Today's episode of The Best of You Podcast is in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday, and the holiday season in general. If you're dealing with a mixture of emotions today, this episode is for you.Holidays are complicated, and in today’s episode, I walk you through how to honor what’s hard, even as you give thanks for what’s good. We'll discuss:  1. Why it's normal for mixed emotions to show up on a holiday 2. How old ways of managing kick in—and leave us exhausted3. How to take brave steps to honor vs. manage hard emotions 4. The myth of the perfect family, the perfect holiday, or the perfect experience of gratitude 5. What we can learn from 5 characters in my favorite children's bookThanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold. Find a full transcript of the episode and a list of resources mentioned here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

OK, buckle up, today's conversation on The Best of You podcast goes deep, and we both get really honest about own struggles. I could have talked with Mary for hours about how to get off the treadmill of perfecting and proving your worth—and start claiming the life you actually want.You do not want to miss the end where we get into social media, the curse of comparison, and the approval chain from which no one is immune.We touch on so much in this episode including:1. The hidden fears that drive us to perfect and prove our way into belonging2. If we let go of working to earn the approval of others, then what? 3. The moment Mary discovered that chasing gold stars was not leading her to what she actually wanted4. The pitfalls and perils of social media5.  How to get out of comparison traps6.  The voice in our heads that keeps us running in circles7.  The real mark of emotional health (and it’s *not* never failing or never feeling hurt)8. 3 questions to ask yourself as you stop chasing approvalConnect with Mary at www.marymarantz.com/quizThanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold. Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today’s episode of The Best of You podcast, I’m talking with the wonderful and wise Toni Collier who shares bravely about finding herself stuck in the performance trap, and how she clawed her way out.Toni's capability & high capacity helped her survive, but she also wound up exhausted, broken, and numbing.As Toni says, “I had a source, which is God, but the resources I did not have.” And she had to learn to discover a more authentic, wholehearted way.Here's what we discuss:1.  How capability, strength, and achievement can turn into survival strategies2. Why we turn toward numbing as a way to cope with pain3. What finally drove her to get help 4. How she started to find healthy relationships and find her way out of the pain5. Practical ways she keeps the performer part of her in check now6. What she would say to her young performer's heart now(Be ready for some tears on this one. . .)Check out Toni’s new book, Brave Enough to be Broken anywhere books are sold.Thanks to our sponsor: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re kicking off a new series on The Best of You Podcast as we move into the last 2 months of the year.How do you shift from managing the perceptions of others to showing up more authentically?In today’s episode, I cover the 7 ways we tend to manage perceptions and why it doesn’t get us the real connections we crave.I also walk you through an exercise you can do NOW (as in, before the holiday haze sets in) to help you make brave decisions this holiday season.Here’s what we cover:1. What does it mean to manage perceptions and why do we do it?2. The 7 ways we tend to manage perceptions3. The 2 main problems with managing perceptions4. Why we have to “retrain” people (& their expectations of us)5. Examples of steps you can take to honor yourself & your relationships6. How to create your own “Yes/No List” to help you make brave decisions7. The courage it takes to say ‘no’ and how to honor the emotions that inevitably show up when you doFind a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Thanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!  Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!  Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on The Best of You podcast, we're getting into how to say No to toxic behaviors—including practical strategies, scripts, and misconstrued bible passages. There’s no one-size fits all when it comes to setting healthy boundaries. A strategy that might work in a healthy releationship won't work with toxicity. It's important to understand the difference.This is a packed episode. Here’s what we discuss:1. Why toxic behaviors require an entirely different type of "no" 2. An overview of toxic behaviors  3. Extreme toxicity and when to cut off a relationship all together 4. 5 steps to implement a boundary with toxic behavior 5. 3 scripts for 3 different situations 6. What about turning the other cheek? 7. How to form a boundaries committeeFind a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Thanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!Chosen—Check out Season 3 in theaters starting November 18th. For more information, visit TheChosenTickets.com.Get a print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week and next week on The Best of You podcast, we're getting into 3 types of "No"—including practical strategies, and scripts, for how to say No in different situations. First up is how to say no in healthy relationships. This episode is for you if you struggle to set a boundary, state a preference, or honor your own limits **even with people you know would respect you if you did.**It's hard to disappoint people. It's hard to assert honest needs, wants, and preferences when you've been conditioned to please others, fawn, or always put others first. So today we're focusing on how to exercise your "no muscle" even with people you love.Here's what we discuss:1. Why learning to say “no” is vital for the the ongoing health of your relationships2. 5 steps to develop your “no” muscle 3. Why criticism is tempting and how to avoid it4. How to use “I statements” (and when not to)5. Scripts for 3 different situations6. What about when someone says no to you?7. The hardest category of No I think we all have to faceThanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy LuitenSound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on The Best of You podcast, we’re diving into how to discern toxic vs. healthy patterns of behavior. There is no one-size fits all when it comes to setting healthy boundaries. It requires discernment and wisdom; strategy and skill. I discuss what I call the Spectrum of Toxicity and the topic of evil (a topic so many of you have asked me about!)Here’s what we cover:1. What is toxicity? How does it relate to what the Bible calls evil? 2. What about people who are consistently choosing to do harm? 3. The spectrum of toxicity 4. Behaviors that show up on the healthy side of the spectrum 5. Behaviors that show up on the toxic side of the spectrum 6. The key ingredient that distinguishes health from toxicity 7. The best way to become a discerning, wise (& healthier) person. 8. What does the Bible say about toxicity?Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the podcast, we're diving into this question I keep bumping up against: Am I wounded or am I a sinner? On one hand we go to church, and we’re told you're sinful; you need to repent, you need to die to yourself. On the other hand, we go to therapy, and we're told you're wounded; you've had trauma. You need to heal, so you can become more of your true self. So which one is it? In today's podcast episode, we discuss: 1. What is woundedness and how does it impact our behaviors?  2. What is sin?  3. The problem of shame  4. What about "the other side of sin" - the wounds of the sinned against?  5. What about repentance?  6. An application from the Bible  7. A next step you can take Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today! Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold. Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here Music by Andy Luiten  Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week’s podcast we’re talking all about building trust with yourself. This *internal* work is so important to the work of setting healthy external boundaries. I share with you an example from my own life and walk you through a process of connecting more deeply to what’s actually happening inside of you.As you connect more deeply to yourself, the boundaries you set with others will flow from a calmer, clearer place within. Here’s what we cover:1. A promise I made to myself and how it went 2. What to do when you’re activated by someone or something 3. The importance of understanding your own areas of wounding 4. What is a You-Turn? 5. Meeting & honoring the protective parts of you (before acting out of them) 6. How to get to the root of your own hurt (before taking action) 7. Learning to find your voice from that place of clarity deep withinThanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Thanks to our sponsor Better Help —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on The Best of You podcast, we're starting a new series on Boundaries and the Bible. And we're starting with what I call the Yes Side of No.So many of us struggle with setting external boundaries because we keep the focus on the other person. But the work of setting boundaries starts inside of you.In today's episode, I walk you through how to build to trust with yourself from the inside out. Here's what we cover:1. Why I don’t believe boundaries start with No 2. Can I really learn to trust myself? 3. What about sin? 4. What is an internal (vs. external) locus of control and why does it matter? 5. Examples of promises you can make to parts of you carrying pain 6. Examples of promises you can make to your body 7. A challenge to you that we'll circle back to next week.Thanks to our sponsor Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices