SPFPP 206: Finishing the Job - Break Through the Breakup with Erin E. Davidson

Grief was a major focus in this episode. We not only grieve the person we are ending the relationship with. We grieve the memories, the future we envisioned, and who we thought we’d become alongside them. This was a hard reality for me personally because when you fall in love fast like I do, you grieve a lot. Unaware of this grieving process, I’ve dismissed and invalidated my own emotions because of how little time we spent together, or because I date multiple people at once. This wasn’t just my unconscious belief, but it was projected onto me by society that values quantity of time over quality of experiences in the life cycle of the relationship whether friendship, friend with benefits, a relationship, casual, or engagement. A relationship is a relationship, and grief is grief. The type of relationship we grieve may just shape the intensity or duration of time we experience the grief. What Erin taught me is that there’s no shame in grieving any relationship. We’re told as men especially that we shouldn’t feel sad or angry about a relationship ending but the reality is that sometimes endings are sad. How we feel is how we feel. We SHOULD feel this way. When we make space for the feelings that accompany grief, we move through them smoother. Another important topic here was closure. We control closure ourselves. Closure isn’t “no contact” it’s simply revisiting boundaries and expectations and not always with the other person. Sometimes you have to revisit your own boundaries and expectations when it comes to this other person you’re ending things with. Maybe not following their social media, only engaging cordially when around mutual friends and settings, or whatever else you decide is best for your own mental health. Whatever you choose, let it be YOUR decision and not something influenced by what others think you should do. You know what’s best for you.