Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman

Are you worried and feeling tension in your bedroom because of very different sex drives? You want to address it, but the last thing you want is for either of you to feel rejected or pressured. How do you solve uneven desire?  In this Language of Love session, I answer a question from Ashley, who writes in about her and her partner’s very different sex drives. It’s one of the most common struggles I see in couples, and one that can actually bring you closer when you understand what’s really going on. We talk about why sex drive naturally changes over time, how the early infatuation stage gives way to the sweeter (but calmer) attachment phase, and what it takes to keep intimacy alive when spontaneous horniness disappears. Because it’s not about waiting for fireworks, it’s about choosing connection. We explore:  Why almost every couple experiences uneven desire at some point What really happens when the infatuation phase fades How to source desire from connection, not just horniness Why scheduling sex doesn’t make it mechanical, it makes it happen How hormones, stress, and medical issues can quietly affect libido Why quickies count (and how to make them meaningful) When to see a sex therapist and why earlier is always better How to rebuild closeness before addressing the “sex part” Why trauma changes the approach to intimacy and how to honor that The simple truth: sex is the glue that keeps romantic love feeling alive If you’ve ever wondered how to keep desire alive when you and your partner aren’t on the same page, this episode is your gentle reminder that it’s not about doing more. It’s about being more open, more aware, and more intentional. Remember to visit my website to explore resources and take the quiz “What Do You Really Want in Love?” I’m always here to help you love and be loved better. You can send your questions or join a future Language of Love session at languageoflovepod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So many guys think they have manual stimulation all figured out, but most are still doing it in a way that leaves her less than thrilled. The truth is, manual stimulation is not just a warm-up before penetration. When you know how to use your hands or her hands with the right rhythm and presence, it can be one of the most powerful ways to give her mind-blowing pleasure. In this Language of Love Bite, I am breaking down exactly how to take fingering from awkward to amazing. We will talk about the build-up most men skip, how to find and stimulate the clitoris and G-spot without rushing, and the one golden rule that will completely change the way she experiences your touch. Plus, I will give you a simple rhythm-training exercise you can practice at home that makes your hands smoother, steadier, and way more confident in bed. We cover: The biggest mistakes men make when fingering (and how to avoid them) Why slowing down makes everything hotter How to sync clitoral and G-spot stimulation for maximum impact The golden rule of fingering that most men forget A finger rhythm exercise you can try tonight to instantly improve your touch It’s not just about technique. It is about patience, presence, and paying attention to her body. When you do it right, your hands alone can bring her to orgasm. If you are ready to step up your game, check out my book Sex Magic for even more step-by-step practices to deepen intimacy and pleasure. And do not forget to subscribe to the Language of Love podcast for more bite-sized tools to totally transform your love life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if being a “good partner” has been quietly costing you your aliveness? We’ve been taught to shrink, to please, to perfect, to wear the mask of goodness so well that we forget what it feels like to truly be. We keep trying to be the “good partner,” the perfect child, the devoted spouse, the reliable coworker, all while losing touch with the fire that makes us feel alive. In this powerful conversation, I sit down with Elise Loehnen, author of Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness, to explore how centuries of conditioning have shaped women into believing their worth depends on how selfless, small, and compliant they can be. Elise’s work builds on the success of her bestseller On Our Best Behavior, but this time she offers a guide for transformation that takes you from awareness to real, embodied change. We dive deep into shadow work and the ways women unconsciously inherit narratives that limit their freedom, from “I shouldn’t need help” to “I’ll only be loved if I make life easy for everyone else.” Together, we explore how to spot these stories, name them, and finally release them. We explore: Why being “good” often means abandoning your true self How inherited stories from culture and family silently shape your choices The difference between worth and value and why it changes everything What the “core process” reveals about fear, control, and the desire to be needed How to distinguish facts from stories and reclaim your power The real currency of abundance and how to break free from scarcity thinking How to recognize your personas, from the overfunctioner to the pleaser, and set them free Why self-care isn’t indulgent but sacred maintenance for your aliveness Remember to check out Elise’s new book Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness: A Process for Reclaiming Your Full Self. You can also tune into her podcast Pulling the Thread or join her Substack community for more reflections on living fully and authentically. Want to connect with her? Visit her website or find her on Instagram. And if this conversation moved something in you, I’d love to hear it, share your thoughts or story at languageoflovepod@gmail.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When was the last time you felt completely alive with your partner, not because of what you did, but because of how connected you felt? No new toys, no faraway trips, no clever tricks. Just presence. Just energy. Just the spark that comes from truly seeing and being seen. In this Language of Love Session, I sit down with Rachel, a listener and student of Sex Magic, who joined one of my live events in New Jersey and left with a notebook full of questions and a heart full of curiosity. Together, we explore what really fuels passion after the honeymoon fades. It’s not dopamine or novelty, but the deeper vibrational energy that connects two people soul to soul. We explore:  Why true intimacy starts with awareness, not more techniques How to tell the difference between dopamine-fueled excitement and deep energetic connection How curiosity can dissolve judgment and open your heart wider What to do when one partner feels the energy instantly and the other doesn’t (yet) How to hold your vibration without taking on someone else’s emotions The concept of the Quantum Love Map and its relevance to vibrational matching Why we attract emotionally heavy people and how to stop being their anchor How raising your frequency naturally transforms your relationships Simple Sex Magic practices to clarify desire and realign with what you truly want The importance of being in a high energetic state during sex to enhance the manifestation process. This conversation is for anyone who’s ever looked at their partner and wondered, Can we ever feel that spark again? The answer is yes, but it doesn’t come from doing more. It comes from being more: more present, more attuned, more alive. Passion never really dies; it just waits for you to come back home to your body, your energy, and your heart. And if this episode lit something up in you, keep the flame going. Grab your copy of Sex Magic and explore the free meditations and tools at healwithlaura.com. I’d love to hear your story or your question for our next book club, just send me an email at languageoflovepod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s be honest, every long-term relationship has seasons where sex gets pushed aside. Between changing bodies, kids, work stress, money stress, and just plain exhaustion, months can slip into years without intimacy. So what do you do when you want sex again, but it feels awkward, foreign, or even impossible to bring up? In this Language of Love Bite, I walk you through how to gently break the silence, rebuild emotional closeness, and take small but powerful steps back into an erotic connection with your partner. You will see that reigniting passion is not about pressure or performance, it is about safety, communication, and rediscovering each other in a playful, sensual way. We discuss: Why passion fades in long-term relationships (and how resentment sneaks in) The role of emotional safety and non-sexual touch in reawakening desire How to use “sensate focus” to rebuild intimacy step by step The surprising power of non-demand kissing to spark erotic energy A sensual awakening ritual you can try tonight to gently reignite connection When and how to seek support from a certified sex therapist (AASECT.org) Desire is never truly gone, it is just waiting for permission to return. If you want to go deeper into creating sacred, satisfying intimacy, check out my book Sex Magic for step-by-step practices to awaken erotic pleasure and deepen connection. And do not forget to subscribe to the Language of Love podcast for more bite-sized tools to transform your love life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when everything you’ve built, everything you’ve believed in, suddenly means nothing, and all that’s left is heartbreak, silence, and the question, “How do I go on?”  In this profoundly moving episode of The Language of Love Session, I sit down with author, mother, and speaker Nikki Mark, whose journey through unimaginable loss became a blueprint for healing, transformation, and connection across worlds. In 2018, Nikki had lost her 12-year-old son, Tommy. Doctors had no answers, only silence. But what followed wasn’t the end of their story. In the depths of grief, Nikki began to experience undeniable signs, powerful dreams, and moments of connection that defied logic but spoke directly to the heart. With no spiritual background to lean on, Nikki did what she knew best: she treated herself like a startup. One small step each day toward two goals: survive for her younger son, and honor her older one. From that resolve grew Tommy’s Field, a community soccer space dedicated to play, healing, and love, and a new mission to transform grief into purpose. In this Conversation, we explore: How to find meaning when life makes no sense. The powerful “conversation” that foretold her son’s passing and the signs that followed. What it means to “treat yourself like a startup” and rebuild a life from the ashes. The role of dreams, signs, and synchronicities in grief healing. The connection between generational trauma and soul contracts, and how healing yourself can heal those who came before you. What it really means to “keep playing” when your heart is broken. The choice that changes everything: choosing life again. If you’ve ever wondered whether love really continues beyond this world, or how to live again after loss, Nikki’s story is living proof that we can find grace even in grief and purpose where we once saw only pain. To learn more about Nikki’s work, visit nikkimark.com and read her book Tommy’s Field: Love, Loss, and the Goal of a Lifetime. And if you’re ready to take your next brave step toward healing, visit lauraberman.com to explore The Good Grief Course,  a heart-centered journey that helps you transform pain into peace and reconnect with the love that never ends. If this conversation touched your heart, I’d love to hear your story. Email me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com. Your healing, your heart, and your voice matter. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you know that if you keep leaving relationships because you’re tired of having the same arguments, you’ll probably end up having those same fights in the next one too? It doesn’t always mean you’re not compatible. Most of the time, it simply means there’s something still needs healing. In this episode of The Language of Love Sessions, I answer a question from a listener named Carrie. She wrote in because she and her partner keep fighting in circles. Same argument, same frustration, and she’s starting to lose hope that things will ever change. I get it. It’s exhausting. But what I’ve learned after decades of working with couples is that repeating arguments aren’t just about who’s right or wrong. They’re often a mirror showing us the patterns and pain we haven’t yet healed. Our relationships have this beautiful way of bringing up the stuff that’s ready to be worked on if we’re willing to look at it. In this session, I talk about: Why you keep finding yourself in the same kind of fights How to take responsibility for your part in the pattern The difference between incompatibility and unhealed wounds How to turn conflict into a chance for connection instead of disconnection Why doing your own healing work changes every relationship you have If you’ve ever thought, “Why does this always happen to me?”, this episode is for you. Because real change doesn’t start by finding someone new. It starts by getting curious about yourself. If you’d like me to answer your question on the show, send me an email at languageoflovepod@gmail.com or leave me a voice note at speakpipe.com/languageoflove. Remember, love isn’t about avoiding conflict. It’s about learning from it, healing through it, and growing together. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some people swear by the 69 position, others love the comfort of missionary, some can’t get enough of doggy style, and plenty enjoy the view with reverse cowgirl. But here’s the real question… But there is one position that actually makes you feel the most connected, the most turned on, and the most satisfied.  In this Language of Love Bite, I break down what science, anatomy, and thousands of real women have shared about the most reliable position for her pleasure. Imagine it’s simpler than you think, and with just a pillow and some mindful adjustments, it can go from average to unforgettable. We discuss: Why only 20–25% of women orgasm from penetration alone The role clitoral stimulation plays in reliable pleasure How a simple pelvic angle shift transforms missionary into the most effective position Why emotional safety and nervous system calm are essential for orgasm The benefits of chest-to-chest contact, oxytocin release, and eye contact How to use your hands (or hers) for clitoral stimulation during penetration The secret sauce for creating connected, simultaneous orgasms If you want to take this deeper, check out my book Sex Magic for a full guide to creating erotic intimacy that feels sacred and deeply satisfying. And don’t forget to subscribe to the Language of Love podcast so you never miss a bite-sized tip to level up your love life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We all carry invisible chains: beliefs like "I’m not enough," "I’m not ready," or "What if I fail?" The real cage isn’t the world around us; it’s the story we’ve been told about who we’re allowed to be. Because freedom doesn’t come from trying harder, proving more, or fitting into someone else’s mold, it comes from letting go. In this Language of Love Conversation, I sit down with Jennifer Pastiloff, author and speaker, whose new book Proof of Life explores the powerful act of reclaiming permission to exist fully in your own body, voice, and life. After years of self-doubt, shame, and self-abandonment, Jennifer shares how healing began with learning to speak her truth out loud. We dive into Jennifer's journey of self-discovery, which was shaped by moments of struggle, loss, and personal awakening. In this Conversation, we explore:  How to recognize your “inner asshole” and stop believing its lies Why speaking your truth out loud is where healing begins What “heart-sight” means and how to listen to it The trap of “when I get there, then I’ll be happy” How making bad art can actually set you free Why finding your “I got you” people changes everything The lesson grief teaches us about living now, not later If you've ever struggled with shame or felt disconnected from yourself, this conversation is a beacon back home. Remember to check out Jennifer’s book, Proof of Life: Let Go, Let Love, and Stop Looking for Permission to Live Your Life, now available on Amazon. For her intimate, life-changing retreats, visit jenniferpastiloff.com/ and email her directly  @jenniferpastiloff.com to apply, she loves hearing from people who are ready to show up fully and authentically. You can also find her on Instagram and Substack.  And if this conversation moved you, I’d love to hear your story. Email me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wondered why you keep ending up in the same kind of painful relationship almost like you’re tuned to a certain frequency that keeps pulling you toward emotionally unavailable partners? In this episode of Language of Love Session, I answer a heartfelt question from Sarah, a listener who wrote in asking: “Why do I keep attracting emotionally unavailable people, and how can I heal whatever inside me is drawing me to these relationships?”  We explore how the energy you carry, your vibration, and your earliest experiences all play a role in who you’re drawn to and why. I also share how healing practices like somatic experiencing and Internal Family Systems therapy can help shift your frequency so you attract partners who are truly capable of love and connection. We explore: Why emotionally unavailable partners feel so familiar (and why it’s not just “bad luck”) How childhood patterns set the vibration for the partners we’re drawn to later in life Ways somatic therapy helps release unconscious patterns stored in the body How Internal Family Systems therapy rewires your inner world for healthier love Why “butterflies” aren’t always passion, they may be your nervous system picking up on an old, unhealthy frequency This is all about learning how to change your vibration so you stop repeating painful cycles and open yourself up to safe, supportive love. For resources on somatic experiencing,  visit the Hakomi Institute or traumatherapy.org  for more on this powerful mindfulness-centered approach to healing. Have a question you’d like me to answer on the show? Email me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com, leave a voice message or question at SpeakPipe.com/LanguageofLove  or connect with me on social media @DrLauraBerman. For more support, visit my website for expert resources and don’t forget to check out my newest book, Sex Magic. And if you’re navigating betrayal or struggling to rebuild trust, share your story with me at languageoflovepod@gmail.com for a chance to be featured in a future episode. Your journey could be exactly what someone else needs to hear. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices