SPFPP 212: Raising the Standards

When we stand against the stigmatization of people, that’s the win in itself. We neglect the win that comes from challenging our own internalized stigma when we do something as simple as putting a friend in their place for making an offensive joke perpetuating the negative mental health impacts of a person struggling with their sexuality and sexual health. This allyship extends in the media. When influencers, celebrities and media leaders make a joke that invalidates the identities and experiences of people facing the day to day challenges of stigma, each time we speak against that, we welcome in allyship. I genuinely believe allyship will be the thing that most minimizes the unknowing transmission of herpes, thus less people thrown off by social stigma to the point of poor mental health status. That’s another conversation though. Suzanne was married TEN YEARS and it was when she exited her marriage that she began a relationship with someone new that she discovered her status. Herpes didn’t make her lower her self-worth or standards. In fact it raised them for her. Being a high value, empowered woman in the dating world is a challenge, but when you have your standards high, you minimize your exposure to the BS. The question becomes not who accepts me, but who do I accept? The awareness of sexual health practices in a partner has now become a high priority in her relationship choices. The toxic potential of being with someone who just says “I’ll still sleep with you even though you have herpes” is through the roof, and we should be aware of more compatibilities before moving forward. What I love most about my talk with Suzanne is how she speaks to the green flags to look for after disclosure. Communication, directness, receptiveness to mature conversations like speaking about sexual health practices are some sure-fire signs for potential in a partner. There’s more communication to look to beyond herpes status. What other compatibilities do we have with one another? What are some incompatibilities? Don’t tell people what they want to hear in order to get what you want. Instead, be honest. Two people who don’t know what they want is better than two people acting like they do for the sake of the interaction.