Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

It might feel like fall just started (or if you live in Florida, that summer never left), but the Holiday season is right around the corner.  Today I share some ideas for how you can set up your family to enjoy each other more, consume less, and make Jesus the true center of the season. You cannot be passive in the struggle against consumerism in your life. If your standard is whatever anyone else is doing for their kids, you will not win.Click To Tweet Highlights of the show include: Why experiences are better gifts than stuff Developing a “one in, one out” rule for possessions in your home Taking a family mission trip Aiming for gifts that stir creativity or unite in relationships The “3 gifts only, because that’s all that Jesus got” principle Make a big deal about what you are getting Jesus for Christmas Practicing Advent as a family Reading God’s word as a gift to Jesus Pick a family to bless Go together with your church to do big things for Jesus Pick a place to serve Bless the poorest of the poor Resources mentioned Get your “Fun Family Conversations” and “Meaningful Christmas Gift Ideas” ebooks Hopegivers Hope Chest How to prepare for a meaningful advent World Vision Catalogue Operation Christmas Child Lottie Moon Christmas Offering   

When award winning author & speaker Meg S. Miller discovered her husbands internet pornography addiction, her soul was crushed with waves of betrayal and anger.  But as she sought healing, she discovered that she was guilty of sin that had wounded his heart just as deeply.  As my guest on today’s podcast explains, this journey of discovery first brought her face to face with the Lord, and then spurred the healing of her marriage in a way she would have never imagined.  Get ready to be challenged as we discuss the path that led Meg to write Benefit of the Debt: How My Husband’s Porn Problem Saved Our Marriage https://amzn.to/2Cocxbg. I’ve honestly struggled to put together show highlights.  There are at least 50 powerful quotes I want to share. “Society, women are understandably angry. Men have messed up, men have messed up so much, and women are so angry. But at least men don’t have … At least men know it. My fear is that women don’t realize what damage we’ve done as well.” Meg S Miller Full transcript of the interview can be found here Show Highlights The cancerous effects of pornography in our home and culutre Meg discovers her husband’s pornography habit The reality that today someone is discovering and someone is confessing their habit The contrast between husbands feeling relief at being discovered and wives feeling betrayed at the discovery Meg wrestles with anger even while her husband walks a model path of repentance How women miss healing when they join recovery groups that only focus on their husband’s issues The “Big Four Sins” of Pornography, Lust, Pride, and Anger seem to primarily affect men.  What’s the equivalent for women? Meg’s “aha” moment in understanding how she had equally wounded her husband The root of bitterness, how roots can be unseen and touch many unintentional areas God showing Meg a picture of her husband’s broken heart Understanding that Meg was not the cause or excuse for her husband’s addiction Learning how Meg’s debt to the Lord was so great, it freed her to love her husband regardless of his debt to her Tweet This If there are any men listening, the best gift that you can give your wife is the confession and eagerness to repent. Even if it's the third time, even if it's the 100th time, that's the best thing you can do for the relationship.Click To Tweet He healed, he got into a men's support group and he even started helping other men. It was disgusting to me. I couldn't believe it, and I was jealous of his healing. I wanted to struggle with something fun and then be healed of it.Click To Tweet So no, we didn't just heal. A year later, I was still hurting and still begging God. I was getting angry with God that he wouldn't answer me ... That he would heal my husband and turn my husband into a certain like Captain America of…Click To Tweet But the world is, and the church, is neglecting to tell me, 'You have the capacity for the same damage, you have the capacity for the same hurt, you have the capacity for sinning just as much.'Click To Tweet 'For your own reputation, for your own glory, for your own name, do something, you've got to do something.' I stopped asking God for my husband's behavior change and started saying, 'Okay, change me. You've got to make me less hurt by…Click To Tweet People and Resources Mentioned Meg S. Miller’s homepage https://www.benefitofthedebt.com Benefit of the Debt Readers Community https://community.benefitofthedebt.com Benefit of the Debt: How My Husband’s Porn Problem Saved Our Marriage by Meg S. Miller: https://amzn.to/2pYVy8b The Impact of Porn: By the Numbers http://www.aggiecatholicblog.org/2014/05/the-impact-of-porn-by-the-numbers/ www.promisekeepers.org The parable of the two debtors – Luke 7:36-50 The parable of the prodigal son – Luke 15 Timothy Keller The Prodigal God  

15-20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first 20 weeks.  For such a common occurrence, this comes as a shock to many families who experience the loss of a child in the womb.  Mom, teacher, and blogger Krissy Brynn Jackson joins me today and shares her journey from happily learning that she was pregnant to the loss and grieving of her second child.  Krissy wrestles through trying to understand why this happened, how do you honor the life of a human being that you never get to  raise, and how God brought healing and comfort to her family.  We talk about wrestling with unanswerable questions, the sovereignty of God, and how our pain and trials build character and help us be a blessing to others. Show highlights Comparing teaching, parenting, and working at Disney Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day – October 15 Krissy’s Miscarriage story and my (Jay) miscarriage stories from our marriages What a miscarriage felt like vs. preconceived notions Having to have surgery after finding out there was no heartbeat Waves of grief and the Grief Monster How believing in Jesus doesn’t take away all of the pain of losing a child Acknowledging that the baby was a person, not a potential person Taking effort to say goodbye and remember your child How miscarriage grew Krissy from a convenient faith to a deeper faith in God Rich Mullins, the Psalms, and the lack of grief in modern worship songs   Retweet this Inside I kept wanting to scream 'He mattered'. My biggest fear was that he would be forgotten. Click To Tweet Resources mentioned Krissy’s Facebook Page Krissy’s blog – www.krissybrynnjackson.com Krissy’s Article on Today.com – https://tinyurl.com/ycdjqgbq After A Miscarriage: Surviving Emotionally Transitioning into the School Year with Patrick Farley  Should I Hate Common Core? With Patrick Farley The Make a Wish Foundation http://wish.org Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy_and_Infant_Loss_Remembrance_Day Rich Mullens “Hard to Get” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO0a_6EfZAE    

There are certain habits and practices that work like compound interest in your child’s life.  If you can learn to identify the everyday opportunities, you may not see radical returns on any given day, but over the long term you will have a completely different family. Areas to consider in your routines: Drive time – everyone has to say one positive thing about everyone else Encouraging notes in backpacks, books, folders, or the wall of your house Dinner time – Roses and Thorns, sharing scripture, fun “what if” questions Bedtime prayer, reading, and review of the day Chores beyond their own personal responsibilities I’ve created an ebook that will help you with questions and activities to make each of these key routine times in your life easier, and more important, fruitful.  Get it here – https://mailchi.mp/ad8281338869/lpopebook If you came here accidentally looking for financial wisdom, let me recommend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace – https://amzn.to/2yf2lyg If you would like to support Let’s Parent on Purpose, would you consider becoming a Patron? https://www.patreon.com/letsparentonpurpose      

Many parents fear the influence of public schools on their children.  But God is using students across the country to bring the light of the gospel to their peers.  Chris Lane, Executive Director of First Priority of South Florida, joins me to share stories of God moving on public school campuses and how parents can best equip their children to be salt and light. Here is the link to the Free Resource mentioned in the episode: https://mailchi.mp/ad8281338869/lpopebook I created this to help you have high quality conversations with your kids during your morning routines, drive times, meal times, and bedtime. If you want to know more information about First Priority (or become a prayer/financial supporter) visit http://www.firstpriority.cc  

Sometimes we just need to hear a happy, encouraging story.  Josh Luecht is a friend of mine who is a Calvary Chapel Pastor, teacher, and co-host of the Panther Parkway Podcast (following the Florida Panthers Hockey Team). He was also adopted as a baby out of the Catholic Charities system.  After a life of contentment and fulfillment with his adoptive family, this summer his story took a surprising twist. Enjoy the story and be encouraged to get involved with foster and adoption!

What you feed will grow, what you starve will die.  Understanding the way conflict and circumstances flame your anger and anxiety frees you to chose a new source of emotional fuel.

Every spouse has specific ways they best give and receive love.  Additionally, depending on circumstances and the season of life, you’ll find that certain felt needs rise to the top and seem to overshadow all of their current met needs. Learn how you can recognize and meet your spouse’s greatest need. Resources mentioned in this podcast: His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Failure is a natural part of a child’s life.  They way we respond to their failures (and ours) will steer them towards egomania, paralyzing fear, or optimistic self confidence.  Today I’ll share how we can produce resilient optimists by celebrating the lessons learned through failure.

My good friend (and top 5 finisher for the Florida State Teacher of the Year) Patrick Farley joins me again for a very helpful explanation of philosophy and methods behind Common Core.  As a parent, I’ve mostly been frustrated with my inability to help my 4th grader do math homework.  As a Christian, I’ve heard concerns that Common Core is designed to destroy my children’s moral foundation. Patrick helps walk me through the truth and the hyperbole. If you have friends that are educators, I HIGHLY encourage you to have them check out Patrick’s excellent Youtube channel “Mr. Farley”, where he equips and encourages educators. What do you think?  What has been your experience with Common Core?  Did the podcast sway you? If you need help walking through specific lessons or concepts in Common Core, check out Khan Academy.