Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

When I ask my male friends, "Do you trust men?" most of them say, pretty unequivocally, "No."Why does this matter?A lot of our clients come to us because they want to improve their dynamics with women. Whether they're single and dating or partnered and seeking more sex, intimacy, closeness, or harmony with their woman, there's a lot of focus on women.So what does a man's relationship to men have to do with it? Why does it matter to know whether you trust men, if you're working on healthy relationships and sex with women?For one, as Jason puts it: "As a man, if you have never experienced healthy masculine energy on the outside, it is almost certain you will have a hard time trusting it inside yourself, too."And if you don't trust your own inner masculine, it will be very challenging for you to generate sexual polarity, set boundaries, or go after the things you want (including women and intimacy).The thing is, most men don't trust men because a lot of men aren't trust-able! Millions of boys and young men are bullied, for example. Whether by a parent, sibling, or classmate, a large percentage of men experience bullying as children, teenagers, or adults.As the medical director for the LA Department of Children and Family Services puts it, "A bully gains power in a relationship by reducing another’s, and shows little regard for the consequences to a victim’s health or well-being."Fortunately you can reclaim your relationship to the healthy masculine, and this will directly impact you having a healthy relationship with yourself as well as women in your life.Whether you're single looking for dating advice, married looking for relationship advice, or somewhere in between, this is a vital -- and often under-explored -- topic.---Quotes from this episode:"Many men have been the recipient of masculine dysregulation.""One of the big crises for men is lack of role models.""The patriarchy is extremely damaging to men.""It’s a step a lot of guys want to skip.""The sense is on-guard vigilance.""All I have to do is be here.""Men can become my allies.""Masculinity is a transmission, and without witnessing the healthy, deep versions of it is essential.""The power of groups is healing peer relationships."---Mentioned on this episode:DM 114: Bullying, resilience, and relationships

Want to generate sexual heat, and also inspire safety and a sense of belonging in your partner? Learn how to claim her!We've talked about claiming before on the podcast, especially with respect to building polarity. When a man is on the more passive side, it can feel lackluster and also confusing. As one woman put it, "Do you even want me?" This throws off polarity.When he knows how to take inspired action and lead by claiming us, we want to see him more! We feel the polarity. And because of that we feel more relaxed, uplifted, and yes, you guessed it: turned on!Here we delve more into what it means to us to feel claimed in sex, dating, and relationships -- and why we adore it.Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from the episode:"Claiming is NOT controlling.""I felt like ‘no’ was not an acceptable answer." "You get the Friday 4pm text: ‘What are you up to tonight?’"“He came towards me with a smile.”“That was really great. I would love to take you to dinner sometime next week. When are you free?”“I want you next to me. I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”“This is in service of our relationship and our love and our connection.”“You don’t have to carry the burden for every asshole.”“The experiences you want to have with women are just a claim away!”

When Wayne Forrest was 25 years old, he was a strong, rugby-playing farmer who was married with two twin babies.Then he had an accident on the rugby field and broke his neck. A doctor said he would never walk again. His wife wouldn't touch him anymore. And he thought, "How the hell am I going to survive this?"What follows is his story, which touches on everything from love, sex, and dating, to dependence, interdependence, and the power of the human spirit. As Wayne puts it, the Inner Warrior is the most important element of our lives, yet we rarely have a strong relationship with it.What does it mean to be a modern warrior? How to we re-envision manhood, masculinity, and power? I believe the answers lie in discussions like these.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“I put myself in danger to prove that I was enough (or good enough).”“Having to rely on everybody … was quite an extreme moment.”“We’ve got a deeper intelligence that’s connected to everything.”“It’s funny how you make a decision and the universe puts the right people in front of you.”“She started throwing mud at me in the yard and I thought, ‘Ahhh, I’ve got her!’”“Be curious and question every belief you have.”"It takes a load off!"---Mentioned on this episode:Wayne's site, and to book a call: https://www.wayneforrest.com/your-inner-warrior-strategy-call

What does it mean to be a good husband?Many men we work with were trained to take care of everyone else before themselves. They often feel burnt out, and like they don't get nearly as much back as they give.If you've ever felt like you've tried everything you can to make your woman happy, but this only results in both of you being miserable ... you might be able to relate.Or perhaps you've lived some version of, "No matter how hard I try to please her -- how much I do -- it's never enough."Here, we talk about why this is. If he's bending over backwards to do what he thinks she wants, why doesn't it work?The answer lies in part with polarity, in part with childhood trauma (because of course), and in part with the fallacies of being a lone wolf.Related questions we cover:What does it mean to be a provider in modern times? (Hint: It's got nothing to do with money)How does this pattern impact sexual polarity?If it's not about sacrifice, then what does it actually mean to be a good husband?---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“If we’re used to taking care of everyone else, we’ll often attract someone who needs to be taken care of.”“The trouble with ‘please and appease’ is that it leads to deep resentments.”“We have this fantasy that if she were happy, she'd naturally give me what I need, whether sexual connection, support, time, etc.”“When we feel a partner not respecting themselves, it causes contempt or disdain.”“What it means to be a provider is changing.”“The most valuable status is connection to community.”“Our relationships should be a source of wellness.”---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 196: Were you a child of emotional neglect?Dear Men 345: The 4 male "types" who partner with Borderline women (Borderline Personality Disorder)Dear Men 292: Sex life with your wife not where you want it to be? This could be the culprit

If you've ever been with an emotionally volatile partner or perhaps suspected that you yourself might be emotionally volatile, you hopefully already know about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). (And if you haven't, we have lots of episodes on the subject!)Here, we talk to a therapist whose clientele is largely comprised of those contending with BPD. What's it like to be a therapist who works with clients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? What are some of the big challenges and greatest rewards?"Can BPD be treated?" "Is it possible to recover from BPD?" "How does therapy work when it comes to BPD?" are a few common questions -- all of which we address.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Then I will see the ‘flip’ take place.""There can be this, ‘How dare you?’ response — or, ‘Are you saying I’m bad?’""Ideally I’m asking people to talk about it instead of acting it out.""The treatment takes place in the relational field between us (client and practitioner).""I’m inviting people to communicate instead of act out their hurt or distress.""The core feature is the fear of abandonment … being left or rejected.""There can be chronic feelings of emptiness that people describe (which can be related to a lack of sense of self).""Partners will often talk about the intense anger outbursts.""The hallmark defense mechanism is splitting, which is seeing people or situations as all good or all bad.""No one is there for me and no one will ever be there for me. Everyone lets me down. I desperately want to be taken care of, but I can’t trust anyone to take care of me.""Over and over again, there is going to be rupture and repair, which is the experience that this person did not have early on."---Mentioned on this episode:Setareh Vatan's Psychology Today profileRBeyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Paperback – edited by Gunderson & HoffmanGet Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder – by Rachel Reiland

Ever wanted to be a fly on the wall while women talked about their dating stories? Ever wondered what the men who have women feel both safe and turned on have in common?Here, four of us women discuss a specific skill that men have shown that has us feel taken care of and turned on. It boosts polarity like crazy, and it's relevant whether or not you're dating casually or you're in a committed, long-term relationship.What's extra intriguing is that while this is a relatively easy skill to master, it's not one that a lot of men know about. (We can guarantee that because it's pretty rare in the dating world!)If you want to be able to lead women in such a way that has them feel special, lit up, and excited to see you ... listen on.Bonus? When a woman feels safe and turned on, she's far more likely to fall in love.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Does a part of you ever feel like just giving up? It's too much, it's too heavy, it's too complicated, it's too hard. Or has it ever felt like, "What's the point?"The truth is, we all have points in our lives when we feel overwhelmed. This can also show up in the, "Here I am again… I’m in the SAME SPOT. I always circle back to this.'"If you're single, perhaps it's: "Nothing's working in dating." If you're partnered, it could be: "I'm trying and trying, but nothing’s working to get us reconnected."Or as Jason says, "In my relationship, it would be anytime that I would get activated into feeling like I’m not enough."Here we go into what's happening on a physiological level when this part is showing up for you -- the two poles. These are dorsal shutdown — disassociation/sleepy/collapsed/yawning; and sympathetic overdrive — hyper/activated/manic/wired/anger.We talk about how to recognize these states, and what to do it when you do. Hint: "Connection and movement are two of the most important things. And sometimes to shift our mindset, we have to shift our body first."---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Our whole system just shuts down, and we’re frozen or disassociated."“What’s the point of trying? What’s the point of getting angry? What’s the point of connecting with someone online? It’s not going to change.”"It’s a deep place of suffering when we don’t feel like we have agency over our own life.""Rumination — our mind is racing but our body isn’t moving.""The optimal place is in the middle: We’re engaged, and we’re relaxed.""One of the ways we get back to that relaxed state is through social connection.""One breath, one step."“If we can be with it, we can be free from it.”---Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 196: Were you a child of emotional neglect?

Ever feel like you need to be tough in order to be seen as "masculine" enough? Ever feel like you wish you could just let your guard down and be taken care of? The truth is, it is a deep human need to be nurtured in relationship. It's neither masculine nor feminine, and we need to expand our awareness of and perception of love, relationship, and what it means to be taken care of, whether we're dating or in a committed long-term relationship.Men need to feel safe, desired, and received just as much as women do. The shape that takes might differ, but the underlying need remains the same.Here we delve into the wonderful world of feeling nurtured. I share personal stories from men in our community of moments when they've felt deeply nurtured by their women partners, as well as what nurturing means to them.In love and even in sex, some of the most memorable moments are not those in which we feel red-hot desire, but when we feel the sweetness of connection.This is part two of a two-part series on nurturing. For those who want to listen to both, the first is episode 343.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've go tit.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"I feel nurtured when I am told I am fully seen, trusted, and loved for all that I am as I am.""The bravery to feel worthy.""We relate to men through roughness, and women through sex.""You can’t meet me where I’m at if you don’t see me.""The patriarchy says: 'I’ve got to do it by myself and without complaining and tough it out no matter what.'""We have to take the mask off for somebody."

"Porn was the #1 relationship I had in terms of intimacy."So says Jason on his experience of sex, love, and closeness in his 20s. (Fortunately, after engaging in personal growth, including men's work, he's now married to a radiant goddess!)If you've ever struggled with your relationship to porn -- and if that has also impacted your relationship to sex and sexuality, you're far from alone. Countless clients of ours start out with a challenging dynamic with porn, and here's the truth: Porn use isn't really about porn. Weed use isn't really about weed, either.When it comes to using weed, porn & masturbation, and other substances like alcohol, as Luke puts it, "It’s almost always covering up deeper material that men do not know how to handle."The good news? There are lots of ways to handle that material, safe spaces within which to process it, and a TON of energy, vitality, and joy on the other side. Remember: Personal growth works, so work it.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“When I watch porn, I have the freedom to experience pleasure and the freedom to not experience rejection.”“Gimme the weed again because I don’t want to feel the Shame Guy!”“We all do things to avoid feeling the thing that we don’t want to feel.”“Emotion starts as sensation in the body.”“Most of what ails you can be significantly soothed by connection.”

Most of us, on our growth journeys, become aware that we need to heal from some kind of trauma. We also often discover that we need more than talk therapy.Altered states have been used since time immemorial to help us on our healing paths, and can be particularly helpful in trauma healing. And while plant medicine (ayahuasca, psilocybin (magic mushrooms), MDMA, psychedelics like wachuma/peyote) can be a strong ally, it also has certain drawbacks and limitations.Fortunately there's another way to get into altered states that requires no substances: Breathwork.Here we outline the differences between plant medicine and breathwork. We also discuss how breathwork can help folks heal from attachment wounding (anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or disorganized attachment, which is a mix of both).And we talk about the bodymind's inherent knowledge of how to heal. Breathwork can help us unlock our own deeper wisdom.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"The next stage of evolution is self-inquiry.""Consciousness expands in such a way that says, ‘I need help.'""I have this deep desire to expand.""Beneath that knot of unworthiness is ultimate consciousness.""The core intention is to open the heart, and to heal."---Mentioned on this episode:Book: Conscious Breathing: How Shamanic Breathwork Can Transform Your Life by Joy MannéBreathwork Breakthrough (advanced course led by me and Luke, starting mid-March. Email dearmenpodcast@gmail.com for more info)