How Your Marriage Affects Your Parenting

My good friend Jenny Price joins me today to talk about THE most important relationship in your home!  Nothing affects the development and stability of your children as much as your marriage. Ignore the health of your marriage at your own (and your children’s) risk!

In conjunction with this episode I’ve created a free tool for you and your spouse. Download your free Marriage Snapshot Tool and invest in your marriage!

Show Highlights

• Your top two most important investments: 1) your relationship with Christ and 2) your marriage
• Christ-centered marriages
  • Mommy and Daddy show they love each other the most (after Jesus)
  • Your kids need to see you spending time together during daylight hours
  • Out-serve each other, honor one another in front of your children
• Child-centered marriages / dangers when marriage isn’t on solid ground
  • Parenting on a divided marriage makes children feel unsafe and unstable
  • Staying together FOR the kids sake is a terribly destructive way to live
  • Too many “love tank” withdraws without deposits leads to crisis
• Important Key ingredients in a healthy marriage
  • His Needs Her Needs: 
    • we are making deposits or withdraws with every interaction
    • Kids entering the picture can begin to cause more withdraws than deposits
  • Love and Respect
    • Core need for men is respect and admiration
    • Core need for women is love, adoration and tenderness
  • The 5 Love Languages
    • Quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts
    • The danger of the unmet need
  • How I speak to my spouse and about my spouse
  • Choosing to honor my spouse, choosing to honor my spouse in front of my kids
  • I will speak LIFE over my spouse, or I will speak death.
• Study your spouse.  Be intentional about studying your spouse at least 5-10 minutes a day.
• Pray with your spouse.
• Three different consequences when you and your spouse aren’t on the same team:

1. 1. It makes your kids unstable
      • The first questions kids ask in divorce is what they did wrong
      • Classic dysfunctional family (perfect child, scapegoat, clown, etc)
   2. You are easy targets for manipulation when you aren’t on the same team
   3. Resentments build and blame gets spread
      • We don’t react to what’s said; we react to the story we’ve built about what’s said
      • When you aren’t on the same team, you’ve put everyone on the defensive
      • Take responsibility as the adults in the family as a model to your kids

• When you’re on the same team:

1. 1. Life lessons are caught, not taught (the tone of your home will become their default)
   2. You don’t feel alone
   3. The absurdities of parenting don’t quite feel so heavy

• More helpful notes:
  • Advice for step-parents on sharing authority in the household
  • Sexual intimacy in marriage is critical, and it’s important for your kids to know.

• A few steps to help align your marriage
• 1. Take a marriage snapshot to get the tone of your marriage
  2. Get professional help.
     • Do prevention ahead of time. Don’t want until crisis.
     • Connection to your spouse is extremely important and is a snapshot of how well your children will do in their own marriages.
  3. Repent of your stuff without expectation or reciprocity.
     • out-serving your spouse, forgiving faster, apologizing faster, apologize publicly
  4. Date Nights!  Pursue your spouse.
  5. Keep coming back and making little investments

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Your top two most important investments are your relationship with Christ and your marriage.
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We don't react to what's said; we react to the story we've built about what's said.
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One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a healthy marriage.
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Resources Mentioned

This episode is sponsored by Audible. Go to www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose for a free audiobook as you try out Audible for free for one month.  If you don’t know what to pick, I just finished Atomic Habits by James Clear and loved it!

As always, thank you to my Patrons!  You’ve made these show notes possible, as well as the equipment used to record my interview with Jenny!

His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage by William Harvey

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Episode 112 “Tools for Taming the Tongue” with Aidan Till

Marriage Snapshot Questionnaire

Jenneagram.com for marriage counseling or personal coaching with Jenny Price