Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman When One Partner Wants More, What Do You Do?
Are you worried and feeling tension in your bedroom because of very different sex drives? You want to address it, but the last thing you want is for either of you to feel rejected or pressured. How do you solve uneven desire?
In this Language of Love session, I answer a question from Ashley, who writes in about her and her partner’s very different sex drives. It’s one of the most common struggles I see in couples, and one that can actually bring you closer when you understand what’s really going on.
We talk about why sex drive naturally changes over time, how the early infatuation stage gives way to the sweeter (but calmer) attachment phase, and what it takes to keep intimacy alive when spontaneous horniness disappears. Because it’s not about waiting for fireworks, it’s about choosing connection.
We explore:
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Why almost every couple experiences uneven desire at some point
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What really happens when the infatuation phase fades
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How to source desire from connection, not just horniness
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Why scheduling sex doesn’t make it mechanical, it makes it happen
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How hormones, stress, and medical issues can quietly affect libido
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Why quickies count (and how to make them meaningful)
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When to see a sex therapist and why earlier is always better
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How to rebuild closeness before addressing the “sex part”
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Why trauma changes the approach to intimacy and how to honor that
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The simple truth: sex is the glue that keeps romantic love feeling alive
If you’ve ever wondered how to keep desire alive when you and your partner aren’t on the same page, this episode is your gentle reminder that it’s not about doing more. It’s about being more open, more aware, and more intentional.
Remember to visit my website to explore resources and take the quiz “What Do You Really Want in Love?” I’m always here to help you love and be loved better. You can send your questions or join a future Language of Love session at languageoflovepod@gmail.com
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