Let's Parent on Purpose: Christian Marriage, Parenting, and Discipleship 126 Falling in Love With The Process
Goals are great, but goals alone don’t change much. Until you have a process or a system, goals are just opportunities for disappointment. Today I am going to share why it’s much more important to define and love your process than it is to live and die by goal setting.
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This is the third podcast in my series on Habits and Transformation
124 The Surprising Power of Small Changes
125 How to Start or Stop Any Habit
Show Highlights
Biblical Foundation
7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. 12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.
Philippians 3:7-16
Live by the goal, die by the goal –
- The downside of setting goals
- We usually set our goals and are inclined to make big things happen to achieve these goals. Doing this isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it is tiring and exhausting. At times, we end up feeling burned out, and worse, frustrated when we don’t see the results we wish.
- Often times, we ignore the little improvements, thinking it will not make an impact. What we do not realize is that the little improvements, when put together, can create a great impact. It might not make a noticeable difference at first, but in the long run, you will notice the big difference it makes.
You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.
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Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress.
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A better way
- Think of a goal
- Ask yourself “what would be the actions and behaviors of a person who has made it to that goal.
- Distill it down to the smallest possible successful behavior
- Use what you’ve learned about habits to do that behavior
- Every time you do that behavior, you’re casting a vote for yourself that you are that kind of person. – You don’t need a unanimous decision, just a majority of votes.
This is where your understanding of getting 1% better as well as your understanding of starting or replacing habits really comes in.
When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running.
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Example 1 – God has declared you holy. You don’t feel holy. What would a devoted follower of Jesus do?
Example 2 – What would a great dad do?
Example 3 – What would a healthy family do?
Loving the Process:
- Do what works
- Avoid tiny losses
- Measure backwards – celebrate success and course correct
You will be in process until the day you’re with Jesus. God is in the process. Learn to celebrate the goodness of God in the victories and the grace of God in the failures.
When I feel really stuck with a parenting conundrum, I find it helpful to ask 'what would a great dad do?' Then I do my best to do that.
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Resources Mentioned
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
If you like this episode, you might also enjoy Creating a Summer Growth Plan with my friend Brent Gibson
You might also like one of my blogs The Best Habit You Can Learn This Year