Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

We don’t love our children the same. We love them uniquely, because they are each unique. Because of their uniqueness, a parenting approach that works for one child could cause another one to wilt. My good friend, partner in ministry, and coach/strategist Jenny Price joins me today to talk through various personality types we find among children, and what strategies can help us get the best out of each one. Thank you to my patreon supporters!  You are making the show notes and production of the show possible!  If you believe in Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can support the show for as little as $1 an episode. Show Highlights What does it mean to fully love your children, but not love them the same Personality differences that become evident in the baby/toddler years How different discipline techniques work with different personalities The tender children Helping them differentiate correction from “I’m a horrible person” Their tendency for secretive shame The importance of asking question Teaching them that God is both The Lion and The Lamb Assertive, strong-willed children The need for discipline and structure Their need for short conversations and a brick wall Why lectures aren’t effective The easy, under the radar children The Glass Child Why they are so easily overlooked Their need of one on one time Special needs children Their need for higher attention Beware of them working the system The critical need for parents to take care of themselves The importance of saying sorry to your children Three questions to ask your children What’s working for you? What’s not working for you? What’s next in relationship to me? Three other great questions What do you want more of from me? What do you want less of from me? What else are you not telling me? Reminding your children that you love them, you are for them, that God loves them and is for them Ensuring other mentors are involved in your children’s life Tweet This Our goal isn't to raise children that 'aren't bad', our goal is to raise adults that thrive and are a blessing to the world. Click To Tweet Your performance driven children need permission to not be perfect. Click To Tweet Three important questions to ask people in your life -What do you want more of from me? -What do you want less of from me? -What else do you need to tell me? Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Jenny Price Coach/Consultant:  Personal/Professional/Enneagram www.jenneagram.com Jenny on instagram: : www.instagram.com/JenneagramCoach Let’s Parent on Purpose Episode 49: Depression and Anxiety In Parenting and Marriage with Jenny Let’s Parent on Purpose Episode 112: Tools for Taming the Tongue Ian Morgan Cron, The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery

We all want to be great parents with thriving kids, but the truth is that only God can change a heart.  I do the best I can with all the means I can, but it’s ultimately His Spirit that reaches them.  Learn how to trust that God will reach our kids hearts, shape them and eventually bring freedom as we faithfully walk this parenting journey. Show Highlights Trusting God Even When Life Hurts – the sovereignty of God.  Why doesn’t He stop pain if He is all-powerful and all-loving. If God is all-powerful, why doesn’t He stop the pain? Ryan Leak’s consulting on on the danger of ego – what percentage of credit you feel like you should get for the success of “X” Why you should get 0 credit for the growth of “X” We are responsible to point our kids to Jesus, but it’s HIM who changes hearts How to deal with situations beyond my control and my illusion of control Finding encouragement from Psalm 127, the theme song of my life What do I do when I don’t know what to do or how to pray? The Spirit helps us in our weakness and the Spirit intercedes with groaning too deep for words Romans 8:26-28: He causes ALL things work together for good for those who Love God and are called according to his purpose.  It doesn’t mean that everything that happens is good; it means that He can bring good, even out of sin and pain. Thomas Watson’s book: All Things for Good God is a great pharmacist. A pharmacist’s role is to combine drugs to bring healing. The very same lethal drug, if mixed correctly, can save your life. (i.e. NACL) Some things are not good, but God will work them for good. It may take a very long time He didn’t spare his own son and how much more will he give us everything we need. NOTHING will separate us from the love of God Not death, life, angels, rulers, things present powers, OR your kids stupid decisions, a mean person, bad grades, even complete rebellion of a child Look back and see how God used sin and hardship to mold you towards Jesus The mystery of how God uses most unlikely things to turn us towards Him You can’t control every decision your kids make, or their sicknesses, which friends love and hurt them, etc.  But their pain is not wasted; God uses loss and suffering to bond us to Him. 7 steps to help you center your trust in God Believe that God loves your children more than you do Trust that whatever is happening isn’t the end of the story The pain isn’t senseless or wasted Jesus is going to make all things new Acknowledge your doubts and fears Psalm 88 — and darkness is my only friend God, I believe.  Help my unbelief.  — Mark 9:24 Faith is not a lack of fear.  It’s walking forward even in the midst of our fear.  It’s remembering what you know to be true in front of something that you don’t understand Notice the circumstances of your life that God put together to provide for you Remember that you are a work in progress too Parent today in the power of the Holy Spirit Trust God for the grace today and look forward to the results for tomorrow Tweet This This is God's universe, and God does things his way. You may have a better way, but you don't have a universe. --J. Vernon McGee Click To Tweet Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. --Mark 9:24 Click To Tweet Faith is not a lack of fear. It's walking forward even in the midst of our fear. It's remembering what you know to be true in front of something that you don't understand. Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Ryan Leak – https://www.ryanleak.com https://twitter.com/ryanleak Trusting God Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges Psalm 127  Romans 8:26-28 All Things for Good book by puritan Thomas Watson  

Gratitude is a crucial component in changing our circumstances and in helping develop the character of our children. Join me today as I discuss three ways you can encourage a heart of gratitude in your household. I want to say a special thanks to my growing group of Patreon Supporters!  For as little as $1 an episode you can invest in making this podcast as I invest in your family! Show Highlights Headwinds vs Tailwinds: why we notice our disadvantages while glossing over our advantages Why we should notice the advantages and resources at our fingertips What or who is the real problem to our lack of gratitude? Learn what God’s antidote is to taking life for granted Learn what God says His will is for your life. One of the greatest works that can change our circumstances and help develop the character of our children Hear about one of my personal goals this year with my kids How to model and then encourage a lifestyle of gratitude for my family Become a life tour guide pointing out multiple levels of amazing that God has graced us with Three practical steps to cultivate a culture of gratitude in your home Check-in (“roses and thorns” or “highs for the day”) Compliment and celebrate Check out the Global Rich List.  See where your family ranks among the wealthiest humans in the world. You’ll be shocked! Make a list with your children of how your family has been given advantages See how it takes a person in a different country to earn “x” amount of money for just a cup of coffee vs. how it takes us about 10 minutes in the US to earn the same amount of money. Begin a month-long process of identifying all the advantages God has given us God blessed Abraham so that he could be a blessing too many. Help your kids see the responsibility that comes along with being blessed. A family that is thankful is a family that is fun to be in! Thankful families are a blessing to the world.   Tweet This A culture of gratitude is one of the greatest works that can change our circumstances and help develop the character of our children. Click To Tweet Gratitude is a marathon, not a sprint. Click To Tweet   Resources Mentioned Freakonomics podcast: Gratitude and Noticing our disadvantages while glossing over our advantages Episode 110: A Little Change that Makes a Big Difference  Global Rich List: interactive website to see where you find your wealth rank among the world and its wealthiest people

Show Highlights Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future. Our friends determine the direction and quality of our lives. Why I should intentionally equip myself and my family on how to have the most healthy friendships How negative behaviors and bad habits become normal to us when we surround ourselves with bad company Why not to make close friends with gaping character defects Am I establishing healthy friendships and avoiding unhealthy ones?  Are my children? How do we help our children recognize and identify healthy friendships, and how do we cultivate them? Help your kids be intentional in identifying the good qualities in others Analyze your own friendships.  Model healthy friendships.  It’s hard for my kids to do what they don’t see. Who are you becoming? What direction are your closest friends taking you? You need givers AND takers in your life, people you pour into and people who pour into you. You become a composite of the 5-7 people you spend the most time with.  Do you like what’s happening? He who walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Go to Scripture and point your kids to it.  Discuss scripture with your kids (i.e. What does Proverbs 13:20 mean?) Ask questions.  Discussions around your dinner table could include: Asking questions to your kids to help THEM discover. The more they realize on their own, the more growth is possible. You become like the 5-7 people you spend the most time with.  If we look at your friends, what’s your future going to be?  What direction are you heading in, and do you like that? Who are 1-2 peers that you need to intentionally spend more time with? Who are 1-2 older people that you really benefit by spending more time with?   Tweet This Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future. Click To Tweet Bad company corrupts good morals. Click To Tweet You become a composite of the 5-7 people you spend the most time with. Do you like what's happening? Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Episode 74: Identifying and Avoiding Toxic Relationships Episode 79: How to Win Hearts and Influence Your Family Episode 80: Two Ways to Get People to Like You

If you’re tired of putting out fires started by your tongue, you’re going to really benefit from my conversation with my friend Aidan Till.  Aidan preached recently at my church Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church from James 3. What he shared about the connection between our hearts, minds, and tongue was so applicable to moms and dads I grabbed him for a followup conversation.  If you want to hear the original sermon, you can find it here. I want to say a special thanks to my growing group of Patreon Supporters!  For as little as $1 an episode you can invest in making this podcast as I invest in your family! Show Highlights A background on the book of James as wisdom literature How emotions are always 100% accurate, but not in the way we often think How our internal story maker affects how we interpret our world and others Understanding how we are driven by emotions far more than we think Realizing that we are labeling our children in the way we chastise them Why feelings don’t have to be fixed Disciplines for understanding the root what’s coming out of our mouth Notice (without judgement or excuse) the speech Notice what you just said You can even do this without saying it if you practice 10 seconds of silence Notice how you said Notice what you wanted when you said it Notice the other conversations going on in your head while you’re taking Don’t try to know why Notice what you would have said Use a discipline of silence 10 second rule across all of life 5 minute rule listen notice without judgment or justification what you would have said Notice the emotions In the silence notice what you are feeling Usually our most real feelings are happy, sad, scared, mad, or affectionate Emotions are designed to be noticed. That’s all. Practice the Examine Prayer Notice the story Stimulus->Story->Feelings->Response Our stories are sometimes lazy or protective Notice the story you are telling, it will tell you something about your inner story teller Example – Lunch win an ex Notice there may be something more An exercise for examining our heart Tweet This Emotions always tell you the truth about what you believe about God, yourself, and the world. They don't always tell you the truth about what's actually real. Click To Tweet When I yell at my children, I'm teaching them that whoever escalates the most wins. Click To Tweet If you're going to give someone the benefit of the doubt, you have to acknowledge that you're doubting something. Click To Tweet Biting our tongue is not how we tame our tongue. That's like trying to bite a bullet after it's been fired. We have to examine our heart. Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Aidan Till’s Blog Joseph Grenny’s Crucial Conversations  

While it might be unrealistic to ever get to the point of disciplining without any emotion, we can at least strive to correct behavior without having a stroke. As author Dr. Kevin Leman puts it, our goal is Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours! As I mentioned, thank you for subscribing and sharing, and a BIG thank you to my Patreon supporters!  For as little as $1 an episode you can help support this podcast and join our Facebook Parenting Community. Show Highlights Triggers for emotional overreaction as a parent The purpose of discipline is not punishment, it’s training for behavior and character The danger of training our children to be emotionally volatile My thoughts on generational curses Why my emotional escalation of the situation generally doesn’t help Strategies for lowering your emotions Preemptive strategies: Specificity drives accountability, accountability drives performance: get specific in your instructions Be realistic about human nature, time, and commitments Plan ahead to avoid unnecessary conflicts Plan ahead with consequences for predictable poor behavior Delaying consequences Using words like “uh-oh” or “ooooo… bummer” The danger or idle threats Tweet This Rules without relationship lead to rebellion. @josh_mcdowell Click To Tweet How can I discipline effectively without getting so angry? Find out on this week's podcast! Click To Tweet The purpose of discipline is not punishment, it's training for behavior and character. Click To Tweet Children will mimic what I do far more than what I say. Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours!  by Dr. Kevin Leman Parenting with Love and Logic  By Foster Kline and Jim Fay Parenting Teens with Love and Logic By Foster Kline and Jim Fay You might want to check out my blog Consequences Don’t Have to be Immediate

Sometimes it seems like a cloud of negativity hangs over our household.  This week I share with you a simple change I made that helped change my perspective, as well as the reality, in my family. Show Highlights Realizing that I had become overly critical of those in my life Deciding to live like God gave me the gift of encouragement My resolution for the year: “Catch them doing good” Realizing that the vast majority of what my wife and children do is good Deciding to be the kind of person who sees and celebrates the good in others Why this is not just the power of positive thinking Understanding the concept of “What you feed will grow, what you starve will die” How Celebrating the Win can remove the need to address some negative behavior Tweet This A change in your perspective can change your reality. Click To Tweet Click To Tweet What you feed will grow, what you starve will die. Click To Tweet If you liked this, check out Episode 85 Learning to Celebrate Failure Episode 90 Small Investments Big Rewards  

How do you cultivate a culture of generosity in your family?  Father and son Brad and Drew Formsma join me today to share how generosity has become a way of life in their household. Along with his dad, Drew recently published the book  Everyday Generosity – becoming a generous family in a selfie world. Speaking of generosity, thank you so much to my Patreon supporters! As a token of gratitude, I’m sending a copy of Drew and Brad’s book Everyday Generosity to one of my patrons! Show Highlights How Uber drivers inspired 16 year old Drew to write Everyday Generosity Drew’s earliest memories of generosity in his mom and dad Brad explains the 7 ways a family can be generous Words Money Influence Attention Possessions Time Thoughts The power of a story Pre-planing for generosity by carrying around gift cards Getting your generosity antenna ready Have you ever thanked the person who cleans the airport bathroom? I share my son’s Chemo Orphan Challenge Story How parents can model generosity in a way that is contagious Learning that modeling generosity is a long process   Tweet This Generosity is simply seeing a need, accepting it, and living it out without any expectation of anything in return. @drewformsma Click To Tweet Generosity inspires generosity @bradformsma Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Brad Formsma’s organization to inspire giving https://www.ilikegiving.com Brad’s book I Like Giving: The Transforming Power of a Generous Life http://www.bradformsma.com Drew Formsma on Instagram Drew Formsma on Twitter Brad Formsma on Twitter Brad Formsma on Instagram

There has been a major shift over the last several years in music and pop culture. Artists today are first brands, and then musicians. Social media, music streaming and youtube have radically changed music discovery, delivery, and influence. I have to be honest, I knew nothing about many of the top 10 Billboard artists of the year. My friend Patrick Farley is here to help educate us on which artists have cultural significance, trends in music and dance. If you find this valuable, please share it with others and consider supporting Let’s Parent on Purpose as a Patreon Tweet This Even if your children are homeschooled, if you're ever going to let them out of the house, you need to know the world they are swimming in. Click To Tweet Click To Tweet A face tattoo is a face tattoo. If you don't become a rapper who makes a million dollars, you're stuck with your face tattoo. Click To Tweet Click To Tweet Show Highlights A rundown of the top 10 Billboard artists of the year for 2018 The changing image of rappers and hip hop artists in the last 5 years “It’s not about making great music, it’s about having fun” A general understanding of Kpop Drake as a cultural influencer, including his negative impact The undertones of depression behind the glorification of recreational drugs Why you need to be aware of Post Malone The refreshing honesty and quality of Christian Hip Hop Deviant behavior promoted in the lyrics by those that culture labels “good guys” The country music genre’s obsession with alcohol Taylor Swift’s unique influence over Apple Music and Spotify The “catch me outside” girl launches a music career Resources Mentioned 2018 Billboard top 10 artists of the year Check out Plugged In to keep up to date on music, movies, and video games from a Christian perspective Christian Hip Hop Artists you should know Danielle Bregoli the “catch me outside girl” cashes in

We live in a world that seeks to define women by their bodies or their tasks. They are either commodities to be exploited or pawns in someone’s agenda.  As a father, this breaks my heart. As a pastor, I know it’s evil. Our daughters AND sons need a healthy vision of womanhood that is not tied to an ever-changing image of physical beauty. They also need to see how women are unique image-bearers of God far beyond the tasks they do-whether in the home or in the work force.  On this podcast I humbly present a definition rooted in God’s word for our ladies to aspire and our men to affirm. Thank you again to www.lovoso.com for sponsoring today’s podcast.  Check out their selection of hand crafted pens, made by young men who have been rescued from poverty and homelessness, now trained in the Gospel and with a job skill.  100% of the profits support orphan and widow care. Use the code “Parenting” to receive 10% off your order! Tweet This Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lionlooking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 Click To Tweet Click To Tweet Grace does not mean you're a doormat. Click To Tweet Show Highlights The pressure on females to look perfect in our social media culture Changing standards of beauty for women over time Why coming up with the definition for womanhood was much more difficult The danger of the church trying to define women by their domestic duties A simple definition: “You’re a woman. That means God made you graceful to heal others.” Rejecting Worldly Identity Expecting God’s Greater Reward Acting with Strength and Wisdom Loving Others Boldly Developing the habit of catching your children doing good Resources mentioned 1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lionlooking for someone to devour. Changing Standards of Beauty over time Men’s Fraternity by Robert Lewis Thank you to my Patrons!  If you find value in this program, would you consider supporting this podcast for the price of a cup of coffee each week?