Something Positive for Positive People

Grief was a major focus in this episode. We not only grieve the person we are ending the relationship with. We grieve the memories, the future we envisioned, and who we thought we’d become alongside them. This was a hard reality for me personally because when you fall in love fast like I do, you grieve a lot. Unaware of this grieving process, I’ve dismissed and invalidated my own emotions because of how little time we spent together, or because I date multiple people at once. This wasn’t just my unconscious belief, but it was projected onto me by society that values quantity of time over quality of experiences in the life cycle of the relationship whether friendship, friend with benefits, a relationship, casual, or engagement. A relationship is a relationship, and grief is grief. The type of relationship we grieve may just shape the intensity or duration of time we experience the grief. What Erin taught me is that there’s no shame in grieving any relationship. We’re told as men especially that we shouldn’t feel sad or angry about a relationship ending but the reality is that sometimes endings are sad. How we feel is how we feel. We SHOULD feel this way. When we make space for the feelings that accompany grief, we move through them smoother. Another important topic here was closure. We control closure ourselves. Closure isn’t “no contact” it’s simply revisiting boundaries and expectations and not always with the other person. Sometimes you have to revisit your own boundaries and expectations when it comes to this other person you’re ending things with. Maybe not following their social media, only engaging cordially when around mutual friends and settings, or whatever else you decide is best for your own mental health. Whatever you choose, let it be YOUR decision and not something influenced by what others think you should do. You know what’s best for you.

Much of this podcast is useful for anyone navigating rejection. I think Sarah’s statement about being rejected in her career has created a solid foundation for her to fully go into an interaction with all she has to give and leaving it there whether she’s accepted for the role or if there was someone selected over her. She was told early on “you’re going to fail, be rejected, and things will change. Just give it your all and then when it’s done, on to the next.” Sarah also speaks to how a strong support system fosters resilience for expressing that vulnerability that goes into putting yourself in position to experience rejection. A question to ask yourself as you listen here is where is your confidence in disclosing your status to partners? Think this way… If you’re at a point of preparing to disclose then you’ve already experienced acceptance for who you are up to that point in the interaction. Sharing your status and asking to move forward simply just means you’re asking a person if they are okay with taking a chance of getting herpes. This point in the interaction is not about you, nor is it really about them. It’s about their understanding and tolerance of potentially knowingly being exposed to an STI. It’s okay if someone doesn’t want to get herpes yet. While Sarah and I both have platforms to refer people to, we still experience the feelings of rejection when it comes to dating and our careers. We speak to the ups and downs about being open about our positive statuses. Where else do you experience rejection? How do you get your confidence back after? Sarah's podcast is available wherever you listen to podcasts. Connect with her on social media @positivelypositivepodcast and show her some love!

I was attacked various times this episode and I am here for it. Our guest, Nina is a Sex Worker, Therapist, survivor of chronic pain and . . . You’ll hear the rest of their identities for yourself. We speak to the series on my Instagram (follow me @honmychest) this past week on taking daily antivirals or not taking daily antivirals. While that’s how the convo began, that is not how it continued. We tap into some dialogue around gender and challenging the binary not only in our behaviors but in our overall existence. Enjoy this episode and let me know what you think on Instagram or leave a review for us! Shout out to Audre Lorde again!

I wonder sometimes if I started this whole thing just to never have to deal with rejection related to my herpes diagnosis. Our triggers tend to call us in the direction of our healing. We can lean into that or avoid it, but either way, there is something worth exploring in our most intense emotional moments if we can just feel them and identify the first time we felt that so that we can identify the patterns. Oftentimes a trigger can be linked to identity invalidation. If we avoid this too long, it can possibly become an unconscious expression of who we are and cause our own suffering.

It feels so good to be back from hiatus. I hadn't realized what disengaging from my identity here as a podcaster was doing for me, but it was through this experience that I learned. I was prioritizing money over being and in turn I was able to identify various ways my identity was being invalidated over time. That invalidation of identity led to burnout manifested in the form of a hiatus. On this episode, you see where I'm at and where we're going with SPFPP. And also, shoutout to Elle Stanger for putting me onto Audre Lorde who I tried to quote in this podcast episode but butchered it, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”.

It's not goodbye, it's good transition. Also a must listen. Come, get what you need, then leave. Move on. Herpes stigma is internal and starts with the power we, those impacted by it allow for it to take from us. Give it something useful to US, practical applications only.

SPFPP advocacy has shifted to the integration of mental health resources and STD Prevention Efforts. Our goal is to make for an intentionally inclusive space for us as people who've tested positive after prevention efforts failed us due to their lack of transparency. I present this at the 2021 State of Michigan HIV and STI conference and here's the audio for it! Change is coming ya'll!

Malia shares her experience having taken advantage of the opportunity our donors provided for 12 people to have received 12 sessions of group therapy through Something Positive for Positive People. A major highlight here is how healing, through therapy at least is seen as a luxury, when it’s such a necessity. I’m validated in my recent thoughts that SPFPP ought to be MORE in a sense of expanding beyond therapy for people with herpes.I have a realistic vision for this to be a space where people positive and optimistic about their healing process can receive the support they need,. Healing WILL become more accessible through what we’ve built here.

How a person receives their diagnosis often reflects not only HOW, but even IF a person chooses to disclose their herpes status. Kelsey was diagnosed July 2020 with genital HSV1 and was only aware her outbreaks presented themselves internally because she advocated for herself. What presented as yeast infections actually turned out to be a herpes outbreak on her cervix. She fought for her health.

Hannah, who will have received her second shot is about to give dating a second shot! Having had HSV 4 years, she only disclosed to the guy she was seeing for those first 2, meaning she went 2 years without dating at all. She shares how therapy was supportive to her in being willing to put herself back out there after essentially feeling like when the relationship ended, she was diagnosed with HSV all over again.