Something Positive for Positive People

Our guest shares her experience navigating narcissism in her family and partners. She shares her healing process having gone through quite a bit of sexual trauma (trigger warning). Therapy has supported her in being able to enter a healthy relationship, This episode does highlight the importance of support as well.

Jennifer completed our first cohort of SPFPP therapy sessions & shares what she got out of it. She’s also decided to get back with an ex. Social media emphasizes disconnecting from toxicity in relationships. What we don’t see is what neutralizing that toxicity looks like. Perhaps it’s an opportunity to implement boundaries with toxic people for healthier interactions when they can't be avoided. Follow up email from the guest and I have permission to share: Hey Courtney - Thanks again for the opportunity to share my experience in the herpes support group and my personal herpes story on your podcast. I will be honest: I was a little uncomfortable coming out of our talk on Wednesday night, because I didn’t expect to get so in depth talking about my relationship, especially knowing that this information will be heard by the whole inter webs! I know that my choice to start a relationship back up with my ex might be frowned upon or even the subject of ridicule, but I think it is important to reiterate that life, love, healing, everything — not one bit of it is linear - it is a fucking rollercoaster, full of ups and downs, and all of our rides might look a little different, and that’s ok. ️After sitting in my discomfort these past few days, I wanted to add something that came to mind this morning as I was further ruminating on our talk. Between you and I, I know we shared several discussions related to my relationship(s) that I am sure were less than positive. lol. But the thing about me, my past, my diagnosis, and now the full circle choice in starting my life again with my ex, is that my particular pattern in relationships (in general) was to “run…” I was a runner. Prior to my diagnosis, when things got hard / difficult / barely annoying in relationships, I bolted. I came from a family that idolized the mentality - “if something is broke, just throw it away and get something new / better.” So that’s how I handled all relationships. To make a very long story as short as possible, I wished I had the words during our interview to have said this: (**you said this to me during one of our talks last year that BLEW MY MIND**) My herpes diagnosis, in a way, saved me. IT GROUNDED MY ASS HARD. I had to - no, I was FORCED to - stop running. I had to sit with myself, my diagnosis, my pains, my failures, successes, loves, losses, everything. I looked deeply at the things I wanted, I re-evaluated my priorities, I was able to look at the people and things who were standing in front of me loving “a whole me” and the others who were just taking up space and who needed out. Through this, I found redemption for myself and for a boy who was growing up in front my eyes and wanted to be with me on newer terms, despite mistakes made. Lots of relationships go through heartbreak or struggle and couples get through it. For me, this last year has been a journey toward deep inner love for myself that allowed me to be present with my new, even BETTER self — HSV2 + and Fabulous. I KNOW the herpes support group further solidified my feelings of forgiveness, for myself and others, in that the herpes didn’t ruin my life, it brought me so much more into truly “ living “ than I have ever been. Thanks for your time in reading this. Hope to talk again soon. I would love to be a part of the behind the scenes, helping you and SPFPP in any way I can! Best, Jennifer

This episode comes with a trigger warning for childhood sexual assault. I interview my therapist I'd been working with throughout 2020 and a few months into 2021. It's amazing how when I put myself out there as a black man with herpes I was able to find someone with shared life experiences in a way we could support one another's healing. Rollon is a member of the LGBT+ community, disabled, HIV/HSV positive and is still out here wheelin and dealin! Like me, her turned his traumas into turning points for the healing of others.

I keep getting positive feedback from our group therapy sessions. Today's episode comes with a trigger warning as it references the 'villain' of a person. Our guest shares in her journey how she cheated, brought home herpes, and endured a relationship she should've left LONG ago out of guilt. We discuss how connection to the others in group therapy made her feel different than the social media support groups as they perpetuate venting and negativity, whereas therapy's emphasis on healing being the connecting point made her feel like she wasn't alone. Best described, she felt alone, but together.

Can you imagine not knowing if you have a condition that needs to be disclosed to those you may expose to it because your test won't tell you whether you're positive or negative? How do you navigate this!? Well, Rita describes her own experiences.

The intersection of overlapping identities intensifies the impacts of traumatic events. The impact of stigma on a white cis-gendered male has a significantly DIFFERENT impact than it would say an intersex black trans woman. You put one member of these overlapping identities in the same situation, and you have completely different possibilities for outcomes with minimal overlap. Mental health impacts COULD be the same, but statistics show the risk of violence for existing is something the former has minimal chances of experiencing. Today we can an inside look of the intersex, trans experience with my primary health care provider, simply because she’s given me my STI & HIV tests since 2019, Leigh.

We wrapped up our first cohort of SPFPP Group Therapy and Mya joins us to share how it helped her. When we look at support groups for people who've experienced a sexual trauma like an STI diagnosis, we aren't ever fully prepared for what can come up in those spaces in regard to other things not exclusively related to herpes. This episode comes with a trigger warning for sexual assault, as our guest felt comfortable sharing the details of healing from her own sexual trauma.

Jordan joins us following her 1 year anniversary of podcasting to reverse the script . She's interviewed me on her podcast to discuss my experience and work living with genital HSV2. What she didn't tell me, was everything she shares on this podcast! As a health care professional, she was able to validate the gap of experiences between patient and provider when it comes to HSV. Connect with Jordan by checking out her podcast, "Vaginas Vulvas, and Vibratiors" Or follow her on Instagram @Jordandnelle

This was supposed to be a quick update on the survey and overlooking herpes in relationships but it turned into an hour long celebration of our success with this 2021 HSV survey! If you've seen the movie 300, you'll know what I mean when I say I'm feeling like King Leonidas of Sparta in the mofo right now! We got MORE than 1,000 people to rise against the Trojan Empire... Stigma! We have declared war on stigma and this survey creation was the initial kicking in the chest of the Trojan messenger that came up in our house, Sparta for peace! You ain't gettin that up in here SON! Okay I am getting carried away lol but you get the point by now. Anyways, the podcast stresses the importance of identifying what's important in your relationships. For me, I learned from my last relationship the importance of communicating with emotion vs communicating. Emotions can be the undercurrent of language/words being communicated and aren't something to be avoided through repression or ignored altogether. Ask yourself are you supported, challenged AND celebrated in all your expression/identities by your partners/communities/relationships. Are you communicating what you need when you need it? As much as I try to downplay my experience with herpes, it's a major part of my life and identity, but by choice. I understand this to be valid now, and the validation of this in my expression is important as it is part of my self expression. Survey results are being cleaned up and I'll post them to the website as soon as I can! Thanks for your support and patience!

I interview 35 year old Lauren. A bisexual polyamorous woman who shares how she began to reconnect with her body after some unethical decisions that revealed to her who she was NOT. We discuss dating out of convenience, and then transitioning out of the space you no longer wish to reside in. We speak to a few ways she was able to obtain her own self-validation through masturbation and self-exploration. An interesting exchange of dialogue around people disclosing one partners' HSV status to another, and what would it be like if people had to disclose that they had been intimate with someone with HSV in the past to potential partners. Link to the 2021 data collection survey is in the show notes or can be found here: https://www.spfpp.org/take-the-2021-spfpp-survey