Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Have you got a history of partnering with women who are physically or emotionally unstable? Maybe they've got an insecure living situation (or chaotic/dangerous ex-partner). Perhaps they're financially challenged, or they've got serious issues with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.You may even have been with a partner who became so emotionally dependent on you that you became concerned that if you weren't there, she'd be in serious trouble -- might even hurt or kill herself. As Jason puts it, "If I remove myself from the situation, I don’t know how my partner would survive."This episode is actually not about those women! ;) This episode is about the other side -- you.If you've wondered why you've repeated this pattern of attracting "projects," you've come to the right place. Here we break down what goes into the pattern of attracting women you feel you need to "save" or "rescue." We talk about the vulnerability involved in dating healthier women, as well as the immense payoff -- and how to get there.This episode will also resonate if you've ever felt burdened or resentful in your relationship -- like you're doing way more than your partner, and putting in more than you're getting back. We talk about the pain of feeling used ... and what to do about it.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“There’s a type of security, safety, and polarity that comes from being the hero.”“If I’m doing stuff for you and you appreciate that, I get to feel good about myself.”“Just because you need some kind of help doesn’t mean I have to rescue you.”“When we overextend, we attract partners who don’t have a sense of boundaries.”“I know and trust she can handle herself.”“We are co-creating together, rather than one of us pulling the cart the whole time.” “When we’re not getting energy back as men, resentment builds like crazy.”“If I’m not winning, are you still going to love me?”“Get on a growth path.”“Getting into good community with men is inoculating yourself against future projects.”“I don’t want to do all the heavy lifting.”

Have you ever wished you could scientifically determine what’s wrong in your relationship? Or felt it would be helpful to somehow mathematically see how compatible you are with someone you’re dating? Or gone through a difficult period with a relationship partner and wished you could understand one another better? There’s a love tool that may be able to help. Zoey Charif went from getting a degree in Crimonology to writing about love and relationships — and in her love work, she brought to bear her curiosity about human behavior. The result? Her generating an instrument (like a personality test) that helps couples as well as singles grasp, another other things, compatibility. Perhaps the most interesting part is that Zoey herself has used it alongside her husband — to great effect in their marriage. ---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“What causes betrayals?”“We are driven by primal instincts.”“I feel lucky to be with you.”“No one wants to feel like, ‘I’m not doing well in my marriage.’”“We both started to step up.”“If you’re unhappy, your spouse is probably also unhappy.”“Change takes time.”“You are not put on this earth to be unfulfilled.”“You can’t be doing the work for both of you.”---Mentioned on this episode:Zoey's site: www.lovecaninfactbecalculated.com

What does it mean to be a good parent?If part of your job is to provide stability, then it can seem like even if your love relationship isn't fulfilling, it's best to grit your teeth and get through it -- at least until the kids are out of the house.The truth is a lot more nuanced.Consider the following, for example:What are you role-modeling to your children if you stay in a relationship that's physically or emotionally barren? What are they learning from you and your partner about conflict and repair? About boundaries? About warmth and affection?Would you want them to someday be in the relationship you're in?One confusing constellation of this can be when you're great co-parents with your wife/partner, but, say, your sex life is dead. In other words you manage the household well together, but there's no passion. Another is when you have a difficult spouse/partner and feel concerned that if you're not around to protect the kids from her, issues will arise.Here we delve into unhealthy (and healthy) relationship dynamics, whether "making it work" is a real thing, and what you impart to your kids daily, without saying a word.Growing almost always requires discomfort, but here's the good news: When you choose to lean into growth, you're teaching your children the bravest lesson of all.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Have you experienced any of the following yourself, or been in a love relationship with a partner who did?You've held beliefs like, "I must be broken," or, "The world is completely dangerous."You constantly tested your partner's loyaltyYou've thought things like, "I'm too much and my needs are too much."You've played out patterns to the effect of: "If I meet your needs perfectly, maybe you won’t hurt me or leave me."You've experienced health issues like chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, or chronic fatigueYou've alternated between pushing others away or clinging tightlyYou feel confused about your relationship issues because when looking back on your childhood you've thought, "No one overly abused me, so why is this happening?"---If so, you may be dealing with complex PTSD, also known as C-PTSD. Here we delve into what C-PTSD is, what it's not, and what to do about it.We also discuss the reality that trauma is intergenerational by nature. If your parents or their parents didn't get what they needed, and if those folks don't do their healing work, they're extremely likely to pass it on. But you don't have to.Whether you're coming with anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, fearful avoidant attachment, or somewhere in between, know this: Healing is ALWAYS possible.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Setareh's Psychology Today profileMemorable quotes from this episode:"Developmental trauma can shape personality development.""They may deeply crave closeness while simultaneously fearing it.""This is the nervous system interpreting current stress as old danger.""Intimacy may be disrupted by this internal sense of danger that is hard to name.""Relationships can be a powerful source of repair.""Safe relationships can help reestablish trust, soften defenses, and over a period of time can support emotional regulation.""The body often holds what the mind cannot express.""It’s often intergenerational trauma playing out.""Trauma is both individual and collective.""Healing is absolutely possible. I have seen it!"

We all know the "rules" have changed when it comes to dating and relationships. There are few absolute in terms of how to relate to a dating or relationship partner, which begs questions like:If not money, then what IS the modern man supposed to provide?If you're a man, it may be hard to grasp what a woman truly craves from you. There's good news on this front, though: We women still need you! In fact, many would say we need healthy, passionate, masculine men now more than ever. And there are two very specific things healthy, embodied women truly desire from men. Here we delve into those, and along the way touch on sexy time, how hot it is when a man has a strong backbone, and how to keep up with all the shifting dynamics going on when it comes to sex, love, and dating in the modern world. ---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men episode 262: Are you lonely?Dear Men episode 215: Are you intimidated by her big emotions? Here's what to do.Dear Men episode 329: How do you stay grounded when she’s upset or dysregulated?Dear Men episode 305: GuyTalk: Overcoming religious programmingDear men episode 327: Transforming shame into power---Memorable quotes from this episode: "How do I win in this?""Can you provide me steadiness in a turbulent world?""We men are being asked to show up more — with more complexity.""I just avoided conflict … deny, deflect, defend."“If we don’t have a capacity to attune and be present with ourselves, we can’t do it with a partner.""Emotional safety does not mean please and appease.""There’s not a lot we as a couple can do about that until I’ve worked with my own shame.""Women, more than ever, want to be polarized!""Most people want to know their partner wants to f*** them!"

Have you ever doubted? Whether you've doubted yourself, the existence of a higher power, the efficacy of "alternative" healing techniques, or anything that goes against the mainstream -- this has likely come up for you at some point.When Naushad was young, he came very close to being a pro soccer player. But physical injury after injury stymied him, and set him on a path of healing that took him from North to South America and beyond.This is one man's personal journey of going from being a skeptic to a believer. Not a blind faith believer, but one with nuance and consideration -- and longstanding impacts on not only his his sex, dating, and relationship life, but his experience with Life itself.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“The limiting beliefs started to pick up and escalate.”“I could not sit with myself because there was so much anxiety.”“I had to ask for help, and that has historically been one of the most difficult things for me.”“Immediately all these doors start to open, without me trying.”“The messages are always there; it’s just a matter of whether we’re willing to listen.”“In the seeking, what that meant for me was having the humility to say, ‘I don’t know.’”“I’m in a dark hole and I don’t know what to do.”“The practice becomes not working or trying, but letting go and letting it come through.”“'True faith is being able to step forward when you can’t see.'”“What’s the next right door?”“This is the most important work you’ll ever do in your life.”---Mentioned on this episode:Naushad's site (https://resilientbeing.me/)Book rec: The AlchemistBook rec: The Celestine ProphecyDear Men episode 305: GuyTalk: Overcoming religious programming and trauma

Are you concerned about your lack of experience, whether that's sexually, in a dating context, or time in long-term relationships? Maybe you feel behind in some way, and hesitant or fearful about telling a woman about your level of experience.As Jason says, "For men in particular, it means something about you if you haven’t had sex."If it took you a while to start dating, have sex, or get into a relationship (or if, perhaps, you're not there yet as of today), you're not alone!Here we talk through Jason's experience around pursuing ("The hope was a girl would tell me they liked me, and THEN I would feel comfortable to make the move."); dating without a lot of sexual experience (“I was terrified of what a partner would think.”); and journey around overcoming these patterns ("When you have the right system, growth can happen pretty fast!”)Listen on to feel more relaxed and empowered about your dating and relationship experience -- wherever you're starting from.---Memorable quotes from this episode:"All my somatic, unprocessed wounding would come forward.""There’s this deep sense of being behind.""If you don’t like me, I get hooked on you in a sense.""In my family, we were robots in the same house.""He had people on his team to cross this divide.""I kinda ended up with a partner that I don’t really like.""Every man carries a few arrows in his heart.""Who even wants me? What is my value to society?""It was hard to throw myself into a career when I didn’t know myself.""Opportunity comes from connection."---Mentioned on this episode:DM 196: The “invisible” relationship pattern that can affect everything (on childhood neglect)Book: Of Boys & men: Why the Modern Male is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It

Want to be even sexier to women than you are now? ;) Learn to strike while the iron is hot!Seriously though -- striking while the iron is hot makes you a man who can generate polarity, build trust, and have women want to surrender to you. Knowing how and when to take action is very sexy ... and passivity, not so much. And all of these principles apply whether you're in a dating relationship or you've been married for decades.Here we go through examples of men who've done this well in dating, relationships, and yes, definitely in sex! And we talk about times that we as women have felt confused, rejected, or both -- as well as times we felt lit up, radiant, desired, and HOT for the men in our lives!---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“Sure, I’m not happy, but at least I know my non-happiness.”“Relationships are a skill.”“I always felt his desire for me and I always knew where I stood and how he felt”"Panty Droppers: 'I’m on it,' 'I’ve got it,' 'I’ll take care of it now.'"“My inner turmoil is more important than your needs.”“I was saying, ‘I need more sex or this relationship won’t be successful.’”“He wasn’t willing to do the hard work — the work to really look at his trauma.""It’s deeply masculine to seek the right counsel.”---Mentioned on this episode:DM episode 332: Have you ever gone into freeze? Here's what's actually going on

Have you ever just felt STUCK? Stuck in your dating life, stuck in your marriage, stuck in your sex life (or stuck in your sex life within your marriage)? As one man on our panel put it, "I felt stuck for most of the 20 years of my marriage."Maybe you've felt trapped -- like you just couldn't work your way out of wherever you were.Here, four men get real about their journey going from totally stuck to in flow.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Women are starving for men who are doing the work.""I felt broken; I felt unworthy; I felt unacceptable; I felt unwanted.""Sex felt unrealistic and out of reach, and it also felt off-limits.""I lived in the regret of the past and the fear of the future (and I was never present).""I felt like I wasn’t desired — I wasn’t wanted.""I got to the point where I just felt like I’d plateaued in therapy; it felt like we weren’t getting anywhere.""'Am I acting OK? Am I making them feel OK?'""I had to WANT to get un-stuck.""I had to decide: Do you want to stay here? Or do you want to do something different?""I didn’t allow myself any space of, 'What do I want?'""I had a huge block with paying money for personal growth; I’d pay money for my hobbies, etc., but not that.""It’s unrealistic that I would know everything; having that humility and curiosity to reach out was critical.""I did the fuckin’ work, and I was ready to do it, and I threw down.""The problem wasn’t that I was unattractive; the problem was that I wasn’t embodied (and didn’t have my head up!).""This is happening to me for a reason. It’s happening because I can handle it, so let’s embrace it.""My confidence and my ability to do life differently grew in all kinds of magical, nourishing, evolved ways.""Now I feel unchained — I feel liberated from the slavery of stuckness.""Trusting the intelligence of my body, and then moving forward from that is transformational in every aspect of life.""This is not where my story ends.""Some of your best friends are yet to be made."---Mentioned on this episode:Episode 305: GuyTalk: Overcoming religious programming

When I ask my male friends, "Do you trust men?" most of them say, pretty unequivocally, "No."Why does this matter?A lot of our clients come to us because they want to improve their dynamics with women. Whether they're single and dating or partnered and seeking more sex, intimacy, closeness, or harmony with their woman, there's a lot of focus on women.So what does a man's relationship to men have to do with it? Why does it matter to know whether you trust men, if you're working on healthy relationships and sex with women?For one, as Jason puts it: "As a man, if you have never experienced healthy masculine energy on the outside, it is almost certain you will have a hard time trusting it inside yourself, too."And if you don't trust your own inner masculine, it will be very challenging for you to generate sexual polarity, set boundaries, or go after the things you want (including women and intimacy).The thing is, most men don't trust men because a lot of men aren't trust-able! Millions of boys and young men are bullied, for example. Whether by a parent, sibling, or classmate, a large percentage of men experience bullying as children, teenagers, or adults.As the medical director for the LA Department of Children and Family Services puts it, "A bully gains power in a relationship by reducing another’s, and shows little regard for the consequences to a victim’s health or well-being."Fortunately you can reclaim your relationship to the healthy masculine, and this will directly impact you having a healthy relationship with yourself as well as women in your life.Whether you're single looking for dating advice, married looking for relationship advice, or somewhere in between, this is a vital -- and often under-explored -- topic.---Quotes from this episode:"Many men have been the recipient of masculine dysregulation.""One of the big crises for men is lack of role models.""The patriarchy is extremely damaging to men.""It’s a step a lot of guys want to skip.""The sense is on-guard vigilance.""All I have to do is be here.""Men can become my allies.""Masculinity is a transmission, and without witnessing the healthy, deep versions of it is essential.""The power of groups is healing peer relationships."---Mentioned on this episode:DM 114: Bullying, resilience, and relationships