Eps 231: SOLO SHOW - Moving from Right/Wrong to Effective and Remembering that Self Regulation is Learned Over Time with PRACTICE

Hi! Welcome back…. Those of you that are new to the podcast I want to give you a warm welcome, I am so glad you are here. As the longtime listeners know, this show is part informative and educational, part deeply personal, and always authentic and, I hope, relatable. That is always my goal.

We are on a collective journey.

Good/ bad, right/wrong, winning/failing at how about effective/ ineffective?

• Takes the judgment out
• Allows us to know be in this role where we SHOULD know exactly what to do
• Shifts us out of the idea that there IS a right thing to do

It’s all a grand experiment. This is about being effective and helpful. Meltdowns are not a character flaw, they are an indication that something has happened that we, or our kids, don’t have the tools to navigate in the moment.

It’s not about you.

So, this week, when you have a meltdown and are an asshole to your kids, model what it looks like to own it, “Wow, I really lost it and treated you badly. My emotions got the better of me.” And make it right, “I am so sorry, and I am going to pay more attention to when I am getting close to flipping out, and take care of me when I feel that tightness in my body happening.” Then bring it back to the message of love, “I love you so much.”

And when THEY have a meltdown and are assholes to you, show a little grace. The uncertainty of the world is IN OUR FACE right now and they only have so much capacity for keeping it together. Remember that it’s not about you. Support them in calming down, and then LATER, have a conversation about the experience of the meltdown – guiding them to connect to themselves and to you, and ultimately giving them the tools they need to repair.

Love you. We’ve got this.

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