps, or aren’t creating this perfect life, we collapse into defeat. Awareness is high, beat up is high. It’s a tough place to find ourselves.Or there is the opposite extreme. There are those of us that are shooting from the hip all the time and if everyone else can’t get with the program, that is there problem. We don’t see why anyone needs to be in a parenting class, or read a book, or doing any of the self help stuff, because we see the world clearly through our lens and know what to do in any given situation.We are the people who don’t take any ownership of our kids behavior. The question when our kids get into mischief is often “what do I have to do to you to get you to behave?”Personal awareness is low. Beat up is low, unless you count the beat up we do to others who make life hard for us.Now, I don’t imagine that there are a lot of people in the second group listening to my podcast, because you all know how invested I am in personal growth and how passionately I believe in the ways parents influence the behavior they see from their kids. But I think it is valuable to consider those two extremes.I think MOST of us fall in the middle.We might have an ideal when it comes to parenting and how we shoe up in the world, but it is more of a compass for the direction we want to be headed, not necessarily a destination that we can ever arrive at.We get that life is uncertain and unpredictable, and how we respond to what shows up matters and influences the unfolding.We see our kids as their own separate entities, yes, and when things start going sideways we take a step back to consider what we may be doing to contribute to how they are behaving. We try to remember that our children are on their own journey, that they belong to themselves, first and foremost, and we get to caretake for the first part.We do the best we can, AND, we get that the house isn’t going to always be clean (and oh man it is so nice when it is), meals aren’t always perfect (yeah for take-out and meal kits), AND it is impossible to be present for our family 24/7.Lets keep our awareness high, friends, and the beat up low. Lets strive to be better, and embrace our imperfection. Let’s be ok with two steps forward, one step back – this is the dance of life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I am so excited to welcome my guest, Dr. Habib Sadeghi.Dr. Habib Sadeghi is the founder of Be Hive of Healing, an integrative medical center based in Los Angeles. He specializes in multi-disciplinary treatment for chronic illnesses that include osteopathic, anthroposophical, environmental, psychosomatic, family, and German new medicine, as well as clinical pharmacology.He served as an attending Physician and Clinical Facilitator at UCLA-Santa Monica Medical Center and is currently a Clinical Instructor of Family Medicine at Western University of Health Sciences. Dr. Sadeghi is a regular contributor to Goop, CNN, BBC News and the Huffington Post, and is the publisher of the health and well-being journal, MegaZEN.Dr. Sadeghi believes that most problems between parents and children (or indeed, between any two people) are a problem of CONNECTION. By building stronger connections with our children, we are able to move beyond the fighting, yelling, nagging, or other struggles, and into a place of mutual respect and understanding, where real problem-solving can occur. In turn, when we care for our own and our children's mental and emotional health and healing, we drastically reduce the potential for physical diseases, as the mind-body connection is so deep. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi! Welcome back…. Those of you that are new to the podcast I want to give you a warm welcome, I am so glad you are here. As the longtime listeners know, this show is part informative and educational, part deeply personal, and always authentic and, I hope, relatable. That is always my goal. We are on a collective journey. Good/ bad, right/wrong, winning/failing at how about effective/ ineffective? Takes the judgment out Allows us to know be in this role where we SHOULD know exactly what to do Shifts us out of the idea that there IS a right thing to do  It’s all a grand experiment. This is about being effective and helpful. Meltdowns are not a character flaw, they are an indication that something has happened that we, or our kids, don’t have the tools to navigate in the moment. It’s not about you. So, this week, when you have a meltdown and are an asshole to your kids, model what it looks like to own it, “Wow, I really lost it and treated you badly. My emotions got the better of me.” And make it right, “I am so sorry, and I am going to pay more attention to when I am getting close to flipping out, and take care of me when I feel that tightness in my body happening.” Then bring it back to the message of love, “I love you so much.” And when THEY have a meltdown and are assholes to you, show a little grace. The uncertainty of the world is IN OUR FACE right now and they only have so much capacity for keeping it together. Remember that it’s not about you. Support them in calming down, and then LATER, have a conversation about the experience of the meltdown – guiding them to connect to themselves and to you, and ultimately giving them the tools they need to repair. Love you. We’ve got this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s guest is Bracha Kopstick . She is a registered dietician specializing in adolescent nutrition. She helps parents feel calm and confident with raising adolescence to have a positive relationship with food and their body. There's a lot of contradictory information about feeding kids but she clarifies and educates parents so that they can raise adolescents with a positive food relationship without the shame and guilt. Join us!"Kids are starting to gain weight in their journey to adulthood. And not only is it not something to be afraid of, but this is necessary weight gain. And I really wish that parents would recognize that this is something that is so necessary and can accept that weight as not something negative, but as something that’s part of just growing and development.”“Nourishing ourselves with food that is enjoyable and tastes good is something I think is really important.”“Kids really thrive on predictability and knowing when they can expect to have food.”“Food is so much more than just nutrition. It's about relationship.”What you’ll hear in this episode: Where kids encounter diet culture Weight gain as part of puberty How the concerns of parents can amplify the insecurities of their growing teens What a balanced meal looks like Nourishment and food as more than fuel Balancing structure and freedom in guiding food choices Meal scheduling - why it’s important How often your teen should be eating How to approach snacking Cooking with kids How parental body image impacts kids Breaking through your body image issues Parents’ roles in helping kids find peace with their food Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices