Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship

Goals are great, but goals alone don’t change much. Until you have a process or a system, goals are just opportunities for disappointment. Today I am going to share why it’s much more important to define and love your process than it is to live and die by goal setting. Click Here if you’d like to download a copy of my 52 week Scripture Memory Tool. This is the third podcast in my series on Habits and Transformation 124 The Surprising Power of Small Changes 125 How to Start or Stop Any Habit Show Highlights Biblical Foundation 7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. 12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.  Philippians 3:7-16 Live by the goal, die by the goal –  The downside of setting goals We usually set our goals and are inclined to make big things happen to achieve these goals. Doing this isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it is tiring and exhausting. At times, we end up feeling burned out, and worse, frustrated when we don’t see the results we wish. Often times, we ignore the little improvements, thinking it will not make an impact. What we do not realize is that the little improvements, when put together, can create a great impact. It might not make a noticeable difference at first, but in the long run, you will notice the big difference it makes. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Click To Tweet Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress. Click To Tweet A better way Think of a goal Ask yourself “what would be the actions and behaviors of a person who has made it to that goal. Distill it down to the smallest possible successful behavior Use what you’ve learned about habits to do that behavior Every time you do that behavior, you’re casting a vote for yourself that you are that kind of person. – You don’t need a unanimous decision, just a majority of votes. This is where your understanding of getting 1% better as well as your understanding of starting or replacing habits really comes in.  When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running. Click To Tweet Example 1 – God has declared you holy. You don’t feel holy. What would a devoted follower of Jesus do? Example 2 – What would a great dad do? Example 3 – What would a healthy family do? Loving the Process: Do what works Avoid tiny losses Measure backwards – celebrate success and course correct You will be in process until the day you’re with Jesus.  God is in the process. Learn to celebrate the goodness of God in the victories and the grace of God in the failures.  When I feel really stuck with a parenting conundrum, I find it helpful to ask 'what would a great dad do?' Then I do my best to do that. Click To Tweet I want to hear from you! Reach out to me and let me know what you think! www.facebook.com/letsparentonpurpose www.instagram.com/letsparentonpurpose www.twitter.com/jaydholland Resources Mentioned Atomic Habits by James Clear The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg If you like this episode, you might also enjoy Creating a Summer Growth Plan with my friend Brent Gibson You might also like one of my blogs The Best Habit You Can Learn This Year  

As my friend always says, “your habits are perfectly suited to give you the life you are living.” If you want to change your life, change your habits. In this week’s podcast, I share steps for starting, starting, or replacing any habit. Learn to master this in your own life and you will be primed to unleash the power of habit in your family! This is the second of a three part series I am doing on transformation through intentional habit change. You’re welcome to jump right in to today’s podcast, but if you find it helpful, you’ll want to check out my last episode –The Surprising Power of Small Changes Show Highlights Biblical Foundation Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Colossians 3:9-10 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Habits are powerful God wired your body to run on habit.  “Habits reduce cognitive load and free up mental capacity, so you can allocate your attention to other tasks.” James Clear  Habits work like compound interest Habits are like the atoms of our lives. Each one is a fundamental unit that contributes to your overall improvement. Click To Tweet Part of the process of Discipleship is going form accidental to intentional habits. We don’t choose our earliest habits, we imitate them. Click To Tweet “We don’t choose our earliest habits, we imitate them.” Click To Tweet The 4 Parts of a habit – James Clear The Cue The Craving The Response The Reward James Duhigg combines the Cue and Craving to describe a three part Habit Cycle. “This process within our brains is a three-step loop. First, there is a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering for the future: THE HABIT LOOP” As time goes on, an interesting thing happens. Your brain starts to associate your response (routine) with the reward. Eventually The Response becomes the Reward! How to start any habit Cue – Make it obvious Craving – Make it Attractive Response – Make it Easy Reward – Make it Satisfying Willpower isn’t just a skill. It’s a muscle, like the muscles in your arms or legs, and it gets tired as it works harder, so there’s less power left over for other things. Click To Tweet Breaking a habit – you can’t just stop a habit, you have to replace.  2 practices Cue – Make it Invisible Craving – Make it Unattractive Response – Make it Difficult Reward – Make it Unsatisfying. The Golden Rule of Habit Change: You can't extinguish a bad habit, you can only change it. Click To Tweet Duhigg’s method Identify the cue Replace the routine Give an immediate reward.  Habit Stacking – pair a new habit with a current habit, or make one habit the cue for the next habbit in a series of habbits Example – Morning Routine  Wake up  Make Bed Brush Teeth Read my verse of the day taped to my mirror Stretch and breathe Think and pray through big parts of your day, inviting Jesus in Shower/get dressed. Most Powerful Habits for Parents Lauren Tamm 1. Boundaries – set boundaries to help your kids thrive.  2. Routines – Set routines. This will help the kids stay grounded and self-control and feel relaxed. Morning, mealtime, bedtime 3. Early bedtimes – getting enough sleep helps the kids’ brain development.  4. Empathy –  “Empathy promotes kindness, prosocial behaviors, and moral courage, and it is an effective antidote to bullying, aggression, prejudice and racism. It’s why Forbes urges companies to adopt empathy and perspective-taking principles, the Harvard Business Review named it as one of the ‘essential ingredients for leadership success and excellent performance.'”—Dr. Michele Borba, psychologist and parenting expert. 5. Hugs  “Hugging triggers the release of oxytocin, also known as the love hormone. This feel-good hormone has many important effects on our bodies. One of them is growth stimulation. Studies show that hugging can instantly boost the level of oxytocin. When oxytocin is increased, several growth hormones, such as insulin-like growth factor-I (IGF-1) and nerve growth factor (NGF), are increased as well. The nurturing touch of a hug can enhance a child’s growth.”—Pamela Li, creator of Parenting for Brain 6. Playful parents – by being playful, we connect to our kids because playing is a way for the kids to connect with other people. 7. Outdoor Times –  “Movement through active free play, especially outside, improves everything from creativity to academic success to emotional stability. Kids who don’t get to do this can have so many issues, from problems with emotional regulation—for example, they cry at the drop of a hat—to trouble holding a pencil, to touching other kids using too much force.”—Meryl Davids Landau, author of Enlightened Parenting 8. Chores – kids with chores are more responsible, have higher self-esteem, able to deal with frustration and delayed gratification better.  9. More screen-time limits –  “In order for the brain’s neural networks to develop normally during the critical period, a child needs specific stimuli from the outside environment. … When a young child spends too much time in front of a screen and not enough getting required stimuli from the real world, her development becomes stunted.”—Dr. Liraz Margalit, Behind Online Behavior 10. Experiences, not things – spend more time with children instead of giving them material things. 11. Slow moving days – take time to watch the kids, appreciate your children. 12. Read books to the kids – a study shows that if you read to the kids, they tend to be more interactive, learn to speak and read faster, empathize, and helps them understand the world around them better.  13. Music –  “Science has shown that when children learn to play music, their brains begin to hear and process sounds that they couldn’t otherwise hear. This helps them develop ‘neurophysiological distinction’ between certain sounds that can aid in literacy, which can translate into improved academic results for kids.”—Time article 14. Family Worship – Pray with your family, read scripture together, sing together.  Make it normal for your family to spend time talking about the things of the Lord together. 15. Serve together – church, soup kitchen, old people in neighborhood, nursing home Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. I want to hear from you! Reach out to me and let me know what you think! www.facebook.com/letsparentonpurpose www.instagram.com/letsparentonpurpose www.twitter.com/jaydholland Resources Mentioned Atomic Habits by James Clear The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg Oxytocin: Facts About the ‘Cuddle Hormone’   If you like this episode, check out last week’s podcast Creating a Summer Growth Plan with my friend Brent Gibson You might also like one of my blogs The Best Habit You Can Learn This Year This is How Music Changes Your Brain The Simple Secret to Family Worship

Tiny changes can work like compound interest over long periods of time. This week we begin a three part series on change, habits, and transformation. Rather than focus on radical change, we’re going to learn the atomic power of getting just one percent better. If you catch the vision and apply them, these concepts can change any aspect of your life. As James Clear says, “You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results.” Is Let’s Parent on Purpose a blessing to you? Consider becoming a Patreon Supporter! Show Highlights I’m drawing heavily from two books that have had a great impact on me: 1. Atomic Habits by James Clear 2. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I’ve linked both books in the show notes.  As well as God’s word: Colossians 3:23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Three Reasons We Don’t Change Lack of Perspective – we don’t recognize there’s a problem or a better way Ask others, get out of your environment, or God sends a lightbulb “Your actions reveal how badly you want something.  If you keep saying something is a priority but you never act on it, then you don’t really want it.  It’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself.  Your actions reveal your true motivations.” James Clear Lack of Process – we see the need, set a goal, but don’t know how to get there Goal driven vs. Systems Driven. We don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. James Clear Lack of Power – the task seems too big, or we start to change and it’s too difficult, or we’ve got so much stress, anxiety, and distractions we cannot move forward You have the Holy Spirit You’re starting too radical “Willpower isn’t just a skill. It’s a muscle, like the muscles in your arms or legs, and it gets tired as it works harder, so there’s less power left over for other things.” Charles Duhigg “As people strengthened their willpower muscles in one part of their lives—in the gym, or a money management program—that strength spilled over into what they ate or how hard they worked. Once willpower became stronger, it touched everything.” Charles Duhigg How tiny adjustments in our habits can account for massive change over time. “Habits are like the atoms of our lives. Each one is a fundamental unit that contributes to your overall improvement.”  James Clear The example of an ice cube. “Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement”  James Clear “Small wins are a steady application of a small advantage.” Charles Duhigg Getting 1% better Why we get frustrated and burned out from goal setting. What we miss when we ignore small improvements If you get 1% better at something each day, by the end of the year you will be 37 times better than when you started. Eat 100 calories less a day than you need, lose 10lbs in a year Have your children memorize 1 verse a week – Learn 52 verses in a year Steps towards getting 1% Better Think of an area where you’d like to see real change. Determine the smallest possible block of action you can that is in the direction of that change. Set up your environment to prompt you towards that action Use the concept of habit stacking Pair a new habit with a current routine Avoid Tiny Loses – Never Miss Twice For course correction, measure backwards – how are you doing now compared to your recent near term self?  Try this Habit: Hugs  “Hugging triggers the release of oxytocin, also known as the love hormone. This feel-good hormone has many important effects on our bodies. One of them is growth stimulation.” Stephanie Pappas Studies show that hugging can instantly boost the level of oxytocin. When oxytocin is increased, several growth hormones, such as insulin-like growth factor-I (IGF-1) and nerve growth factor (NGF), are increased as well. The nurturing touch of a hug can enhance a child’s growth.”—Pamela Li, creator of Parenting for Brain I want to hear from you.  What’s one area of your life where you can apply the 1% better challenge?  Answer me on facebook, instagram, or twitter www.facebook.com/letsparentonpurpose www.instagram.com/letsparentonpurpose www.twitter.com/jaydholland I’m going to randomly pick one person who answers and gift them a copy of Atomic Habits by James Clear.  Tweet This You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results. Click To Tweet Your actions reveal how badly you want something. If you keep saying something is a priority but you never act on it, then you don’t really want it. It’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself. Your actions reveal your… Click To Tweet We don’t rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. Click To Tweet Willpower isn’t just a skill. It’s a muscle, like the muscles in your arms or legs, and it gets tired as it works harder, so there’s less power left over for other things. Click To Tweet If you get 1% better at something each day, by the end of the year you will be 37 times better than when you started. - James Clear Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned Atomic Habits by James Clear The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg Oxytocin: Facts About the ‘Cuddle Hormone’   If you like this episode, check out last week’s podcast Creating a Summer Growth Plan with my friend Brent Gibson You might also like one of my blogs The Best Habit You Can Learn This Year

Sometimes we overcomplicate things. My good friend and brother-in-law Brent Gibson has been using a simple spiritual growth strategy with his children for each of the last three summers. Today, we talk about being intentional dads, and Brent shares how he’s encouraged Bible Study, memorization, and reading with his children each summer. You might also want to check out my blog from Last Year: Summer Growth Plan Show Highlights If I am not the most centrally present male figure in my kids lives, I have no idea what I can expect from whoever is going to fill that role. There’s never been a more important time than now for Dads to be engaged with their kids. Kids are going to find a central male in their lives; let it be you, and work hard at it.  – Brent Gibson It doesn’t matter as much what you tell your kids; they’re going to model what they’ve experienced with you as their parent.  Being present and engaged goes a long way. Tools we can use to pour into our kids Set up intentional play time with others going the same direction Have other godly men in our boys lives (women for girls) Structure purposeful time together Implement subtle lessons Intentional growth opportunities for this summer Help your kids redeem free hours through the week with reward attached (praise, cash, etc) Cast a vision; inspire them if possible Brent and Lisa’s tools for a purposeful summer scripture memorization scripture reading general reading Aim to get 1% better on a goal each day Helpful formula to instill a new habit make it obvious make it easy make it attractive make it satisfying Tweet This If I am not the most centrally present male figure in my kids' lives, I have no idea what I can expect from whoever is going to fill that role. There's never been a more important time than now for dads to be engaged with their kids. Click To Tweet Kids are going to find a central male in their lives; let it be you, and work hard at it. - Brent Gibson Click To Tweet Resources www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose Atomic Habits by James Clear Previous episode: Summer Growth Plan

We invest in our retirement. We invest in our physical fitness. We invest in our caffeine habit. Why wouldn’t we invest in our family relationships?  My friend Brian Neal of True Course Counseling joins me today to talk about the benefits of pastoral and professional counseling, the different ways counseling can help a family get “unstuck”, and how counseling can help a healthy family reach the next level. We also talk about common conflict issues and tools you can use for resolution before you ever seek extra help. Thanks you to my Patreon Supporters! If it’s a blessing, support this podcast at https://www.patreon.com/letsparentonpurpose I’ve made this free tool for you. Download your Free Marriage Snapshot today! Show Highlights Understanding the difference between Christian Counseling and Biblical Counseling Biblical Counseling focuses on Biblical texts and relates ones problems to the text of Scripture Christian Counseling focuses on the truth and the Truth about Jesus. Christian Counseling aims to bring Jesus to the center of the issue. Some are hesitant to seek counseling or therapy because of time, money, or the stigma attached. You should look at counseling as an investment you make in yourself and your family. Some of the benefits include: Counseling helps you realize the cause of the problem you are facing; Counseling gives you tools to respond to various challenges It can bring healing to relationships Counseling can help you clarify your goals and determine a path towards success Brian helps clarify the differences between various forms of help and therapy available Psychiatrist – see a psychiatrist for medication if you are suicidal or clinically depressed. A psychiatrist will help you address the physical symptoms. The do not generally help with giving you the emotional tools to work through your challenges. Psychologist – a psychologist should have a doctorate. They will have more training and are often much more specialized than a therapist or counselor. Therapist or counsellor – typically these will have a masters level of education. Most people can be helped on a therapeutic level, unless they are in crisis. Pastoral counselor – Many people can be greatly helped by pastoral counseling. It’s important to understand that most pastors do not have extensive training in counseling, but are pretty adept at combining biblical wisdom with life experience. Since many of life’s challenges are common problems shared by others, pastoral counseling can help work through a great number of issues. Also, pastors will often have good networks of contacts for more advanced counseling needs. What are some of the situations where counseling might be helpful? When you are overwhelmed Whenever you feel helpless; If you are in conflict with a another person; If you find yourself in a confusing situation and don’t know how to react and others. Brian discusses the benefits a family can have by creating a culture of service and communication within the home. Tweet This Those with healthiest marriage and family are investing. It doesn’t just happen by chance. Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned You can find out more about Brain Neal and True Course Counseling https://truecoursecounseling.com Want to invest in your family? You can also check out my recent episode with Jenny Price “How Your Marriage Affects Your Parenting”  https://www.letsparentonpurpose.com/2019/05/05/how-your-marriage-affects-your-parenting/  

Studies show 66% of teens who are active in church leave the church after high school.  Ben Trueblood of LifeWay Student Ministry joins me today to discuss the missing links and how we can help our kids stay connected to the church as they leave home. Show Highlights Lifeway released a survey of 23-30 year olds who were active in church throughout their high school years.  The goal was to track their church engagement from ages 18-22.  The biggest focus of this study was on the retention rate of the students who were active in high school years and remained active throughout their college years. What were the big picture findings of the survey? 66% of Active High School Students (attends 2x or more per month) leave church in the first couple of years after graduation. Why? Life change/situations 96% Church/pastor related reasons 74% Religious, political, ethical reasons 70% Student/youth ministry reasons 63% Why do 2/3 students leave the church? There is statistically no significant difference in church drop out rates between college, military or workforce graduates.  It’s not a college/career problem; it’s an age gap / transition from high school problem. only 39% of students who leave say their dad was active in church as well #1 reason why they walk away was life change was that they moved to college and stopped attending church; its generally not about hating God or purposefully walking away from the faith They didn’t feel connected to people in the church (not just kids but other generations too). Why do the 1/3 stay connected to the church? When teens can identify 3 or more spiritual mentors through the high school years, they are THREE times more likely to stick with the church during college years Mentor relationships can begin to take root in early stages of elementary and middle school!  Adults who will take the kids seriously make the kids want to stick around longterm. The stay rate is 13% higher for students who have a father who attends church Virtually no evidence of a student ministry “coolness factor” keeps kids in church. Help your teenager connect beyond just the worship service.  (student ministry, life groups, mission trips, etc help them become more connected to the body of Christ). The goal isn’t to become a good church-goer, but when someone is growing in their faith, there is more connection and likelihood to be with the people of Jesus. Advice to parents: Help your teen overcome the initial barriers because there’s nothing that pulls them to be part of the body of Christ when they start out on their own. If you do a college visit, its ESSENTIAL you take time to visit churches in the area as well Parents, stay connected to the church; show genuine love and interest in the church.  Pay attention to the pipeline of ministry. 31% of those who left had returned to church by age 30, and the number one reason why they came back is because a parent invited them. Our parental influence goes far beyond when our kids move out.  Don’t give up on inviting them back to church! Listen for Ben’s answers to these Patreon Questions: At a smaller church, where people are already volunteering at capacity, how do we make mentoring, discipleship and relationships with our kids and students a foundational part of our church? Is there a significant long-term difference between students who come out of student ministry vs those who didn’t? Tweet This The stay-in-church rate for teens is 13% higher for students who have a father who attends. Click To Tweet When teens can identify 3 or more spiritual mentors through the high school years, they are THREE times more likely to stick with the church during college years. Click To Tweet Mentor relationships can begin to take root in early stages of elementary and middle school! Adults who will take kids seriously make the kids want to stick around longterm. Click To Tweet Resources When Mom is Managing Alone Atomic Habits by James Clear https://bentrueblood.com twitter.com@bentrueblood https://www.lifeway.com Within Reach by Ben Trueblood (statistical results geared toward pastors, youth pastors) A Different College Experience by Ben Trueblood and Brian Mills (read this with your graduating seniors and kids early in college life; also a great grad gift; good last-semester curriculum for youth) Your local student ministry! Marriage Snapshot tool www.patreon.com/letsparentonpurpose https://www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose

My good friend Jenny Price joins me today to talk about THE most important relationship in your home!  Nothing affects the development and stability of your children as much as your marriage. Ignore the health of your marriage at your own (and your children’s) risk! In conjunction with this episode I’ve created a free tool for you and your spouse. Download your free Marriage Snapshot Tool and invest in your marriage! Show Highlights Your top two most important investments: 1) your relationship with Christ and 2) your marriage Christ-centered marriages Mommy and Daddy show they love each other the most (after Jesus) Your kids need to see you spending time together during daylight hours Out-serve each other, honor one another in front of your children Child-centered marriages / dangers when marriage isn’t on solid ground Parenting on a divided marriage makes children feel unsafe and unstable Staying together FOR the kids sake is a terribly destructive way to live Too many “love tank” withdraws without deposits leads to crisis Important Key ingredients in a healthy marriage His Needs Her Needs:  we are making deposits or withdraws with every interaction Kids entering the picture can begin to cause more withdraws than deposits Love and Respect Core need for men is respect and admiration Core need for women is love, adoration and tenderness The 5 Love Languages Quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts The danger of the unmet need How I speak to my spouse and about my spouse Choosing to honor my spouse, choosing to honor my spouse in front of my kids I will speak LIFE over my spouse, or I will speak death. Study your spouse.  Be intentional about studying your spouse at least 5-10 minutes a day. Pray with your spouse. Three different consequences when you and your spouse aren’t on the same team: It makes your kids unstable The first questions kids ask in divorce is what they did wrong Classic dysfunctional family (perfect child, scapegoat, clown, etc) You are easy targets for manipulation when you aren’t on the same team Resentments build and blame gets spread We don’t react to what’s said; we react to the story we’ve built about what’s said When you aren’t on the same team, you’ve put everyone on the defensive Take responsibility as the adults in the family as a model to your kids When you’re on the same team: Life lessons are caught, not taught (the tone of your home will become their default) You don’t feel alone The absurdities of parenting don’t quite feel so heavy More helpful notes: Advice for step-parents on sharing authority in the household Sexual intimacy in marriage is critical, and it’s important for your kids to know. A few steps to help align your marriage Take a marriage snapshot to get the tone of your marriage Get professional help. Do prevention ahead of time. Don’t want until crisis. Connection to your spouse is extremely important and is a snapshot of how well your children will do in their own marriages. Repent of your stuff without expectation or reciprocity. out-serving your spouse, forgiving faster, apologizing faster, apologize publicly Date Nights!  Pursue your spouse. Keep coming back and making little investments Tweet This Your top two most important investments are your relationship with Christ and your marriage. Click To Tweet We don't react to what's said; we react to the story we've built about what's said. Click To Tweet One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a healthy marriage. Click To Tweet   Resources Mentioned This episode is sponsored by Audible. Go to www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose for a free audiobook as you try out Audible for free for one month.  If you don’t know what to pick, I just finished Atomic Habits by James Clear and loved it! As always, thank you to my Patrons!  You’ve made these show notes possible, as well as the equipment used to record my interview with Jenny! His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage by William Harvey Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Episode 112 “Tools for Taming the Tongue” with Aidan Till Marriage Snapshot Questionnaire Jenneagram.com for marriage counseling or personal coaching with Jenny Price

(No Spoilers!)  Whatever your preconceived notions are about this episode, you’re probably wrong!  Student pastor and host of the We Think God is Awesome Podcast, Aaron Mamuyac, joins me for a fun look at movies and culture, including how we find traces of the gospel repeated over and over again in our favorite stories. Your children and their friends are most likely going to see Avengers Endgame. This gives you a great opportunity for discipleship as you help them be gospel detectives with a modern cultural phenomenon. This week’s episode is brought to you by Audible. You can Audible for free for one month, including downloading a free book at www.audibletrial.com/letsparentonpurpose As always, thank yo so much to my Patreon Supporters! These show notes and the extra microphones for my interview are from your generous support! Show Highlights Discover the gospel story with your students through movies in modern culture.  It can sometimes be a struggle to find commonalities with your kids, but we have a golden opportunity for connection and discussions into what our kids are interested in and focused on!  New movie releases (like Avengers Endgame now released after a 22-film build up) provide great conversational pieces and really interesting ways to help train your kids to observe hints of the gospel. There are redemptive analogies in each culture. Missionary to canibalistic tribe: Peace Child by Don Richardson Don studied cultures and found redemptive analogies in each culture Don and his family were missionaries to a canibalistic tribe who’s highest values were trechery, revenge and betrayal (people who befriended you, make you feel safe and then kill you) Don learned this tribe’s culture but couldn’t communicate the gospel in a way the tribe could understand Don eventually found a gateway to the tribe by teaching Jesus as the peace child Finding the gateway story for this tribe lead to massive conversion in the village and eventual spread of the Gospel to other tribes There are redemptive analogies in our culture as well! Our redemptive analogies are played out through our stories. The stories we like follow a similar framework, and this pattern seems to be naturally embedded in us: there a peace that’s somehow broken hero comes from the most unlikely place help appears and tries to fix the brokenness good over evil arc redemption when rescue comes, it’s when all hope is lost the rescue comes at great personal sacrifice to the hero, sometimes to his own life peace comes after the hero sacrifices himself How our culture’s favorite stories parallel our lives as believers: Life is broken and confusing now, and Jesus triumphs over evil and He wins The end is better than even the beginning was! There’s HOPE As parents, we want to connect with our kids and find the gateways into their culture. We start with telling them the Gospel story and how it’s TRUE. Story form holds our attention more than anything else.  The reason we like these books and movies is because there’s a TRUE story that God has written into our hearts to respond to. Go with your child to watch the movie and talk with them ahead of time – explain how this seems to be the similar narrative of the Gospel. Teach your children to be explorers of redemptive meaning. Stories are so captivating because it leads us to the greater narrative of Jesus.  Over-fascination and over-involvement in characters and video games is because we desire the Gospel in its true form; the characters are just shadows. Kids learn morals, ethics, and values in these stories.  We need to address the values and proactively teach our kids values from Scripture and help them understand how to differentiate culture vs God’s way Three Circles: a simple method to sharing the gospel God’s Plan, Brokenness, Jesus Tying Three Circles method into movies: set up a framework for your kids to see the Gospel framework played out in the movies Where did we see God’s design in this movie? Where is the brokenness? In what ways are they trying to escape the brokenness? What are elements of the Gospel in this movie? Tweet This Take your Bible and take your newspaper, and read both. But interpret newspapers from your Bible. ― Karl Barth Click To Tweet If you can give your kids a big enough vision, it will keep them from being distracted by all of these little destructive ones. Click To Tweet     Resources Mentioned Aaron Mamuyac Sunlight Church, Port Saint Lucie Website: https://www.sunlightcc.org Email:      aaron@sunlightcc.org God is Awesome Podcast God is Awesome on Facebook Peace Child by Don Richardson (missionary to canibalistic tribe) Three Circles: a simple method to sharing the gospel Avengers Endgame Try you first book on Audible for free: https://www.audible.com/letsparentonpurpose

Today I share why Easter gives me hope even in the darkest days of family life. I conclude with a post I wrote at 3AM on Easter Sunday five years ago, just one week after my son was diagnosed with Leukemia. As always, thank you Patreon Supporters! You’re awesome!  If you want to support this podcast for as little as $1 an episode, you can do it through www.patreon.com Tweet this I am created in the image of God and am a brother of the King Most High. Who cares whether my kid qualifies me for an honor roll bumper sticker? Click To Tweet Easter is a reminder that life comes from death, that light comes after the darkness, and that God is actively at work even when nothing makes sense. Click To Tweet Show Highlights As a dad who has never seen, but still believes, here’s how I feel blessed and hopeful as a parent: Easter is the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus.  The resurrection is the validation of everything Jesus said and did: It means that His teachings aren’t just sound advice, they are commands with a supernatural power behind them. It means that wen Jesus says I can call God my Father, it’s true.  He’s not just some distant authority figure, He’s my Daddy. It means I’m truly forgiven of my sins.  I don’t have to live a life of penance making up for past mistakes (including parenting mistakes).  I can focus on walking in grace and humility, trying to do what’s right today instead of wallowing in the guilt of my failures from yesterday. I’ve trusted Jesus to save my soul, and I’m trusting Him to give me the grace for what He’s commanded me to do as a parent. 2. Easter is a reminder that life comes from death, that light comes after the darkness, and that God is actively at work even when nothing makes sense. It means that even my worst parenting days are redeemable, and that what I (or others) meant for evil, God will turn for good. It means that my children’s disabilities, shortcomings, and failures are just details in a greater story that God is writing.  He is forming their character as well as mine, and He is making All Things New! It means that my son getting cancer or my wife dying is not the last word.  My hope is not in a particular outcome, it’s in a Person.  And that Person conquered death and the grave and promised to do the same for me and all of those that love HIm. 3. Easter is a conviction that I am not the center of the universe, and neither are my children. I don’t have to have it all figured out, because I’m not in charge of this planet.  I’m not God and I don’t get to dictate everything in my life or my children’s life.  That’s really freeing. My kids get to mess up as well, because my pride and identity should not be wrapped up in them looking impressive.  I am created in the image of God and am a brother of the King Most High.  Who cares whether my kid qualifies me for an honor roll bumper sticker? Since I’m not the center of the universe, or even the dictator in my own house, I get to REST like it depends on God.  Because it does. Resources Mentioned My Easter Morning post from 2014 after my son’s diagnosis Andrew Peterson High Noon by Andrew Peterson

“The remarkable thing about God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God, you fear everything else.” – Oswald Chambers Today’s topic highlights the intersection between the fear of man, shame and how it’s indicative of how small our God is. Learn to identify shame and then how to view it in light of God’s truth.  When people are big in your life, God is small, but if God takes the proper proportion, you genuinely get to experience freedom. Thank you to my patreon supporters!  You are making the show notes and production of the show possible!  If you believe in Let’s Parent on Purpose, you can support the show for as little as $1 an episode. Show Highlights Living in a shame-driven culture Pervasive culture We’re living our lives in the fear of man People will see me People will reject me People will hurt me When fear of people becomes bigger than fear of God Identify different ways the fear of disapproval affects our daily lives before we can diagnose and help our children The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.     Prov 29:25 Living in the Shame What is shame? Finding what our shame is based in The garden story in Genesis 22:25 / Genesis 3:7-8 Then the eyes of both were opened and they knew they both were naked Different causes of shame and the powerful force in peoples’ lives Shame from sin we do Shame from being victimized or sinned against (which then amplifies our own natural shame) Different effects of shame Low self esteem (and the wrong antidote we’re prone to fix it with) Hiding Spy through the peepholes in our walls The TRUTH The truth is that we don’t measure up so stop trying to measure up. You can wear a mask; you can hide from people, but you aren’t hiding from God.   You’re seen by the one who is the most righteous.   Psalm 139 We let people get very big and live in the paralysis of the fear of man How understanding the gaze of God can release you from the shame and fear of man: Questions to ask ourselves What are you most afraid of? Who are you most afraid of? What scripture tells us: Matthew 10:28 / Fear the one who has power over our souls.  God sees you. Romans 5:6-11 / While we were still weak, Christ died for the ungodly. We are enemies against God, but God died for his enemies and divinely exchanged our sin for his glory. He took on our sin and shame physically and spiritually. He exchanged our sin and shame and gave us his righteousness. In Christ, you are not shamed and exposed.  You are clothed with his righteousness.  You don’t have to be afraid of God. Isaiah 61:10 Scripture references: Hebrews 13:6, Proverbs 29:25, Psalm 56:4, Romans 8:31 How will seeing people and God in their proper places affect your marriage and parenting? Know that you are seen, loved, known and accepted by God who made everything. Knowing how you are loved frees you to offer the same grace you have been given. When people are big in your life, God is small, but if God takes the proper proportion, you genuinely get to experience freedom. Tweet This The gospel is the story of God covering his naked enemies, bringing them to the wedding feast, and then marrying them rather than crushing them. Edward T. Welch Click To Tweet In Christ, you are not shamed and exposed. You are clothed with his righteousness. Click To Tweet Resources Mentioned When People Are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man by Edward T. Welch