Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

We’re entering the season filled with awe, wonder, gratitude, and dread.  It’s that time of year where we get to spend time with family we love.  Sometimes, we get to spend time with family who are easier to love at a distance. Let’s be honest, just because we grew up together doesn’t mean we now have the same worldview, parenting styles, standards, goals, or aspirations.   And sometimes we love every member of our family, and are mostly on the same page as them, but it’s just overwhelming when they all get together at once. Today I give you a handy guide to having less stress, more fun, and perhaps even eternally significant extended family gatherings this Thanksgiving and Christmas Steps Discussed Release yourself from the guilt of thinking you’re going to please everybody. Stop sabotaging the peace of all of the days leading up to your family gathering.   Make a plan.  Aim to stick with your plan.  Walk in grace when you cannot stick to your plan.  “How am I going to calendar these next few weeks with enough margin to not run ragged?” “How am I going to coach my children for some of the unsavory experiences they might encounter with our extended family?” “Knowing that I do not trust this particular person in my family, how am I going to make sure that my children are not left in vulnerable situations with them?” “How am I going to redirect conversations with grace when they go down gossipy or destructive pathways?” “How am I going to lovingly hold my boundaries when this particular family member tries to guilt or manipulate me?” “How am I going to love and support my spouse as they navigate the different people in their family?” Intentionally instill a time of personal worship and gratitude, for you and your immediate family.    Don’t miss the teaching and training opportunities in your own family.  Have honest conversations (without gossip or disparaging) with some of the struggles you’ve had in your family before.  Teach them how you’ve tried to love and also live in boundaries. Affirm their feelings if they don’t like some of their cousins.  Coach them on how to show love to hard people. Don’t go to your gatherings to “just get through them”, go seeking to be an instrument of grace. Bring your other family members in as best as you can on the plan.  If it’s dreadful for you, likely it’s dreadful for other family members.  Since you have some time, start talking about how you might intentionally make the time more meaningful as you’re together.  Maybe each family can put together a little photo video project of what happened over the last year.  Maybe you can plan a service project together.  Maybe as a family you can adopt a family in need and work together to provide for them. Think of ways you can be “others first” without feeling resentful and manipulated.  Don’t add to your spouse’s stress by guilting them over their family.   Pray for your family!   Tweet This No family is perfect. Every family needs grace. And most likely, you’re the cause of other family members’ anxiety too! Love well, be intentional, and have hope.Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Bring Christmas to an Orphan by Sponsoring a Hopegivers Hope Chest Get your “Fun Family Conversations” ebook as well as your “meaningful Christmas Gift Idea” ebook Become a Patreon of this Podcast!

As a youth pastor, I am sad to say the modern version of youth ministry has failed to produce spiritually healthy, mature disciples of Jesus. Fortunately, there is a better way: Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Deuteronomy 11:18-21 Thoughts to Ponder Just a few generations ago a man was considered spiritually responsible if he led his family before the throne of God in prayer, read and taught the Scriptures at home, and led family devotions (among other things).Today parents are considered responsible if they find the church with the best staffed nursery and the most up to date youth ministry. Voddie Baucham   In the late 1800’s there was a clear understanding that the call to disciple children and teenagers was the responsibility of parents and grandparents, and it was a role that could not be delegated to anyone else. During the 20th century, however, Christians began to more closely reflect the secular culture and adopted the model of delegation parenting. Do you want your kids to learn to play the piano? Get them a tutor.Want them to learn to play basketball? Find them a coach.Want them to learn about Jesus? Put them under a youth pastor.As a result, your job as a parent became more about driving the minivan and dropping them off at all the institutions that now train your children. Rob Rienow Tweet This Want them to learn to play basketball? Find them a coach.Want them to learn about Jesus? Put them under a youth pastor. As a result, your job as a parent became more about driving the minivan and dropping them off at all the…Click To Tweet Show Highlights Why I started this Podcast What it means to pastor your children Training your children with your words Training your children with your actions The role of the church in the family The role of the family in the church Resources Mentioned Family Worship by Donald S Whitney The Radical Book for Kids The Jesus Storybook Bible Rob Rienow on Visionary Family Voddie Baucham  

You wear a lot of hats in your life, and each of those roles has several demands.  Life can feel extremely defeating when you feel like you stay overly busy but accomplish very little. Today I talk about a question that brings incredible clarity to your life, and can help massively simplify your “to-do” list.  Listen as I share what I learned from this gem of a book: The One Thing: The surprisingly simple truth behind extraordinary results by Gary Keller Show Highlights The 80/20 rule Learning to do fewer things for greater effect It’s not that we have too little tie to do all the things we need to do, it’s that we feel the need to do too many things in the time we have Task and responsibility creep Cultural clutter Learning to give the greatest effort and energy to the thing that matters most Looking at your “To-do” list and discerning the “could-do” and “should-do” items The One Clarifying Question Applying the One Thing question to your Personal life Physical health Family life Job My “One Thing” in each area:  Schedule; Food; Empower; & Create Tweet this What's the One Thing that I can do, such that, by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary? Gary KellerClick To Tweet We need to be doing fewer things with more effect rather than more things with side effects. Gary KellerClick To Tweet When everything feels urgent and important, everything seems equal. Activity is often unrelated to productivity, and busyness rarely takes care of business. Gary KellerClick To Tweet If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one. Russian ProverbClick To Tweet Researchers estimate that workers are interrupted every 11 minutes and then spend almost a third of their day recovering from these distractions. Gary KellerClick To Tweet Resources Mentioned The 80/20 Rule The One Thing: The surprisingly simple truth behind extraordinary results Gary Keller  Become a Patron of this Podcast You can help invest in making this podcast better while joining our brand new community of likeminded parents for discussion and encouragement a https://www.patreon.com/letsparentonpurpose Support the program for the cost of a cup of coffee each week to join our new parenting community. Support for the cost of a fancy cup of coffee to get a shout-out on the podcast. Invest at higher levels to help expand the reach and influence of Let’s Parent on Purpose across the country and world!

It might feel like fall just started (or if you live in Florida, that summer never left), but the Holiday season is right around the corner.  Today I share some ideas for how you can set up your family to enjoy each other more, consume less, and make Jesus the true center of the season. You cannot be passive in the struggle against consumerism in your life. If your standard is whatever anyone else is doing for their kids, you will not win.Click To Tweet Highlights of the show include: Why experiences are better gifts than stuff Developing a “one in, one out” rule for possessions in your home Taking a family mission trip Aiming for gifts that stir creativity or unite in relationships The “3 gifts only, because that’s all that Jesus got” principle Make a big deal about what you are getting Jesus for Christmas Practicing Advent as a family Reading God’s word as a gift to Jesus Pick a family to bless Go together with your church to do big things for Jesus Pick a place to serve Bless the poorest of the poor Resources mentioned Get your “Fun Family Conversations” and “Meaningful Christmas Gift Ideas” ebooks Hopegivers Hope Chest How to prepare for a meaningful advent World Vision Catalogue Operation Christmas Child Lottie Moon Christmas Offering   

When award winning author & speaker Meg S. Miller discovered her husbands internet pornography addiction, her soul was crushed with waves of betrayal and anger.  But as she sought healing, she discovered that she was guilty of sin that had wounded his heart just as deeply.  As my guest on today’s podcast explains, this journey of discovery first brought her face to face with the Lord, and then spurred the healing of her marriage in a way she would have never imagined.  Get ready to be challenged as we discuss the path that led Meg to write Benefit of the Debt: How My Husband’s Porn Problem Saved Our Marriage https://amzn.to/2Cocxbg. I’ve honestly struggled to put together show highlights.  There are at least 50 powerful quotes I want to share. “Society, women are understandably angry. Men have messed up, men have messed up so much, and women are so angry. But at least men don’t have … At least men know it. My fear is that women don’t realize what damage we’ve done as well.” Meg S Miller Full transcript of the interview can be found here Show Highlights The cancerous effects of pornography in our home and culutre Meg discovers her husband’s pornography habit The reality that today someone is discovering and someone is confessing their habit The contrast between husbands feeling relief at being discovered and wives feeling betrayed at the discovery Meg wrestles with anger even while her husband walks a model path of repentance How women miss healing when they join recovery groups that only focus on their husband’s issues The “Big Four Sins” of Pornography, Lust, Pride, and Anger seem to primarily affect men.  What’s the equivalent for women? Meg’s “aha” moment in understanding how she had equally wounded her husband The root of bitterness, how roots can be unseen and touch many unintentional areas God showing Meg a picture of her husband’s broken heart Understanding that Meg was not the cause or excuse for her husband’s addiction Learning how Meg’s debt to the Lord was so great, it freed her to love her husband regardless of his debt to her Tweet This If there are any men listening, the best gift that you can give your wife is the confession and eagerness to repent. Even if it's the third time, even if it's the 100th time, that's the best thing you can do for the relationship.Click To Tweet He healed, he got into a men's support group and he even started helping other men. It was disgusting to me. I couldn't believe it, and I was jealous of his healing. I wanted to struggle with something fun and then be healed of it.Click To Tweet So no, we didn't just heal. A year later, I was still hurting and still begging God. I was getting angry with God that he wouldn't answer me ... That he would heal my husband and turn my husband into a certain like Captain America of…Click To Tweet But the world is, and the church, is neglecting to tell me, 'You have the capacity for the same damage, you have the capacity for the same hurt, you have the capacity for sinning just as much.'Click To Tweet 'For your own reputation, for your own glory, for your own name, do something, you've got to do something.' I stopped asking God for my husband's behavior change and started saying, 'Okay, change me. You've got to make me less hurt by…Click To Tweet People and Resources Mentioned Meg S. Miller’s homepage https://www.benefitofthedebt.com Benefit of the Debt Readers Community https://community.benefitofthedebt.com Benefit of the Debt: How My Husband’s Porn Problem Saved Our Marriage by Meg S. Miller: https://amzn.to/2pYVy8b The Impact of Porn: By the Numbers http://www.aggiecatholicblog.org/2014/05/the-impact-of-porn-by-the-numbers/ www.promisekeepers.org The parable of the two debtors – Luke 7:36-50 The parable of the prodigal son – Luke 15 Timothy Keller The Prodigal God  

15-20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first 20 weeks.  For such a common occurrence, this comes as a shock to many families who experience the loss of a child in the womb.  Mom, teacher, and blogger Krissy Brynn Jackson joins me today and shares her journey from happily learning that she was pregnant to the loss and grieving of her second child.  Krissy wrestles through trying to understand why this happened, how do you honor the life of a human being that you never get to  raise, and how God brought healing and comfort to her family.  We talk about wrestling with unanswerable questions, the sovereignty of God, and how our pain and trials build character and help us be a blessing to others. Show highlights Comparing teaching, parenting, and working at Disney Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day – October 15 Krissy’s Miscarriage story and my (Jay) miscarriage stories from our marriages What a miscarriage felt like vs. preconceived notions Having to have surgery after finding out there was no heartbeat Waves of grief and the Grief Monster How believing in Jesus doesn’t take away all of the pain of losing a child Acknowledging that the baby was a person, not a potential person Taking effort to say goodbye and remember your child How miscarriage grew Krissy from a convenient faith to a deeper faith in God Rich Mullins, the Psalms, and the lack of grief in modern worship songs   Retweet this Inside I kept wanting to scream 'He mattered'. My biggest fear was that he would be forgotten. Click To Tweet Resources mentioned Krissy’s Facebook Page Krissy’s blog – www.krissybrynnjackson.com Krissy’s Article on Today.com – https://tinyurl.com/ycdjqgbq After A Miscarriage: Surviving Emotionally Transitioning into the School Year with Patrick Farley  Should I Hate Common Core? With Patrick Farley The Make a Wish Foundation http://wish.org Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy_and_Infant_Loss_Remembrance_Day Rich Mullens “Hard to Get” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO0a_6EfZAE    

There are certain habits and practices that work like compound interest in your child’s life.  If you can learn to identify the everyday opportunities, you may not see radical returns on any given day, but over the long term you will have a completely different family. Areas to consider in your routines: Drive time – everyone has to say one positive thing about everyone else Encouraging notes in backpacks, books, folders, or the wall of your house Dinner time – Roses and Thorns, sharing scripture, fun “what if” questions Bedtime prayer, reading, and review of the day Chores beyond their own personal responsibilities I’ve created an ebook that will help you with questions and activities to make each of these key routine times in your life easier, and more important, fruitful.  Get it here – https://mailchi.mp/ad8281338869/lpopebook If you came here accidentally looking for financial wisdom, let me recommend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace – https://amzn.to/2yf2lyg If you would like to support Let’s Parent on Purpose, would you consider becoming a Patron? https://www.patreon.com/letsparentonpurpose      

Many parents fear the influence of public schools on their children.  But God is using students across the country to bring the light of the gospel to their peers.  Chris Lane, Executive Director of First Priority of South Florida, joins me to share stories of God moving on public school campuses and how parents can best equip their children to be salt and light. Here is the link to the Free Resource mentioned in the episode: https://mailchi.mp/ad8281338869/lpopebook I created this to help you have high quality conversations with your kids during your morning routines, drive times, meal times, and bedtime. If you want to know more information about First Priority (or become a prayer/financial supporter) visit http://www.firstpriority.cc  

Sometimes we just need to hear a happy, encouraging story.  Josh Luecht is a friend of mine who is a Calvary Chapel Pastor, teacher, and co-host of the Panther Parkway Podcast (following the Florida Panthers Hockey Team). He was also adopted as a baby out of the Catholic Charities system.  After a life of contentment and fulfillment with his adoptive family, this summer his story took a surprising twist. Enjoy the story and be encouraged to get involved with foster and adoption!

What you feed will grow, what you starve will die.  Understanding the way conflict and circumstances flame your anger and anxiety frees you to chose a new source of emotional fuel.