We all need a map to our soul.A way to understand the emotions, the wounds, the areas that feel broken.  That's what I love about the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model of therapy—it provides a map that everybody can incorporate into their daily spiritual practice.  It's your guide to navigating overwhelming thoughts and feelings.  Today on the podcast, I'm walking you through this map, including the following:   1. A picture of wholeness  2.  The cost of not tending your inner life  3. A map of the parts of your soul  4. The 3 types of parts we all have  5. How Jesus relates to each part6. What it means to have healthy boundaries inside your soulGet your 3 free Boundaries for Your Soul resources here.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Thanks to our sponsors:  Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!Hiya Health—Visit hiyahealth.com/BESTOFYOU and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.Have questions you want me to address on our next podcast series? Leave them here.Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You here.Music by Andy Luiten  Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik  While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and  any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling  advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content  and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the podcast, I'm talking with my friend and teaching pastor at Crossroads Church in Cincinnati, Alli Patterson, about her new book, How to Stay Standing. In this powerful and practical episode, Alli shares her own story of hitting rock bottom when the scaffolding of her life collapsed, and how she rebuilt the foundation from the ground up. We discuss the following:1. How tiny decisions can lead us toward devastating realities2. What kept Alli from making eye contact for over 6 months3. How shame sneaks in, even when you know you’ve been forgiven by God4. The power of telling your story in safe places5. 3 practical ways to build a strong foundation6. How to take risks on GodFind a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Thanks to our sponsors:  Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!  Hiya Health— Visit hiyahealth.com/BESTOFYOU and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.Get 46% off Boundaries for Your Soul & The Best of You here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik  While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and  any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling  advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content  and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes  only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we're discussing how to detox from the false beliefs that keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns of relating to other people. These hidden messages are sneaky. They might sound true in the moment, but they keep us from the healthy two-way relationships we need.Here's what we discuss:1. Examples of toxic thinking2. How it contaminates our relationships3. An example of toxic thinking from the Bible4. How to re-frame toxic thoughtsPlus, I answer your questions:—How do I communicate with other people about what I'm going through? —Can spiritual bypassing become a form of numbing?Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Thanks to our sponsor:Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.Resources in this episode: For more on The 7 Red Flags of Friendship and Spiritual Bypassing, see Chapters 8 and 10 of The Best of You, by Dr. Alison Cook Episode 1: What Is Narcissism Really? Episode 2: What Should I Know About Gaslighting? Episode 35: Change is Hard–Why We All Need to Detox From Unhealthy Dependencies From Time to Time Episode 36: An Update on My Social Media Detox & How to Create Boundaries With Toxic Distractions, Numbing, & Unhealthy Coping Tactics Music by Andy LuitenSound editing by Kelly KramarikWhile Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and  any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling  advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content  and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes  only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode is a real-time update on my own social media detox and how what started as a pause revealed a deeper need.I also lay out a practical framework for you to use in identifying the distractions, numbing, or unhealthy coping tactics in your life and how to replace them with the life-giving, soul-nourishing things you actually crave.We cover:1. What my own detox revealed about my use of social media2. A roadmap for how to pinpoint areas in your own life that might need a detox3. Healthy ways to escape, soothe, or find comfort4. What is the difference between a fast and a detox? 5. Can I find a healthy balance with certain "distractions"?Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode hereThanks to our sponsors:  Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.Brooklinen—Visit Brooklinen.com today and use code BESTOFYOU to save.Hiya Health—Visit hiyahealth.com/BESTOFYOU and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.Also in this series: Episode 35: Change is Hard–Why We All Need to Detox From Unhealthy Dependencies From Time to TimeFor more on how to "Start with Yes" see Chapter 6 of The Best of You, by Dr. Alison CookMusic by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik  While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we're digging into the hidden dependencies that creep in and keep us from the good things we need. The New Year tends to be a time of hope. We sense the possibility of change and are energized to set goals. But so often we move forward without first addressing the hidden dependencies that thwart our best efforts.  Here's what we discuss in today's episode: 1. Why we all need to “detox” from time to time 2. Examples of “good things” we can start to depend on in unhealthy ways  3. The role of pleasure, comfort, and healthy escape 4. The essential question to ask yourself before you consider introducing any change  5. What I learned by going offline for 6 weeks  Thanks to our sponsors:   This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!   Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!   Sign up for The Best of You Book Club launching January 9th. Get 2 books free + free shipping when you buy 3.  Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here Music by Andy Luiten  Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This New Year, I'm trying something new: I'm going to respond to your questions as we move through a series.Check out Episode 3: What Is Self-Love And Should I Really Love Myself? for the MEPS exercise referenced in this trailer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So many of us have had negative experiences with power. It feels like something to fear, something bad, or something to avoid all together.But what if God wants us to step into our power in a healthy way? And what if understanding the power we have is at the core of building healthy connections with other people?  Today's episode is straight from my heart and from my own tenuous relationship with power. Here's what I cover:  1. What is power?2. Why we think of power as bad3. What healthy power looks like 4. The problems that arise when we do not claim our own power 5. Different ways power is abused6. Why women in particular tend to avoid their own power 7. The paradigm-shattering example of power in the birth of JesusThanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!  Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!  Sign up for my free weekly email here.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.   Music by Andy LuitenSound editing by Kelly Kramarik Learn more about 6 Painful Parenting Patterns and 7 Friendship Red Flags in The Best of You, by Dr. Alison CookTo learn more about the parts of your soul, check out my book with Kimberly Miller, Boundaries for Your SoulPower - "the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events." (Oxford Language Dictionaries)Podcast episodes referenced:Episode 1: What Is Narcissism Really?Episode 2: What Should I Know About Gaslighting?Episode 24: Boundaries, the Spectrum of Toxicity, and a Note About EvilEpisode 25: Types of No Part 1—How to Say “No” in Healthy RelationshipsEpisode 26: Types of "No" Part 2—How to Say "No" to Toxicity, The Real Meaning of Turn the Other Cheek & How to Form a Boundaries CommitteeScriptures referenced:* Philippians 2:1-11* Matthew 7:6While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Were you subtly conditioned to please others at the expense of yourself? I loved talking with my friend and fellow therapist, Dr. Monique Gadson, on today's episode of the podcast. We met through an IG Live prayer session! She's since become the best sort of real-life friend—someone whose wisdom, empathy, and realness breathes life into weary souls.If you've struggled with depression or felt overlooked—even as you constantly show up for others—please lean in close. Dr. Monique is candid about her own journey through depression and how she lost herself in all the voices around her. In a powerful turn of events, Monique began to bring mental health directly to the center of the church, where she's practiced as a counselor for decades. We cover so much in today's episode, including:1. A key moment from childhood when she learned to please others2. Monique’s experience as a PK3. The burden of always attuning to others when you're disconnected from your own self4. Monique’s early experience with depression and how she got help5. Practical tips if you struggle with feeling “joy” at the holidays6. Finding your own way as a parent amidst all of the voices7. Monique's call to bring mental health *into* the church8. Jesus and people pleasing9. The power of friendship to bring hope in dark placesCheck out Dr. Monique's brand new book with Clarence Shuler, Finding Hope in A Dark Place: Facing Loneliness, Depression, and Anxiety with the Power of Grace.Connect with Dr. Monique at drmoniquesmithgadson.com or on Instagram @drmoniquesmithgadsonIf you are struggling with depression, please find resources for support on my website.Thanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp —Go to www.betterhelp.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 10% off your first month!  Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!  Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.  Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy LuitenSound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you that person who gets the job done, no matter the cost to yourself? You're productive, you bring the results. But sometimes you don't realize how exhausted you are—you just know there's still work to be done.If your inner task manager tends to take you (or someone you love) over, do not miss this episode with my friend and fellow therapist, Rebecca Ching. It's all about the blessing and the cost of being a highly productive, can-do person.Rebeca speaks candidly about managing childhood trauma through becoming extremely productive—a survival skill she took with her deep into her adult life. You'll also hear more about our friendship, including the opposite ways we operate in order to protect ourselves.1. The moment Rebecca, as a young girl, walked out on a family therapy session2. The story of being mugged together in our early 20’s3. How to re-org your inner circle to protect the health of your family4. The shaming voice that surfaces when you give yourself permission to down-shift5. The problem with the word “busy”6. Key questions to ask in order to simplify your life.7. Surprising ways you can start to rest & play8. How faith messages can intensify productivity in not-so helpful waysConnect with Rebecca at The Unburdened Leader Podcast or www.rebeccaching.comFind a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Thanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to Organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!  Check out the Raising Boys and Girls Podcast at raisingboysandgirls.com/podcast. Learn more about Fight / Flight / Freeze / Fawn Responses and The 7 P's of Managing Perceptions in my new book, The Best of YouTo learn more about Unburdening and the Internal Family Systems model, check out my book with Kimberly Miller, Boundaries for Your SoulRebecca mentions The Daring Way certification program with Brené BrownVerses referenced: Mark 1:11 “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You want to keep the peace at all costs. The problem is sometimes anger is warranted. Sometimes conflict is needed. What do you do when everything in you does not want to be the one to speak up?On today’s episode, I am joined by my dear friend Rowena Day. This is a powerful conversation for anyone who has struggled with conflict, avoided anger, or stayed quiet to get along.The second half of this episode is a WHOLE WORD. Listen in for deep wisdom on how to come out of that protective peacekeeping shell and start using your voice. Do not miss the end, when Rowena describes what she’s learning about finding her voice from parenting 4 young children. And check out the shownotes on my website where we have listed all of the amazing books, videos, music, and devotionals mentioned in this episode!Here’s what we touch on:1. Why it’s normal to talk to yourself and how to pay attention to that inner dialogue 2. The power of attunement—and why interrupting and fixing each other doesn’t work 3. Why we learn to mute our voices 4. The power of generational messages5. Why we push anger aside, especially as women 6. Why it’s important for peacekeepers to make friends with anger 7. Rowena’s experience of speaking up about toxic behavior she was witnessing 8. Blame shifting and scapegoating in faith communities 9. Embracing the wildness of your soul 10. The double bind culture puts women in when it comes to using your voice  11. What we can learn from our childrenThanks to our sponsors: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!  Download Abide Sleep and Pray Meditation and text my promo code BESTOFYOU to 22433 today to get 25% off!  Get your print, ebook, or audio copy of The Best of You anywhere books are sold.Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices