Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

Show Highlights Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future. Our friends determine the direction and quality of our lives. Why I should intentionally equip myself and my family on how to have the most healthy friendships How negative behaviors and bad habits become normal to us when we surround ourselves with bad company Why not to make close friends with gaping character defects Am I establishing healthy friendships and avoiding unhealthy ones?  Are my children? How do we help our children recognize and identify healthy friendships, and how do we cultivate them? Help your kids be intentional in identifying the good qualities in others Analyze your own friendships.  Model healthy friendships.  It’s hard for my kids to do what they don’t see. Who are you becoming? What direction are your closest friends taking you? You need givers AND takers in your life, people you pour into and people who pour into you. You become a composite of the 5-7 people you spend the most time with.  Do you like what’s happening? He who walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Go to Scripture and point your kids to it.  Discuss scripture with your kids (i.e. What does Proverbs 13:20 mean?) Ask questions.  Discussions around your dinner table could include: Asking questions to your kids to help THEM discover. The more they realize on their own, the more growth is possible. You become like the 5-7 people you spend the most time with.  If we look at your friends, what’s your future going to be?  What direction are you heading in, and do you like that? Who are 1-2 peers that you need to intentionally spend more time with? Who are 1-2 older people that you really benefit by spending more time with?   Tweet This Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future. Click To Tweet Bad company corrupts good morals. Click To Tweet You become a composite of the 5-7 people you spend the most time with. Do you like what's happening? Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Episode 74: Identifying and Avoiding Toxic Relationships Episode 79: How to Win Hearts and Influence Your Family Episode 80: Two Ways to Get People to Like You

If you’re tired of putting out fires started by your tongue, you’re going to really benefit from my conversation with my friend Aidan Till.  Aidan preached recently at my church Covenant Fellowship Baptist Church from James 3. What he shared about the connection between our hearts, minds, and tongue was so applicable to moms and dads I grabbed him for a followup conversation.  If you want to hear the original sermon, you can find it here. I want to say a special thanks to my growing group of Patreon Supporters!  For as little as $1 an episode you can invest in making this podcast as I invest in your family! Show Highlights A background on the book of James as wisdom literature How emotions are always 100% accurate, but not in the way we often think How our internal story maker affects how we interpret our world and others Understanding how we are driven by emotions far more than we think Realizing that we are labeling our children in the way we chastise them Why feelings don’t have to be fixed Disciplines for understanding the root what’s coming out of our mouth Notice (without judgement or excuse) the speech Notice what you just said You can even do this without saying it if you practice 10 seconds of silence Notice how you said Notice what you wanted when you said it Notice the other conversations going on in your head while you’re taking Don’t try to know why Notice what you would have said Use a discipline of silence 10 second rule across all of life 5 minute rule listen notice without judgment or justification what you would have said Notice the emotions In the silence notice what you are feeling Usually our most real feelings are happy, sad, scared, mad, or affectionate Emotions are designed to be noticed. That’s all. Practice the Examine Prayer Notice the story Stimulus->Story->Feelings->Response Our stories are sometimes lazy or protective Notice the story you are telling, it will tell you something about your inner story teller Example – Lunch win an ex Notice there may be something more An exercise for examining our heart Tweet This Emotions always tell you the truth about what you believe about God, yourself, and the world. They don't always tell you the truth about what's actually real. Click To Tweet When I yell at my children, I'm teaching them that whoever escalates the most wins. Click To Tweet If you're going to give someone the benefit of the doubt, you have to acknowledge that you're doubting something. Click To Tweet Biting our tongue is not how we tame our tongue. That's like trying to bite a bullet after it's been fired. We have to examine our heart. Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Aidan Till’s Blog Joseph Grenny’s Crucial Conversations  

While it might be unrealistic to ever get to the point of disciplining without any emotion, we can at least strive to correct behavior without having a stroke. As author Dr. Kevin Leman puts it, our goal is Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours! As I mentioned, thank you for subscribing and sharing, and a BIG thank you to my Patreon supporters!  For as little as $1 an episode you can help support this podcast and join our Facebook Parenting Community. Show Highlights Triggers for emotional overreaction as a parent The purpose of discipline is not punishment, it’s training for behavior and character The danger of training our children to be emotionally volatile My thoughts on generational curses Why my emotional escalation of the situation generally doesn’t help Strategies for lowering your emotions Preemptive strategies: Specificity drives accountability, accountability drives performance: get specific in your instructions Be realistic about human nature, time, and commitments Plan ahead to avoid unnecessary conflicts Plan ahead with consequences for predictable poor behavior Delaying consequences Using words like “uh-oh” or “ooooo… bummer” The danger or idle threats Tweet This Rules without relationship lead to rebellion. @josh_mcdowell Click To Tweet How can I discipline effectively without getting so angry? Find out on this week's podcast! Click To Tweet The purpose of discipline is not punishment, it's training for behavior and character. Click To Tweet Children will mimic what I do far more than what I say. Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours!  by Dr. Kevin Leman Parenting with Love and Logic  By Foster Kline and Jim Fay Parenting Teens with Love and Logic By Foster Kline and Jim Fay You might want to check out my blog Consequences Don’t Have to be Immediate

Sometimes it seems like a cloud of negativity hangs over our household.  This week I share with you a simple change I made that helped change my perspective, as well as the reality, in my family. Show Highlights Realizing that I had become overly critical of those in my life Deciding to live like God gave me the gift of encouragement My resolution for the year: “Catch them doing good” Realizing that the vast majority of what my wife and children do is good Deciding to be the kind of person who sees and celebrates the good in others Why this is not just the power of positive thinking Understanding the concept of “What you feed will grow, what you starve will die” How Celebrating the Win can remove the need to address some negative behavior Tweet This A change in your perspective can change your reality. Click To Tweet Click To Tweet What you feed will grow, what you starve will die. Click To Tweet If you liked this, check out Episode 85 Learning to Celebrate Failure Episode 90 Small Investments Big Rewards  

How do you cultivate a culture of generosity in your family?  Father and son Brad and Drew Formsma join me today to share how generosity has become a way of life in their household. Along with his dad, Drew recently published the book  Everyday Generosity – becoming a generous family in a selfie world. Speaking of generosity, thank you so much to my Patreon supporters! As a token of gratitude, I’m sending a copy of Drew and Brad’s book Everyday Generosity to one of my patrons! Show Highlights How Uber drivers inspired 16 year old Drew to write Everyday Generosity Drew’s earliest memories of generosity in his mom and dad Brad explains the 7 ways a family can be generous Words Money Influence Attention Possessions Time Thoughts The power of a story Pre-planing for generosity by carrying around gift cards Getting your generosity antenna ready Have you ever thanked the person who cleans the airport bathroom? I share my son’s Chemo Orphan Challenge Story How parents can model generosity in a way that is contagious Learning that modeling generosity is a long process   Tweet This Generosity is simply seeing a need, accepting it, and living it out without any expectation of anything in return. @drewformsma Click To Tweet Generosity inspires generosity @bradformsma Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Brad Formsma’s organization to inspire giving https://www.ilikegiving.com Brad’s book I Like Giving: The Transforming Power of a Generous Life http://www.bradformsma.com Drew Formsma on Instagram Drew Formsma on Twitter Brad Formsma on Twitter Brad Formsma on Instagram

There has been a major shift over the last several years in music and pop culture. Artists today are first brands, and then musicians. Social media, music streaming and youtube have radically changed music discovery, delivery, and influence. I have to be honest, I knew nothing about many of the top 10 Billboard artists of the year. My friend Patrick Farley is here to help educate us on which artists have cultural significance, trends in music and dance. If you find this valuable, please share it with others and consider supporting Let’s Parent on Purpose as a Patreon Tweet This Even if your children are homeschooled, if you're ever going to let them out of the house, you need to know the world they are swimming in. Click To Tweet Click To Tweet A face tattoo is a face tattoo. If you don't become a rapper who makes a million dollars, you're stuck with your face tattoo. Click To Tweet Click To Tweet Show Highlights A rundown of the top 10 Billboard artists of the year for 2018 The changing image of rappers and hip hop artists in the last 5 years “It’s not about making great music, it’s about having fun” A general understanding of Kpop Drake as a cultural influencer, including his negative impact The undertones of depression behind the glorification of recreational drugs Why you need to be aware of Post Malone The refreshing honesty and quality of Christian Hip Hop Deviant behavior promoted in the lyrics by those that culture labels “good guys” The country music genre’s obsession with alcohol Taylor Swift’s unique influence over Apple Music and Spotify The “catch me outside” girl launches a music career Resources Mentioned 2018 Billboard top 10 artists of the year Check out Plugged In to keep up to date on music, movies, and video games from a Christian perspective Christian Hip Hop Artists you should know Danielle Bregoli the “catch me outside girl” cashes in

We live in a world that seeks to define women by their bodies or their tasks. They are either commodities to be exploited or pawns in someone’s agenda.  As a father, this breaks my heart. As a pastor, I know it’s evil. Our daughters AND sons need a healthy vision of womanhood that is not tied to an ever-changing image of physical beauty. They also need to see how women are unique image-bearers of God far beyond the tasks they do-whether in the home or in the work force.  On this podcast I humbly present a definition rooted in God’s word for our ladies to aspire and our men to affirm. Thank you again to www.lovoso.com for sponsoring today’s podcast.  Check out their selection of hand crafted pens, made by young men who have been rescued from poverty and homelessness, now trained in the Gospel and with a job skill.  100% of the profits support orphan and widow care. Use the code “Parenting” to receive 10% off your order! Tweet This Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lionlooking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 Click To Tweet Click To Tweet Grace does not mean you're a doormat. Click To Tweet Show Highlights The pressure on females to look perfect in our social media culture Changing standards of beauty for women over time Why coming up with the definition for womanhood was much more difficult The danger of the church trying to define women by their domestic duties A simple definition: “You’re a woman. That means God made you graceful to heal others.” Rejecting Worldly Identity Expecting God’s Greater Reward Acting with Strength and Wisdom Loving Others Boldly Developing the habit of catching your children doing good Resources mentioned 1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lionlooking for someone to devour. Changing Standards of Beauty over time Men’s Fraternity by Robert Lewis Thank you to my Patrons!  If you find value in this program, would you consider supporting this podcast for the price of a cup of coffee each week?

What does it mean to be a man?  The answer to this question is as important as it’s ever been.  But in a post-truth culture, the answer is muddier than ever. Giving our young men and women a clear vision for manhood will ground them and give them purpose in a constant shifting culture. Today’s podcast does exactly that.  Starting with a simple definition to train our small children, I expand with Robert Lewis’ definition of a REAL Man to help guide our sons and daughters as they approach adulthood. Also, if you’re looking for a meaningful gift for a loved one, check out our sponsor Lovoso at https://www.lovoso.com.  They provide high quality handmade pens created by young men who are escaping cycles of poverty while learning a trade. 100% of the profits go to orphan and widow care.  Use the promo code “Parenting” to get a 10% discount on your order! Tweet This Click To Tweet Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is choosing to walk forward even in the presence of fear. Click To Tweet Show Highlights Why this topic is so important for your daughters as well as your sons Helping your children recognize the difference between a boy and adult Why we miss true cultural Rites of Passage and how your church can create one Rites of Passages for young men around the world Our Church’s 4 Part Rite of Passage A special family trip A special family dinner A special gift A church dinner with public affirmation and prayer A simple manhood definition: “You’re a man. That means God made you strong to take care of others.” Rejecting Passivity Expecting God’s Greater Reward Accepting Responsibility Leading Courageously Resources Mentioned Cultural Rites of Passage around the world Failure to Launch Men’s Fraternity by Robert Lewis Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis Consider being a Patron of Let’s Parent on Purpose!

Identity can be defined simply as “who a person is”. This simple definition belies how incredibly complicated identity can be for individuals, especially our growing children.  In a world of constantly changing morals and definitions, it is vital that we give our children solid footing to understand who they are and why they exist. Today’s podcast explores the reality that our greatest possible value comes from understanding our identity as the pinnacle of God’s creation, the only ones made in His image, and the object of his love, affection, and redemption. This is Part One of a three part series on equipping you to teach identity to your children. Please visit this week’s sponsor https://www.lovoso.com . Lovoso gives orphans job skills through woodworking and tailoring. Use the promo code “Parenting” to get 10% off of your order.  All profits go to care for and train orphans and widows in India. Tweet This What are the character qualities that describe a biblical man or woman? Click To Tweet Both men and women are created in the image of God. Every other identity is secondary to this. If you become the mayor, governor, or president, how does that compare to being the pinnacle of God's creation and object of His love &… Click To Tweet It's not the value of the material or paint that makes a painting, it's the worth of the artist. People are priceless because of our Creator. Click To Tweet You were made by the Master Creator, and YOU are the object of His love and redemption! Click To Tweet Show Highlights My annual list of truths and principles to teach teenagers at my church The difficulty of a culture with no true definition of adulthood or rite of passage to affirm arrival Why it’s not helpful to tell children anything in the world they want to be Why being made in the image of God should be our core identity How the value of any creation is tied to the preeminence of the creator What it means to be created in the image of God How humans are God’s ruling representatives on earth The danger of placing our identity in sports, arts, smarts, or gender Coaching your children on identity Resources mentioned The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis Genesis 1:26-17 Become a Patron of Let’s Parent on Purpose

Nearly 80 million people play the video game sensation Fortnite each month. Even if your children don’t play, they are talking about it, learning the dance moves. It’s not just a video game, it’s a cultural phenomenon.  Additionally, students are devouring content on youtube that you might not even realize exists. My good friend and top 5 finalist for Florida state teacher of the year Patrick Farley joins me to talk about his experience of Fortnite and Youtube among his students.  These are topics you absolutely need to be aware of as you raise children interacting with pop culture. Be sure to check out our affiliate sponsor https://www.lovoso.com.  Lovoso is a handcrafted wood company that trains orphans to have a hope for the future through shelter, education, spiritual mentoring, and job skills.  I’ve personally visited their home in India and met the students who were trained to make these hand crafted pens that help feed and clothe them. Use the code “Parenting” to get 10% off your order! In this podcast we discuss: The appeal of Fortnite A free game that can cost a lot of money Skins and avatars Old culture meets modern culture in the Fortnite dances Impulse buying with children and adults The new trend of watching people play video games on Youtube How watching youtube gamers is similar to watching sports on TV The danger of your child being someone else’s commodity online Parenting strategies to keep communication open when children find something inappropriate online Tweet This If your child senses a trap in your questioning of what they are doing, you are going to get the least amount of information possible, or a lie. Click To Tweet If you catch your child looking at something they shouldn't, especially the first time, don't assume deviant behavior. Assume a deviant world that doesn't care about your child. Click To Tweet You cannot protect your child from everything coming at them. You need a good defensive strategy. But more than that, you need a solid relationship. Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Caught In Between: Engaging Your Preteens Before They Check Out by Dan Scott Here’s an excellent Fortnite Game Review by Plugged In The most popular gaming Youtube Stars Circle from Disney – This is a fantastic device for controling online consumtion in your house Patrick Farley’s Youtube Channel “Mr. Farley” Farley’s Instagram