Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness with Elise Loehnen

What if being a “good partner” has been quietly costing you your aliveness? We’ve been taught to shrink, to please, to perfect, to wear the mask of goodness so well that we forget what it feels like to truly be. We keep trying to be the “good partner,” the perfect child, the devoted spouse, the reliable coworker, all while losing touch with the fire that makes us feel alive.

In this powerful conversation, I sit down with Elise Loehnen, author of Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness, to explore how centuries of conditioning have shaped women into believing their worth depends on how selfless, small, and compliant they can be. Elise’s work builds on the success of her bestseller On Our Best Behavior, but this time she offers a guide for transformation that takes you from awareness to real, embodied change.

We dive deep into shadow work and the ways women unconsciously inherit narratives that limit their freedom, from “I shouldn’t need help” to “I’ll only be loved if I make life easy for everyone else.” Together, we explore how to spot these stories, name them, and finally release them.

We explore:

• Why being “good” often means abandoning your true self

• How inherited stories from culture and family silently shape your choices

• The difference between worth and value and why it changes everything

• What the “core process” reveals about fear, control, and the desire to be needed

• How to distinguish facts from stories and reclaim your power

• The real currency of abundance and how to break free from scarcity thinking

• How to recognize your personas, from the overfunctioner to the pleaser, and set them free

• Why self-care isn’t indulgent but sacred maintenance for your aliveness

Remember to check out Elise’s new book Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness: A Process for Reclaiming Your Full Self. You can also tune into her podcast Pulling the Thread or join her Substack community for more reflections on living fully and authentically. Want to connect with her? Visit her website or find her on Instagram. And if this conversation moved something in you, I’d love to hear it, share your thoughts or story at languageoflovepod@gmail.com.

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